Willow (13 page)

Chapter 18 

“What do you think of this?” Reece asked as he searched through lists of music.

“Who is it for?”

“Amber,” he answered thoughtfully. “There are few people I respect as much as I do her.”

“I’m sure she’ll love anything you pick,” I offered.

We stopped at a few stores and I picked up a new book for Anne who had requested one. The bags were getting heavy and Reece insisted on carrying them while he held a box under one of his arms. The sidewalk had been cleared but there were ice patches and I felt comfortable enough with Reece that I held his arm.

“I’m hungry. Do you want to stop somewhere?” He asked.

“Want to split a steak?” I teased.

“It better be a big one,” he laughed.

While we were walking and laughing I slipped but Reece held me up and said with certainty, “See, you need me.”

I didn’t say anything but I playfully brushed snow from his hair and giggled when he shook some of it on me. As we rounded a corner we came across a charming old bistro that was dimly lit with the soft illumination of candlelight. I squeezed Reece’s arm as I spotted them.

“I see them too,” he said.

Anne and Jericho were seated at a small round table. Rather than sitting across from one another, they were seated so close that they were lost in intimate conversation. They looked different, yet harmonious. Anne was wearing an off-white pants suit and her gold jewelry shone in the light while Jericho was wearing jeans and a dark blue button-up shirt. I could have watched them for a long time. There was no pretense, just two people comfortable enough together to be themselves. Reece broke my thoughts with his spoken ones.

“I guess we’re not eating there.”

“I guess not,” I agreed. “No need to interrupt a good thing.”

We settled on a steak house and began walking to it when we ran into Haven and a young woman I recognized from the bonfire. She was the one with tight red curls but this time she didn’t look friendly. She looked territorial. I tried to keep the astonishment from showing on my face and after a brief moment of awkward silence I greeted Haven first and used him as an insincere means to pass them by quickly.

“It’s nice to see you, Haven, if you’ll excuse us, we have somewhere to be.”

“Are you sure about that?” He answered arrogantly. He seemed just as surprised by our encounter as I was.

“She’s sure,” Reece stressed before taking my elbow. I kept my face forward as I passed Haven but he followed us, even if his body never moved from where he stood.

“That was awkward,” I murmured.

“Damn him,” he cursed.

Solemnly my mood changed. Nothing, I thought, was what it seemed.

“Why did this have to happen? Why can’t things be the way they were?”

I couldn’t stop them, I tried. I looked up, then down, and they still fell, just two. And with them came my quiet laughter, as if laughter could drown out feelings. I turned, hoping that Reece wouldn’t see what my face had betrayed.

He stopped me and looked into my face with tender concern. I tried to turn away but he said, “No.”

He put the packages down so he could hold my arms. “I’m taking you home,” he announced and I nodded as I laughed softly and wiped my tears away.

“I am such a kill-joy,” I whispered. He rubbed my shoulders in response.

We didn’t speak all the way back to Anne’s house but we didn’t need to either. Silence was comfortable between us and once we were inside I turned the fireplace on to warm us through and we went into the kitchen where I assembled roast beef sandwiches on Anne’s winter themed plates. Reece poured us some milk and followed me into the living room. We sat in front of the fire facing each other and Reece seemed apprehensive as he ate. He cleared his throat before speaking.

“This is better than a restaurant. You, me, a picnic in front of the fire...”

I smiled in agreement.

And then, to my horror, he said it.

“You have a lot of pain. Don’t you think your dad would want you to be happy?”

For a moment I was taken aback. I dropped my sandwich on the plate with a thud and leaned back on my ankles.

“Happy?” I echoed. “I haven’t thought about it. I once was and someday I will be again.”

“How long has it been since it happened?” He asked. “You can’t keep it locked away forever. Maybe that’s why it’s surfacing now.”

While I sat in mortified silence he continued. “You can’t live in the past. I know. I’ve been there.”

“Who says I’m living in the past!” I fired back. “My dad died! And unlike you, I’m alone, I don’t know-“

“Not alone,” He interrupted. “Willow, don’t you see? When you shut out the pain, you shut everything else out too, even the good!”

Anger took the place of grief and I stood up and stared down at Reece.

“Get out!” I ordered, trying to keep the tremor out of my voice.

He stood in front of me, his face taut but searching. “No, let me help you,” he urged. “You’re angry because it’s easier than being sad.”

“Leave!” I cried.

I backed up towards the archway, anything to gain some distance from him. I didn’t even see him off as I turned and ran up the stairs. I was horrified he had seen through me but the grief and madness I felt was consuming. I threw myself on the bed and began to sob. I didn’t care if anyone heard, I didn’t care about anything, or maybe I cared too much. It must have been months since I last shed a tear and now those tears were carving a river through my soul. I stood and went to the window. It was dark, I couldn’t see but I hoped that meant no one could see me either. I rested my head against the ice cold window and cried until there was nothing left. I ran my fingers through my hair and wiped the tears from my face. I walked over to my nightstand and pulled out my journal. I took up the pen and indiscriminately wrote in broken cursive:

Where are the memories that held us together? Where are the dreams that were yet to come?

I’m afraid to be happy.

If I’m happy without you does that mean I’ve said goodbye?

Goodbye...

I hated the word, I hated separation. And I hated being seen even more.

Chapter 19

It was days later and Reece and I had yet to talk since my embarrassing outburst. I wanted to apologize but fear kept me from approaching him. It was oddly uncomfortable to pass him in the hall and to see him joking around with friends, Amber included. Why was I always on the outside looking in? It was such a lonely place to be and I had no one to blame but myself.

Amber and Reece were now inseparable, or maybe I was seeing them both more clearly than I had before. At lunch one day I observed them whispering to each other, jabbing each other mischievously and swapping lunches. Reece tugged on her ponytail playfully and I felt an unfamiliar pang and looked away. Jealousy? Maybe I was sensing how Amber must have felt when Reece and I spent so much time together.

That Saturday Haven called and invited me over. I didn’t know how I felt about seeing him again. It had been a while and too much time apart with no communication had made it possible for someone else to enter the picture. I wished I had someone to talk to about my feelings but I also knew that sharing them would give too much away.

I took my jeep, which was a cold ride as it didn’t have much of a heater. Haven had to remind me how to get to his house as the road was discreet and tucked into a curtain of woods. I drove around the bend and saw Lacey waiting for me, Lacey and no one else. She was lovely in black and her white-blonde hair, which was left down, was blowing in the breeze. She had me park away from the house and explained she wanted to talk to me. We walked around to the side of the house and in the distance I saw a wooden gazebo by a stream. It was chillier by the water but Lacey had me sit down on the benches as she hopped gracefully onto the railing.

“This is really beautiful,” I said as I admired the carving, the view, and the bubbling rush of water nearby.

“It was a gift for Lauren,” Lacey told me as she lifted her long hair and began twisting it, letting the length fall over the side of her shoulder.

“Philip made it years ago because Lauren wanted a secluded place outside where she could relax, read, drink tea…”

“Philip?” I asked, not having any idea who that was.

“Philip is Lauren’s soul mate. They are the only ones I’ve ever seen.”

I looked around inside the structure, noting the detailed handiwork.

“He’s like the rest of us...” she explained. “He’s loved her a long time.”

She looked away and whispered, “We should all be so lucky to be loved like that.”

I refrained from stating aloud what I was thinking.

Loved
?

If Philip was like the rest of us then he was a young man and Lauren was in her twilight years…it didn’t make sense, but if what Reece told me, and what Amber repeated were true, could it be?

I stood up and walked to the opening of the gazebo. There, I traced the loving initials carved into the wood. I turned to face Lacey who was still sitting on the railing watching me.

“How did they meet?” I asked.

“In Church…” she replied nonchalantly. “They were very young. That was
way
back when.”

I tried to wrap my mind around what I was hearing.

“I know it’s none of my business,” I pressed. “But how did it happen? I mean, she’s so much older now and he’s not.”

“Look, I know this is hard for you,” she stated, noting my apprehension. “I know it’s hard to believe but we thought you were ready. We didn’t have a choice; you don’t either, not after what happened that night.”

I shivered in remembrance.

Lacey jumped down from the railing and came closer to me. I stepped back until I was leaning against the frame. Her scent was stirring my senses and I couldn’t tell if I was repulsed by how sickeningly sweet she was or if I was drawn to the familiarity of her. She drew in too close for comfort and leaned over me to trace the same initials.

“My dad and his family had taken Lauren in when her family was killed by the others. She was very young when
it happened. They were living in Minnesota and Philip’s family, which was a part of their clan, lived down the street. Philip and Levi were best friends and age-mates. They were mischievous in the way that boys are. Lauren on the other hand was always positive and had a calming influence on them. Philip was smitten as they say but kept his feelings to himself so as not to anger my dad. Lauren sang in the church choir and it was on Christmas Eve when she looked up from her hymnal to lock eyes with Philip who was only watching her. She said in that instant they had a connection and he felt as though she sang for him and him alone. That night, as they were preparing to leave with their families, Philip took Lauren to the side and as they held hands they committed to one another. From what I’ve been told, Levi was not supportive and they had a falling out that lasted several months but over time, when he saw how Philip treated her and how happy she was, he came around.”

Lacey sighed and clasped her hands together.

“Wow,” I said quietly. “That’s quite a story.”

I wasn’t sure I believed it. It seemed so far from the realm of reality, everything I heard was, even the things I had seen. My thoughts took me back to the photo Haven had showed me and of the cherubic faces printed on canvas. I was also trying to picture the elegant Lauren as a teenager in love. Surprisingly, it came easy.

“Philip and Lauren were in love all through high school and had to keep it secret since Lauren was different and that kind of union is not only frowned upon, but it’s not allowed. Plus, he should have been with Heather, and she did not take it well when he showed her no interest. My dad on the other hand has never had a life mate and that is dangerous to our kind; mates are vital to our survival.”

Lacey’s shrill laughter startled me.

“Our pack, as you may have figured out, is a mishmosh. That’s rare with our kind and it also makes us weaker than an intact clan.”

“How?” I asked in a low voice. “How is this possible? How is it more people don’t know?”

Lacey came near me and brushed my face with her fingertips. She was very alluring and very sad. I wondered what her story was.

“Because people are skeptical and don’t want to believe,” a low voice answered from behind. “They want proof, and even with proof, they can’t accept it.”

I looked over my shoulder to see Haven leaning against the gazebo. His dark shirt was partially unbuttoned and his sleeves were rolled up. I was surprised I hadn’t sensed him by hearing or by scent. He looked somber and motioned to Lacey.

“Leave us,” he ordered. She wound her way around the gazebo and stopped in front of him. “She should know everything…including everything about you.”

Haven barely acknowledged her and as she slipped out of sight he kept his eyes on me, but said nothing. The silence was almost unbearable. I could feel myself begin to fidget and I could also feel the sudden warmth of my skin flush with anxious luminosity. I was so transparent, I couldn’t even hide it.

“I shouldn’t have come,” I blurted out. I felt conspicuous and uncertain standing in front of him. “This feels wrong. I should go.”