William Shakespeare's The Jedi Doth Return (3 page)

Kahjee ta, droid.

—Aye, here am I, indeed,

Thy worshipfulness.

—Yu-bahk ko rahto

Kama wahl-bahk. Eye yess ka cho. Kawa

Na Wookiee.

—Bounty hunter strong and brave:

The mighty Jabba of the Hutt doth bid

Thee welcome, and shall gladly pay to thee

The goodly sum of five-and-twenty thousand.

[
aside:
] No bounty hunter would be fool enough

To take the first price offer’d, I’ll be sworn.

Yoto. Yoto.

—’Tis fifty thousand, and

No less.

[
striking C-3PO:
] —Ahh, uun yun kuss tah fiti pun.

Whatever was it that I said, Sirrah?

I did perform the function thou hast giv’n:

Precisely did I translate this one’s words.

Moonon keejo!

[
aside:
] This scamp had best beware, if

he would be a bounty hunter in the service of

great Jabba. It seemeth he hath little appreciation

for the famèd anger of the Hutt.

[
to Boushh:
] —The mighty Jabba asks

The reason wherefore fifty thousand is

The sum demanded of thee.

—Ay yo-toe!

The knave doth threaten us—he holdeth in

His hands a thermal detonator. O!

[Jabba’s courtiers shrink in fear. Boba Fett takes out his blaster.

Ho, ho. Kaso ya yee koli tra do

Kahn nee go. Yu bahn chuna leepa nah.

The Hutt doth call him fearless and inventive,

But never did invention make me fear

As this one’s thermal detonator doth.

[
to C-3PO:
] Kuo meeta tah te fye. Dah tee teema

Nye.

[
to Boushh:
] —Mighty Jabba offers thirty-five,

And were I in thy place, I would accept

The deal. ’Tis better, as they say, to make

The peace than make us all in pieces be.

And truly thirty-five while living is

A sum more numerous than zero dead.

Ya-toe cha.

—Praise the maker, he agrees!

Auugh!

[Chewbacca is led away by Gamorrean guards as music begins to play again.

[
aside:
] —This sad scene I witness with contempt:

Another bounty hunter earns his sum

For bringing in a harmless innocent.

Now all is merriment and patting on

The back whilst yet another’s added to

Their clan. A scoundrel’s life ’tis true I’ve known,

Yet never did I stoop so low as this.

But still, I smile at what I here survey,

For I know well this bounty hunter is

No normal man—no normal man indeed!

And his apparent prize—my Wookiee friend

Chewbacca—is not as a pris’ner come.

Bear thou this burden bravely, Lando, for

The wait is almost over—soon the plan

O’er which we took great pains shall come to pass.

Be still, my scoundrel heart, with patience wait,

For retribution comes in time, though late.

[Exeunt.

The silence of the night doth mark my work

And like a gentle breeze sweeps o’er the air.

In stealth I move throughout the palace dark,

That no one shall bear witness to my acts.

Now cross the court, with footsteps nimbly plac’d.

Ne’er did a matter of such weight depend

Upon a gentle footfall in the night.

Put out the light, and then relume his light—

Aye, now I spy my goal: the frozen Han.

Thy work is finish’d, feet. Now ’tis the hands

That shall a more profound task undertake.

Quick to the panel, press the needed code.

O swiftly fly, good hands, and free this man

From his most cold and undeservèd cell.

O true decryptionist, thy codes are quick!

The scheme hath work’d, the carbonite doth melt.

Forsooth, ’tis done—within the silent dark

The greatest light doth sing within my heart!

[Han Solo melts from the carbonite and falls to the floor.

[
To Han Solo:
] Relax thou for a moment; thou art free

Of carbonite’s embrace, but thou dost burn

From this harsh hibernation malady.

I cannot see.

—Thine eyesight shall return.

But where am I?

—In Jabba’s Palace you

Have been detain’d.

—Who art thou, voice severe?

[Boushh removes his mask to reveal Princess Leia.

The one whose heart and soul do love thee true.

O, Leia!

[They kiss.

—Come, and let’s away from here.

Ho, ho, ho.

—O, that laugh, it works me woe.

’Tis too familiar in my memory,

And like a chime from Hell’s forsaken bells

Doth ring most evilly within mine ears.

Oofila mooga bos.

—Pray, Jabba, see:

I was upon my way to pay thee back,

And in returning happen’d on a course

That ran the other way. ’Tis not my fault.

Achi pahbuk moonitnuh, Solo, bah.

Akingsah rebah bachmanah bakmah

Jaja weetnowah bantha poodoo, ho!

He shall be bantha fodder, O, ’tis true—

A Solo may make progress through the guts

Of banthas! Aye, my master’s passing wise.

I’ll pay thee triple, Jabba, thou canst not

Deny this fortune—be thou not a fool!

[Han Solo is taken away by guards.

Nakko, kosleeya ni.

[Guards take Princess Leia to Jabba.

—Now shall I be

His plaything? [
To Jabba:
] We have friends most powerful.

Thou shalt, with all thy heart, regret this act.

Bana madota, heah.

—Why were my eyes

E’er made to see, when such as this must be

Within my sight? I cannot bear to watch.

[Exeunt Jabba’s court.

What fate is this? What curs’d, unearnèd path?

Within a minute rescu’d by my love,

Then taken from her unto this grim place.

How long was I in carbonite encas’d?

Am I an old man now, with graying hair?

What jubilant occasions have I miss’d?

What friends have died, or have been lost fore’er?

Hath our Rebellion disappointed been,

Or is it now fulfill’d with all success?

Because I do not know how long I’ve slept,

Or what transpir’d while I was frozen thus,

It seems my mind is sluggish to defrost.

Grrm.

—Yet another sound familiar, but

This one doth bring delight into my soul.

Chewbacca? Prithee, tell me, Chewie, is

It thou who art here with me?

—Auugh.

—Sweet joy!

What bounty of affection do I feel

For thee, dear Wookiee. I cannot yet see,

But knowing thou art here doth warm my heart.

I prithee, give me news of all that is.

Egh, auugh!

—What sayst thou? Luke—a Jedi Knight?

What strange tomfoolery! Luke is but young,

Not made for rescues.

—Auugh!

—Thou dost report

I have been gone a time but fleeting, so

Have all acquir’d delusions of some grandeur?

And what of Han? Have I been left behind?

O thought most base, O destiny unkind.

[Exeunt.

The time is now, the place is here, the man

Myself, the matter: rescue of my friends.

Be focus’d, mind; be settl’d, heart and soul.

I enter unto Jabba’s palace for

One purpose and that purpose by itself:

My friends to find and bring deliverance.

Now to it, Luke, and earn the Jedi name,

Not by thy might, but by thy calm and wit.

Yo mot tu cheep, do you pan Skywalker.

Nuh Jabba mo bah toe baht too.

—Nay, Sir.

I tell thee: I shall speak with Jabba now.

Nuh Jabba no two zand dehank obee.

[Luke uses a Jedi mind trick on Bib Fortuna.

Thou shalt take me to Jabba presently.

Naja takka to Jabba prekkenlee.

Thou servest thy proud master well, and shall,

In time, receive from him a great reward.

Eye sota y’locha. Ba chu noya trot.

[
aside:
] Say what is this? My Leia sparsely clad

All in a metal-fashion’d suit? How strange!

I did expect one of our company

To be enclos’d in steel, but not like this.

At last, ’tis Master Luke to rescue us!

[
to Jabba:
] Nuh masta, gabba no pace Skywalker.

Nah mass fa wong lee fah toon kay.

—Thou must,

Great Jabba, grant me leave to speak with thee.