Wolf Sirens: Forbidden: Discover The Legend (16 page)

“Why?”
“Because.” He stalled.
“Because of Sam?” I pried.
“No, I’ll see you later, okay?”Reid kissed my cheek
and went to the window. Sliding it up, he stopped in
the frame. “It won’t happen to me…what happened
to Lily,” he said.
He went to jump when I urgently asked. “Reid?
Do you miss her?”
He paused and his expression changed for a moment. His face was as serious as I had seen it. He
breathed deep. “Most of us don’t like to be alone…
Lily always did. Sometimes I just think she’s at the
beach house.” His hand brushed and then gently
tapped the window frame.
I looked down. “I’m sorry I-”
“– I’m not going to phase ‘til I’m in the woods,”
he assured me with his head cocked to the side.
I did my best to smile back, through gleaming
wet eyes.
“Plus, if I ruin this jacket I’m dead,” he winked.
He left with a steady glance as he jumped from my
second story window, into the dark. They hid clothes
all over the forest, just in case. When he was out of
range he would undress and place the clothes in a
hidden stash – a buried garbage bin covered with
leaves – and then phase into a beast. I wondered if
Lily’s clothes were still in there with the others’. He
had told me about it, but he wouldn’t tell me some
secrets.
Alone in my room I was free to indulge my
thoughts, I allowed myself the moment to dream of
Sky, to take my mind off Lily. And my eyes were wet
from the thoughts and I hated that they were more
for me, than for her.

As planned, I met Reid at the corner near my house.
He was letting the beast inside him out for a run in
the trees before we went to Sam’s together. It was
Saturday and the weather was calm and still. He
was still breathing heavily from the run when he
embraced me.

He let me drive the blue jeep, even though he
knew I didn’t have a license. He was generous to a
fault.

I was annoyed he hadn’t trusted me enough to tell
me everything, but after some perspective, I thought I
could understand why. So I didn’t pry. I knew I would
have to earn their trust and they had already put a lot
of faith in me, with so many secrets.

The fact that Lily had turned him intrigued
me; it seemed maybe she felt more strongly for him
than he had felt for her. I was so sorry she had died
over her jealousy, because I knew it was unnecessary,
but that was something I dare not say, and the guilt
burnt.

At the Cabin everyone was in high spirits, except of course for Sky; I thought if Lily were still
there, she would have been on his side. These days
he was keeping a low profile also. Sky glared at me,
arms crossed. I felt uncomfortable, but I wanted him
to phase for me, to do anything but just glare, which
tore me to pieces, regardless. Giny didn’t seem to notice. She was reading a magazine on the floor. “Let’s
take this test,” she suggested enthusiastically. I didn’t
reply, but she started reading aloud anyway.

“What personality type are you? Sanguine,
Melancholic or–” She was reading a new issue of a
teen magazine.

I interrupted, “– Does Sam ever influence you?”
“What? Like peer pressure?” She looked up.
“No, I mean more than that,” I hinted.
She shook her head. “Mmm, no.” She blinked

and then began again.“Here’s the first question. Do
you… A – Prefer to be alone after a party in which
your guests made a mess? B – Feel lonely? C – Phone
a friend and tell them all about it? or D… Oh, I need
a pen.” She jumped up to get one from the kitchen
phone desk.

She continued, “Where was it?” as she studied
the page. “Oh, or D – Feel annoyed or E – Start organizing the clean up?” She marked her answer and
looked at me.

“Um, C? – Does Sky hate me do you think?”
“No.” She looked over to where he was watering the vines in the back garden. “He’s just like that
– standoffish.”
She assessed at my concerned eyes and added,
“Don’t worry about him – now do you regularly, never
or always?” She readied her pen to mark the answer.
“When confronted you…”

In a guest room at the cabin Reid and I kissed on the
bed his warm hands crept over my shirt. I pulled it
back down rigidly.

“Is something wrong?” he whispered.
“I’m not in the mood, could we just talk…about
something.” I sat up and ran my fingers through my
hair.
He looked at me.
I added, “I just don’t think I want to, okay?” I said
with an annoyed shrug.
He looked taken aback.
“You don’t have to, it’s just I thought we were in
that kind of relationship?”
“Forget it.” I sat up further and pulled my hair
back.
He was silent and then he asked, “Are you okay?”
“No, yes. I just don’t want to, okay?” I felt frustrated, mostly at myself.
“What, that’s it? Did I miss something?”
“No, no. Reid I just wanted to talk to you about
it. I mean if we can’t talk about sex, we definitely
shouldn’t do it.”
Reid leant in a little and cooed,“Hey, Lila I didn’t
mean to upset you, I don’t see you as that sort of girl,
if that’s what you think?”
“I know.” I lay my head in my hands.
What was I
doing?
“So, do you just not want to do it now, or forever?”
He tried to cup my limp hand in his. “This is the first
time you’ve brought it up.”
“No, I don’t know. I think we just rushed into it,”
I replied with a gesture, which allowed me to move
my hand from his heavy fingers.
“What changed?” He looked as though he didn’t
understand.
“I still want to, I want you. It’s just; I don’t want
that to be all we ever do.” I assessed whether he was
following, “You know?” I should have been saying
I
love your friend; your touch isn’t his….
“I didn’t realize you felt that way,” he breathed. I
could tell he was feeling rejected even blindsided, but
it was better than the truth.
“I guess I just want more…maybe we shouldn’t
have sex for a bit–” I paused to think “– until I’m
ready, okay?” The truth was his hot skin made me
cold to his touch but I wouldn’t say it. I pressed my
lips together.
“Did someone say something …to change…?”
his clear amber eyes searched mine for more.
“No,” I retorted. I felt tired, probably from so
many late nights with Reid in my room and practice
draining my energy reserves. I must have looked it. “I
don’t want be that girl or that couple, that’s just how
I feel,” I argued.
“Is it
me
?” he said wounded.
“No, it’s very much me, I want to be with you and
I don’t care what anyone else thinks - that’s not it, I
just - I need some time. You’ll be patient won’t you?”
I asked, looking back into his eyes bravely.
“Okay,” he said, sounding defeated.
“We rushed into it,” I explained feebly.
“Is this because of Lily, because…”
“-No, I …I just don’t want to be that couple, the
one that only sleeps together.” It sounded plausible.
I knew this couple, because my ex best friend from
Horkum, Bec – and Jeff – came to mind. I swallowed.
He pressed a gentle hand on my shoulder blade,
as if he was afraid I that I was repelled by his touch
and perhaps I shied away from it a little.
“You aren’t anything to me that she was,” he admitted, assuming it was Lily.
“What’s that supposed to mean?” I whispered,
hating myself for forcing an argument, when I knew
he meant it as a compliment.
“Stop trying to punish yourself for her death.”
He wasn’t looking at me; his hands gripped the
bed edge.
“Why don’t you? Sam does,” I said not looking at
him as my shoulders tensed further.
“No, she knows it wasn’t your fault. If she blames
anyone it’s herself.”
I was a little taken aback. I was sure this couldn’t
be the case; she hadn’t spoken to me after the day
Lily died.
“That’s sweet of you to say, but I know how Sam
feels.”
“She doesn’t blame you, I know none of us blame
you.”
“Do you blame Cres?” I asked.
He laughed under his breath and shook his head,
again. I jolted with surprise. “No, not even her.” I
couldn’t believe him, but he sounded so sure and so
Zen. It felt feeble to argue with him about it. He
knew more than me and that was frustrating.
There was a whistle from outside our room and
we both turned.
“Time to hunt,” Reid gestured rising, he kissed
the top of my head. “I’ll see you when I get back?”
“Yeah, I’m really tired…Reid, I was just being
honest about my feelings.” I spoke into his concerned
gaze.
He moved and stood in the door. “Alright, L.”
He tapped the doorframe as if he was going to say
something in that moment and thought better of it.
He was just a seventeen-year-old boy I recalled, but I
was relying on that.
I knew I should have called him back and told
him that I was not worth it. For him I had confused
everything, but really the truth was I was a lying
deceitful user who was too cowardly to break it off.
While Reid hunted, I dreamt of his best friend. I
curled into a ball in his bed at the cabin.
That night I awoke calling his name. “Sky!” I
jolted straight in bed, eyes open. For a moment I
thought I’d seen him sitting on the edge of my bed.
I reached for the lamp light. The brightness blinded
me and, squinting, I could see the space next to me
on the bed was unoccupied and the room was empty,
the door ajar. I was glad Reid was not there and bit
my tongue. If that happened when he was here, I’d
have some explaining to do. I wondered if anyone in
the house might have heard me. I pushed the terrified feeling down, knowing with horror the more
I squashed my feelings the harder it was to conceal
them. The house was dark and soundless, they were
all out hunting still. I dressed and hurried home in
Reid’s car, because at home the pack was less likely
to hear my subconscious spurting out of me, calling
his name into the night. I didn’t encounter anyone
on my way out of the drive. Hopefully they were all
still out far away in the woods. I hoped Reid was
genuine when he said I could drive the car home if
I needed to.
Somewhere between 1 and 3 o’clock I crawled
into my cold bed at home, my face flushed and
burned. I hoped no one had heard my call, but they
weren’t the only words I had spoken in Reid’s room
that I needed to worry about being overheard.

At practice I felt as though the feelings I covered
had risen like overheated milk on the stove, about to
overflow the edge. I don’t know when exactly Cupid’s
arrow had struck. In hindsight maybe it was when I
first saw him the day I fumbled with my math’s book
on the floor and he glided past in the school hall and
our eyes first connected. But I didn’t know it until
today, until I was forced to share the same space with
him.

It shouldn’t be this hard to breathe. I dreaded
practice because Sky was there and at the same time
I felt compelled to be there because he was, or my
heart ached. Like there was an exhausting invisible
pull, tugging at me. I hadn’t seen Reid since Saturday
night at the cabin and this morning as usual Giny
had picked me up for early practice. I knew Reid’s
quietness meant he was upset. Reid was never silent.

I wondered if Reid would break it off. On Sunday,
despite my better judgment, I thought of Sky in every
waking moment and not whether Reid would call. I
was relieved he didn’t. I considered avoiding calisthenics and I couldn’t bear not to go. Paranoia and
nerves began to unhinge me at practice; I was beginning to crack under the pressure, with the adrenaline
coursing through my body. Somehow I survived it. I
only glanced at Sky once and we avoided each other.
I wondered if Reid had told him about me refusing
his advances on Saturday and the embarrassment
stung. Maybe he was as annoyed with me, as Reid
seemed to be.

The lingering negative thoughts subsided when
Reid still met me after practice.
“Can we talk?”
Talk
? I knew something was up. This was probably it, the pre-breakup chat.
“Sure,” I replied timidly. We started down the
hall I couldn’t bare the silence between us “Reid I–”
“– No, Lila, its okay,” he interrupted, stopping to
face me.
“No - I’m sorry I wasn’t there when you got back,”
I insisted.
“Lila, its fine. I hope you don’t mind but I kind of
talked to Bianca?”
“About what?” I winced. At least he hadn’t confided in Sky.
“Yeah, and look, I want to apologize.”
“Reid,” I tried to stop him dragging it out.
“– No let me. I had this really good chat with her
and she kind of explained it was, you know, a chick
thing, that we moved too fast.” He shrugged. “I took
it personally and I know now you didn’t mean it like
that.” He hugged me and I let him while I wondered
if I truly did want him to break it off? He looked at me
and I smiled and he smiled as he kissed me tenderly
on the lips. I couldn’t believe it, in Horkum I would
have been dumped. Teenage boys rarely ignored their
hormones. Reid was different, and I must have meant
something to him. I wished it was reciprocal. Bianca’s
wise advice had saved the day, which I hadn’t counted
on. She had explained it was a ‘Men are from Mars
Women are from Venus’ issue, and that was for all
intents and purposes true. But I knew now that I had
secretly hoped he wouldn’t understand.
On Wednesday I broke.
I was placed near him for the hold. I could feel
him and smell his t-shirt wet with sweat and musk. It
was different feeling the heat radiating off his body.
It was easier when we didn’t have to touch. On this
day my heart beat was like a thudding drum. This
was hard enough - my bones ached and I avoided
eye contact. The routine had to be re hashed with
a few changes to highlight Sky and make use of his
strength for the lifts, though Sam was probably as
strong as him because of her alpha wolf strength. We
had to keep the routine plausible, that’s were Giny
and I came in. We were handy as realistic reference
points, for Sam to measure against in keeping it all
‘human looking’. She decided to try a lift with me
and Sky. He placed his arms over me without hesitation, before it was necessary, as he listened to Sam’s
instructions. It felt odd standing there, his hands on
my waist, burning holes through my skin like lava. I
barely heard Sam’s instructions. I felt I would burn
up into ash and fall in a pile on the floor.
He asked, “Tell me if I start to hurt you, okay?”
He looked into my eyes with blazing blue green irises.
I nodded, not knowing if I could speak. He had never
addressed me directly before. His touch was nearly
more than I could bear; my heart began to pound out
of my chest. Surely he could hear the blood throbbing in my body. I began to shake, he lifted me much
too slowly and with complete ease. I started to panic.
I wobbled and shook trying to maintain the pose. I
wavered unsteadily on his shoulder and almost fell,
though he held me tight in his grip. Bianca jumped
in to help catch me as I slipped. Sky had grabbed
me with one hand as I fell. Bianca steadied me with
strong hands, I was against his body - now I was hot,
my cheeks scorched.
“You got her?” Sam called, studying us. Swiftly I
let go of where I gripped him. I felt overwhelmingly
dizzy.
“I got her,” he assured Bianca calmly. I had to get
away. I struggled from his grip, unnecessarily roughly.
“Let go!” I said defensively. Though he didn’t force
his grip, it was tender and firm, all the more painful
for me.
“Is something wrong?” I heard a voice say. I didn’t
lift my gaze as I walked away.
“Yeah, I can’t do this,” I blurted too venomously
behind me. I couldn’t breathe, or even look at them.
I was obviously shaking. I felt the sweat then, all
over my body. “I ache and I’m hot and I’m going!
Sorry I’ve just got to get out,” I said as my cheeks
burned. I fumbled with the door and slammed it
behind me; I did not want anyone to follow. The
whole incident was surreal. I needed air - more than
that, I needed oxygen untainted with his smell, his
heat. I was too close to bear it, to pretend I was
indifferent to him or even act annoyed, though I
had barely managed it. Adrenaline and blood raced
through me. I needed to get control of myself, or
quit. My muscles shook, I caught my breath slowly;
did they realize what was wrong with me? Could
they tell from my bizarre overreaction and behaviour? Could they guess how lovesick I was from my
red cheeks and my inability to be in the same room
as him, or even look into his eyes? I splashed my
face and looked in the mirror.
What are you doing?
I thought. I grabbed my gym bag and ran out the
door of the change rooms, tears of embarrassment
soaking my beetroot-stained face.
I hyperventilated in the hall. Giny came out
and found me. I managed some excuse about being
overwhelmed, which she hurriedly agreed to. They
assumed that it was posttraumatic stress, because of
Lily. Giny drove me home and I felt it was painfully
obvious that Sky had somehow unsettled me. If not,
that I was desperately infatuated with him to the
point of severe embarrassment and distraction. What
the hell was wrong with me? Was I so desperate for
affection? Why couldn’t I shake my feelings for him?
Why did I pine for him like a lovesick puppy?
I was spinning these obsessive feelings as dislike,
which somehow came out as hatred in the coming
days. It was the only way I could cope with the strong
emotion, which engulfed me. Giny was a comfort to
me, we had our love of the wolves in common - only
mine was bordering on obsession; I was a danger to
myself.
When I saw him at the cabin on the weekends we
made eye contact but didn’t speak otherwise. I felt
every painful glance across the room. Giny had recalled me asking her if Sky disliked me and I knew
she told them about it. I had managed to attend
practice the rest of next morning and somehow
kept it together. Did he know it was he and not
anything else, which had unhinged me that day?
I hardly knew him, yet he made my cheeks flush
crimson with a single look and his sapphire eyes
occupied all my thoughts. His presence tended to
intoxicate me, so I avoided being directly near him,
but I couldn’t seem to cope with the ache of being
far from him, either. It was out of my control, I
couldn’t help it as my heart pulsed. Giny replaced
me in the lift, much to my relief. He busied himself at a distance at the cabin. I felt best when I
could see him but he wasn’t close enough to cause
me to stop breathing and not far enough to make
me desperate for him.
Fortunately my little breakdown was put down to
stress and overtiredness; it was conceivable. Maybe
they assumed we didn’t get along. Regardless, I was
glad.
And I was exhausted. If I was to keep it up I
needed them to change me. I would do anything for
an excuse to be with him for eternity; made worse
by the fact I knew how stupid I was, risking my life,
as well as hurting Reid, of angering Sam and of being rejected by Sky. I had to swallow it down, cover
it up and focus. My body writhed with feelings, like
snakes in a box.