A Tiger in Eden (11 page)
Anyway we would all have an aul yarn about business just to make sure we weren’t steppin’ on each others toes sort of thing, we’d even help each other out sometimes or if there was a new shopping centre opening up someone would bring the plans along and we’d work out what we were going to do about it. If there was a lot of jobs tied
up in the construction contracts then once the place was near finished we’d blow it up, our side or theirs it didn’t matter sure we’d take turns, the important thing was that the place was reduced to rubble so all the lads working on it would have another year or two’s employment. Everyone knew so they’d all make themselves scarce so no cunt got hurt unless we wanted rid of someone in which case we’d stick them in the back of the van loaded up with Semtex, kill two birds with one stone you know. Anyway there’s only so many times you can blow a place up, apart from the Europa Hotel that is, sure we done that more than twenty times.
Didn’t Clinton stay there last year, Olly says.
Aye sure it’s lovely when it’s in one piece. I stayed there myself a couple of times, good food. As I was saying eventually we had to let places like Castle Court get built but once they were it was a goldmine we’d meet Shay and the lads to divvy up the protection money, it was dead funny sometimes I ‘member us arguing over who was going to shake down Toys ‘R’ Us. Shay and Liam had weans so they wanted it.
That was only the tip of the iceberg between us and them sure we ran gambling, drugs, prostitution and everything else you can think of not to mention taking our cut of government contracts for reconstruction and all that shite. There used to be this big mural on the Shankill estate, it said
ALL DRUG DEALERS WILL BE SHOT
like we were guardians of the community or something, what a joke, course you read between the lines and what
it really says is all drug dealers who don’t work for us will be shot. We’re businessmen, that’s all there is to it, no different from the Mafia or your drug lords. This aul peace process? We don’t want that so we don’t, that’s bad for business.
Olly was nodding, he could see the sense in it, sure he done deals with all sorts of fuckers us included.
Still, he goes, a lot of people have got killed so you and the rest can make money does that not bother you.
Course it does, I says, there’s not a day goes by I don’t think about some of the poor cunts we done over especially now when I’ve got too much time on my hands, it’s going to fuck me up so it is but what can you do sure we’re not the first ones to go down this road.
Olly looked disgusted and sort of disappointed. I’d seen that look on people’s faces before when I gave them the lowdown.
I know what you’re thinking, I says, you thought there was something romantic about the struggle sure you’re not the only one, there’s thousands of Americans give money to the IRA every year thinking they’re helping out freedom fighters or something, what a laugh the whole thing’s one big fucking joke, the UDA the INLA the UVF the Provos and every bunch of lads with guns and Semtex it’s in their interest to keep the Troubles going on forever, sure you know how ye can spot a terrorist in Belfast? He’s the one wearing a tracksuit and a baseball cap, driving a BMW 7 Series.
Everyone knows who we are but they’re all too scared
to say something, sure who would you go to anyway, the peelers? Big Jim was a chief superintendent in the RUC, how’d you think we got things done? No one could touch us except now these aul politicians are trying to fuck it up for everyone.
Olly thought about this for a minute. The aircon on the bus was freezing, I tried turning it down on the wee panel above us but it didn’t seem to make much difference.
This doesn’t answer my question about why you’re here, he goes.
Aye. Sure, why don’t we just watch
The Nutty Professor
for a bit.
So much for the glitz and glamour of Bangkok. Olly took us straight to this dive he knew about fifteen minute’s walk from Khao San Road, it was dodgy as fuck but at least it was nothing like them backpacker places with a big lounge room always playing some Hollywood movie like
Predator
2, it’s not bad that one but the original’s hard to beat like. Me and Mark used to do the scene where Arnie meets his aul mate the black fella and they shake hands with their muscles bulging, what’s the matter Montgomery one of us would say, the UVF got you pushing too many pencils. Funny as fuck. Our Mark used to say
get to the chopper Billy
all the time, we don’t have a fucking chopper, I’d say, sure we’ve only a Nissan Micra. That would crack him up so it would.
The rooms were about the dirtiest I’d ever stayed in
and I was thinking it might be about time for me to check into the Ritz for a week just so’s I wouldn’t go mental. Olly wouldn’t hear talk of it mind sure he’d sleep in a ditch rather than pay money for a bed, he must of been running low on funds or something that was why he didn’t mind us shooting on up to Bangkok so he could line up a wee job with yer man Mr Carson he’d talked about. It sounded like trouble but sure I’d a contact in Bangkok myself I intended looking up when Olly wasn’t about, I’d a wee plan of my own brewing.
The Bangkok’s wild so it is, sure there’s loads to do, Buddhist temples and that to see if that’s your thing. Just ask the driver of one of them tuk-tuks to take ye and he will right enough no bother, happy to help as long as you don’t mind spending two and a half hours being fitted for an aul cheap suit by his brother-in-law’s second cousin twice removed in a backstreet tailor’s conveniently located about ten miles in the opposite direction. Or else you could take a wander down the Khao San market and buy yourself a lovely pad thai cooked in an upturned bin lid, might give ye the gastro but sure that’s part of the experience.
The safest way to spend your afternoon is probably to go to one of the sex shows down in Patpong sure they’ve got everything the westerner wants to see pussy opens bottle, fish in pussy and yer aul favourite the classic ping-pong ball act, sure it never gets stale though how minging is it? I’m sure they don’t sterilise those balls between acts and I don’t know how often they change
them, it’s not like fucking Wimbledon.
Aye sure the whole place is fucked in the head, you get pestered constantly. I was thinking of carrying three Polaroids round in my pocket, one of me wearing a suit that was three times too big with the arm hanging off of it, one of me puking my guts up in a gutter somewhere and the third one of my knob after I’d given it a good aul going over with a wire brush. That way when I get stopped in the street for the five-thousandth time by some Thai cunt offering me one of their essential services I could show him the photos and say, already bought it ate it caught it, get away to fuck.
Olly was keen to make some money so he called yon Mr Carson fella and set up a meet. He had to contact him through some pissy wee travel agency, it must of been a front or something. I didn’t like going in to those sorts of things without being tooled up but there wasn’t time to sort something out, the best I could do was to buy an aul flick knife from some dodgy fucker down the market. What’s that for, Olly says, making sandwiches, I goes, we’ll not be needing that, he says, aye well better safe than sorry, I goes, sure I’ve no idea what you’re getting us into here. We’ll be all right, Olly says, I’ve had friends work for him before.
I clocked the Rolex on this Carson cunt as soon as he shook my hand. He was wearing a dead nice shirt open at the neck with cufflinks and everything and a wee gold necklace, he’d obviously had a haircut quite recent like sure he was well presented no doubt about it he looked
the real deal though you can’t tell in places like the Thailand where there’s so much fake gear going around. We met him in this café in the south of the city, it took us a while getting there and we were the only white people on the bus, obviously westerners never went to that part it was all office buildings and what have ye. The café was quite nice, there was other businessmen sitting around talking dead quiet and the owner obviously knew this Mr Carson ‘cos he gave us a table in the corner quite cosy for having a serious aul yarn, the whole thing reminded me of doing deals back home except I’d no piece on me this time. Olly was a bit nervous and over-enthusiastic, I was glad I was there just to watch his back sure there were two fellas sitting smoking cigarettes at another table looking over at us from behind their mirrored sunglasses. I knew straightaway they must of been Carson’s goons keeping an eye on proceedings, Olly was so worked up he never even noticed them.
Carson ordered coffee for the three of us and gave me a good looking-over all smiles. So you are seeking work I believe, he goes.
I let Olly do the talking seeing as it was his gig, he mentioned one of his pals who’d escorted fellas from the Middle East into Japan and how highly he’d spoken of Mr Carson and all that sort of blather, yer man Carson just sat there quietly nodding and Olly says to him we wouldn’t mind doing something similar but Carson waved his hand and goes, I have a better job than that for you if you are interested.
More money? Olly goes.
Much more, what is the country of origin on your passport?
French, Olly says, and his is UK. That is fine, Carson says, here is what I propose. He had a dead soft accent and his English was good in that menacing sort of polite Singapore way. I will fly you both to Europe and you will be met there by two associates of mine from Pakistan. They will have around twenty passports for each of you. Each passport will be in a different name but will have your photograph. They will also have approximately ten thousand dollars US in traveller’s cheques corresponding to the names on the passports, a total of two hundred thousand dollars each. You will spend one month with these men travelling around Europe cashing the cheques, in every country except your home. You will hand the money to my associates every day and spend twentyfour hours in their company. You will not be able to see or talk to anyone else during this period. I am sure you understand the need for security. At the end of this month you will be free to leave and my associates will pay each of you ten per cent of the total sum cashed, which will be approximately twenty thousand dollars, obviously. Simple and clean. All you need to do is handle the transaction of cashing the cheques. There is virtually no risk. We will cover all your expenses.
That sounds really good, Olly starts to say, but I cut him off.
I have a question, I says, yer man gives me a funny
look and then nods, go ahead, he says. What guarantee do we have that we’ll get paid at the end of the job?
Olly threw his hands up, oh come on Billy, Mr Carson comes highly recommended we shouldn’t.
I wasn’t talking to you, I says, be quiet.
Mr Carson gave me an aul thin smile, you have my word, he says.
Right well that’s very good, I goes, but I don’t know you Mr Carson and the way I’m thinking is that no one knows where we are and what’s to stop your associates from Pakistan marching us out into some forest in Denmark or wherever and putting a bullet in our heads rather than hand over the money.
Olly had this look of horror at first but then I see his brow furrowing as he works out what I was saying was entirely possible.
That’s not how I do business, Mr Carson goes, consider this a trial and I’m happy with your work then I will give you a much bigger job when you return.
Uh huh, I goes, that’s very kind but let me ask you something else, you say there’s virtually no risk but I presume these passports are stolen or forged, it seems like if something goes wrong we’re the ones who’re going to go down for it and you and your associates will just vanish, there’s no protection for us at all here.
You ask a lot of questions, Carson goes, starting to look nervous, are you wearing a wire if you’re recording this conversation I will deny everything, do you work for Interpol?
Whoa hold your horses there, I says, calm down, do I look like the sort of cunt works for Interpol, this is not the movies pal sure we’re just a couple of travellers looking to make a wee bit of money, all I’m saying is we have to watch ourselves.
He took the huff then and goes, if you don’t want the job that’s fine I’ll find someone else to do it. I thought you might be interested in making some easy money that’s all. So you have my number at the travel agency call me tomorrow and let me know your decision but if I find out you are policemen understand that this will not be good for you. I have many friends in authority here who can make your life very unpleasant.
Aye right no bother, I says, thanks for the coffee Mr Carson we’ll give you a ring in the morning. I stood up then and shook his hand I could see the two fellas in the corner watching me like hawks with their hands hovering over the lapels of their jackets sure you could see their pieces bulging a mile off. I had to drag Olly away, as soon as we were outside he was going to start on me but I told him to shut the fuck up and wait until we were well away before he said anything.
There was a bit of a park in the middle of this aul roundabout so we ran over there to sit down in the sun. Come on then, I says, let’s hear it.