She hadn’t even thought about what she wanted to think about. She hadn’t thought of a plan to leave. She hadn’t even thought of her parents or the possibility of Connor’s well being. All she could ever think about was her grandfather.
She pulled on her clothes, went to the bathroom and then left to go back upstairs. As she was walking past, Zach came out of one of the doors. He was wearing a top and boxers and his hair was tousled. He spotted Winter and smiled awkwardly.
“Hello, Winter. I’m sorry you had to see me like that.”
Winter shrugged. “It’s no problem, Zach.”
“Uh, I’ve got to go to the bathroom, but meet me on the third floor in about ten minutes?”
“Fine.” She didn’t return the smile Zach gave her and walked back upstairs. She saw the office where the kids had been left empty, but could hear them next door. She checked on them and saw they were drawing in accounts books. Winter almost told them to stop, but thought they were worthless now anyway.
Sat in the hallway, Winter looked through a rectangle window outside. The storm from last night had cleared, with only a light rainfall emptying from the tired sky. Sunlight broke through weak clouds and shone on wet stone.
Winter could hear Zach and Violet whispering downstairs, no doubt planning their escape. Winter wondered if she could still get Zach back on her side. She knew she was being childish, and she knew she was fighting a losing battle.
She could leave tonight. But if she travelled by night she would most certainly be killed. She would rather know where she was going. The streets were not safe, so maybe she could travel the rooftops? However, the kids wouldn’t handle the rooftops. If they slowed her down on the ground they would definitely slow her down on the roofs.
She had to find Connor, but to find Connor she had to start in the last place she had seen him, and that was Borehamwood. Could she afford to travel that far back to may or may not find him?
She had her gun. If she was attacked she could fight them off, regardless of whether or not they were alive or dead. She wondered if she could tag along with a group, surely that would increase her safety and also her chances to escape London for good?
Once in Paris, she could find her parents, live with them again until she got herself her own place. A new life in Paris would be something she would be well suited to. It was what kept her going.
She’d feel guilty if Violet and Zach didn’t make it. She would never forgive herself.
She heard the door slam downstairs and dull footsteps retreat from a door. She pulled herself to her feet and busied herself, making it look like she was heading towards the floor above and not feeling sorry for herself in the hallway alone.
She rushed down the hallway and climbed the steps so she got to the third floor before Zach. She changed her expression to look bored and nonplussed by the events of today and last night.
A few moments later Zach came through a wooden door, struggling to pull it open. He spotted Winter and smiled slightly, but she noticed he didn’t look her straight in the eye.
“Shall we go into one of the offices?” Zach asked.
Winter opened the door nearest them and an office greeted them with only two tables inside. Winter sat on one, while Zach sat on the other. The feeling of tension and awkward memories hung around them. Winter waited for Zach to speak first.
“I’m sorry.”
That was it. That was all he said. Unlike Violet, however, he sincerely did sound sorry. Winter stared at the wall for a few moments then looked at him. He watched her, his face full of worry that he had messed things up for their trio friendship. She could see he was taking the full blame, the guilt eating at him from the inside and beginning to crawl to the outside.
“You have nothing to be sorry about.”
“Of course I do,” Zach sighed. “I’m sorry for pretty much ignoring you last night. I’m sorry for spending the night with Violet. I’m sorry you had to see me naked.”
He added this as a slight joke, in the hopes to break the tension. Winter allowed herself to exhale from her nose, but she didn’t smile.
“I heard you.” Winter said, crossing her arms and looking down at the table. “I heard you both talking in the kitchen.”
The table groaned as Zach sat up.
“You’re going to leave me, aren’t you?”
“Violet wants to,” Zach said, his voice low as if he feared she was in the room. “I’ve tried to tell her not to go. I said to her the three of us have to stick together. But she…”
“…Slept with you.” Winter finished the sentence for him.
Zach shrugged slightly.
“Can’t you see she’s manipulating you?” Winter asked. “She’s trying to turn you against me. She wants you two to go, and if you go I know I won’t survive this, Zach.”
Her voice wavered and she began to cry. Zach hurried across the room to throw his arm around her shoulder. She leant into him, crying, smelling Violet on his skin.
“What’s happened between you both?” Zach asked. “You were friends. Why are you both set on ruining each other all of a sudden?”
Winter sniffed. She wiped away the tears that just wouldn’t stop running. She didn’t know how a person could cry so much over so little time, but she was managing it easily.
“Because I don’t trust her.” Winter sobbed. “I’ve seen things you haven’t. I tried to overlook them. She’s ruthless in her ways, Zach. She’s not someone you want to cross. She wants it her way and nothing else.”
Zach said nothing, but she could read his body language. It told her that he thought the same, but he still liked Violet. Of course he would. She had probably taken his virginity.
“And then, I saw her push you…”
“She didn’t push me, Winter,” Zach said, and he sounded desperate. “You have to believe me.”
“I saw it with my own eyes, Zach.”
“Did you though, Winter? Did you? Are you sure? It was raining; none of us could see anything because of the wind. Plus it was dark. And I know she didn’t push me. I felt her hands on me, yes, because she tried to grab me. She tried to save me. But at the same time a gust of wind came. I felt the wind blow me off the roof, not Violet’s hands push me.”
Winter began to shake her head, but Zach clicked his tongue and spoke again.
“You’re both becoming those people who are going a little bit mad.”
Winter whipped her head up in anger. She turned to Zach to read his expression. He did look a little frightened under her gaze but he carried on anyway.
“You’re both becoming paranoid, and you’re letting things get to your head. You both saw those people in the leisure centre, how they turned against each other so easily and were frightened of going out doors because they just didn’t understand anything anymore. You’re starting to go against each other. You’re starting to lose trust in each other, and because of that you’re arguing.”
“Well done.” Winter clapped her hands once, in a sarcastic gesture.
“You need to stop this.” Zach shook his head. “Because this is how it all begins. If the zombies don’t kill you, you’re going to kill each other.”
Winter bit her lip.
“I want to go back to Borehamwood, Zach, and I want you to come with me.”
Zach’s shoulders slumped. There, in front of her, Winter saw him lose all hope he had for her. She could tell by his expression she wasn’t winning. His mind was somewhere else, probably Violet’s body, and not on the well being of Winter.
“Winter, we’ve had this discussion before.” He sighed. “We can’t go back. It’s too dangerous. London is literally a no-mans zone.”
“We’ve survived so far, Zach.”
“And that’s just on bare luck. We’re tempting fate if we go back again.”
“But Connor, Zach. I have to find Connor.”
“Connor’s dead, Winter.” Zach said before he could stop himself.
Winter shook her head. She was frustrated with how things had turned out. She wanted everything to be simple. Why couldn’t she just hop in a car, get to the Thames on a peaceful trip and clear her mind as she travelled to a new life in Paris? She missed the comforts of a nice, warm bed. She missed the food her parent’s cooks would whip up for them every night. She missed television programmes, and Internet access and all of the normal things that seemed so foreign to them now.
She had never had friends. She had lived without friends all of her life. So looking at Zach now, why was she so keen on getting him on her side? She could live without him. She could survive without him. Her life was better when she was alone.
“He’s not dead.” Winter sighed, convincing herself more than Zach.
“We tried to get in touch with him, Winter. We tried and he never came back.”
“You would never have said this if it wasn’t for her, Zach.”
Zach didn’t reply.
“You would have gone along with my idea, and let me find who I need to find.”
“Has it occurred to you Winter that maybe I don’t want to be a push over anymore? Did you think that maybe now that I’ve lost everything, I can start afresh, too?” Winter opened her mouth to speak but no sound came out. Zach stood up. “No, of course you didn’t, because you’re not thinking about anyone else but yourself, are you? You’ve put our lives in danger with those kids, and now you want to risk our lives again by going back to Borehamwood. It can’t happen, Winter. Forget Connor and focus on getting ourselves out of this country.”
Zach strode away, but Winter wouldn’t let him have the last word.
“She’s poisoning your mind, Zach!” Winter screamed as he pulled open the door. “She’s messing with your head!”
And as the door slammed shut behind him, Winter began to cry again.
Chapter Eighteen
The night was quiet. It was so calming Winter was able to lay her head against the wall and just relax. She hadn’t been able to relax in a long time. The hours after her argument with Zach had allowed her to think things over. It had plagued her all day, to the point where she was no longer focussing on what she was doing.
She had successfully managed to stay out of the way of Violet and Zach. She had heard them talking downstairs, heard them giggling and then she had moved herself and the kids, who were getting ill, to another part of the building, where she could be left alone to herself.
She didn’t know what time it was but she knew it was late. The kids had been sleeping for a few hours. The darkness outside had the silence only a late hour had.
She hadn’t heard Violet and Zach for awhile, which led her to believe they had fallen asleep. Either that or they had succeeded in leaving her alone.
Yet the building was quiet, and the air outside was still. It unnerved Winter just a little bit. It was like the calm before a storm, and Winter couldn’t face a storm again.
She had considered leaving that night. She had thought about leaving the kids behind, leaving them to Violet and Zach, who would have no choice but to keep them well. She had stood by the doors that required a fob. She had found a spare access key lying in draws underneath the receptions desk. She had toyed with the idea of leaving, escaping for the Thames.
But she couldn’t do it. She couldn’t leave her friends behind. There was something that told her they could sort out their differences if they only tried, and that if she left them that hope of resolving problems would be gone.
Then there was the matter of the kids. They were coming down with something. A cold, possibly, from the pouring rain of the storm. She had secretly checked their bodies for any marks, but that was hard to do when they weren’t her own children. Even though she was responsible for them now, she felt as though it was wrong to assist them in the shower or help them change clothes. They had surprisingly found clothes hidden away in a wardrobe of one of the offices; Winter thought it had been odd. Who would keep spare clothes in their office? After some alteration she had made the kids clothes that would fit them. Their dirty clothes were washed in the toilet sinks.