A Taste of Love (14 page)

Not
knowing how to explain, Helen mumbled. ‘I-I wouldn’t put it quite like that…’

Angela
began to pace around the room. ‘Oh you wouldn’t? How would you put it then?’ she said. ‘I have to say, you don’t look anything like I thought you would. You look too respectable to be a low-life, marriage wrecker!’

Richard’s
face flushed red with temper and he intervened. ‘Now, Angela, calm down – that’s enough. Helen came with me to help talk this through, but I won’t have you insulting her.’

Angela slumped onto the edge of a dining chair and took a handkerchief from her bag. She dabbed delicately at her eyes. ‘I’m sorry, Richard. It’s just I can’t believe after spending all our lives together you are leaving me for this other woman.’

Richard
began to shuffle his feet and pushed his hands deep into his trouser pockets. He knew the tears were an act because he’d seen them before at a councillor’s funeral. But sadly he could tell by the look of anguish on Helen’s face that she believed in her performance. ‘Angela, we’ve been through all of this last weekend. You won’t suffer moneywise and you are secure in the cottage…’

‘I
don’t care about the money and cottage. You’re my husband, and I still love you – please come home with me,’ she begged pathetically, then covered her eyes with the handkerchief and began to sniff quietly.

Richard
looked at Helen’s lovely face staring with horror at Angela. He rolled his eyes and slowly shook his head at Helen trying to portray the fact that it was all an act.

Helen
felt embarrassed witnessing this woman’s upset and decided she had no part to play in any of this. She turned slowly away from him and headed towards the lounge door saying, ‘I’ll leave you to talk.’

*

Helen was drinking her second glass of wine when he returned and she rounded on him the minute he entered the apartment. ‘You told me she was okay about it. You said she’d never loved you, a-and that she loved her dogs and cottage more,’ she cried. ‘She’s devastated that you’ve left her and she is in love with you.’

He
tried to take her into his arms but she shrugged him away petulantly. ‘No, Richard. You have to tell me the truth.’

‘I
have told you the truth – it’s all a bloody act!’ He poured himself a glass of wine. ‘I could tell as soon as she realised she wasn’t getting anywhere by shouting she changed tack to turn the fake tears on.’

Helen
dropped down on the settee and looked up at him, puzzled. ‘She looked distressed to me,’ she moaned. ‘I’ve felt guilty enough already about you leaving your family, but thinking she didn’t care two hoots about you helped to ease it for me. But now, well, I don’t know what to think.’

‘Believe
me, darling,’ – he sat down next to her and put his arm round her shoulders – ‘If I thought for one minute that any of her upset was genuine I would have approached this in a different manner. But I know it isn’t. The minute you left she wiped her face and threatened to go to our work tomorrow and ruin us both with the slander.’

Helen’s
stomach churned. She didn’t know what to believe, but decided, as she loved him so much and knew he wasn’t a liar, that she had to put her faith in his version of events. The thought of Angela storming onto site and defaming her name made her feel physically sick. She whispered, ‘She won’t go to site – will she?’

He
hugged her tightly. ‘Nah, I’ve told her I’ve left the company. I could almost see the pound signs spin around in her eyes when I told her about the new job and the extra 30K I’ll be getting,’ he soothed.

Chapter Sixteen

By the end of the next two weeks Helen was in a permanent state of agitation. Angela kept ringing and screaming or crying for him to go home. Then one night, as they sat together watching TV, trying to ignore the ringing of Richard’s mobile, she decided that her life was filled with nothing but unhappiness and arguments.

She’d
picked the skin from her fingernails, was struggling to eat properly and consumed antacids on a daily basis to quell her constantly churning stomach. When she closed her eyes to sleep all she could see was Angela mopping the tears from her face. She lay awake for hours biting at her lip and thinking through the months since she’d met Richard. She should have found the strength to stay away from him in the beginning, she raged, and hated herself for being so weak and causing all this upheaval.

At
work she strained to concentrate and thought everyone was laughing at her behind her back. And when Annette looked at her with eyes full of pity and concern she felt strangely panicked and insecure. Karen and Charles both told her how worried they were. And when Richard returned from his first visit home to see Emily with miserable hooded eyes, there was a tiny part of her that wished he hadn’t come back.

*

Next morning Helen sat down at her computer determined to have a better day. The new Sushi lines had been launched and all the staff had complimented her on the novel ideas and how well they worked. The MD had expressed his pleasure, especially as the first weeks sales were excellent.

Opening
her emails she gaped at a name in her inbox – it was from Christopher. Cautiously she opened the email and read the foul words and names he called her for taking his father away from home and blamed her entirely for the ruin of the relationship he’d built up with his dad.

It was, in her eyes, the final straw. She felt as if the walls of the room were closing in and her heart began to race. Sweat stood on her forehead and she tried to take deep breaths, which only seemed to make her feel worse. The tears began to course slowly down her face and she didn’t know how to stop them. She watched them drop onto the mouse and decided she was in a living hell.

Annette
took charge of the situation. She bundled Helen into her own car while she sobbed and cried all the way to Uxbridge Road. Her body was shaking and her legs felt like jelly as Annette helped her though the front door and Richard appeared from the bathroom with a paintbrush in his hand.

‘What
the hell?’ he yelled, rushing to Helen’s side. They both half carried her to the settee where she flopped down and buried her face sobbing into a cushion.

Annette
told him how she’d found Helen at the desk. ‘You need to get this sorted out, Richard,’ she said firmly. ‘I don’t know what’s going on with your family. But I do know Helen cannot cope with this.’

Promising
he would do everything he could he showed Annette to the door and then hurried back to Helen on the settee.

‘This
guilt is making me ill – you’ll have to go back to them,’ she sobbed. ‘I-I just can’t take any more.’

She
told him about the email from Christopher and Richard apologised over and over again. But she couldn’t see him clearly any more and wanted him to go. Her befuddled brain decided that if he went then all the guilt would go with him and she’d feel well again. He tried to stroke her leg but she felt physically sick and pushed his hand away. ‘Don’t touch me. Please just get out!’

‘You’re
overwrought,’ he said. ‘Things will soon settle down and get better.’

She
sat up and glared at him. ‘For God’s sake, will you stop saying that! It’s all you’ve said for weeks now and if anything, it’s getting fucking worse.’

He
was shocked and stunned at the ravaged look on her face. She was staring at him but her eyes were glassy as though she wasn’t really there. Her body was shaking, her lips were trembling and her eyes began to dart wildly around the room – he wondered if he should call a doctor. At that moment he hated himself and was full of self-loathing – to think that he and his family had done this to her was inexcusable and he told her exactly that.

She
threw her head back and mocked savagely, ‘Ha!! It’s my own fault. Haven’t you heard I’m a low-life, home-wrecker? I deserve everything I get…’

She
began crying loudly again and he suddenly thought of Karen. He grabbed Helen’s mobile from her bag, scrolled down until he found her number and then walked into the kitchen and rang her.

Within
fifteen minutes Karen flew into the apartment and scooped Helen into her arms. ‘You’re okay, darling,’ Karen muttered into her sister’s hair. ‘We’ll soon have you sorted out.’

In
between hitching breaths Helen sobbed. ‘I didn’t think you’d come. I-I thought you all hated me for what I’ve done,’ she stuttered.

Karen
stroked her hair from her face. ‘Hate you? But you’re my sister – I love you. We all do and we’ll have no more of that nonsense,’ she stated.

‘A
cup of tea wouldn’t come amiss,’ Karen said to Richard, who disappeared into the kitchen.

Helen
dried her face on the sleeve of her shirt and told Karen how ill and panicky she felt and that she knew it was the guilt that she couldn’t cope with. ‘Make him go, Karen. Please get him out of here,’ she begged just as Richard came back into the room.

Karen
looked at him kindly. ‘Look, maybe it would be for the best if you went,’ she said quietly. ‘Just for tonight – I’ll stay with her till she’s pulled herself together.’

Richard
was devastated but couldn’t see how arguing and insisting that he should stay would help the situation. He collected a few things from the apartment and threw them miserably into a bag, then gave Helen one last lingering look and headed to the front door.

Karen
followed him. ‘I’ll ring you later when I’ve had time to get to the bottom of it all,’ she said. ‘I’ve never in my life seen her like this.’

He
turned to open the door. ‘I love her so much.’

Karen
smiled. ‘Yes, I can see that. And I’m sorry we haven’t given you any support.’

*

Helen lay in the bath while Karen sat at the end on the toilet seat listening to the happenings of the last few weeks.

‘But
you can’t take all this blame upon yourself,’ she stressed. ‘Yes, you are guilty of falling in love with him but Angela is a grown woman and is responsible for her own actions, Helen. And how his wife and son cope are Richards’s problems – not yours.’

Helen
sighed. ‘Maybe, but it affects me all the same. I-I wanted to stand by him,’ she stuttered.

‘And
you have, sweetheart,’ Karen soothed. ‘Now get out of there and we’re going to get you into bed. Once you’ve had a good sleep you’ll feel much better.’

Wrapped
in fleece pyjamas, and after being spoon-fed a bowl of warm porridge and swallowing two of Karen’s painkillers, Helen was tucked up in bed while Karen lay next to her on top of the quilt. She slept for nine hours without waking.

*

Richard ran through the park pushing himself to his limit and beyond. He couldn’t believe how quickly his life had turned from fantastic to tragic in such a short space of time. Karen had told him that Helen was sound asleep and she was staying the night to watch over her. He knew it should be him looking after her except that Helen had made it blatantly obvious she didn’t want him there. He prayed that when she felt better in the morning she did want him back because he couldn’t bear the thought of his life without her.

She
had been his rock through all the mayhem, and when he told Patricia this on the telephone and what had happened to Helen, her comment was that even rocks can sometimes crumble.

‘And
I’m sure Angela is behind Christopher’s horrid email,’ Patricia said. ‘To use your children in blackmailing tactics is a despicable trick!’

Richard
agreed. ‘I still can’t believe the way Angela has reacted to the break-up of our marriage. I’ve seen more emotion pour out of her lately than in all the years we’ve been married.’

‘Hmm, I think it’s the humiliation and shame of being left for someone else that’s at the bottom of her upset, and the fact that she couldn’t keep hold of her husband will soon be the talk of the village.’

She could be right, he mused, lying awake in the bedroom of the rented flat. He thought of Helen’s face earlier and sighed heavily, feeling dreadfully shamed that he’d been responsible for turning this beautiful, happy woman into a nervous wreck. Laying his arm across the empty space next to him he began to cry.

*

Richard stood in front of Helen next morning in the lounge of the apartment. She looked so much better, he thought, and the smile she gave him was genuine.

‘Richard,
I’m sorry about yesterday. That has never happened to me before. I’ve always been strong and able to cope with anything life throws at me. But I know now I can’t handle this situation,’ she said quietly.

He
moved towards her holding out his arms, but she put a hand up in front of him signalling for him to stop. ‘No, I’m sorry but I don’t want you to come near me. I won’t be able to say this or do it if you hold me.’

She’d
woken at six o’clock in the morning feeling much better. She was back in control, calm and collected, and knew what she had to do – she took a deep breath. ‘I love you more than I can say, Richard, but I want you to go back to your family. I can’t live with you like this and would rather be on my own.’

He gasped and felt his stomach slump. A sudden coldness hit the core of his insides and he pushed his hands into his trouser pockets to stop them from trembling. ‘But you can’t mean this, Helen?’

‘I
do,’ she said feeling tears gather in her throat. She swallowed hard. ‘Yesterday scared me and I don’t ever want to feel ill like that again. I just can’t cope with the guilt – it’s that simple.’

Out
of the corner of his eye he glanced into the bedroom and saw his case packed and two holdalls standing next to it. She’d decided it was over and he knew that trying to talk her around would be futile – her decision was final. Struggling to stay in control he said, ‘OK. I can’t argue with your decision. But I do know that this situation will get better eventually and we would be happy together…’

She
shrugged her shoulders and averted her eyes from his. ‘Could be, but I don’t have the strength to ride out the months ahead without cracking up again. And if I’m being totally selfish about this, I’m sorry, but for my own peace of mind I have to be. I’m sorry I didn’t have what it takes...’

He understood her fear. Being selfish was the last thing she should feel and he told her this. His heart was pumping as he realised this would probably be the last time he’d ever see her. She was the love of his life and he knew he’d never feel this love for any other woman. Starting at the top of her lovely hair he cast his eyes down over her shoulders, arms, breasts, stomach, and further down to the longest legs any man could ever dream about. He actually felt physical pain in his chest and taking a deep breath, he stuttered, ‘R-right, then. If you’re sure you want me to leave, I’ll go. But I’m not going back to Angela.’

‘That’s
your decision, Richard,’ she muttered, digging her nails into the palms of her hands in an effort to stay strong. She fought the urge to get up and run into his arms, knowing it was the wrong thing to do. She loved this man so deeply that to be without him frightened her, but being in a state like yesterday scared her even more. She did, however, love him enough to want his happiness. If going home could do this then she would give him her blessing. ‘Maybe you should give your marriage another try – Angela obviously still wants you. It could work better this time around.’

He
grunted with the thought of how much he hated even the sound of his wife’s name. ‘Maybe she does, but I can’t stand the sight of her – so that’s not going to happen,’ he stated resolutely.

She
was finishing their relationship with love and good wishes, which simply made him love her all the more. He should be able to wish her all the happiness in the world, but he couldn’t utter a word – his throat was too dry. He tried to show it in his eyes but tears were threatening to escape and his chest was heaving in pain as he tried to keep control. He walked slowly into the bedroom, picked up the case and bags and quietly left the apartment.

And for the second time in a year, Helen thought, the man in her life had picked up his bags and gone.

*

The heartbreak for Helen was horrendous. She took two weeks holiday from work and concentrated upon decorating the flat. Rachel came home for five days and Helen gradually built up her family relationships again. She missed Richard every minute of the day, and the nights, well, they were something else. The following week she received a text from him telling her that he would always keep the same mobile number and if ever she needed him all she had to do was dial it and he would be there – unable to think of a response she didn’t reply. She knew she should be grown up enough to correspond as a friend but she also knew the love she still felt for him would never allow a friendship to form.