You got to Me (Love on Tour #3) (18 page)

“Hank, can you get me on stage?”

“Sure, baby. I’ll throw you up there with Sean Rush if you want.”

“No, I mean now.”

“Why would you wanna go up there now? Security’ll just throw you off again. You might even get kicked out before the concert starts.”

“I just do.”

I turned toward the stage, and saw Sam and Mike. They were standing at the edge, about ten feet apart, both scanning the crowd. They were looking for me. Shit.

24

“You know what, on second thought. I think I should use the bathroom before the show starts.” I tried to pull away from Hank and move back through the crowd.

He grabbed my arm. “Hey, don’t take off on me. I’ll lose you in this crowd.”

That was the idea, of course.

Hank pulled me to his chest, put one hand on each of my ass cheeks and leaned in.

“Get away from me!” I shouted. I pushed on his chest, but it didn’t get me anywhere.

“Lisa!”

I looked up to see Sam, staring right at me. He jumped off the stage and barreled through the crowd. I went willingly as he ushered me through the throngs of people then lifted me to Mike on stage. The three of us walked into the darkened area just out of sight. Then they started in.

“What the fuck, Lisa!” Sam shouted.

“Jesus Christ. I gotta call Sean and Hank and tell them to stop pummeling through the crowd,” Mike said, taking out his phone.

I heard a loud roar in the arena and figured that was the response to Sean and Hank walking among their fans.

“Lisa! What the hell were you doing?”

“I just wanted…” What the hell had I wanted?

“You wanted to pick up some random creeper to fuck around with!” Sam shouted.

Oh this was definitely about more than my safety for him.

Mike leaned toward me. “You fucking went in the front door and into the crowd?”

“Look, lots of girls go to these concerts and they’re just fine,” I pointed out.

“They don’t go with guys they just met five seconds before,” Sam snapped.

“Lisa,” Mike said, “did you know there have been threats to kidnap Baby?”

Fuck. I shook my head.

“Yeah, and you look a hell of a lot like her. I am not just trying to be a warden here, Lisa. I’m trying to keep you safe.”

I had never seen Mike so pissed off. Bell showed up, followed by Hank and Sean. All of them threw an absolute conniption fit. Through it all, Sam just stared daggers at me.

“Look, I’m alright. And I’m very sorry, okay. Can Sam and I go someplace to talk?”

“You can use my green room,” Sean said grumpily.

Sam followed me silently. When we were locked away in Sean’s green room I turned to him and folded my arms across my chest. I waited. This was going to be it. I was going to end it, right now, if he didn’t first. And I kind of hoped he did.

“You get the sudden urge to fuck around with random guys, Lisa?”

“You get the sudden urge to be jealous, Sam?”

“It’s not sudden.”

“What do you want from me? The tour’s ending. And this has to end too. I might as well go out with a bang.”

Sam took a step toward me. “I figured it was something like that. It has not escaped my attention that we are headed back to Malibu.”

“Okay. So, why don’t we just end it right now and save ourselves some trouble.”

Sam ran a hand over his face, then he looked me in the eyes. “Why don’t we not?”

“What?”

“Look, the distance isn’t that hard to overcome. We’ll figure something out.”

“Distance?”

“Between Malibu and San Francisco.”

“We are not continuing our affair, Sam. It was a temporary thing. Temporary!”

“Not anymore, Leese. I’m in love with you, and I know that you love me, too.”

“What?”

I was terrified. I wanted to run from the room. But I squared my shoulders instead, and glared at him.

“I know you’re freaking out. I’m freaking out a little, too. But let’s not just throw this away because we’re scared.”

“Sam, I am not in love with you.”

“I think you are, Leese.”

“None of your psychobabble, Sam. I’m not. It’s over. I know it sucks, but you’ll move on. You always do.” I could feel myself shaking. I took a deep breath and watched him.

“Not this time. This is different. You’re different.”

“Sure I am. And next month it’ll be the new love of your life that’s different.”

He put his hands on my shoulders. “I mean it, Lisa. I’m sorry that my past has made it difficult to believe. But I am completely, utterly in love with you, like I’ve never been before.”

“Like the Hank and Bell scenario you told me about? You just wanted that so badly you pushed it onto me.”

“No, I already knew it was you when I told you that story. But you weren’t ready to hear it yet.”

I felt like a heavy weight was pressing on my chest. This was not what I wanted. I couldn’t have Sam, for a million reasons. And it didn’t matter that I wanted him. It was simply not meant to be.

I pushed his arms off my shoulders. “I’m sorry. But I’m not the one. Because when you find her, she’ll love you back. And I don’t.”

Sam stared at me for a long time. I stayed perfectly still, counting my breaths, and hoping he couldn’t see through me.

“Fine. I guess this is it, then.”

“Yes. It is. Goodbye, Sam.”

He walked to the door, left without looking back, and slammed it behind him.

I plopped on the couch and tried not to cry. I tried really hard. I put all of my effort, all of my concentration into not crying.

I don’t know how much time passed. I could hear Sean on stage when my phone started ringing. I turned it off. Talking to my sister would be counterproductive. It would distract me from my so-far successful effort not to have tears stream down my face.

A little more time passed, then I heard a knock on the door. I knew if I ignored it they would probably call the fire department or something. So I slowly walked over and opened it.

Bell stood there, looking sympathetic and sweet. “You wanna talk?”

“I don’t know.”

“So, maybe?”

I nodded. “But maybe not.”

“Okay, I know just the thing.”

She took off down the hall. I waited in the doorway. A few minutes later Hank returned, alone. I moved aside as he walked into the room and shut the door behind him.

So this was Bell’s solution, Hank? There had to be a logic to this. I decided to wait and see what it was. I sat back down on the couch. Hank sat next to me.

“What’s in here?” he asked, riffling through the cooler that sat on the floor beside the couch. “Let’s see… we’re pretty close to the border. There’s gotta be… Oh yes!”

He produced two glass bottles of soda. “Hecho in Mexico. This shit is the best.”

“Why’s that?”

“It’s made with real cane sugar,” he said. “Now where the fuck is the church key?”

He looked around and located a bottle opener. Then he popped the tops on both bottles and handed me one.

“Church key?”

“Sweetheart, I’m an alcoholic. A bottle opener is the doorway to heaven. Or it used to be anyway.” He took a sip and made an ‘ahhhh’ sound.

I sipped my soda, too. It was good, better than the regular stuff, and way better than the diet stuff. Hank leaned back on the couch and put an arm around my shoulder. I willingly leaned into his side.

“So I finally get a moment alone with the sexy big sister. I am one lucky man.”

And this was it, I realized. This was why Hank was so beloved by Baby and Bell, and hell, everyone that knew him. This was why Bell had delivered him to me. He was perfect for this moment.

“Keep dreaming, Hank.”

“Oh, I do Leese. I do.”

“I dumped Sam just now.”

“Yeah, I heard. Just got bored, huh? I mean bluegrass music. Where’s the excitement in that?”

I smiled. “No, I didn’t get bored, but, you know, it was going to end anyway.”

“Hmmm, I guess. But if you actually liked the kid, I suppose it didn’t have to.”

“I do like him.” That was a lie. I loved him. “But it was time to end the fantasy. We were never going to make it.”

“Hmmm. Yeah. I mean what’s the point of trying if you already know the outcome?”

“Exactly,” I said. But I knew what he meant.

“You know, when Bell and I broke up last year, I was pretty sure it was saving me a lot of heartache. I suppose if it had stuck it certainly would have saved me all the money I spent on that ring.”

“It is a big rock.”

“Fucking huge.”

Hank was telling me something very important without actually saying it. I wanted to kiss him for it.

“What the fuck is with Vegas, anyway? Apparently, it’s where people get dumped. Damn. I don’t think I like this place anymore.”

I looked at him. For the first time in years, I wanted to be friends with a man. Hank was the most unlikely choice I could imagine. Yet, he was perfect. “Can I call you Henry?”

He examined me for a minute. “You want to?”

“Yeah, I do.”

“Then, yes. But don’t spread it around, okay. That makes only two people alive. I don’t need that shit going viral.”

“Okay,” I smiled at him.

“You know, Leese. You are a smart, able – and I don’t know if I’ve mentioned this before – sexy woman. I think you’ll figure out exactly what needs to be done in this situation. In the meantime, you wanna go to Malibu?”

“Yes, will you drive me to the airport, Henry?”

“Absolutely. We can leave right after I get off stage.”

“Okay. I’m sure I can get an early morning flight or something.”

“What? No way are you sitting in an airport all night. Mike will get you a flight out tonight.”

“But I don’t want Dani to have to pick me up in the middle of the night, with little Henry and all.”

“Please, you think I don’t have people? I have people, Lisa.”

I laughed. “Okay.”

“In the meantime, why don’t we go watch the end of Sean’s show?”

“I don’t know.” Sam was out there somewhere.

Henry stood up and pulled me up with him. He knew what I was worried about, so he said, “Sam went back to the hotel with Mike. Come on.”

Henry pulled me down the hall and backstage. He left me with Bell for a minute while he went to call Mike about my flight. Bell didn’t say anything, she just rubbed my back. When Sean came off stage, he didn’t say anything either. He just hugged me tightly for a minute, then took off to his room.

Henry went onstage and Sean came back and stood with Bell and me throughout the set. After they’d completed the encore, I said my goodbyes to Sean and Bell. Henry drove me to the airport in a rental car that appeared in the loading dock out of absolutely nowhere.

When we got to the airport I learned that it was true – Mike could do absolutely anything. There was a pilot waiting for me at the strip with a little private plane. There was no way Sean would have ever gotten on a plane that small. But I didn’t mind. Besides me, the captain, and the flight attendant, we were all alone. I downed three Bloody Marys in transit.

When I got off the plane, a cheerful-looking middle-aged woman shouted and gestured to me. It turned out she was Amelia, Hank’s neighbor. She drove me to Dani’s house, where I was greeted by my sleepy sister at 3 am.

I hugged Dani, told her I loved her, and went straight to bed.

25

I woke up around noon with a killer headache. I sat there in bed for a long time, just holding my head. Then the tears started. I couldn’t stop them anymore. I sobbed, really sobbed. When I finally started to calm down, I thought about how strange it was that I’d been with Roger for eight years and I hadn’t felt like this when he left me. I’d felt angry, hurt, and even broken. But I hadn’t felt this intense sense of loss. I had been with Sam for just one month, and already…

One month. We’d been sleeping together for one month and it had never been interrupted by my period. I hadn’t had a period since about a week before we left on the tour. And my periods were like clockwork, despite my lack of fertility. In fact, the day of the stairway incident would have been exactly the right time…

Holy shit!

****

As I finish telling Dani my story, the bartender shouts, “last call!”

It’s almost two in the morning. Which means that Sean is done with his show in L.A., has traveled back to Malibu, picked up Henry at Amelia’s, and is probably at the house right now.

“Oh. My. God.” Dani says. “You went all day without telling me this!”

“I think I’m in denial.”

“Come on,” she says, standing up.  She looks down at the empty glasses in front of us. “Good thing I drank the rest of your wine.”

“And three more glasses,” I say.

“Yeah, well, you just killed my buzz. But you’re still driving. We have to go to a convenience store, now!”

Dani runs into the Quick Stop while I wait with the car running. When she ducks back into the passenger seat of her Porsche she’s carrying a small paper bag. I glare at it before turning back out onto the road.

“So I’ve been wondering about something,” I tell her.

“Yeah?”

“When Sam so impetuously announced that he and I were sleeping together over brunch, Sean said something to you.”

“Pieces,” she says, a knowing look on her face.

“Yeah, what does that mean?”

“When I first found out that Henry and Bell were having an affair, I was worried sick.”

For some reason, I feel like I understand Henry and Dani’s relationship now. “You were worried about Henry?”

She nods. “And I was right to be.”

She had been. I knew the story. When Bell and Henry broke up and Bell ran into the arms of another man, Henry was a hot mess.

“But Sean told me that it wasn’t our job to stop them from falling in love, it was our job to pick up the pieces if it went badly.”

“Pieces,” I say quietly.

“Yes.”

“I’m not sure my pieces can be picked up, Dani.”

“Oh, Lisa. It’ll be okay.”

I shake my head. “I don’t see how. I fell in love with a man I never intended to. Then I pushed him away with both hands, and now I might be pregnant. It’s a fucking mess.”

“First, we’ll take care of this,” she says, holding up the bag. “Then you’ll tell Sam that you love him. It’ll all work out, Leese.”

“You make it sound so simple.”

“Nothing is simple when it comes to love.”

When we arrive at the house, Sean is sitting on the couch, the baby monitor next to him, a book in his lap. “Hi, my favorite ladies,” he says, getting up.

He envelops Dani in a huge hug and kisses her for a moment before turning to me and giving me a big Sean hug as well. The incriminating paper bag in my hand rustles against his back.

“What’s up?” He says looking between us for a moment.

I pull one of the boxes out of the bag.

“Holy shit!”

“Go to the bathroom, right now,” Dani says, pointing toward the closest one, “and take them both.”

Oh, I plan to. I am not risking a false positive right now.

I do my business, then set both pregnancy tests gingerly on the counter and walk back out to the living room.

Dani is just coming back from the kitchen. A bottle is balanced in one hand, along with two tumblers that are shoved between her arm and her body. In the other hand she holds a mug.

Dani places all her loot on the coffee table and sits on the opposite end of the couch from Sean. She pats the spot between them. I take it and they both wrap an arm around me.

“The whiskey is for Sean and I. The tea is for you. If things end… well if they end a certain way, you can have some whiskey, too,” she says, handing me the steaming mug.

“How long?” Sean asks.

“The package says ten minutes,” I tell him.

He looks at his watch and nods. “What should we talk about in the meantime?”

“You should tell us about the L.A. show. But first, where is your brother?”

“Right before you came home he went to workout.”

“He’s here in the house?” I ask, alarmed.

“Yeah, his place won’t be ready for a couple days,” Sean says.

Oh right, the giant rich person’s house a few blocks away.

“Don’t worry, Leese. He’ll work out for at least an hour, then he’ll soak in the hot tub, then he’ll take a shower. We have plenty of time.”

“Okay, L.A. show, go,” Dani says.

Sean proceeds to describe the L.A. show in, what for him, is excruciating detail. When he’s done, he looks at his watch.

“Ten minutes?” I ask.

“Close enough.”

All three of us, along with the baby monitor, pile into the bathroom. The minute we walk in we stare down at the two tests sitting on the counter. And there they are, two giant purple plus signs staring back at us.

“Holy shit.” I sink down on the toilet seat.

Dani perches on the edge of the tub. “Wow.”

“Sean, shut the door,” I say.

“Seriously?”

“I don’t want to risk him coming in here.”

Sean shuts the door and leans up against it.

“Obviously, Roger lied about going to the doctor,” Dani says.

“Or he did go and he lied about the results.” We both look up at Sean. He shrugs. “It makes sense. I mean he left you right after that. Maybe it was because he found out the problem was his, not yours, and he couldn’t handle it.”

This brought up a million questions about the thing with Roger. But I couldn’t think about them right now.

“Obviously, you’re fertile as hell, Leese. I mean, if I’m doing the math right, you probably got pregnant the first time you had sex since Roger, in that stairwell with Sam.”

“Stairwell?”

“Never mind, Sean,” Dani says. “What are you going to do?”

“I’m keeping it,” I say automatically. After all, I’d wanted this. I want it now.

“I figured as much. But… Sam?”

“You’re gonna tell him, right?” Sean says, looking anxious.

“Yes, but it’s complicated.”

“What’s so complicated about it?” Sean asks. “Do you love him?”

“Yes, but… last night I told him I didn’t, multiple times.”

“So, you tell him you lied.”

“So I say, ‘hey Sam, I really do love you and by the way we’re having a baby?’”

“Sure.”

“Why should he believe me? What if he just thinks I’m saying that because I’m pregnant and I don’t want to be alone with it?”

“Anyone who knows you knows that’s ridiculous,” Sean says.

“You could tell him you love him. See how things go, and wait a couple days to tell him you’re pregnant. You could act all shocked about it, like oh, I haven’t had a period, weird. I better take a pregnancy test,” Dani suggests.

“Wow.” Sean looks at her. “You are so conniving. I had no idea. Seeing the dark side of you kinda turns me on.”

“Okay,” I say, standing up. “I’m gonna go talk to him right now.”

“What are you going to say?” Dani asks me.

“I have no idea. But I’m going.”

“Good,” Sean says. “We’re going to bed.”

“Now?” Dani asks, incredulous.

“Yes. They need their privacy. And I need you.”

“Yeah, me, you, and the baby monitor. Very sexy.”

“I’ll take the baby monitor.”

“Lisa, you are about to have the most earth-shattering conversation of your life,” Dani protests.

“Yes, and if it doesn’t go well, I can at least hang out with little Henry.”

“Hey,” Sean says. “If it doesn’t go well – and I think it will by the way – send Sam to Hank’s. His car is in the garage and there’s a spare key to Hank’s place on the key rack.”

“And it’s well labeled thanks to me,” Dani says.

Sean opens the door and ushers Dani out. I grab the baby monitor off the counter and clip it to the back of my jeans. Then I grab one of the pregnancy tests and shove it in my back pocket before following them out.

I watch Sean and Dani head down the hall to their room, then I move down the other hallway. I pass the spare room where I stayed last night and peer in. The bed is unmade and my clothes are strewn about the room. The next doorway is also a spare room. I look in and see Sam’s bag sitting on the bed. I head to the end of the hall where Sean’s massive gym is. I take a deep breath and open the door.

Sam is standing across the room, his back to me. He’s hefting a large weight in his left hand. I watch him for a minute. Then he puts the weight down and reaches for another one.

“Hi,” I say.

Sam stops in mid movement and turns around. “Oh, you’re back.”

“Yeah.” I step toward him, but he stays where he is.

“Look, Lisa, I’m not sure I’m up for a talk right now.”

“I have something very important to tell you.”

We’re a good ten feet apart. I want to be much closer. But he is looking at me with a wary expression.

“I lied, Sammy. I love you,” I blurt out.

“I know,” he says.

“You know?”

“I told you last night that I knew.”

“So, you didn’t believe me when I lied?”

“No.”

This was the best news ever. But Sam doesn’t rush toward me and gather me in his arms. He stays there and stares at me, a frown on his face. What is this?

“It doesn’t change anything, though.”

My chest hurts. “It doesn’t?”

“No. You decide tonight after a few cocktails that it’s okay. Then in a few days, or weeks, or months from now you change your mind and run away again.”

I stare at him in disbelief.

“I can’t take it, Lisa. I meant it when I said that I’d never felt about anyone the way I feel about you. You broke my heart, really crushed it, last night. And I just can’t do it again.”

I take another step toward him, feeling downright desperate now. “What can I say to convince you?”

“I don’t know,” he breathes. “You are so hard-headed. You might love me. But I’m not what you want. Maybe I’ll never be.”

I can feel tears pricking at my eyes. Sam is exactly what I want. “You are,” I say quietly. “You are the man I want to be with. I just had a hard time accepting that. But now I have. I’m so sorry about Vegas, Sammy. Please forgive me.”

He sighs. “It’s not about forgiving you. It’s about security, Lisa. I need to know that you won’t run away from me, that you won’t shut me out when you’re scared.”

“How can I give you that? Because I want to, Sammy. I want to give you that.”

He lets out a deep breath and stares at me for a long time. My heart is pounding in my chest. I’m scared to death. But I don’t move. I wait.

“Maybe some sort of legally binding contract,” he says, a slight uptick in one corner of his mouth.

I’m getting to him. My heart swells. Maybe I have a chance after all. “I’ve got that. I’ve got one with me right now.”

“Oh yeah, you got a twenty-page dossier with a notary signature in your back pocket?” He asks, sarcastically.

“Not exactly. But I have this.” I pull the stick out, take another step toward him, and hand it over.

Sam stares at it. “Um, does this mean…?”

“That I’m pregnant with your baby. Yeah. Apparently I’m not barren after all.”

“Oh wow!” And that’s when Sam pulls me to him. He holds onto me hard and tight, and I absolutely love it. Then he pulls back and looks at me. “Why didn’t you lead with this?”

“I thought that you would think I was just telling you I loved you because of this.”

“That’s ridiculous. Oh my God, Lisa. We’re gonna have a baby!”

“So you’re happy about this?”

“Hell yes, I’m happy.”

I feel him stick the test back in my pocket, then he leans over and kisses me. I am eating it up. I put my hands under his shirt and… I hear a sound coming from the back of my waistband.

“What is that? It sounds like a baby crying.”

“That,” I say. “Is a major pain.”