Wonderful (17 page)

He wasn’t about to cry off from his engagement. No matter how tempting it was, he wasn’t his brother. He hadn’t his brother’s lack of morals or probity. He’d sworn to his father and to Priscilla, both by signing the marital contracts and by verbally proposing to her.

He would follow through on that pledge.

Yet what about Evangeline? Where did that leave him with regard to her?

He hadn’t mentioned his betrothal, but if she learned of it, he had no doubt his relationship with her would be instantly severed. It would have to be shortly anyway—when she wed Iggy. She would never countenance adultery, and he was amazed she was willing to flirt so brazenly with Aaron. He supposed it was a mark of his ability to lure her to misbehavior.

He couldn’t abide the notion of her as Iggy’s bride. The very idea made him nauseous, and he incessantly debated whether he should talk her out of it. But what would become of her? She’d once advised him that marriage to Iggy was her only option. She’d declined the opportunity to be Aaron’s mistress, so if he convinced her to spurn Iggy, what would happen?

He couldn’t begin to guess.

She was sitting on the bench at the harpsichord, and he was seated on a nearby sofa. She’d been performing for over an hour, but she didn’t look exhausted and likely could keep on until dawn. It was also obvious that she liked performing for
him,
that she would keep on forever if he requested it.

“Come here,” he said.

“I thought you’d never ask.”

She slid off the bench and snuggled herself on his lap.

“That’s better.” He sighed with contentment. “You were much too far away.”

“You seem sad tonight,” she told him.

“I do?”

“Yes, and right in the middle of my singing too. What’s a girl to think?”

“She should think I’m
not
sad.”

“Liar,” she murmured. “What’s wrong? You can tell me whatever it is.”

Oh, if only he could!

I’m engaged to be married and my wedding is in three weeks
.

“I like you very much,” he said. “I simply wish things were different.”

“What things? That I was rich and from a top-lofty family?”

He chuckled and shrugged. “It would fix a few problems.”

“What problems are those?”

He gazed into her beautiful blue eyes, anxious to unburden himself, but he didn’t dare. As each day raced by and he managed to omit Priscilla from the conversation, he was climbing out onto a limb with Evangeline.

If she was apprised of his betrothal, she’d be crushed and furious. But then she’d learn of it very soon when he left for London and came back a married man. Which was worse? To be informed at once? Or to hear servants’ gossip?

He was so smart, but such a coward. How had he landed himself in such a quagmire?

“Your station doesn’t concern me,” he said. “I haven’t been fretting over it.”

She studied him, then to his great surprise, she said, “Should I wed the vicar?”

He held himself very still, eager to formulate the correct comment, to not let his enormous affection or enormous ego get in the way of his response.

“Why are you asking? Are you having second thoughts?”

“Yes. He and I are incredibly mismatched.”

“I agree.”

“I’ve tried to deny it, and I’ve even denied it to
you¸
but I have to start being honest with myself. I should back out, but I’m so conflicted.”

“Why?”

“My circumstances are the same as they’ve always been. If I cry off, I’m afraid about what will happen to me. I’ve written to two old friends, seeking their assistance, but they haven’t replied.”

“That’s too bad.”

“If I had any other option, I’d take it.”

She paused, clearly waiting for him to jump in and say
yes,
there was an option, that
he
was the answer to her prayers. But with his marriage so near, he was in no position to help her.

Despite his concerted efforts at wearing her down, she wasn’t interested in an indecent liaison, and as to Priscilla, Aaron would have plenty of trouble with her as his wife. He wouldn’t deliberately exacerbate the situation by supporting Evangeline financially. He barely knew her, and there was no justification for it.

For an eternity, she watched him, and finally her smile faded. She’d bravely furnished him with a chance to declare himself, but by his silence, he informed her she’d been rejected.

“If I back out of the engagement,” she asked, “could I stay at Fox Run?”

“At Fox Run?”

His panic must have been evident because she hastily said, “Just until I can make contact with my friends? There’s been some problem with my correspondence. After I hear from them, I’m positive I’ll have somewhere to go.”

She waited again, on tenterhooks for his affirmative reply, but he couldn’t give it.

Tell her!
a voice was loudly urging.
Tell her everything!
But he simply couldn’t.

Once the words were uttered, they couldn’t be retracted. She’d be shocked and hurt. Very likely, she’d storm out and would never speak to him again, and the notion of their affair abruptly ending was too wrenching to contemplate.

Wasn’t he a cad and a bounder! Wasn’t he a despicable libertine!

She shook her head. “Listen to me! Prevailing on you—after all you’ve done for me already! I usually have better manners.”

She was saving him from himself, and he felt awful, like the blackguard he was.

“I’m sorry.” Without meaning it, he added, “Of course you could stay at Fox Run for a bit.”

“There’s no need for you to offer. I’m being a pest.”

“No, no, I just have a lot on my mind. I have some…issues in London that are plaguing me. I’ll get them sorted out. And you’re
not
prevailing on me. I’m happy to help you.”

But she didn’t believe him, and he’d squandered his opportunity to be truthful, to be a friend. His entire relationship with her was wrapped up in lies and deceptions. Maybe he wasn’t the decent fellow he’d assumed himself to be.

He should have been down on one knee, apologizing, proposing marriage, begging her to have him, but instead he was focused on how he’d foolishly promised she could stay at Fox Run for a while—when she absolutely couldn’t stay.

“I hate that you’re so distressed,” she said.

“I’m not.”

“You’re the worst liar, even worse than me.”

“My life is…complicated.”

“Am I making it more complicated?”

“No!”

She squirmed away and stood. “I should head to bed.”

“I don’t want you to go up yet.”

“I have to.”

“No, play a few more songs for me. Sing for me again.”

She stared at him, looking shrewd and wise and much older than he generally considered her to be.

“I have to raise a difficult topic with you,” she said, “but please don’t take it the wrong way.”

“I won’t.”

“I’ve been so happy since I came to Fox Run.”

“I’m glad.”

“I was nervous at first. I was engaged to the vicar without my ever having met him. It was scary.”

“You’ve been very brave about it.”

“Right away, I realized the match was a mistake, and I need to cry off.” She searched his eyes for a reaction. “But can I? If the dowry was already paid, can I refuse to proceed?”

“I’m guessing you can. It causes a bit of a kerfuffle, but it happens.”

“How do I refuse? I have so many questions about it.”

“Such as?”

“Do I just tell the vicar? Would that end it? Can he decline to let me end it? Does he have a choice? If it’s simply my own decision, must I have legal papers drawn up to make it binding?”

“I have no idea. You should probably talk to an attorney.”

“I don’t have any funds to consult with an attorney.”

He yearned to invite her to travel to London with him, to speak with his solicitor, Mr. Thumberton. Yet if Aaron involved himself in severing the betrothal, when that betrothal was to his own cousin and when Aaron’s own father had apparently arranged it, it would open a massive can of worms.

Betrothals could be dissolved, but it was very rare. There would be unceasing gossip as to his role in the debacle. Was he prepared to wade into such a morass?

He felt as if he was walking across a field of broken glass in his bare feet and every step was a bad one. He couldn’t bear to envision her wed to his cousin, but when his motives toward her were so dastardly, he couldn’t give her the wrong impression or raise false hopes.

“I have to know your opinion about something else,” she continued.

“Just say it, Evangeline.”

“Well…ah…” She halted, blushed furiously. “I’ve rehearsed this a hundred times, but it’s so much more difficult than I imagined.”

He was still sitting, and she was standing, and he took her hand and tried to pull her onto his lap again. But she yanked away and moved back so there was more space separating them.

“When you touch me, it confuses me,” she said. “Good, I like you confused.”

“Be silent and let me get through this.”

“Go ahead.”

“You wouldn’t ever…that is…you wouldn’t ever think of marrying me yourself, would you?”

It was such a daring, unexpected query. A woman never proposed to the man—at least not in his stilted world where weddings involved huge transfers of wealth and were often contracted when a babe was in the cradle.

“You’re putting me in a tough position,” he said.

“I don’t mean to. I like you so much, and I’ve built up these wild scenarios about you.”

He smiled. “Not too wild, I hope.”

“When we’re isolated here in the manor, I forget myself.”

“Me too.”

“I start to picture a future for us, but you don’t see it occurring, do you? I’m a trifle? It’s fun and games?”

“Oh, Evangeline…”

He might have expounded, but any comment would crush her, and she held up a palm, stopping whatever remark would have followed.

“It’s all right,” she said. “I had to be sure.”

“You’re asking such hard questions.”

“They’re not hard, and I’m not a child. You can be honest with me. I had a very sheltered upbringing, so I’ve had no experience maneuvering through such a muddle. I’m not certain what’s allowed or forbidden for me to discuss with you.”

“I understand.”

“And recently I heard stories about a nobleman’s son who wed a commoner. She had no antecedents to recommend her.”

She gazed at him with a tormented expression. She’d just described his brother’s exact marital circumstance. Was she referring to Lucas?

Lucas was marrying Miss Hubbard, but Lucas’s situation was totally different from Aaron’s. Lucas had no title to inherit, no earl’s line to continue with his sons, no pressure to marry as high as he was able. Lucas could pick whomever he wished, but Aaron couldn’t. It was simply the law of the universe in which he lived.

“Occasionally, a man will wed beneath his station,” he mumbled.

“But you couldn’t see it happening to
you
?”

“Well…”

“I’ve embarrassed you, haven’t I? I’m sorry to blurt out what’s vexing me, but there’s no way to tiptoe around the edges of this. You’d never consider me as a bride, would you?”

He couldn’t tell the truth. Instead, he said, “I asked you this before—crudely and boorishly—but we’d just met, so let me ask it again. Would you come to London with me?”

“To be your what?”

“You know what. To be my mistress.”

She gave a soft, miserable laugh. “No, I could never do that.”

They stared, and a terrible wave of sadness swept over him. They might have had a bright future. It would have been so extraordinary, he’d have braved Priscilla’s wrath and society’s censure merely to pursue it.

It hovered there, like a tangible object, but he couldn’t grab onto it.

“It would be grand to have you as my mistress,” he insisted, and it would be grand—on
his
end. For her, it would be ruination, coupled with some financial support until he grew tired of her and moved on. “Many women would deem themselves lucky to be allied with a rich fellow like me.”

“Only a
rich
fellow like you would view it that way,” she countered.

Chastised, he nodded. “You’re correct.”

The light that seemed to glow around her was dimming, the joy she emanated gradually waning.

“I had previously claimed that I hate to prevail on you.”

“Stop feeling as if you’ve been a burden. You haven’t been.”

“I’d like to leave Fox Run.”

“Leave! Isn’t that a bit drastic?”

“My friend who I’ve been writing to about my predicament? I haven’t received a reply, but I thought it might be best to simply go to her. She’d help me.”

“It might be best,” he tepidly agreed, rattled by her announcement.

“Could you loan me a few pounds so I could purchase a ticket on the mail coach?”

“On the mail coach?” he asked like a dunce—as if he’d never heard of the vehicle.

“I’ll pay you back as soon as I can.”

“It’s not that,” he scoffed. “It’s just…you’re making rash decisions.”

“Rash? How are they rash?”

“You wish to depart and travel across the countryside alone. It’s happening too fast. Let’s slow down and think for a minute.”

“I’ve been thinking about nothing else since I arrived.”

“I can be with you at Fox Run for two more weeks before I have to return to London. I want you here with me.”

“I can’t be.”

“Why can’t you?” he snapped more hotly than necessary. “Is it because of our relationship? That should be the reason we both stay.”

“Well, I know how I feel about
you
,” she stated, “but I’m not exactly sure any of my sentiment is reciprocated.”

“What is that supposed to mean?” Suddenly, his temper was flaring, when there was no basis for it to be.

If she left, she’d be doing him an enormous favor. For the price of a ticket on the mail coach, his problem would be solved. Why not hand her the money?

“You said it yourself, Aaron,” she kindly chided. “You would never marry me, and the only role you could see me filling would be as your mistress.”

“We could be happy that way.”