Wonderlust (23 page)

“Would you come with me?”

“No. I’m done spending time with rock stars,” I chuckled. “You’d have plenty of people willing to go with you, though.” She looked at me quizzically. “What?”

“You seem different. I can’t place what it is.”

“I’m jet lagged. That’s all,” I teased, getting up. “I’ll see you later. I’m going to unpack, then crash for a bit.”

It felt strange being back in my bedroom after everything that had happened. I hadn’t managed to unpack that much before I was too tired to continue. Lying there in my bed, gazing up at my ceiling, all I could think about was Alex and wonder what he was doing at that moment. I drifted to sleep with images of him standing on his staircase, watching me leave. Only, in my dreams, he stopped me and begged me to stay with him.

It seemed that I was incredibly employable. Working at the call center wasn’t ideal, but it was a job. I’d been back for almost two weeks and hadn’t heard anything from Alex. It wasn’t like I’d expected to, though. His new single,
It was you,
was due for release in just under a month, and was already being played on every radio station. I couldn’t get away from it. He seemed to be getting the praise his record label had been hoping for. It was a beautiful, haunting song about falling in love with someone that didn’t feel the same way. The irony wasn’t lost on me. I knew all too well what that felt like.

In the past, I’d always kept my distance and tried to steer clear of anything having to do with my exes, but Alex was different. He was a damn
rock star
. He was
everywhere
: on TV, the radio, and on posters in shop windows. The people at work were all talking about him and the possibility of Steel Roses reforming, which was rumored to be happening. How was someone supposed to get over a man that the world loved? Whether he was bad or good, people liked him no matter what.

“Did you hear that he’s doing a one-off show in London in a few months?” I heard one of the girls at work ask another while we sat in the canteen at lunch. “If there are tickets available, I’m going. I haven’t seen Alex Harbour live in
years
.” It was a good thing these groupies didn’t recognize me from the few photos that had been taken of Alex and me. I was worried they’d lynch me if they knew who I had once been to him.

“His new album is meant to be amazing. I love the title, too,” the other girl replied, excitedly.

“Wonderlust. Yeah, it’s cool. Did you hear that the song is meant to be about some new chick he met?” My ears pricked up at her words. I hadn’t heard that.

“Lucky bitch, who ever she is. I just hope he gets out of rehab in time for this concert.” What? Rehab? That had to be a lie. Then again, why was I even concerned?

“Nat, can you take Amy’s clients please?” Neil, my boss, asked as he took a seat next to me. “I had to let her go this morning. Her sales figures haven’t improved.” He was a sweet guy, though a little geeky. He wasn’t much older than me, but wasn’t my type at all.

“Sure,” I smiled.

“I’ve spoken to HR about getting you bumped up to team leader, too. You’re wasted on the phone lines.” Wow, that was quick.

“Oh, Neil, you didn’t have to do that. I haven’t been here that long.”

“I know talent when I see it, Nat.” I didn’t have the heart to tell him that I couldn’t see myself being here much longer. Telesales wasn’t really my thing. Truth be told, I was missing the music industry.

“Well, thank you.”

“How about we go for a drink after work to celebrate?” I had to suppress a sigh. Why was I always getting into these situations?

“Oh, I’m sorry, Neil. I’m out with my friend tonight. Maybe some other time.” It was going to be fun keeping this guy at arm’s length.

I clocked off at five and walked to the pub to meet Liv. She was now working for a graphic design company not too far from the call center.

“Don’t hate me,” she pleaded as I wandered in and took a seat. Our drinks had been ordered and were already on the table in front of her. When she looked behind me, I turned, stunned to see David sat at the bar looking at me.

“You told him I was back?” I glared at her.

“I had to. You love him, Nat. Even Alex Harbour didn’t change that. You’ve been lost since you got back.”

Putting my face in my hands, I counted to ten. David wasn’t the reason I was lost, at the moment. “I don’t need this right now, Liv.”

“Well, that’s tough because I’m leaving you to it. David bought your drink. Make sure you thank him,” she grinned, kissing the top of my head before walking off.

“You don’t seem happy to see me,” David stated, taking a seat.

“I’m not really prepared for this, that’s all.” The pub was really quiet tonight. I felt as if everyone could listen in on our conversation.

“Why didn’t you call and tell me you were back?”

“I don’t know,” I sighed, playing with my wine glass. “We didn’t really end things well last time we saw each other.”

“Were you sleeping with him?”

“David!” I fumed. That was none of his business.

“I need to know what I’m up against! I’m not giving up on you, Nat. I’m in love with you.” The world fell down around me at his words. David
loved
me? What the hell was going on? Was I in some parallel universe?

“Excuse me?”

“You heard me. Don’t make me say it again. It’s been hard enough.”

“You’ve really split up with Sarah?”

“Months ago. I want you, Nat. I never should have let you leave for LA. I was a fool.” Here I was being offered everything I’d ever wanted, and only one person came to mind—Alex.

“It’s not that simple.”

“Why? You want me, I want you. Let’s just see where it takes us. I could make you happy. I know I could.”

“I
was
sleeping with Alex.” Hearing him gasp at my revelation, I dropped my eyes down at the table. “David, I don’t want to hurt you. Believe me, if you’d told me all this a year ago, things would be so different.”

“You fell for the rock star?” Sipping my wine, I nodded. “Fuck!” he muttered under his breath. “What are you doing back here then? If he’s so fucking perfect, why aren’t you with him?”

“He’s
Alex Harbour
. It would never have worked. I got out while I could.”

“Give us a chance then. Nat, I can make you happy. I won’t pressure you into anything, but give us a chance to get back what we had before.” Something in his eyes made me want to believe him. I’d wanted him once, so maybe I could learn to want him again. It was like Alex always used to say: the best way to get over someone was to spend time with someone else. A few dates with David wouldn’t do me any harm. It might keep Alex off my mind, too.

When I was younger I was sure that I’d have my life sorted by the age of thirty, yet I was far from that. I’d been ‘seeing’ David for three months, but as much as he tried, our relationship was just about sex to me. The connection we once had was gone. There was no point in continuing our relationship, and if it weren't my birthday today, I would have broken it off with him.

“I’ll see you later for your birthday meal with your parents?” Leaning over the bed, he pecked my lips before slipping his jacket on. “We can talk seriously about you coming back to work for me, too.” Ugh, not this again. While I may have still been at the call center, I was a team leader now. It wasn’t my dream job, but things hadn’t exactly been easy for me. Alex had been thrust back into the spotlight because of his new album—which was a global success. I hadn’t seen this much hype about him since his Steel Roses days, and none of it had helped me to get over him. I still craved his touch. I still went to bed some nights alone and cried myself to sleep. I was still in love with him.

“We have nothing to talk about,” I frowned, watching David open my bedroom door. Liv was hovering outside with a card and gift.

“Yes, we do. I’ll see you later.” David smiled, walking out of view.

“Happy birthday!” Liv came in and sat on the corner of my bed. “You have a
huge
parcel by the front door, too.” She handed me her gift and card.

“Thanks. Who is the parcel from?”

“No idea. UPS just delivered it.” I opened her card and gift. She’d bought me my favorite perfume. David had bought me a beautiful, platinum diamond necklace. In fact, my parents had gotten me the matching earrings. I wasn’t sure if I liked the fact that they must have planned that.

“Open it then!” Liv ordered as we stood looking at the large brown box. I had no idea who it could be from. Ripping the tape, I quickly opened the box. “A telescope?” Liv frowned as we gazed into the box. There was also a pack of pens with a card attached to it. I knew who it was from the moment I opened it, though. He’d remembered my birthday.

“This is from
Alex
,” I gasped, tearing open the card.

Happy 30th Birthday, Straight Lace

I’m hoping you still watch the stars at night. If you do, this will help you see them better. I’ve included a star gazing book and a box of pens that you can organize by color.

Love,

Alex (aka The Asshole)

P.S. I miss you.

Tears stung my eyes as I read the note. What did I even do with this? He missed me, but that wasn’t enough. I’d
never
be enough for him.

“Wow, Nat. That is…so damn romantic.” Liv widened her eyes as she passed the note back to me after reading it. “Why does he refer to himself as The Asshole, though?”

“Because he is one.”

“Is there something you’re not telling me?”

“No. I need to get ready for work. I’m going to be late.”

Liv couldn’t question me anymore, but my mind was still racing as I took a shower. Did I contact him? What was the point? It was just a gift. He knew where I lived, and if he really cared, he’d have turned up here himself. Not sent a damn UPS driver.

Everyone at work knew it was my birthday. That was the problem with call centers; gossip spread like wildfire. Neil had brought a birthday cake in for me, and I wanted the ground to swallow me up when they all stood around my desk, singing happy birthday at lunch.

“What are your plans tonight, Nat?” Neil asked, coming over to my desk later that afternoon. “Are you going out with your boyfriend?”

“Yes. My parents are coming, too.” David wasn’t my boyfriend, but I pretended he was so Neil would stop asking me out.

“That’s nice. Are you ready to go over this week’s sales figures in my office?”

“Sure.” Grabbing all my paperwork, I followed him. The office I worked in was an open layout. It got very noisy when over one hundred people were all talking on the phone, which was why Neil and I always met in his enclosed office.

“Your team is looking strong, Nat. Your figures are up again,” he beamed, looking over my paperwork. I was about to respond when we were both distracted by the screaming and commotion outside. What the hell was going on in the office? Frantic knocking suddenly came at Neil’s door.

“Come in,” he called, confused.

One of the telesales girls appeared. She was out of breath, holding her chest. “Erm…Natasha, someone is here to see you.”

“Who?” She didn’t need to reply, though. I could hear the women in the office shouting and screaming his name. What the hell was Alex doing here? Rushing to the door, I made my way out onto the sales floor. It was utter chaos. Chairs had been knocked over, and all the women were crying and screaming. At the back of the room, a large crowd had gathered.

I made my way toward the crowd, pushing through the masses to find Alex. Jesus, I hope he had security with him. As I neared the middle, I spotted Shane and Steve.
Thank God.

“Shane!” I called. He heard my voice and turned toward someone I couldn’t quite see. My heart was hammering loud in my chest as Shane drew closer. I knew who would be behind him. The moment my eyes locked with Alex’s, I shoved past the last few people in my way. Fuck, he was
really
here! At a call center! Was he insane?

“Straight Lace,” Alex breathed out in relief, pulling me into his arms. “Happy Birthday.”

“What the hell are you doing here?” I gasped, looking up at him. He looked good and…healthy. The dark circles around his eyes were no more. Actually, his eyes were alive as they gazed down at me. If that weren’t enough, he was hot as hell in his signature white T-shirt, faded blue jeans, and black leather jacket, too.

“I could ask you the same thing. Is there somewhere private we could go? I’m getting mobbed here.”

“Sure. My boss’s office is just over there.” Shane caught up on my plan and led us toward Neil’s office.

“Hi, I’m Alex Harbour.” Alex greeted Neil, shaking his hand. “Can Natasha and I borrow your office for a few minutes? I promise I won’t keep her long.” Neil was dumbstruck and nodded, gesturing for us to enter.

“I’ll call and get some more security for when we leave, Alex. Happy Birthday, Nat,” Shane grinned, closing the door behind him, leaving Alex and me alone.

“You’ve caused a riot outside,” I laughed. “What were you thinking?”

“I was in the area and thought I’d come and see you. What the fuck are you doing working in a place like this anyway? I thought you went back to Flavour Records.”

“It didn’t seem right.” I moved around the desk to put some distance between us. Why did I feel so shy around him? “It would have been a step backwards.”

“Nat, you sell cleaning supplies,” he pointed out dryly. “That’s not you. You love the music industry.” He was right, but if I’d been working in that industry these last few months, he would have been
everywhere
. I couldn’t cope with that, not when I was in love with him.

“I’ve been promoted to team leader.” All he could do was laugh at me. “What? I’ve only been here
three months
. That’s really good!”

“You’re better than this place and you know it.”

“If you’ve come just to annoy me on my birthday, you should leave,” I fumed, crossing my arms. It was good to know I could still stand my ground with him, even if it did feel like he was making my heart beat outside my chest.

“I’ve missed that temper.” Licking his lips, he took a step toward me. “I’ve missed those breasts, too. I wouldn’t cross your arms like that. You’re making me hungry.”

“Don’t even think about it!” After all this time, it was still just about sex with him!

“Relax. You’re with David, I get it.” He knew I was seeing David? That surprised me. “You were always
with
him, even when we were together.” I had no idea what he meant by that. “You were honest with me about what he meant to you from the start. I was the fool that got carried away.“

“What?”

“When you arrived in LA, I always thought I’d be the one with the upper hand. How wrong was I?” he laughed to himself.

“I have no idea what you’re talking about, Alex.” Was he trying to say that he cared about me?

“I heard you on the phone the night Gina and my publicists flew over. I don’t know who you were talking to, but I got the gist of the conversation about wanting to let me down gently because you were still in love with David. I don’t do rejection well, so I beat you to it. I figured it would be easier that way. I’m sorry I hurt you, Straight Lace. It was wrong of me to say those things. That’s why I’m here. To clear the air and say I’m sorry.” No! Was he serious? He’d gotten the conversation all wrong!

“And you waited
three months
to do this?” My voice was just a whisper, trying to take in what he’d just said. All this time, I’d been so wrong about him.

“I’ve been kind of busy. Give me a break. You were the one that walked out early. You didn’t even stay around for my birthday party.”

“I shouldn’t have slapped you.”

“No, I deserved it. I was acting like a fucking asshole.” We seemed to have gravitated together as we stood smiling at each other. I could feel the warmth of his body, and it was making my stomach flutter.

“You look really good,” I commented, desperate to reach out and touch him.

“I’ve been in rehab and clean for five weeks.” Wow! “You look as beautiful as ever, Nat.”

“Alex, that’s amazing. Well done!”

“I thought it was time to get my life in order. I didn’t want to keep letting down the people I love. I’ve taken control of my life again.”

“I take it you and Shane sorted out the Maddison issue?” Shane was still working for him. I wasn’t sure I’d be as forgiving.

“Yeah, she’s long gone, the money grabbing whore.” I gave him my ‘I told you so’ look. “I know, I know. You were right about her. Don’t look so smug.”

“I’m not smug, I’m still pissed off that you slept with her! You promised me no bimbos, remember?”

“The fling was over, Nat. It wasn’t like I cheated on you.” That was really how he saw it? My temper began to rage.

“Don’t go there, Alex, or I’ll throw you into the crowd outside!”

“You’re still bitter about it?” He frowned, surprised.

“Yes! Can we talk about something else?” He was still watching me but didn’t say a word. “How’s the album going?” I asked, steering the conversation elsewhere. Talking about Maddison would only infuriate me more.

“It was number one in over forty-five countries last month. I’d say it’s doing pretty well,” he said with a smirk. There was Mr. Ego again.

“Only forty-five?”

“Are you mocking me?” Running his hands in this hair, he chuckled.

“No,” I grinned. “What about your tour next year? Has Rock Records given you any dates yet?”

“Mmmm, yeah we’re in talks about it. That’s kind of the other reason I’m here.” I tilted my head, narrowing my eyes. “I want to offer you your old job back, Nat.”
Holy Fuck!
Taking my old job wasn’t a good idea. What if he broke my heart again? Although that really hadn’t been his fault. He thought I was ending it with him to go back to David. Still, he didn’t love me. It would be wrong to go back and open myself up to more heartbreak. My mind was racing.
“I’ve got a lot of shit going down next year. I need you there by my side.” I was about to interrupt, but he held his hand up and continued. “I know you’re with David, but we could work something out. Perhaps you could spend two weeks in London and then two weeks in LA.“

“That wouldn’t work, Alex.”

“Why not? Plenty of PAs do it.”

“You’ll be touring next year. It wouldn’t just be LA, would it?” I pointed out. “Besides, I really don’t think it would be a good idea, considering our history.”

“I
need
you, Straight Lace. I can’t do this without you.” His eyes pleaded with me, causing my mouth to go dry. “Okay, I’m going to lay it on the line here.” He swallowed hard, moving to take my hand in his. “Don’t freak out, but Steel Roses are reforming next year.” I tried to hold in a girly squeal.
Gah! Steel Roses were getting back together! Fuck holding in the screaming. I needed to find my old tour shirts. We were going on tour!

“Oh…My…God! That’s amazing!”

“It really fucking isn’t. Matt and I hate each other, but we’ve been forced to get along for the camera. You should have seen our meeting with the label last month. It was fucking awful.”

“Why do you hate each other?”

“It’s a long story, but I’ll try to explain it one day.” His eyes dropped to the floor. It could have been my imagination, but to me, he looked pained. “Nat, I can’t do this without you. I need some support. I need to know I have someone on my side. Please consider it.”

“Are you trying to tell me the fate of Steel Roses reforming lies in my hands?” I teased, nudging him.

“Yes.” Shit, he was being serious! Touching the side of my face, he looked deep into my eyes. “You are the only person that has gotten to me in over ten years. I might be too late to win your affection, but I want your friendship back. If I’m going to do this and come face to face with my past, I need you there by my side. You have no idea how much shit I’m going to have to deal with. I can’t do this on my own. I’ll fucking break!”