Without You (6 page)

At first, Maddy and I were on cloud nine about my success. When I sold my first song to Michael Buble, we celebrated for days. We went to a fancy restaurant, one where they treated us like shit because we were young and we looked poor. By the time our dessert made it to us, Maddy was fed up with the rude service and asked to speak with a manager.
“I realize that this is an upscale restaurant where the prices are steep, but I would appreciate it if your server treated us with the respect that we deserve. After all, we’re the ones who are dining here and paying for this overpriced steak and stock of broccoli. So can you please ask your server to stop acting like we’re beneath her?”
I couldn’t believe those words had come out of my sunshine’s mouth. But she said it was my night and I deserved to be treated like a king, not some smelly hobo. Her words, not mine. For the rest of the evening, the manager took care of us himself.

At that moment, I didn’t think anything could pull us apart.

Well, until I started acting like a jackass. Shortly after my song sold, I started getting calls to do specific open mic nights where other artists and producers could hear my songs live. These were different than the low-key bars or coffee shops I had played for fun in the past. The ones where Maddy would sit in the corner and mouth the words of my songs, while she finished a paper, or worked on homework. Every once in a while she’d look up from her task in thought and smile at me. That sweet little gesture would do wonders for my music, giving me all the inspiration I needed to pour my heart into my songs.

A songwriter. That’s all I thought I would ever be and that’s how I wanted it. I was completely honored for the opportunity to write for other singers. That’s exactly what I dreamed of doing. But then a producer from Columbia Records was at a show and called me over to talk about a career of my own. Me. A solo artist? It wasn’t even something I thought possible and it took me a long time to mull over the idea. We had just finished college. I had my degree in business while Maddy obtained hers in liberal arts. She was going to continue going to school and I wasn’t so sure what was next for me. The offer seemed to come at the right time, when I was at a point in my life where I had to decide what to do next.

And again, Maddy was right there with me. My biggest cheerleader and my biggest inspiration. As long as she was with me, I had plenty of material. Watching her eat Cheerios for breakfast could get a new song out of me. Even when she drove me mad, leaving empty boxes of cereal in the cupboard, I could have scratched out a tune. She was my sunshine, my everything. She was in every song I wrote.

Now, I could have just kicked myself. Looking back, I knew that I made her feel like she wasn’t worth my time. Once the making of my first album got underway, I often canceled dates. I didn’t show up to her house in the evenings when I said I would because I was in my zone in the studio and didn’t want to let it go. When we did go out, it was like I wasn’t really there. If I had to guess, I’m sure Maddy felt like she was flying solo at some of the parties. Instead of having me there with her, holding her hand, taking her out on the dance floor, or talking with our friends, I spent our night talking to people about my music and what was happening next. For me. Never for us. I had just assumed we would always be an us.

By the time my album was released and I was about to go on tour, Maddy had had enough. I wanted her to come with me so bad. I needed her to come with me. But she declined. I didn’t blame her. I had become a total dick and instead of making it right, I made it worse. I told her she was coming with me or we were over. Well, you may as well have put a fork in me. She was beyond done with me. And there wasn’t a thing I could do about it. How the fuck had I let our relationship get so lost? I was such a prick. I’m surprised she hung on as long as she did.

“Still trying to find your balls so you can go back out there?” Genna was never one to hold back either.

A smile played on my lips. She was always so tactful. Yeah right. “You know I love you, right?”

She walked farther into her kitchen and leaned across the counter from me. “Of course I do. What’s up, Ev?”

“I don’t know if I can do this. Luke might have to get a new best man.” The more I thought about our past, the more I realized it wasn’t fair that I just come back into town and started weaseling myself back into Maddy’s life. She had a boyfriend. He may be an uptight tool, but he was her tool and if she hadn’t told him to hit the road, then who was I to get between them. “It’s not fair to Maddy that I’m being thrown into her life again. When I see her, I want to tell her things. I want to reach out and touch her, but I know I can’t. Or shouldn’t. I love you guys, but I love her more.” I held up my hands. “No offense. But you know what I mean. I love her more than I love myself, and I don’t want to hurt her by being here.”

Genna stood up straight and slowly walked over to my side of the counter. She gave me a look of understanding. “You know I love you too, right?” she asked, frowning and shaking her head from side to side.

I gave her a nod.

“Well, I feel your pain, buddy. But you’re just going to have to suck it up. You’re not going anywhere. Luke and I don’t want you to and neither does she. So, fucking grow a pair and get your ass back out there and win back your girl.” She slapped me on the side of my head and stalked out of the kitchen.

How was that for some words of wisdom?

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M
ADISON

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I
f only I could have been a fly on the wall in the kitchen. I’d ask Genna later what she was talking to Evan about but that wouldn’t be cool. She had always been a good friend to both of us and we had always gone out of our way to make sure we didn’t cross that line. But, damn, I would have liked to know what Evan was saying.

When he murmured those words in my ear, I had to fight back the urge to turn my head toward him and show him exactly what I thought about them. It was going to be the longest four weeks of my life. I wasn’t sure I would survive it.

My phone rang. It was Michael. “Hello.”

“Hi, Madison.”

Silently, I groaned inside. “Hi. How are you?”

“I’m great now that I’m talking to you.”

His choice of words didn’t have the same effect on me that Evan’s did. Instantly, I felt terrible for even thinking it.

“How’s the wedding planning going? Is Evan there, too? Do you think I could come over and meet him?” Now, I didn’t feel so horrible. If I were in Michael’s shoes, my past with Evan would have made me feel very uncomfortable. Yet, Michael didn’t seem fazed by it at all. He was more star-struck than anything. Not one ounce of jealousy, not even a question about how Evan being in town made me feel. It was as if he didn’t care at all that my ex-boyfriend, the only man I had ever loved, was going to be my sidekick for a month. I wished I had that kind of confidence. If Michael’s ex came back to town and was going to be spending copious amounts of time with him, I would have been a little irked for sure. Or, maybe not. Maybe the fact that I probably wouldn’t be worried should have told me something.

I put the thoughts aside as Genna and Evan came back into the living room and sat down. Evan didn’t say anything. He picked up his hardback book, a marker, and a pink-colored heart.

“Madison?”

Oh no. “Michael, I’m sorry.” Turning my head away from Evan, I said into the phone, “No. Not tonight. I’ll call you tomorrow.” I ended the call without another word. If the man had wanted to see me, this might have played out differently. Since the night of the show, I had only seen Michael once and the entire time, he interrogated me with endless questions about Evan. He told everyone in his office that I knew Evan James, the award-wining singer slash songwriter. When I called him at the office, his secretary mentioned that Michael said he would get her an autograph. I wasn’t so sure that
I
had his autograph.

“Boyfriend?” Evan asked.

“Yes.”

“What’s he like?”

I couldn’t believe Evan truly wanted to know what Michael was like, but I tried to answer him anyway. “He’s a lawyer.”

“Cool. What else?” He pressed for more, glancing my way every few seconds.

“He’s from Southern California. Went to USC. Has never left.” What possessed me to mention that, I had no idea. It didn’t come out the way I intended.

“Sounds like a nice guy,” he said.

“He is. He’s sweet. And stable.” Oh my God. Did I really say that?

“Stability. That’s that kind of stuff that tugs at the old ticker.” He patted his chest, mocking my relationship with Michael. With the details I shared, I couldn’t blame him.

I hadn’t realized, but while Evan and I had been talking, the twins and their husbands had been packing up and getting ready to leave. How did he distract me so completely?

“Sorry, sis, but we have to go. We need to get back to the kids.” Rebecca got to her feet and her husband followed. I was happy for the diversion. They placed what was left of their favors in the box Luke had been organizing before giving the bride and groom a hug goodbye. Melissa and her man followed suit. Both couples made their way around the coffee table to say farewell to Evan and me. “It’s great to see you home again, Evan. Don’t be such a stranger.”

“Thanks,” he said. “I won’t.”

Genna’s family shuffled out of the door, leaving the four of us behind. Just like old times.

“Thanks so much for the help, you guys. Drive safely,” Genna shouted as she waved to them from her porch. “Well, that was fun. We don’t have much left. Let’s sample another drink before we finish.”

Evan held up his right hand to stop her. “No thanks, Gen. I have to drive.”

I pointed to her. “So do you, so you better think twice.” I took another swig of my Patron. It burned on the way down, but after my short conversation with my idiot boyfriend I’d take it.

“Forget that. Evan can drive you home. I’m staying here for the night.”

My eyes widened and I think my heart stopped momentarily.
Did she just say what I think she did?
Evan was going to take me home. “No, no,” I said, shaking my head. “He doesn’t need to do that. I wouldn’t want him to go out of his way. I’ll just stay here, too.”

“Oh honey, you know the guest room is full of wedding shit. And I don’t want you to sleep on the sofa.”

Why not, I thought to myself. All four of us could sleep on it and there would be enough room for twelve more people, but I didn’t say anything. If she wanted me to leave, fine.

“It’s okay, Maddy. I don’t mind taking you home at all.”

Turning my face toward him, my gaze caught his. His eyes were full of hope and I wasn’t sure what to make of it. He bit the corner of his bottom lip, showing his concern.

“Are you sure?” I asked.

“Absolutely.”

“Well, okay then. Thank you.”

He turned away from me, but not before I noticed the grin beginning to form on his lips.

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E
VAN

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“S
o what’s next on Genna’s checklist?” I asked after a few minutes of silence. To say it was awkward being in my old truck with her was the understatement of the year. “I can picture cake tasting until we’re sick or maybe some kind of trust activities. We’ll all have to catch her as she falls back from a raised platform.”

Maddy laughed at my theories. I knew Genna well. I couldn’t be too far off.

“We have to get a slide show together for the rehearsal dinner. It should be easy. We already did the cake tasting, so you’re safe. I couldn’t eat sweets for weeks. All I wanted was a bag of Fritos to balance the sugar. No amount of milk could wash down the bites of chocolate, red velvet...” She named several flavors as she counted them off on her fingers. “Let’s not forget the various fillings. Vanilla custard, strawberry, raspberry, chocolate mousse, bananas. I volunteered to go thinking, who wouldn’t want to taste test cake? I still regret it to this day. I hope Luke shoves the cake in her face at the wedding.”

“I’m glad I missed it,” I said.

The ride to her house was a short one. I always thought we would be living in it together. So did her parents. When they moved up to Big Bear, they gave her the house. Her dad told me it was an early wedding present. He always assumed we’d get hitched, like everyone did, and that I would move in. They weren’t too pleased with me when we split up. They never intended for Maddy to live in the big house on her own. From what my friends told me, her dad tried to talk her into moving to the mountains with them, but she refused, saying that she was old enough to live on her own and she didn’t need me to take care of her.

She was right. She had been living on her own since we moved out of the dorms our sophomore year of college. I tried to convince her to get an apartment with me, but she refused. I thought it would save money on rent since we spent most nights with each other anyway, but Maddy had this sweet Daddy’s-girl syndrome and she didn’t want to ruin her image by shacking up with her boyfriend. I had always admired that about her. Some people might have called her stubborn, but she just knew what she wanted and wasn’t going to allow me to tell her what to do. I loved that about her. Her strength. Her will. It was a complete turn on.

As soon as I pulled to the curb alongside her house, memories come flooding back to me. I glanced over at her and she looked away. She was nervous. I could tell. She tugged on the straps of her bag, looking for something to do with her hands. I could give her some suggestions, but I thought of Genna and imagined her swatting my hand away.

“It was fun tonight,” I told her, not wanting the night to end. “Their guests are going to like the booze with the funny sayings.”

She smiled, nervously. “I bet. They got naughtier as the night went on and we drank more.”

“People will be able to pick out Rebecca’s a mile away.”

Maddy chuckled again, her smile so big it made her eyes close. It made me feel good to know I could still make her laugh. “No kidding. I don’t think she has a crass bone in her body. Her notes were all cutesy and innocent.”