Why, she wondered, had she thought that she could be happy in London? She’d never been a city girl. For her, life had always been about being outdoors. Being active and close to nature. When Christmas was over, she’d move back up here and find a job in the Lake District. There must be some other department she could work in that didn’t have links with Alessandro. She didn’t have to throw away everything she loved just because their relationship was on the rocks.
She needed to build a new life.
A life that didn’t include Alessandro.
‘Mum?’ Ben’s little voice whined from the back of the car, disturbing her thoughts. ‘Are we there yet?’
‘Nearly. Don’t you recognise those trees?’ Christy changed down a gear and took the sharp turning that led down the lane to the barn.
They’d discovered it during the second year of their marriage. Katy had been a baby and they’d both fallen in love with the potential of the old, tumble-down building bordered by fields and a fast-flowing river. They’d spent the next few years living on a building site while they’d lovingly turned it into their dream home.
And there it was, smoke rising from the chimney like a welcome beacon.
Christy swallowed and slowed the car. Except it wasn’t a welcome, was it? Alessandro didn’t want her any more. He’d made that perfectly clear. For him, their marriage was over. And the fact that they were about to spend three weeks
together was everything to do with the children and nothing to do with them.
It was going to be something akin to torture.
She was going to be dignified, she reminded herself as she pulled the car up outside the front of the barn and switched off the engine. They were both civilised human beings. They could spend time together for the sake of their children.
She wasn’t going to lose her temper. She wasn’t going to show him how upset she was. She wasn’t going to reveal that she wished she’d never left. She wasn’t going to cry and most of all she wasn’t going to let him know that she thought about him day and night.
But then the front door was pulled open and all her resolutions flew out of her head.
Alessandro stood there, his powerful, athletic body almost filling the doorway. He looked dark and dangerous and Christy caught her breath, just as she had on that very first day they’d met. One glance at those brooding dark eyes was enough to make her forget her own name. Wasn’t time supposed to put a dent in sexual attraction? she thought helplessly. Wasn’t she supposed to have become bored and indifferent over time? Well, it certainly hadn’t happened in her case. But that was probably because Alessandro was no ordinary guy, she thought miserably as she switched off the engine and tried to slow the rhythmic thump of her heart. He was strong, unashamedly masculine, hotly sexual and almost indecently handsome. The combination was a killer and no woman would ever pass him by without giving a second and third look.
He stood now in his usual arrogant, self-confident pose, legs planted slightly apart, his hair gleaming glossy black in the fading winter sunlight, his shoulders broad and muscular
under the thick, ribbed jumper. He wore scuffed walking boots and ancient jeans and she thought, with a lurch of her heart and a sick feeling in the pit of her stomach, that he’d never looked more attractive. And she had absolutely no doubt that other women felt the same way.
He was a red-blooded male with a high sex drive and they hadn’t shared a bed for almost two months.
Had he taken a lover?
The thought flew into her head from nowhere and she pushed it away again, too sick at the thought to even dwell on the possibility.
‘Dad!’ Katy and Ben were out of the car before Christy had a chance to get herself together and suddenly she realised that they were doing what she wanted to do. She wanted to run and hug him. She wanted him to tell her that this was all a ridiculous misunderstanding and hear him tell her that everything was going to be all right.
And then she wanted him to take her to bed and fix everything.
But he didn’t even glance towards the car. He just hugged the children and fussed over them, which meant that it was up to her to make the first move.
Thank goodness for the children, she thought miserably as she opened her car door. Because of them, they wouldn’t have to spend time as a couple and clearly Alessandro didn’t consider them to be a couple any more.
She strolled over to him, glad of the cashmere jumper. It was cold. Significantly colder than London.
He was still hugging the children but their eyes met over the top of two dark little heads.
‘Christianne.’ His voice was cool, his handsome face blank of expression, and suddenly she wanted to leap at him and claw him just to get a reaction.
How could he seem so indifferent?
How could he call her Christianne in that smooth, formal tone when he only ever called her Christy?
After everything they’d shared—
a fierce, perfect passion
—how could he be so cold towards her?
‘Alessandro.’ Rat. Snake, she thought to herself. How could you do this to me?
To us?
‘Good journey?’ He had a trace of a Spanish accent that he’d never lost despite the fact he’d lived in England for the past twelve years. She’d always loved his accent but suddenly it just seemed like a reminder of the differences between them.
‘Fine, thanks. Traffic was pretty heavy coming out of London, but I suppose that’s to be expected at this time of year. First day of the Christmas holidays.’ She almost winced as she heard herself talking. She sounded so formal. As if they were strangers rather than two people who had shared everything there had been to share for the last twelve years. Any moment now, they’d be shaking hands.
Fortunately Katy grabbed Ben and started to dance a jig. ‘No more school,’ she sang in a delighted voice. ‘No more vile, horrid school with demented, stinky, bullying teachers.’
But Alessandro wasn’t looking at the children. He was looking at her, with those hot, dark eyes that were a symbol of his Mediterranean heritage.
She saw his gaze slide down her body and rest on the high-heeled shoes; the shoes that had seemed so pretty in London and now felt utterly ridiculous with snow on the ground and the cold bite of winter in the air. In London, it hadn’t felt like winter. It had just felt wet and miserable. The shoes had cheered her up. Given her confidence.
Reminded her that she was a woman.
Noting his disdainful glance, her confidence evaporated
and she knew instinctively that he was thinking about all the people he’d had to rescue from the mountains because they’d been wearing ridiculous footwear. Suddenly she wanted to defend herself. To tell him that she wasn’t walking anywhere but that the shoes made her legs look good and she’d wanted him to notice.
Suddenly nervous and not understanding why, she waved a hand at the fells. ‘When did it snow?’
‘A week ago.’ His wry tone said it all and she looked back at him, noting the dark shadows under his eyes with a flash of surprise.
She knew that Alessandro had endless stamina. Why would he look tired?
‘I suppose you’ve been really busy, then.’ She almost laughed as she listened to herself. What a stupid thing to say. When was Alessandro ever not busy? Work was his life. As she’d discovered to her cost.
‘The weather isn’t helping.’ He strode over to her car and retrieved the cases from the boot. ‘I’m afraid I have to go back to the hospital after you’ve settled in.’
Katy groaned an instant protest. ‘Daddy, no!’
‘Sorry,
niña
.’ Alessandro stooped and dropped a kiss on his daughter’s head. ‘There are lots of staff off sick, but I’m sure they’ll be better soon. I’ll have more time next week and we’ll go climbing, that’s a promise.’
Christy frowned as she followed him into the barn. ‘You’re not taking her climbing in this weather, Alessandro.’
‘You used to climb in this weather.’ His sardonic gaze made her heart tumble.
They’d argued about it so many times. When they’d first met, she’d been young and reckless. He’d been fiercely protective. Possessive. Hadn’t wanted her out there in the mountains where danger might exist. And she’d teased him and
gone anyway, loving the fact that he cared enough to want to stop her from doing anything remotely dangerous. Provoking him.
Pushing him to the edges of patience.
‘Well, I don’t climb now.’ Her life was so safe and boring that it was enough to make her scream. She frowned at the thought. It was funny, she mused, how your lifestyle could change so gradually that you didn’t even notice it happening. One day you were hanging from a cliff by your fingernails and the next you were wading through a pile of ironing, listening to the radio.
How had it happened?
There’d been a time when she would have tugged on her walking boots and her weatherproof jacket and headed out into the hills without a backward glance. But all that had changed once the children had arrived.
Pushing aside the uncomfortable thought that her life was posing some questions she didn’t want to answer, she walked past him into the house. ‘Perhaps we’ll talk about it later.’ She tossed her hair out of her eyes. ‘When you eventually come back from the hospital.’
The atmosphere snapped tight between them and Christy cursed herself. She hadn’t intended to irritate or aggravate him. She’d wanted to be super-cool and indifferent in the same way that he was clearly indifferent to her.
If he wasn’t indifferent, he would have followed her to London and talked about their problems.
He would have dragged her home where she belonged.
But he seemed to hurt her at every turn. Even now, by going straight back to the hospital,
by not wanting to be with her
, he was hurting her.
His eyes narrowed, his mouth tightened and his shoulders tensed. ‘I’ll take the cases up to your room.’
He sounded like a hotel concierge, Christy thought miserably
as they trailed their way upstairs. Showing her around. Any minute now he’d be wishing her a pleasant stay. She’d expected anger and hostility, but what she hadn’t expected was his coldness. She didn’t know how to deal with coldness.
The children ran ahead, whooping and shrieking, excited about seeing their rooms again, oblivious of the rising tension between the two adults.
Envious of their carefree, uncomplicated approach to life, Christy watched them go. ‘They’re so pleased to be here,’ she said softly, and Alessandro turned to her with something that was almost a growl.
‘Of course they are pleased to be here. It’s their home. They
never
should have left. And you never should have taken them!’
She inhaled sharply, shocked by the sharp stab of pain that lanced through her. He’d said that ‘they’ never should have left. He hadn’t said anything about her. He didn’t care about her. The only reason that he cared that she’d moved out was because he missed his children.
It was all about the children.
She felt a lump building in her throat and swallowed it down with an effort, reminding herself that she had to behave like an adult even though she wanted to break down and cry like a child.
‘You’re blaming me for this situation, Alessandro?’
‘You’re the one who decided to move out of the family home.’
It was only supposed to be temporary,
she wanted to shout.
You were supposed to come after me.
But pride stopped her saying what she wanted to say. Pride and the knowledge that he hadn’t cared enough to come after her.
Her eyes blazed into his. ‘And that makes this my fault?’
‘I missed one lousy anniversary.’ His eyes flashed dark with frustration and he ran both hands through his hair. ‘And you walked out.’
Christy bit her lip. He just didn’t get it. He couldn’t even understand why she was so upset. How had they come to this?
She swallowed hard. ‘It wasn’t about the anniversary, Alessandro.’ Although that had hurt badly. ‘It was so much more than that. And we can’t talk about this now. The children will hear us.’
‘You didn’t talk about it at any time,’ he said roughly, his eyes dark and dangerous, his accent thicker than ever. ‘You just left, ripping all the important things in my life away from me.’
She winced at his description and forgot her resolutions not to argue with him. ‘I
tried
to talk to you but you were always at the hospital or out on a rescue!’
‘It’s my job, Christy.’
And he’d been avoiding the issue.
‘We never communicate any more, Alessandro. When did you last spend time with me?’
‘You were in my bed every single night.’ His arrogant declaration brought a flush of colour to her pale cheeks.
‘That was just sex,’ she muttered. ‘The only place we ever spent time together was in bed.’
Right from the first moment they’d met, they’d been unable to keep their hands off each other—to exercise anything even remotely resembling self-control.
Awareness throbbed between them and as she caught the passion and fire in his eyes, only partially concealed by thick, dark lashes. Painfully aware of his vibrant masculinity, she turned away, trying desperately to ignore the agony of need that flared inside her body.
It didn’t mean anything, she told herself miserably. Alessandro was a red-blooded Mediterranean man and sex had always been important to him. It didn’t mean that he loved her. Sex was not a way to solve problems.
But maybe it would be a start, she thought to herself.
If they shared a bed tonight, perhaps they’d feel closer and could start talking.
‘When did we last spend time together, Alessandro?’ she said in a choked voice. ‘Wasn’t I important? Do strangers in trouble matter more than your own wife?’
A muscle worked in his jaw and he let out a long breath, but before he could speak, the children came barrelling out of their bedrooms. ‘We’re going outside to play in the snow,’ Katy yelled, ponytail flying as she took the stairs two at a time with Ben close behind her.
‘Don’t forget your coats,’ Christy called after them, suddenly desperate for them to stay, to breathe life and fun into the place. She didn’t want to be on her own with Alessandro. Didn’t have the energy for the confrontation that was brewing.