Words Can Change Your Brain (36 page)

complainers, 31

compliments, 136, 137

comprehension

and gestures, 44, 81

and pauses in speech, 69

and rate of speech, 60, 140

conflict resolution, 34, 48, 86

consciousness, 53–75

accuracy of, 87–88

in the animal kingdom, 54

boundaries of, 56

and the brain, 54–55, 56–57

definition of, 53–54

effect of mindfulness on, 15

everyday consciousness, 59–60

inner voice of, 62–69

limitations of, 59–60

of newborns, 56

and rate of speech, 140

role of, 52

speculation on, 53

constructive criticism, 180

cooperation, 77–86

among plants, 79–80

and cognitive dissonance, 82

and conflict resolution, 86

development of, 77–78

effect of, on relationships, 173

and empathy, 83–84

and expectation of reciprocation, 78

and kindness, 86

and mirroring communication, 81, 82–83

and neural resonance, 80–82

and observation, 89–90

and punishment, 85–86

social contagiousness of, 81–82

cortisol, 125, 135, 173

Crick, Francis, 54

criticism, 85, 179–80

cytokines, 179

Damásio, António, 84

dating, 166–69

Dean, Jeremy, 140

death, 113

deception

exaggeration perceived as, 31

and eye contact, 91

and facial expressions, 135

and the gaze of others, 88–90

recognition of, 48, 178

of sociopaths, 133

depression

effect of positive thoughts on, 27–28, 36

exercise to reduce, 66

and negative rumination, 25

and three-to-one ratio, 131

and writing in negative terms, 205

diaries and journaling, 160–61, 204, 205, 206

disturbing memories, 35

dolphins, 54

dopamine, 35, 98–99

Downs, Lisa J., 144

Drucker, Peter F., 184

education, 186, 187

Ekman, Paul

on breathing, 125

on expressing sadness, 95–97

on facial expressions, 44, 46, 92, 94, 95–96

on gestures, 44

on micro-expressions, 136

emotions

of children, 202

concealing emotions, 135–36

and eye contact, 90–92

and facial expressions, 91–92, 135–36, 138

inconsistency in expressions of, 95

and rate of speech, 70–74

regulation of, 174

sadness, 95–97, 127

and tone of voice, 138, 139

See also
anger; fear; happiness

Emotions Revealed
(Ekman), 125

empathy

effect of, on rapport, 194

and imagining a loved one, 99–100

learning, 83–84

limitations of, 84

and mindfulness, 15

and mirroring communication, 81

empathy
(cont.)

neurological basis of, 48

and smiling, 98–99

social contagiousness of, 81–82

and tone of voice, 139

“empty-chair” exercise, 175–77

erotic words, 33–34

everyday consciousness, 59–60, 68

evolution of speech, 42

exaggeration, 31

expressive aphasia, 51

eyes

and eliciting pleasant memories, 134

eye contact, 89, 90–91, 134

and fear, 94

and honesty/deception, 88–90

and infants, 91

Mona Lisa
smile and gaze, 99–100

and the power of gazing, 90–94

and smiling, 98

and trustworthiness, 88

face

effects of stress on, 10

mouth, 94–95, 98–99

and trust, 88–89

See also
eyes

facial expressions

attending to, 135

and concealing emotions, 135

eliciting, 134

emotions expressed by, 91–92, 138

of happiness, 46

micro-expressions, 9, 92, 135–36

mirroring, 97

negative expressions, 173

neurological basis of, 44–45

practicing, 46

of robots, 97

and trust, 134

See also
eyes

family.
See
loved ones

fantasies, 24–25, 27

fatigue, 18–19

fear

and eye muscles, 94

fearful words, 25–26

of rejection, 173

and smiling, 98

and trust, 88

fight-or-flight response, 25–26

finance-related values, 112–13

first dates, 166–69

first impressions, 88, 89

Fredrickson, Barbara, 17–18, 130, 190

free association, 14

frontal lobes

and abstract concepts, 49

and brainstorming, 13

and mindfulness, 38

and negative thoughts, 26

and neural dissonance, 173

and positivity, 34

and short-term memory, 15

and stress, 10

Frootko, Cheri, 108–9

Gaia
(Lovelock), 80

gazes.
See
eyes

gender, 43, 181

generosity, 38, 86

genes, 28, 32–33

gestures

effectiveness of, 80–81

language coordinated with, 46

neurological basis of, 42, 44–45

goals, 81, 206

“God,” perceptions of, 29

Golden Rule model of communication, 116

Goldsmith, Marshall, 184–85

Gottman, John, 130

guided imagery, 33

Hameroff, Stuart, 55

happiness

facial expressions of, 46

and trust, 88

as universal value, 112–13

and writing exercise, 205

Hart, Betty, 201

healing, 138–39

health-care professions, 186, 190–94

heart health

effect of emotional conflict on, 179

and marital conflict, 173–74

and staying present, 126

and talking with strangers, 160

helpfulness, 78–79

honesty, 31, 88–90

hostile language, 33, 174, 179

humor, 46

hypnosis, 36

imagination

and connecting with others, 83–84

“empty-chair” exercise, 175–77

power of, 27, 37, 57

preparing for conversations, 129–30, 131

imitation.
See
mirroring

infants, 78, 91, 98–99, 100

inner speech, 63–65

constant presence of, 62–63

control of, 127–28

and intuition, 68–69

negativity in, 64

observing, 65–66

self-criticism in, 180

and staying present, 126

transforming, 66–68

vocalizing, 75

insecurity, 26–27, 180

insight/intuition, voice of, 68–69, 144–45

insula, 48–49, 68, 100

interruptions, 142–43

intimacy, 94, 127

intonations, 58

irrational beliefs, 30

irritability, 38, 66, 98

James, William, 53–54, 56

journals.
See
diaries and journaling

judgment, 85

Kanter, Rosabeth Moss, 110–11

Kaptchuk, Ted, 138–39

Kelly, Spencer, 47

kindness, 46, 86, 186

Koch, Christof, 54

Kolb, Deborah, 188

language, 10, 40–41, 125

leaders