“I'm going to go out and get my gun, and then I'm going to go put a hole in that son of a bitch if he takes another swing at me!”
Mark just stared for a moment. “Is it really a swing, when they kick you in the balls? I mean, wouldn’t it be take a kick at you?”
“Mark, how the hell did you get this job? Are you someone’s nephew or cousin? Are you one of those special needs guys they gave a job to make things look good on the books?”
“You know, that offends me. I got this job fair and square. They said down at the employment agency that if I do good for three months, they’ll hire me on full time.”
Howard shook his head, not responding, and checked his pockets, making sure he had his car keys before running out the door. When Howard made it out, he stopped short, seeing the pandemonium in the streets. He saw what looked like people wrestling on the ground in the distance and felt he should go help, if it weren't for the trouble taking place in his own building.
He fumbled with his keys until he managed to get the door unlocked. Howard checked that none of the rioters were making their way down the street yet. When he deemed it safe, he reached a hand under the seat, feeling around for his Dirty Harry 44 Caliber revolver. He pulled it out, making sure it was loaded, and grabbed his three speed loaders.
The roaring from down the street grew louder, and he thought that, once they let the police in, he and Mark should be sure to lock the front doors. Of course, had he known anything about the so-called rioters, he would have known it wouldn’t matter what he did. The lock would only slow them down. It would do no good when it came to stopping them; it would simply get in their way.
When Mark saw Howard coming, he shouted, “Howard! Howard, come look at this shit! They're showing the Royals game today against the Cubs.”
“You know I don’t care about baseball, right, kid?”
“Oh, you might want to come have a look at this.”
Howard could feel a migraine forming, two veins pulsating in his forehead. He was sure that one was for Mark and the other was for the guy who’d seen fit to kick him in the balls. Howard walked around the desk, getting a good look at the small black and white television they kept for entertainment on the slow weekends so they wouldn't fall asleep on the job. He bent in, trying to understand what, exactly, he was seeing. Howard asked, “I’m sorry, but are those guys pretending to eat each other on the field?”
“Sure as shit looks that way, doesn’t it? They didn’t say nothing about having any movie stunts going on during the game today.”
“Movie stunts?” Howard asked.
“You know, zombie movies, movie stunts, whatever you call it.”
Howard flicked the set off. “We have important things to deal with here and now. Come on, let’s go, kid.”
The two ran for the elevator, ready to take care of the intruders.
Chapter 3
Jude held the elevator door, looking back at his handiwork in the form of the security guard on the floor holding himself. Jude was glad they hadn't been armed; he knew if someone had kicked him in the balls, he’d be happy to shoot them for it and pay for his sins later. The other four hustled through the door and Jude stepped in, letting it finally close. Leslie studied the floor numbers, found the one for the news station, and punched it. Chuck leaned over into Jude’s ear and said, “Dude, you know how much bad karma kicking a guy in the balls is going to get you? That was the best idea you could think of?”
Jude looked at him, shaking his head. “What did you want me to do? I had both my hands full. I could have maybe brought the saw up and knocked him in the face with it, but somehow I think that would have made things worse. What do you think, Chuck?”
Chuck was having phantom pains over the kick. “I definitely wouldn’t want to have one of those saws hit me in the head, but goddamn, it hurts getting kicked in the tenders.”
Jude shrugged; there wasn’t anything else to say. When Chuck was finally quiet, they heard Lionel Richie singing "Hello".
“I love this song," Leslie said. "Don’t you guys love this?”
Chuck, being filter less, grumbled, “Oh, I hope the zombies eat his ass first. I don’t mean a little nibble, either—I mean I want him to answer the door and say hello, just to have a bunch of zombies pick his ass apart.”
When the doors opened, Leslie gripped Chuck’s shoulder, holding him back. “You do realize saying stupid shit like that isn’t going to get you anywhere with me?”
Chuck said, “Is there any way I can get somewhere with you?”
“Not saying stuff like that. Better to be with someone and hate the music than be by yourself with your hand, right?”
Chuck’s face lit up at this. “You know what? That is exactly the kind of shit you need to say to encourage my ass to be good.”
Leslie ran out, leaving him standing there. Chuck smiled, watching her leave. He yelled, “I love watching you go, sweet cheeks.”
When they ran out onto the news floor, they got the same looks they had received when they had entered the building. The half a dozen people near the elevator flattened themselves against the walls or ran around the corner. A few of the women and one of the men let out shrill screams.
Charlie said, “You guys think it’s a good idea for us to keep running everywhere holding all this shit?”
“You can set yours down anytime you want," Jude grunted. "But I’m not leaving mine anywhere for any reason.”
Charlie looked at the saw, thinking about the walking dead not more than a block away, and decided yes, maybe it was not a bad idea to keep it on him.
The group ran through the hallways, looking like a band of crazies. They found a map on the wall and followed it until they found the newsroom. When they pushed the door open, a shot rang out from behind them. The five of them crouched purely by instinct. The report of the gun echoed throughout the hallway, instantly sending all of their ears into a deafening ringing. Turning around, they saw Howard with his gun up in the air.
Howard screamed at the top of his lungs, mostly because he couldn’t hear anything after the shot. “You put those damn saws and everything down right now!”
Jude said, “Did you just fire that gun above you?”
Howard looked at the hole in the ceiling and nodded. “Didn’t you hear me? I said to put those damn saws down and do it now—what does it matter to you, anyhow?”
“There’s more than seven floors to this building, you asshole," Jude snapped. "There could be people up there for god sakes!”
Mark moved past Howard with his nightstick. He gripped Jude by the shoulder. “Didn’t you hear the man with the gun? He said to put that damn saw down and do it now!”
Jude nodded at this, setting his saw down and coming back up with a ferocious right hook. He caught Mark across the chin and knew that the kid was out for the count when a smile fell across his face. He dropped his baton and fell to the floor, still smiling. Jude looked up at Howard; the guard was not taking any other chances and his pistol was now aimed directly at Jude. It was shaking badly enough in his hands that Jude wondered if the man might be having a seizure. Jude held up his hands. “We need to get a message out to the public. We have something they need to know!”
Howard said, “I tell y'all what, this gun holds six bullets. It's missing one now. The next person who says something is going to get one of them delivered at a speed you cannot possibly imagine. Now put everything down, get your asses over here, and y'all put on these handcuffs.”
“Put your stuff down," Jude commanded. "This crazy ass looks like he’d really do it.”
The group set down an arsenal that could end the zombies and a small forest. As they walked toward Howard, Mark started to wake up.
“Mark, Mark are you okay?” Howard asked.
Mark pushed himself up, falling the first time. Everyone looked at him, and Jude nodded toward him. Chuck and Charlie gripped him around the arms, pulling him up to his feet. Chuck patted him on the back and said, “Okay, we're gonna let go. Are you okay?”
Mark nodded and immediately started to fall back to the ground. “Here we go, kid,” Chuck said as he gripped him again, and they waited a second for him to regain his footing before letting go.
When Mark stood on his own, Howard yelled, "Get your cuffs onto those men. If you got enough of them, then get them women in handcuffs, too.”
Mark hesitated, but got out the cuffs. He made extra sure that Jude’s were as tight as he could get them.
Jude said, “You know, real soon you are going to regret doing this. You're costing millions of people their damn lives right now. I mean, those who haven’t risen as the dead yet.”
Mark pushed Jude forward. “There's more to life than drugs. You should try and find something to fill your days with.”
Jude, who could see this being his end, yelled, “Would you shut the fuck up? You don’t know what you're talking about, you dumb son of a bitch. Let’s get this over with so we can all get killed.”
Howard started to wonder if the stranger was not quite crazy after all. They walked to the elevator, calling it back up, and ushered the group in, leaving the gear on the floor where they had set it down.
“You guys are going to regret this," Jude repeated. "You don't know what you're doing. You would probably be a hell of a lot smarter staying on this floor than going back down, anyway. But I got a feeling that smart isn’t the best way to describe you two.”
Howard said, “Well, the cops are going to be here soon. They said they had a lot going on right now, but they'll be here eventually. You feel free to remain quiet. You can assume that I read you your Miranda rights.”
Jude leaned around, looking at Howard's chest, and said, “You know, I’m just a small-town Iowan boy, but the last time I saw one of our officers, they didn’t have their names sewn into their shirts, and their badges were made of metal, not plastic.”
Howard was about to speak, but Mark cut him off. “Are you kidding me? They don’t let just anyone get this job. The management team makes you watch a four-hour video before they give you one of these badges.”
Chuck said, “Like, a whole four hours before you got your badge, or did you get a break?”
“We got a break—and a lunch—so really, it was about a couple hours. You can learn a lot in that time, though.”
Everyone, including Howard, stared and shook their heads. “Would you shut up, Mark?" Howard muttered. "Christ, you sound like you're talking out your ass. You might know that, if you listened to yourself once in a while.”
Mark said, “Dude, you aren’t doing anything to help the situation here.”
The elevator doors opened, and nothing else needed to be said. Howard pushed the intruders out first, in front of him, keeping the gun in hand and ready. “You can wait in the office next to the entrance until the police show up. You can’t cause any more trouble in there.”
Chuck said, “You realize when the cops come here, there’s going to be hell to pay for firing off a shot inside of the building, right?”
“Your boy assaulted my man. The police won’t have any problems with me whatsoever. You don’t cause any further trouble, and we won't have them throw the book at you.”
Charlie actually started laughing at this. “Oh, my God, if we promise to behave, will you, like, promise to shut up? I don’t know what cop show you watch, but it has to be, like, from 1960 or something. There’s no way it’s current.”
Howard stopped talking. He could feel his face burning red, and knew he wouldn’t miss these troublemakers once they were out of his building. They rounded the corner with Mark in the lead. He stopped short when he saw a horde of people outside. Mark advanced slowly, looking at them, and when a woman in a white dress turned around, he saw something that made his jaw drop. Half of her face had been ripped off, starting at her chin and wrapping around to her ear. He opened the door immediately, pulling her in.
Jude screamed, “No, don’t let her in! Don’t open that door!”
Howard yelled, “Shut up, can’t you see that woman is in trouble? Jesus, what kind of a monster are you? She needs our help.”
“She’s going to kill you! You are going to get all of us killed—listen to me, you fucking idiot!”
Howard pushed him out of the way. He tucked the gun behind his back and into his belt.
Mark said, “Hey, Howard, I think this lady's in shock.”
When Mark turned back toward her, she gripped his chest, pulling him in. He lost his balance and fell her direction. When he tried standing back up, she leaned in and gripped onto his neck. She clenched hard with her front teeth, getting a mouthful of flesh. He tried to pull back and she let him, but when he did she kept the skin in her mouth. Blood poured down his neck and he screamed, trying his best to grip the wound. Blood escaped through his fingers. He struggled to speak, but couldn't find his voice.
“Oh, my God!" Howard screamed. "Oh, my fucking God, Mark, are you okay? Mark, say something!”
When Mark turned around, Howard saw the blood squirting from his neck. The woman reached forward again, dragging a bloodied and frantic Mark back and falling on top of him. Mark screamed and Howard ran forward, pulling the pistol out of his pants. “Get off of him now, do you hear me?”