Wrecked (The Blackened Window) (38 page)

“Well, what then? A bar?”

“No.” She looked bored at the thought. “How about Second City? I can’t remember the last time I went there.”

I got my phone out to check show times on their website. There was an eleven o’clock show, which gave us time to get there and have a drink before it started.

As we walked on Halsted looking for a cab, I started back into talking about Xander.

“Tiffany, it’s like he’s this force of nature and I can’t… I can’t even describe it. It’s overwhelming.” I got a little glow of joy that these were the kinds of ‘problems’ I had.

“So the kinky shit doesn’t bother you? Because you seemed a little concerned at the beginning.”

“You know, I don’t know. It just seems kind of normal now.” I caught myself as the words came out of my mouth. “Check that—the kink when it’s just the two of us, seems normal.”

“What?” She interrupted, grabbing me and pulling me into a doorway alcove. “You’re having group sex? Cause, bravo. And I’m more than a little jealous now.”

I laughed again. “No, not group sex. Just…don’t judge, okay?” She nodded with a scowl of disbelief on her face. “So he and his friend own a nightclub that is kink friendly and has some play spaces.”

Tiffany screamed into her hands a little with a look of pure ecstasy on her face. “Tell me
everything!
”

“Oh my God, Tiffany—people are staring at us.” I laughed and pulled her back to the flow of pedestrians. “So, I mean, it’s a regular club and bar in front. Super fun, great music. And you have to have a special wrist band or something to get in back. But back there, it’s wild. There’s all kinds of BDSM stuff going on. But there are other areas too. You come visit and we’ll go.”

“Holy shit! I just can’t believe this is your life. No offense, you just weren’t the wild one in college. But, hell yes, I’ll come visit, but I need a hook-up while I’m there.”

She flagged down a passing taxi and we toned the conversation down for the drive. Second City was hilarious as always. She kept glancing at me and laughing, eventually drawing the attention of the improv team, who pulled her onto stage and asked her what was so funny. She gave it back as good as them though. Ultimately they invited her to stay on stage for a skit and act as the referee and prompter. She immediately prompted
ball gags.

* * * *

Christmas morning the adults of my family watched the children tear apart the packages. We drank copious amounts of coffee since the kids woke at five a.m., demanding that it was Christmas morning and we had to wake up. My dad and I took the kids sledding that afternoon, to give everyone else a break.

“Leeds, I missed you. I didn’t expect Texas to feel so far away.” He drew me into a hug.

“Yeah, I missed you too. But I guess that’s the bonus of being so busy with school. I don’t even have to feel my emotions. I didn’t realize how homesick I was until we were at the airport.”

“We? Did you fly with this Xander?”

“I rode with him to the airport. Our flights were at the same time-ish.” I looked up at my dad. “I really like this guy, Dad. Something about him seems to fit really well. And school has actually felt more manageable since we started dating, not less.”

Surprise crossed his face. “Just don’t make it harder on yourself. Who knows where you’ll end up for residency and where he’ll be. And it’s almost certain that you’ll have some time apart from each other with rotations and residency.”

“Dad, it’ll be fine.” My tone was snippy.

“Leeds, stand down. I just don’t want you to get your heart broken and then end up having a hard time with school. This guy may be great, but he’s hasn’t earned a right to impact your future yet.” He pulled me into a hug and brushed his hand over my hair. I inhaled that scent that was just my dad, iced over with the cold air.

Chapter Thirty-Five

Xander

Mazzy Star,
Fade Into You

I passed my time at home with studying as much as I could. With my dad at work all the time and my mom always doing something, it was quiet. I did get a package from the jeweler with Leda’s necklace and it was perfect. Exactly what I wanted. I had also ordered some things for my parents and they were in the box as well.

I visited June and Michael in their gorgeous Brownstone in a fashionable, hip part of the city.

June’s eyes sparkled as she ushered me inside. “Hi, Xander!”

“Hi, sweetheart,” I said as I kissed her cheek.

“Sir is in the den. Would you like a drink?” She was in full-on submission and I had forgotten what it felt like to be in the middle of that.

“Whatever he’s drinking. Thanks.”

In the den, Michael stood as I came in. “Xander, hey, man. Good to see you!” He gave me the man half-hug, half-slap on the back.

“Michael.” I smiled back at him. “How are you?”

Michael paused to watch June as she handed me a glass of wine. Then turned to me with a devious smile on his face. “I’m well. You?”

“I’m good.”

June had settled herself on the floor at Michael’s feet, arranging her skirt around her, neatly. But she made whatever signal that let Michael know she wanted to say something and he inclined his head at her. She spoke, “Really? Something doesn’t seem right. What’s happening with Leda?”

I laughed. “Shit, June. You’re too perceptive.”

Michael chuckled, too. Then he did something that surprised me. “June, honey. I’d like to drop the protocol for tonight. Xander is our friend and I’d like both of us to just enjoy our time with him.”

She smiled up at him like he had created the sun. “Yes, Sir. I have to go check on dinner, but we’re gonna figure this out, Xander.” She went to the kitchen and I could hear her humming to herself as she clanged and clattered pans and whatever else. I smiled at how they had taken something really complicated and made it simple.

“How’s school going?”

“Really well. I like it and I just finished the first half of the year-long neurology course. It’s intense, man.”

“Well, yeah. That’s why I like it. Have you gotten into brain chemistry yet?”

“No, it was all peripheral nervous system and spinal column for first semester. Next semester is brain and brainstem.”

“You’ll like it. You just have to make concrete connections to real life.”

June walked out from the kitchen and interrupted us. “Stop talking about work and school. What’s happening with your little sub-morsel? I was impressed with her when I met her.”

“June.” There was a warning in Michael’s tone at her interruption and general bossiness. She held his gaze for just a beat and dropped her eyes with a small bob of her head. I waited until Michael turned back to me, asking, “So, what’s happening with this girl?”

“I’m so glad you’re both here. I’m fucking freaking out over her. I’m in love with her, want to collar her, shit…want to marry her.”

“Why?”

It was a simple question and Michael’s calm but strong voice cut through my anxious, pressured speech. I looked at him, mouth half-open, not sure what to say.

He elaborated, “I’ve known you for years and you have
never
been particularly serious about a girl. Why this one?”

June settled on his lap, smiling.

“She’s smart and kind and funny and a smart-ass. But she gets it and accepts me the way I am. You know how shit-Doms are always telling the newbies that they’re ‘natural submissives’?” I waited for his nod, then added, “She actually is.”

“How so?” He leaned forward a bit, shifting June in his lap.

“She just accepts anything I give her. She…so here, like this— When we were first talking, I joked with her about being in trouble and punishing her and she flirted back. But then, when I promised to come over the next day to deliver said punishment,
she asked what she could do to prepare
.” He nodded in appreciation. “I mean, she didn’t even know what a safeword was. And she has instincts. She stands so still when I touch her, like she’s been trained for inspection.”

“And tell him about playing with Seraphim,” June prompted me, smiling.

“So this is where it starts to get weird and, June, you haven’t heard this part yet.” As I spoke, she stood and directed us into the dining room, where she served us, plating her meal last. As we ate, I filled them in on what had happened with her, how she seemed too perfect to be real, how she pushed me just right, how she tried everything I brought to her. How much it freaked me out.

“Well, she sounds perfect. What’s the problem?” Michael made it sound so simple.

“We played again the night before we came up here and I put her in there with the other girl. Again, she didn’t even really balk. And then when it was over, I fucked her in the dungeon, in front of everyone, and she thanked me, Mike. She fucking thanked me.” Incredulity laced my words.

“Again, what’s the problem?” His voice was stern, but kind.

“I don’t know. I don’t know how to explain it. It’s like I don’t believe her. And I’m sure I’m gonna fuck it up somehow. And then…” I paused, sipping the wine. “I don’t want to hurt her, but I do. I want to let all this out on her, but I never want her to feel the remotest pain. Does that make sense?”

Michael smiled, and held June’s hand on the table. “Yes, I completely understand. The loving Dom’s dilemma.”

“So…what do I do?”

“What do you want to do?”

“I think I want to marry her. But I’m constantly running this shitty monologue in my head. And after that play a few nights ago, I think I had Dom-drop—and that shit sucks.”

“Hmm, yeah. Yeah it does.” He dropped his gaze to his plate for a minute and I saw a memory running through him. “Yeah, it’s awful. But you know what it is. It’s the backlash of using up the neurotransmitters, the backlash of doing what we do.”

Some slow and sweet love song was playing and I felt incredibly sad, missing Leda, wanting her with me always. Michael pulled June back into his lap and she laughed and threw her arms around him. She spoke, “Xander, we love you. And that girl loves you too. Why can’t you just accept it and enjoy it?”

“I don’t know.”

* * * *

There was a car I didn’t recognize in the driveway when I got back. Before I was through the door, I knew it was going to be bad. The only light on was my parents’ bedroom.

“Fuck,” I muttered as I came through the door, slamming it behind me so that whoever wasn’t one of my parents—most likely whoever wasn’t my dad—up there knew that the house wasn’t empty anymore. I heard a muted yelp and feet moving around a bunch.

I got some water, trying to waste time downstairs because I was going to choose where I confronted whatever asshole my mom was fucking now. I sat at the table, waiting. Predictably, my mom came down first. In her fucking robe. Some guy who was not my dad, by a long shot, sort of scuttled by in her shadow. I had fucking had it.

“Man, if you’re gonna fuck my mom, who is another man’s
wife
, be a fucking man about it and stand up straight, head high when you walk out.” My voice was arctic cold and my mom gasped a little.

“Xander! That’s enough.” She admonished me, attempting to find some purchase on a moral high ground and failing, epically.

I just scoffed at her and stood. I walked to the man and extended my hand. “I’m Xander, her son. And don’t act so awkward. You’re not the first one I’ve found her with.” After I shook his hand, I turned to my mother, who was absolutely beet red. “Goodnight, Mother.”

I walked away, up to my room. I heard them murmuring, both apologizing, which just made me angrier. If you’re doing something you need to apologize for, you’re not doing it right. Do what you can live with. I heard the door close and my mom’s steps as she came up the stairs.

She opened my door, ready to yell, but I cut her off. “What the hell, Mom? What if I had been jerking off? You gotta knock. I’m thirty-fucking-four.”

She drew a breath, about to blow up, but instead she started laughing. “Well, I’m fifty-fucking-seven and I’ll sleep with whomever I’d like. You don’t get a say, son.” She held her head up, holier-than-thou. It was hilarious and my anger cracked as I started laughing.

She sat on the end of my bed, both of us laughing, until we had to wipe our eyes. She leaned toward me. “Jerking off, Alex? Jesus Christ. I
am
still your mother.”

“Shit, Mom, with everything we’ve been through. It would be great if me spanking it was the worst, right?” We both started laughing again.

As much as my mom had faults, she had always stood by me, even when shit blew up with Stacy and my life fell apart. It didn’t really matter that I had found her with various men, more than a few times. She always had my back, and I’d always have hers—which was part of what bugged me about that guy. “Who the hell was that, anyway? He was seriously skulking. It was shady, Mom.”

“That was Tim, the new tennis pro at the club. I don’t know. Go to bed. I don’t want to talk about this. Wanna go Christmas shopping tomorrow?”

“Tomorrow is Christmas Eve. Shopping would suck and we have ice skating.”

“Oh, all right. I guess I don’t really have anything else to get, anyway.”

My family kept Christmas pretty minimal. One present each. I had gotten my mom some earrings and my dad some cuff links and a tie clip.

My dad came home with us after the skating party and we actually had dinner together. I tried to keep the conversation light, talking about school, tutoring and inevitably, Leda.

“Oh…this is the one Rodriguez told me about, right?” Dad was conversational, like he wasn’t talking about the total invasion of my privacy, that was.
Right…invasion of privacy when they only know about her because I got a fucking background check on her. Hypocrite.

“I guess so, but remind me to slap him.”

He scoffed, “Like you could land one on him.”

Mom cleared her throat, and said, “So, you tell us about her. All we know is the background check stuff. She’s very cute.”

I smiled, because it was true. “She’s smart, funny. I like her a lot. She’s easy to be around—like it’s not complicated unless I make it complicated.”