Wonderlust (Steel Roses #1) (18 page)

As a teenager, I used to spend hours daydreaming about being with Alex Harbour. Rarely did fantasies live up to reality, but being connected to him, exploring his body, and the way he worshipped mine, I was in trouble of losing my heart quicker than I thought.

We’d been sneaking around for a few weeks now, and it was easier than I thought. Alex was cooped up in his studio most of the day working on new material for his album. When the night came, however, we were inseparable. We spent most nights in his bedroom simply because the bed was larger. I’d lost count of the number of positions he’d fucked me in, but each had me clawing at his sheets or back. True to his word, I hadn’t seen any bimbos around the mansion yet, but I wasn’t sure how long I'd be able to hold him before his eyes started to wander. It was without a doubt the best sex I’d ever had. That’s how I knew it wouldn’t last. If I couldn't even keep a hold of David, it would only be a matter of time until Alex got bored and moved on.

“What does this tattoo mean?” I whispered one night, tracing the words
‘Dum spiro spero
’ on the inside of his arm with my fingers.

“While I breathe, I hope.” Running his hands through my hair, he frowned. “You should know that being a Steel Roses fan. Straight Lace, I’m disappointed in you.”

“I know what the Latin means,” I giggled, pushing his chest. He didn’t move, of course. He was solid muscle after all. “Why that quote?” He shrugged, not responding. “What do you hope for?”

“I just liked the look of the words. It’s nothing deep.” Something in his eyes told me that he was lying.

“What about the one on your back?”

“That’s about strength. I got it before Steel Roses made it big. In some ways, that ink pushed me to greatness. It was a constant reminder to never give up or lose sight of what you want.” Wow, I was speechless.

“And this one?” I asked, running my hand over the crucifix with wings just above his heart.

“You’re very inquisitive tonight.” Rolling us both over, he pinned me against the mattress. “Perhaps I need to take your mind elsewhere?”

“Where did you have in mind?” I ran my fingers into his hair as I asked. It had grown longer than usual these last few months. Actually, it wasn’t much different from his Steel Roses days.

“How about between your legs?” Fuck, how could he just come out with that? “Or we could think about what’s between
my
legs. It’s up to you.”

“Oh, you mean I can play with ‘
Jackhammer
’ again?” I giggled, remembering him telling me what his groupies called his cock.

“You do play it so well,” he groaned, kissing the corner of my mouth. “But I don’t want to come in that pretty mouth of yours tonight. I want this.” His fingers moved through my slick folds, teasing my clit before he pushed two fingers inside me. “I want you face down and ass up so I can ram my cock inside that sexy pussy of yours.” I almost came at his words alone.

“You like to put it bluntly, don’t you?”

“No, I want to put
it
here.” He pushed his fingers deeper, curling them and hitting that sweet spot inside me. “Mmm…it seems a guitar isn’t the only thing that I play well.”

“I know. You’re good at the piano, too.” I tried to tease him, but I was beginning to build already and it came out as a cry.

“Careful, Straight Lace. I’ve got you right where I want you.”

“No, you don’t. You wanted me on my stomach, head down, arse up,” I replied smugly. With one swift movement, he had removed his fingers and flipped me over so I was on all fours. I really needed to learn to keep my mouth shut.

“Thanks for reminding me,” he whispered, putting on a condom before pushing my head down and then grabbing my hips. With one deep thrust he was inside me. “Fuck, Nat. You feel good!” Unable to answer him, I moaned and closed my eyes, lost in the sensations. He was relentless, thrust after thrust. I had been so close before he flipped me over that I began to shudder very quickly. “No! Fucking
wait
for me!” Wrapping my hair around his hand, he pulled me up against his chest. “Not yet, Baby.”

“Ungh…I…I can’t…” I was already beginning to fall as he gripped my breasts, rolling his thumbs over my nipples. “Fuuuuucccckkkkk!” Calling out, I slumped against Alex, but he kept me upright as he climaxed right after me.

“Fucking hell, yes!” His mouth was against my ear, and his come voice made me shudder with pleasure. “I’m never going to get enough of you,” he gasped, pulling out of me. After throwing the used condom into his bin, he collapsed on his bed.

“You like a lot of sex. Are you an addict?” I questioned, leaning on his chest as I ran my hands down his sternum a while later.

“I’m addicted to everything else,” he snorted, looking up at the ceiling. “You seem to like a lot of sex, too,” he mused, watching me trace his ‘V’ with my fingertips. Alex really had the most incredible body. Considering what he put inside it, that shocked me. “Why aren’t you settled down with some hot shot back in London?”

“What?”

“You’re twenty nine, Nat. A woman of your beauty would have been snapped up if you wanted to be.”

“I’ve only ever wanted one man,” I muttered, not looking up at him.

“David?” he asked, moving a stray hair from my face. “How long did the two of you…?”

“It was on and off for four years.” His eyes widened at my confession. I don’t think he expected it to have been going on that long. “Then he got with Sarah Greaves and I finished it.”

“But he wanted to continue?” I nodded. “Asshole. He made a huge mistake. You’re a fucking goddess, Nat. I thought that the moment I set eyes on you.”

“When you thought I was a groupie?”

“You
are
a fucking groupie. You just didn’t admit it at first.” He reached over to pick up his sweats. “Do you want a drink?” It was almost midnight, but this was his usual routine. He’d either have a drink or do line of coke and sit out on the balcony for a few hours. I often joined him because I liked looking up at the sky when it was a clear night. It was also the time we really talked and he shared who he really was. I was learning so much about him. Underneath that rock star ego, he wasn’t a bad guy.

“Sure.” He passed me a shirt of his, and I put it on while he poured me a drink. “I’m just going to the bathroom.”

He was already out on the balcony when I walked out. “Does it amaze you how this city never sleeps? So many twinkle lights. I might buy a place in the middle of nowhere one day so I can have complete silence.”

“You don’t seem like the silent type of guy, Alex,” I chuckled, sitting next to him. “You like chaos and noise.”

“Maybe,” he sighed, sipping on his whiskey bottle. “I’ve thought about getting away from it all. You know, becoming a recluse, but Gina wouldn’t let me. I make too much money for the record label, even with the shit that I’ve been releasing over the last ten years.”

“Why did you stop writing your own stuff?”

“I lost my muse,” he replied, shrugging. “When Steel Roses split, a lot of shit went down. Everything that I loved about songwriting died.”

“But you’re working on stuff now.” I felt the need to be positive around him. Too many people seemed to doubt him.

“I barely have
one
song, Straight Lace.” Running his hands through his hair, he began to pull on the ends. Without even thinking, I stood up and removed his hands from his hair before sinking down onto his lap. He wrapped his arms around my waist, gazing up at me.

“Do you know what made me become a fan of Steel Roses when I was younger?” He shook his head at me. “It wasn’t your incredible good looks, believe it or not. It was your lyrics. They are pure poetry. No matter what I was going through—a high school break up, losing a friend, doubting myself and who I could become—there was always a song that I could connect with. You gave me a way to escape. If everything got to be too much, your music was there to reassure me one day everything was going to be okay. There are a lot of songwriters out there, but none have
ever
gotten to me the way Steel Roses did. I know Matt did the music arrangements, but those lyrics, the things that meant the most to me…that was all
you,
Alex. You need to have more faith in yourself. I’m not the only person who was affected this way, either. All your fans feel the same.” I couldn’t read his eyes as he gazed up at me. He was studying my face, letting my words sink in. “You can write this album. I know you can.”

“You have so much faith in me,” he cooed in awe, touching the side of my face. I tilted my head into his hand. “I’ve never met someone like you, Nat. In all my years…” He seemed to be struggling for words. “So, I helped you with a high school break up?” His eyes were playful as he changed the direction of the conversation.

“You helped me with a few.”

“How many hearts did you break in high school?”
Me
break hearts? I should be so lucky. It was always the other way around.

“None,” I smiled sadly. “I have this problem, you see…” He pleaded with his eyes for me to continue. “I can’t hold a man. All the ones I…I…love, I’m never enough for them.”

“I don’t believe that for a second. Nat, if I weren't such a fucked up individual, I’d keep you. I’d fucking hold you and never let go.” Closing my eyes, I drew in a long breath. I knew this about him. I’d told myself nothing good would come from having feelings for Alex, but I fell regardless. “You need to open up that heart of yours. Stop hiding and running.”

“Having your heart broken isn’t easy,” I mumbled, running my hand down his chest.

“I know, but you can’t be scared of it. Otherwise you’ll spend your whole life alone.” Where was all this wisdom coming from? We’d never talked like this before.

“Like you?” I questioned, tilting my head, worried that I’d gone too far.

“What makes you think that I’ve experienced heartache?”

“Your song lyrics.”

Breathing in deep, he shook his head. “That’s a story I never want to tell, Nat.” My face dropped. Here I was opening my heart to him, yet he couldn’t do the same.

“It’s fine,” I lied. “You don’t have to tell me anything.”

“Let’s go back to bed.” Taking another swig of his whiskey, he stood up with me wrapped around his waist and carried me back into his bedroom. This conversation was clearly over.

The next few weeks were fairly quiet. Diego had flown over to Rio with a group of friends. Alex continued to work on his album. I was busy organizing studio sessions for him in New York with his new producer, Kingsley Womack. The man was a legend. He’d worked on the first two Steel Roses albums. It was without a doubt that he’d helped their rise to fame.

Mary was busy preparing lunch for everyone when I wandered into the kitchen to get a glass of water.

“I’m making chicken subs for lunch,” she announced, smiling over her shoulder at me. “When did you want to go over the cleaner applications?”

“After lunch, if you want.” Mary wasn’t impressed with the cleaning agency Milly had hired last year. The contract was finally up, so we were looking into hiring our own cleaners.

“Alex still seems to be in a good mood,” she mused, watching me take a seat on one of the breakfast stools and sip my water.

“He enjoys being in his studio.”

“I think it’s more than that. He has that spark back. Something inside him has switched back on.”

Footsteps came from behind me, and as I turned, Shane walked in with oil all over his hands and shirt. “What have you been doing?” I questioned.

“Alex asked me to look over his bike. He wants to take her out.”
Bike?
Oh, God. Alex was going out on his
Harley Davidson
. Holding my legs together, I tried not to think about how hot he’d looked on that bike in his music videos over the years.

“Wouldn’t he get lynched?”

“No, Nat. He doesn’t go driving down Hollywood Boulevard.” Shane’s eyes danced with humor. “He can get around pretty discretely when he wants to.”

“Does he go out alone?”

“Sometimes, but I have a bike, too. Taking to the open road is a good way to clear your head.”

“They were gone for a week the last time they went out on their bikes,” Mary commented, still busy making lunch.

“We were only going to travel along the Pacific Coast Highway, but our bikes had other plans,” Shane chuckled, lost in thought. “How much longer will lunch be, Mary?”

“Fifteen minutes. You have time to freshen up.”

“I’ll go and tell Alex,” I replied, walking out the same time as Shane.

“I was thinking of heading out tonight for a few drinks, maybe some food. Did you want to join me?” This hadn’t been the first time Shane had asked me to go out with him, and I was running out of excuses.

“Oh, I can’t. My parents are Skyping me later.”
That’s the best excuse you’ve got, White?

“You don’t have to be cooped up in here, Nat. Alex can cope without you for one evening. He’s not going anywhere. He hasn’t for weeks.”

“No, it’s not because of him. I really have things to do,” I lied. The truth was, I lived for the nights these days. Being wrapped up in Alex’s embrace was all I wanted.

“Okay, maybe some other time, then?” Nodding, I opened the door to Alex’s studio. He was sat with his acoustic guitar, gently strumming a few chords as he sang softly to himself. I loved the tone of his voice, but there was something so innocent to about what he was singing right now. He hadn’t noticed me. Walking closer toward him, I saw the words
‘I’m feeling wonderlust, baby. Pure wonderlust,’
written on a piece of paper on his mixing desk. Softly, he began to sing the words aloud. My breath hitched at the sound. It was a beautiful melody, which made the words sound like a loving caress.

“That was beautiful,” I whispered in awe when the room fell silent.

Startled, he turned to look at me. “When did you sneak in here?” I wasn’t sure if he was annoyed with me.

“Sorry. I came to tell you lunch was almost ready. I can bring it to you in here if you’re still working.”

“No, it’s okay. I need a break.” Placing his guitar on its stand, he stretched. His muscles strained in his black shirt. Licking my lips, all I could do was stare at this fine specimen of a man. “Put your tongue back in your mouth, Straight Lace,” he teased, standing up to peck my lips quickly.

“Fine. I was going to let you eat your lunch off my naked body, but after that comment, you can have lunch on a plate.” I grinned, watching the smug smile on his face drop.

“Do you really want me to walk out of here with a hard on?”

“That would be your problem, not mine.”

“I could make it your problem.” He pulled me tight against his chest, gripping me by my butt while grinding his erection against my sex. “I want you. Here. Now!” Fuck! Clenching my insides, I tried to hold in a groan.

“Lunch will be ready in ten minutes,” I forced out as he backed me against a wall.

“That’s all the time I need.” He fumbled in his pockets and produced a condom. “Slide it on me.”

“My, you’re always prepared.” Undoing his jeans, I quickly put the condom on his ready cock. Were we really doing this?

“I want to fuck you every minute of every single day. I
need
to be prepared.” He moaned, running his hand up my dress and pulling my panties to the side. He ran his fingers through my slick folds, making sure I was ready. “Thank fuck you’ve started wearing sundresses.” With a deep thrust, he was inside me. My head fell back against the wall. I wasn’t even worried if someone walked in on us. The feeling of him filling me was too good. “Fuck, Straight Lace, this is going to be quick.” Biting down on my neck, he set a maddening pace.

“Fuck, I’m…I’m…” I fell before I could get my words out. Alex came moments after, releasing me as I slid down the wall.

“You’re fucking killing me,” he gasped, doing his jeans back up. “I thought I was a horny fucker before, but when I’m around you…I want you
all
the time.”

“I saw your song lyrics on the desk,” I admitted while I straightened my own clothes. “What does wonderlust mean? I’ve only ever heard of wanderlust. Is it the same thing? A desire to travel?” The lyrics wouldn’t make sense if that had been the case, which was the reason I was curious.

“No.” He grinned, and it actually reached his eyes. “It’s the stage when you’re not sure if you’re in love or in lust with someone.”

“Oh.” My cheeks were burning. I knew he wasn’t talking about me, but I was blushing just at him saying the word
love
. I gathered Alex must have loved a few women over the years, and I was jealous of all of them. “It’s an eye catching word and the melody was beautiful.”

“Thank you.” We stood looking at each other awkwardly until Alex spoke again. “Let’s go and have lunch, shall we?”

“How do I look?”

“Beautiful,” he said in a heartbeat, running his thumb across my lips. “Even if your hair is up.”

“Oh stop,” I snorted, hitting his chest. “I meant do I look like we’ve just had sex?”

“You just look a little red. You’ll be fine. Now let’s go. I’m starving.”

“I wonder why?” I smirked, following him into the kitchen.

“I’d go with the red. It works better with your complexion.” Diego was the best shopping partner ever. The man was a genius when it came to fashion. We were currently at the mall. “You’re buying a lot more feminine things, Nat. Who are you trying to impress?” I froze with my hand on the red dress he’d just suggested.

“No one. I’m just sick of wearing all the stuff I came with. I wanted to get some new things.”

“I was joking, Baby Cakes, but after
that
reaction, you’ve got me wondering now.”

“Enough about me. I want to hear about this hot guy you met in Rio!”

“Oh no, you don’t! You’ve had this look in your eye for weeks, and you haven’t left the mansion. That means it’s either Alex or Shane, and I know you’d be more likely to cut Alex’s balls off than sleep with him.” Crap, he thought I was seeing
Shane
. “How long has it been going on?”

“
Nothing
is going on!”

“Oh, are you keeping it a secret? Is that what all of this is about? Alex would be furious. He’s been wanting in your panties since he met you, but he gets bored easily. Don’t worry about him.” Diego continued to ramble on, but I’d switched off. It wasn’t easy for me to hear my deepest fears confirmed by Alex’s closest friend. “He’s probably knee deep in pussy right now, actually. Lance has that effect on him. It’s party central when he’s in town.”

“Who?” I asked, trying not to sound so concerned. Alex never told me about any of this.

“Lance Filmore. He’s the lead singer of Central Demon.” I’d heard that name before; it just took me a second to remember that they were the band Alex had helped by producing their album.

“Oh, I remember Alex mentioning him now.”

“Well, he’s coming to stay for a few days. You’ll get plenty of time to be
alone
with Shane. Alex will be too busy in his sex pit.” Why hadn’t Alex told me any of this? With a heavy heart, I continued to shop. If I had to compete with bimbos, so be it. I wouldn’t be going down without a fight.

I’d gone all out at the shops. I had bag after bag of new clothes, thanks to Diego’s help. Once we arrived back at the mansion, I gathered Lance and the band had already arrived by the noise coming from the pool area. I braced myself for the worst, hearing all the female laughter.

The pool area was swarming with women. There had to be at least thirty bimbos all in their bikinis. It was difficult finding Alex through the haze of hair extensions and fake, orange tans.

“Looks like the party has started without us,” Diego chuckled beside me. “I’d leave the rock stars to it.”

Angrily, I stormed upstairs. This was how Alex was going to end our fling? He didn’t even have the decency to tell me. Well, I’d fucking show him! Pulling out my sexy red bikini and kaftan, I proceeded to outdo these bimbos.

Touching up my red lipstick, I looked at myself in the mirror. My hair was down and wild with my natural curl. After slipping into the sexy red heels I bought with Diego earlier, I was ready.

Diego was looking in the fridge as I walked into the kitchen. “Shit, Baby Cakes, you could almost turn me straight looking like that!” He gawked.

“I’m going to relax by the pool. You coming?”

“What about Shane?” he frowned, confused.

“Nothing is going on with Shane and me.” His eyes widened, and suddenly I had the feeling he knew what
was
going on.

“Give me five minutes to change. I’ll meet you out there.”

Alex was easy to spot as I stepped outside. He was standing there in shorts and a white shirt, talking to a group of people. Women kept coming up to him and throwing themselves at him, but for the moment he seemed to be keeping them at arm’s length. It was still early, though. He had plenty of time to pick a bimbo or
four
.

A few women walked past, giving me any evil glare while sizing me up. I had to hold in a snigger. These women were hilarious.

“And who are you?” a male voice called from behind me. I turned to find a tall, lean, fair-haired man ogling me. He looked like he was in his thirties. It must have been Lance. He had that same rocker arrogance Alex did.

“I’m Natasha. You must be Lance.” I held my hand out to him in greeting. He took it and pulled me close to him, kissing the back of it.

“Yes, I am. Are you a fan of my music?”

“I’m more a Steel Roses kind of girl.” Smiling sweetly, I removed my hand from his and took a step away to get some distance. My eyes searched the crowd and finally fell on Alex again. He blinked twice, perhaps unsure at what he was seeing. Then quickly made his way toward me.

“You should come over to the demon side. I could show you a good time.” Lance had closed the gap between us and ran his hand down my arm as he spoke.

“This one isn’t on the menu, Lance.” Alex seemed flustered as he pulled me to his side. “This is my PA, Nat.”

“This is
Nat
?” Lance choked. “You’re a lucky fucker, Harbour.”

“I know,” he chuckled, looking at me. “But it’s just a business relationship we have.” He could lie so easily.

“So, that means…”

“No!” Alex interrupted his friend in a clipped tone. Seeing Alex getting all protective of me was making yearn for him.
Ha! See, bimbos? I’m still the one he wants!
“Excuse us for a moment. Lance, I need a quiet word with Nat.” He practically dragged me into the changing room at the side of the pool house.