A Winter Awakening (16 page)

Ellie's chest felt heavy when she walked through the door and saw that the house was empty.

She popped a few IB Profin to ease the throbbing goose egg on her head, and sent Jacob a text. 

"I was hoping we could have an evening together. I have big news!"

Ellie retreated to her sanctuary, a bubble bath, and waited for Jacob's arrival. She needed a little time to decompress and turn her attention to Jacob.

An hour later, she emerged and found him reading the paper in his den.

"Jacob, can we talk?" 

Ellie stomach muscles tightened as she waited for his response.

He folded the paper in his lap, and looked at her, though he didn't say a word. 

"I know I haven't told you much about the inheritance, and there are some things I really want to discuss with you. It is a lot to go into right now, but maybe in the next day or two we can find some quiet time? I'd like your advice and input on some things. The executor of the estate was in town today and we had a meeting." 

Ellie waited for him to respond. He did not. He only nodded, prompting her to continue. This was so unlike Jacob.  He was never a man to chatter away, but this silence was unnerving. What was going on with him? 

Ellie thought back to the last week. She had hardly seen him. In fact, this was the first evening in nearly a week that Jacob hadn't stayed at work late.

Ellie continued to wait, but the silence lay thick in the room.

"How about I make us a dinner, and we can just talk and cook, like we did in the old days?" she suggested.

She smiled, thinking of those happy times. She looked at Jacob, hoping it would have the same effect on him.

With this, his face softened, though he still didn't say a word. He was a man that built a fortress around his emotions.  But Ellie knew him well enough to see the sadness behind his expression.

"Okay," he finally broke the silence with a weak smile.

Ellie let her lungs fill with a deep, satisfying breath.  As she exhaled, she tried to release the tension she had been holding. She went to the fridge and grabbed the peppers that needed to be sliced. She put them on a cutting board and slid them across the island to Jacob. She took out a second board and began to prepare the chicken.

After a few minutes of silent slicing, she ventured into the conversation, "So, things have been a bit off, huh?" She focused intently on slicing the chicken as she spoke, and tried her best to keep her voice light and tension free.

Slice.

Slice.

His voice cut into her concentration, "Yes."

"I want you to know that I love you. I think of you often," she said.

She ventured a quick glance at him. He was looking at her with such sorrow in his eyes.

"Do you?" He fixed his eyes to hers.

"Of course, Jacob. I always have," she replied.

Does he actually doubt my love for him?

"I don't feel it," he said softly.

He looked down to his own slicing project.

"You know, maybe it’s time for us to lighten up a bit and have a little fun together," said Ellie. 

This idea lifted her spirits. It might help them reconnect.

There was more strength in Jacob's voice when he answered this time, "Sure. Maybe we could plan something with Sarina and her boys."

Ellie's vision blurred. She put her knife down and grasped the edge of the counter.

"Speaking of Sarina," she said.

She took a deep breath and placed the sliced chicken in a pan. She needed this time to not only collect her thoughts, but gather the courage to talk to Jacob about some of her concerns.  She found some seasoning and added that too. 

This delay tactic must have lingered a little too long. 

Eventually Jacob prompted her, "Sarina... what?" 

He had stopped slicing and was looking at her, waiting.

"Well, it's just that, she seems a little off to me. There is just something about her. Plus, I think it would be good for us to make friends with married couples right now." Ellie's breath was shallow and light. 

She tried to take in more oxygen, but couldn't seem to relax her lungs. 

"Sarina has been a great friend to us, Ellie. Are you trying to end the friendship?" Anger was rising in his voice.

"No. Not entirely. It's just that…” once again, Ellie had to pause and collect her thoughts. 

"It is just that she is single and we are married. We seem to have different values, you know what I mean? And, I don't know exactly, but she lacks boundaries sometimes," said Ellie.

At this, Jacob stood and began to pace in front of the stove.  

Oh boy, that struck a chord,
Ellie thought.

You need to push through, girl. Say what you need to say,
encouraged Inner Goddess.

"For example, I ran into her at the coffee shop the other day. Do you know that she referred to you as 'Jakey-Poo'?  Isn't that odd? I mean, for a woman to call another woman's husband a nickname like that?" Ellie took a deep breath.

As Ellie spoke, he stopped his pacing to stir the chicken on the stove. His broad back was to her. She wished that she could see his face, but perhaps the body language was enough.  At the mention of nicknames, his shoulders visibly raised toward his neck in tension.

"Well, you can stop being friends with her if you want, but I won't," he said. 

"She has been good to us, and she is going through a hard time right now. We need to treat her the same way she has treated us," he said.

"Of course, Jacob. But, we also need to protect
our
relationship." Ellie emphasized the word 'our' hoping to remind him that family was the most important thing. She did her best to keep her voice calm, but she could hear that anger was creeping into her tone.

"I'm not changing my mind," he said. "In fact, she has invited us to dinner tomorrow night. I intend to go. I hope you will be there, too," said Jacob.

Heat coursed through Ellie's body. She could see clearly that this was a battle she would need to save for a different day. When Jacob made up his mind about something, there was no changing it.

"Okay," Ellie whispered. "I will go. What time?"

"Six," he replied. 

They continued to work side by side in the kitchen, but ventured into the rest of the evening in strained silence.  There was still so much each of them wanted to talk about. 

Jacob longed to comfort her, but she didn't seem to need it anymore. He also wanted to broach the topic of adoption or some sort of medical procedure to have a baby, but the timing for that conversation was awful. Mostly, though, Jacob tried to figure out the source of his anger over the last few weeks.

Ellie yearned to share the news with him that they had inherited several businesses from her uncle, and that she planned to keep them, rather than liquidate. But mostly, she yearned for his touch and that look he reserved just for her. 

They managed to make it through the rest of the evening together, without another fight. As the night wore on, they even seemed to slide back into that old familiar rhythm they had established from the act of living together as husband and wife, year after year. 

Using nothing but the deep connection they shared, and subtle, flirty body language here and there, they even started to enjoy their evening in silence. 

At the end of the night, after all the dished had been put away, Jacob took her hand and led her to their bedroom. 

Maybe talking isn't always necessary,
thought Ellie.

The one ray of light from the sun was now falling on the base of the weeping willow in the back yard. It had taken thirty minutes to inch its way from the snow covered fence post to the tree, some twenty yards away. 

Ellie took another drink of wine, and watched light move toward another crack in the bark. 

She imagined that she lived on the inside of that tree, unable to move or speak. 

Would I feel the warmth of this sun? Would these rays make a difference for me, if that is where I lived,
she wondered. 

Ellie pulled her knees up to her body and wrapped her cardigan around them.

The day had been a blur of emotion. Though she and Jacob were able to be together in the same room last night, it somehow didn't feel like progress. Her marriage was failing. She felt guilty about her physical attraction to Nick.  She was excited and nervous about her future business endeavor. She was sick at the thought of dinner with Jacob and Sarina. Her very core told her there was something off. Then, immediately after that, she was to meet Nick to discuss this additional information about the business. Ironically, both gatherings were taking place in the same restaurant.

A gust of wind rustled the limbs of the weeping willow.

"What would uncle Emery tell me?" Ellie said into the emptiness. Though there were no human ears nearby, a winter wind answered in song. 

Ellie brushed her fingers over the number pad of the phone receiver she had been fiddling with for the last hour. 

Maybe it is time,
she sighed. Dinner with Sarina would be starting soon, and she couldn't procrastinate any longer. Ellie walked to her closet and thumbed through the items hanging there. 
Should I wear business attire?  Go more casual?
  She was excited to meet with Nick again and wanted to make a good impression.  At the same time, what should one wear when she is being forced to have a dinner with her husband and an unwanted guest?  Ellie settled on a simple black sweater and tan slacks.  She checked her watch.  It was 5:15.

The planned arrival time at the restaurant was six o'clock but Inner Goddess had been insisting all day that it would be a good idea for Ellie to arrive early.  Lately, Ellie had learned to put more trust into Inner Goddess. She took one last look in the mirror then headed to the car.  She hoped to arrive by 5:30. Her heart sank when she saw that Jacob's truck and Sarina's car were both already in the parking lot. She eased her own car along the curb, and slowly shut the door.

Her heart was pounding at the discovery. 

Of course he is already here,
mused Inner Dragon. 

This was not the first time this week that doubt had covered her heart. Though she knew she shouldn't, she crept slowly to the front of the building and tried to peer into the window without being seen.

She saw Jacob and Sarina sitting on a couch in the lounge together. Each was positioned to slightly face the other.  Sarina wore a tight blouse.  The top three buttons were open which exposed the pink lace of her bra. Sarina had the leg nearest Jacob tucked up under her, and her arm was draped over the back of the couch, behind his neck. On the coffee table sat two glasses of wine and a lit candle.

Just cozy enough to sense something is off, but not cozy enough for me to actually confront them,
Ellie realized.

She took a breath, and walked to the entrance. 

As she rounded the corner to the lounge, she willed herself to stay calm. This is the last place on Earth she wanted to be. Earlier that day, she had tried to convince Jacob not to come, but he insisted that it was important to be a good friend to Sarina right now. After all, she was a single mom doing her best to raise two fine boys, and she needed a support network.  It almost seemed that he would have come even if she didn't.  Ellie wasn't about to have him spend the evening over here without her, so here she was.

Sarina was the first to notice Ellie's arrival, "Ellie.  You made it!"

"Yes, of course," replied Ellie.

Ellie wasn't sure, but she thought Jacob seemed a little flustered that she had arrived thirty minutes early. 

Caught in the act?
she wondered.

The trio approached the hostess, and inquired about table availability. 

Thank God for this background music. The less I have to say tonight, the better,
thought Ellie.

Jacob and Sarina continued to banter together, and Ellie noticed Sarina brushing up against his arm and giving him a little nudge here or a little smile there.

That bitch. I knew it,
said Inner Goddess.

Elle couldn't argue.

We have got to get out of here,
said Miss. Sensibility.

Of course we do, but Jacob won't leave and I'm not leaving without him! r
eplied Ellie.

Finally, the hostess showed them to a table.

As they took their seats, Sarina said, "Jacob, thank you so much for helping me with the boys lately.  You knew just the thing to say to them. You will make such an amazing dad one day. I just wish my boys were fortunate enough to have a dad like you." 

As she said this, she leaned forward and placed her hand on his arm. 

What is she talking about now?
Ellie wondered as she waited to see how Jacob would respond. They had been speaking so infrequently lately, he had not told her that he was spending time with Sarina and her boys.

Jacob smiled and said, "Sarina, it was no problem. You call me any time."

Ellie noticed that he was deliberately avoiding eye contact with her.

Screw manners,
she said to herself.
Neither of these people deserve them anymore.
She excused herself from the table and went to the bar to order a drink.

Ellie eased herself onto a bar stool, ordered a house red, and kept her back to the table as she waited for her drink. At this point, she didn't need to enjoy the flavor, she just needed a numbing substance.  Unfortunately, she was still close enough to the table to hear the conversation between her husband and
that woman.

"Jakey, I had a few reasons for inviting you here tonight.  I was hoping we could handle this discretely, but I'm not really sure how to break this news to you," said Sarina.

"You know you can talk to me about anything," he replied.

Ellie's concentration was interrupted by the delivery of a Moscow Mule. 

She looked at the bar tender inquisitively. 

"This wasn't my order," she said.

"Courtesy of the gentleman at the end of the bar," said the barkeep.

Ellie turned her gaze toward the direction the keep had given a nod, and discovered Nick sitting there. He gave her a little nod, but didn't move.  He was dressed casually, wearing blue jeans and T-Shirt.
How can one man make a t-shirt look so sexy? 

Ellie glanced at her watch.  Clearly Nick was early for their meeting.  Was he there to keep an eye on her? Despite her efforts to keep her marital problems concealed from him, apparently he had gleaned a few truths. Ellie observed his protective glance in her direction. 

She gave him a nod, but remained in her seat. She took a sip of her drink and turned her attention, once again to the conversation occurring between her husband and Sarina.

"Jakey, this is so hard for me to say. I just, well, I just don't know how to break the news to you," Sarina said.

What the hell?
Ellie wondered.

"Maybe it is best if I just show you," she continued.

At this, Ellie swiveled in her chair, so that she could get a view of the table.  Out of the corner of her eye, she noticed Nick move a few bar stools closer.

Sarina took an envelope out of her purse, and placed it on the table. She leaned in close to Jacob, and whispered, "I am so sorry."

Jacob picked up the envelope and emptied it of its contents. A handful of photographs and a motel receipt spread out on the table.

From Ellie's seat, she could see a picture of Nick carrying her into a motel room, she and Nick dining together, and a few other items on the table. Her eyes went from the items on the table, to Jacob's face, and back to the items again.

What. The. Hell? 

What was Sarina trying to say? Was she implying? What.  The. Fuck?
The room began to spin. Ellie couldn't comprehend what was happening.

The next thing she knew, Jacob was standing in front of her, his hands on her shoulders; his voice booming through the buzz. 

"You cheated?" he boomed.

All Ellie could do was shake her head. 

Then, Sarina appeared in her line of sight, just behind Jacob.

"That isn't all Jacob," she said.

He turned to her.

"I also have evidence that she is the one that stole the twenty thousand dollars from the fundraiser," Sarina said.

She started to remove another envelope from her bag.

"Jacob, no! It isn't true. I don't know where she is getting this," Ellie whispered. She tried to make her voice sound more forceful, but a whisper is all she could manage.

Jacob turned back to Ellie.

"I don't know you anymore," he said.

Ellie took a deep breath, and found her voice. 

"Jacob. What is going on? You know me.  You know I wouldn’t do these things.  Are you taking her word over mine?”

Her inquiry was met with silence.

"And while we are at it, what in the hell is going on between you and her?”  She pointed to Sarina as she spat the words out.

More silence.

“Answer me," she bellowed.

"Nothing is going on. She is just a friend."

Ellie looked up at him.

"Jacob. Something is not right with her. You guys are crossing lines. She has a nickname for you. She hugs you just a little too long. She thinks it is okay for her to be involved in conversations about our marriage? Our desire for children?  That is private information." Ellie could hear her voice getting louder as she continued to speak. She tried to stop herself, but the words kept spilling out,

"And now she is accusing me of these ridiculous things? There is something phony about her. You are usually so good at reading people. Why can't you see it in her?"

Jacob raised his voice again, "Don't attack Sarina. She is trying to help me!" 

"Help you? Help you? No, Jacob. She is trying to help herself. To you." Though she was doing her best to hold her voice steady, she could hear the quiver as she spoke.

"I can't help it if women find me attractive," he said as he gave her a weak smile.

"And you like it. You know she wants you, and you like it." 

Jacob jammed his hand into his pocket and fidgeted with his phone. He avoided looking at her.

"It feels good to be wanted," he said quietly.

Silence filled the room. Ellie had not noticed, but both Sarina and Nick had disappeared from the room. 

"Jacob, we are on very shaky ground. We don't believe in divorce. Sarina's presence is making it worse. We need some space from her so we can heal our relationship. Please, hear what I am saying," she pleaded.

The fire behind his eyes flared up again.

"I won't end my friendship with her. She has been good to me, and she is filling a void. Don't try to control me," Jacob said, his voice booming.

"What void?" Ellie's voice was soft now. 

Maybe we are getting somewhere now.

"I need emotional connection. I need someone who always admires and accepts me." He continued to fidget with the phone.  "I need a woman that values me as a family man."

"Jacob, look at me." 

She shifted so that they could face one another. He didn't turn his body, but he did lift his face to her. 

She continued, "Jacob, I love you. That emotional intimacy needs to be with your wife, not another woman."

"There is nothing wrong with me having friends in my life," he retorted.

"I don't disagree, but this friendship, as you call it, is not healthy or appropriate. You are crossing boundaries, and so is she."  Ellie took in a deep breath, and made herself half an inch taller.

Jacob looked at her with anguish in his eyes.

"Ellie," he said. "How could you do it? How could you steal the money? How could you have an affair? You are not the woman I thought you were. I don't know you at all."

Just then, Ellie felt strong hands on each of her shoulders. She was lifted out of her chair and carried into the kitchen. Before she could register what was happening, she heard shouts coming from the dining room.

"Lay down! Lay down! Hit the ground! Hands on your heads! Hands on your heads! Where is she?" 

Ellie realized that it was Nick carrying her. She looked over her shoulder and just as the kitchen door was closing she saw police officers storming the dining room, guns out.