Authors: Mia Villano
“Dad. I’m okay. I needed some time alone. I’m getting a hold of my depression before it gets too bad. All of this news has taken a toll on me. Seeing our house, the memories and dealing with what Kris put me through has set me off. I need to think and be left alone for a couple of days.”
“Are you taking your medication?”
I swallowed and hesitated to tell him the truth. “To be honest with you, no. I called the doctor and I promise I won’t do this again.”
“You can’t quit taking your medication, Gabby. Anything can set you over the edge and before you know this, you’re in a full-blown depression. You shouldn’t have come home. The memories were too much.”
“No, I needed for this to happen. If I hadn’t come home, I would’ve never found out about Kris.”
“Please call me if you need anything. Don’t do something stupid, Mooch.”
“Dad, I won’t. I promise. Sometimes you need to run away for a while. I needed to run.”
“You know your mom used to say the same to me. Call me tomorrow. I’ll be able to tell by your voice if you are bad.”
“Dad I have to go. I will call you tomorrow.”
“I love you.”
‘I know. I love you too.”
* * * * *
For whatever reason, I plugged in the Seaside Cottage in my GPS and drove. The car traveled down the highway and I couldn’t wait to get to the shore. The sadness and confusion were going on in my brain like a movie playing repeatedly. My childhood, the abandonment, and the betrayal all flashed in my mind. I stopped for gas, junk food, and coffee. I was basically on autopilot as I kept driving and listening to music trying to forget what had happened. The tears streamed down my face and seeing the road became more difficult. The utter sadness of everything hit me as I drove and drove through the night. The white lines on the road and the lights from the highway, guided me till the sun came up. By then, I noticed I was in New Jersey.
The signs for the Seaside Cottages popped up in the early morning sunshine. I remembered them from the drive with my mom. The old weathered billboards were the same as when we would pass them almost twenty years ago. Being on the shore was the one time I saw my mom smile and not have a worried downtrodden pout on her face. She said the Seaside Cottages recharged her. Maybe it would do the same for me. As I pulled into the drive leading to the old battered cottages, I noticed the aging resort was not very busy. The place looked desolate.
I pulled up to the small office and a young boy came out to welcome me. He said, “Welcome to the Seaside Cottages, where the ocean kisses your back door each morning and kisses you goodnight each night.” He was cute, very young, tall and skinny with a sweet smile. I parked the car, stepped out and walked into the air conditioned office. He took my credit card, gave me a key and offered to lead me to the cottage. I said I could find my way and started down the wooden walkway I remembered from so many years before. I had blocked out so many memories of my childhood. I even blocked out details of this place, and memories began coming back to me. Once inside my small cottage consisting of a bed, a bathroom, and a tiny kitchen, I flopped on the bed and let the memories take me as I listened to the waves lap at the shore. It didn’t take long before I drifted off to sleep. I dreamt Kris was alive and he was living in New York with Hilary. They lived in the salon and the kid was there sitting in my chair at Gino’s. Waking up gasping for air, I decided to walk to the water and then get something to eat.
A breeze came off the ocean as I walked to the shore and sat in the sand. The sky was filled with fluffy clouds as the day was showing a hint of a beautiful evening. The air was hot for the end of August, yet I was cold. The chill was either my nerves, or the fact I remembered my mother, but my body was cold as winter inside. This was the place that gave my mom so much happiness, yet the place didn’t seem to be doing the same for me. This was her secret getaway to get in the car and leave the world behind, and I had hoped doing the same would help me get a grip on my life. The sights and sounds of the beach were embedded into my memory as I listened to the water lap at the shore. The breeze blew my hair around my face as I watched the clouds pass by.
I must have sat there for an hour as I tried to make sense of what my life was about. I started to stand and head back to my cottage when I heard a voice behind me spoke.
“This view is a beautiful sight.” An older woman’s voice said behind me. I jumped, startled at the fact I wasn’t alone.
I grabbed my chest in response. “Oh, God you scared me. Yes, it’s picturesque. I’m from the city, and you can't see this there.”
“That’s true. Are you hiding out?” She laughed as she sat next to me. I was a little uncomfortable at her forwardness.
I turned to face her “Excuse me?”
“It’s a figure of speech, doll. I’m sorry. I didn’t introduce myself. I’m Annie Carlisle owner of the infamous Seaside Cottages.” She continued to stare at me.
“Nice to meet you, Annie.” I searched her face and something was familiar. The lines on her face showed she was not a new smoker. She was probably once a beautiful woman with long blonde hair tied in a French braid down her back. Annie was skinny with tanned skin, no shoes and cut-offs showing off her shapely legs.
“You don’t remember me, do you?” I was taken aback by what she said.
“Remember you? No.” My gaze locked onto her face, trying to remember. Her voice sounded familiar.
“Your mom is Danni Barone. Both of you would come out here and stay quite a bit. You were a little, skinny beauty, but I knew right away who you were when I saw you. You’re the spitting image of your mom.”
I looked at Annie searching her face.
“You are Gabriella Barone, or as you wanted to be called, Gabby. You used to come out and stay in Bungalow 12. That was your mom’s favorite cottage. She loved the pink colors inside and the fireplace. You were a pistol who wouldn’t listen to her. You wore dresses and tennis shoes, screamed when your mom used to comb your hair, and loved to make sand castles. She couldn’t control you.” Annie was smoking a cigarette and her voice sounded raspy.
“Did you know my mom?” I asked.
Annie didn’t answer me right away. She took a drag off her cigarette and looked out into the ocean.
“Annie?” I asked, wondering why she was not responding to me.
“Yes, Gabriella, I knew her well.” She put her cigarette out in the sand, stood, and brushed off her shorts. Annie started to walk up the beach.
I couldn’t understand what was wrong. I stood and followed her up the pathway.
I reached for her and grabbed her arm. She stopped and turned to me.
“Annie? Wait. Please tell me about her. I haven’t seen her in nearly twenty years. She left my dad and me and I don’t even know if she’s alive. I’m having a rough time right now and this was the first place I thought to come.”
“I know she left you. I’m the reason she left.” Annie said as we walked to her cottage.
Chapter 10
I
was shocked. Tears stung the back of my throat. I was a tangled mess of emotion. She was the reason my mom left. What did she mean? Was my mom there?
I trudged behind her up the grassy hill away from the beach carrying my sandals. Annie had the biggest cottage in the Seaside. Her cottage was white with chipped blue paint, a white fence around the perimeter, and a garden in the side yard. I was beginning to remember and the memories were flooding my head. I would sit outside and play with my Barbie’s or pick vegetables while my mom and Annie made lemon cakes and listened to Joni Mitchell.
I followed her through the back door. The screen door banged behind me when I walked in, causing me to flinch. The black wood floors were scuffed and faded in spots from years of wear. The white cottage type furniture in the front living room was distressed looking on purpose. There was a cuckoo clock on the wall I remembered would go off every hour. The place was impeccably clean and looked the same as when I was a little girl. How did I forget all of this for so long?
Annie lit another cigarette and an incense on the dining room table. The incense smelled like cinnamon, my mom’s favorite scent.
“Come into the kitchen and we can have some coffee I brewed. I’m sure you have a few questions for me?” My eyes scanned the house as I followed behind her. She had been the first person that let me try coffee. I would wake up early with Annie and she would give me a tiny bit in a small cup with more cream than coffee. I would sit with her on the back porch listening to the ocean as my mom slept. How could I push these memories out of my mind?
“Coffee would be great. Do you still make the lemon cake?” More was coming back to me. I smelled the lemon in the air as soon as I walked in.
“As a matter of fact, I do. The guests love them and the regulars ask for them. I made a bunch. I just took some out of the oven.”
We walked through the small living room where I would sit and watch cartoons. The same couch was there, gray with pink stripes worn on the cushions. The only change were the pictures of my mom everywhere. On the walls, on the shelves, mantel, and bookcases were snapshots in ornate frames of my mom and Annie, together like a couple in love. One, in particular, showed my mom was smiling and laughing and her hair blowing in the breeze arm and arm with Annie.
Suddenly everything was all coming back to me even stronger. The only time my mom was truly happy was at the Seaside Cottages. The two of them would hug, laugh, and sing. Walking hand in hand on the beach at night, cooking, and dancing in the kitchen, all started to make sense. I stood in the doorway letting the memories play out like a movie.
“Sit down.” Annie gestured to a chair with a cigarette in her fingers.
“What brings you back here, Gabriella?”
“Well, I was in Ohio visiting my dad. I was upset over things in my life, and the first place I thought of was the one place that made my mom happy. I don’t know, my car automatically came here. I haven’t seen her since she left when I was eight. Have you seen her? Does she still live here?” Tears pooled in my eyes and I wiped them away as they slowly trickled down my cheek. Annie stood and grabbed me a tissue. I wiped my eyes and tried to get myself together.
Annie didn’t say anything. She sat across from me and smoked her cigarette. The silence was deafening as both of us sat in the tiny kitchen lost in our own pain.
“She doesn’t live here anymore.”
I gasped.
“Where? Where is she?” I frantically asked.
“She lived here, with me for a while,” Annie muttered avoiding looking at me.
“Tell me where is she now?” My heart jumped in my chest. I looked around the kitchen for any sign of my mom.
“She left me ten years ago.” Annie looked at me this time. Her eyes showed so much hurt and regret. The lines around her eyes told a different story, one of a happier Annie laughing and enjoying life at one time.
“What?”
Annie hesitated and took another drag on her cigarette.
“We were a couple, Gabriella. She left your dad because she was in love with me. Running away was the only way she knew how to escape. She didn’t want to hurt him or you and believe me, I know what she did wasn’t right, but she was embarrassed. Twenty years ago, this lifestyle wasn’t accepted like it is now.”
I sat there and was in shock. All the years I missed her and wondered where she was and she had been living right there. My dad came here to find her and he said she wasn’t here. Did he know?
“What are you talking about, Annie? My dad said he came to the cottages and she wasn’t here.”
“She was. I remember when he came. I told him she wasn’t here. It was a horrible thing for me to do, but she begged me. I didn’t want her to leave me. I don’t know if you remember the first time you two stayed here. She was very depressed and said she drove for eight hours from Ohio, and her car brought her here. She stayed for a week, and we fell in love. She was the most beautiful woman I had ever seen. I was in a long-term relationship with a woman that was pretty rocky, to say the least. I loved her and planned on spending the rest of my life with her. Then your mom walked in here, and my heart stopped. My life changed when you two came here. I fell in love with her and she with me. She would come here a couple of times a year and bring you using the excuse she needed to get away. Each time she visited we became more in love. What we felt was something we couldn’t explain. When she was gone she was miserable and so was I. We would talk on the phone all the time, and our relationship became serious.”
I sat there and listened. My mom and Annie’s time together was all making sense to me now. My mom in the bathroom at home on the phone, laughing, crying, whispering. My dad and her yelling when she would hang up.
“The last time she came here she was alone. We had the most wonderful week of my entire life when she decided she wanted to spend her life with me. She was so upset, Gabby. I told her to bring you and she kept saying she didn’t want to take you from your dad.” Annie squeezed the spot on her nose between her eyes. She looked at me.
“She loved you but was embarrassed about loving a woman. I know how she behaved was not right, and believe me, I let her know. I was so smitten with her, I was willing to go along with anything to have her with me.”
“Why didn’t she tell me? I’m older now, I can handle pretty much anything.” I was crying again. The tears were cleansing my soul realizing I had cried more in the last couple of days than I had my whole life.