Wild Heat (Northern Fire) (7 page)

She’d bought into all of his lies.

Nevin hadn’t been the one to put her in the hospital, a hairsbreadth from her kidneys shutting down either. Ultimately, that had been on Caitlin and the disease she’d let rule her life.

She didn’t realize she’d spoken her troubled thoughts aloud until Tack went stiff against her.

He tilted her head up so she had to meet his dark, compelling gaze. “Listen to me, Kitty.”

“I am.”

“You didn’t give into your disease any more than a woman with a broken leg
gave into
her bone’s fragility. You pushed out of the abyss, fighting every step of the way just like that same woman would go to physical therapy to reclaim full mobility.”

“But I knew I was losing too much weight. I couldn’t make myself eat.”

“And yet you did.”

She stared up at him, the twin strands of guilt and shame braided so tightly together inside her beginning to loosen. “I did.”

“Just like
you
ate breakfast this morning and dinner last night.”

“Yes.” Someone who hadn’t suffered an eating disorder shouldn’t be able to understand what a feat that was, that every day she ate her caloric goal was a triumph.

Yet Tack did.

“See? Not weak. Not useless.”

She was determined not to be either of those things. “You’re kind of amazing, you know that?”

He grinned and winked. “You go right ahead and tell my family. See if they believe you.”

“Oh, they already know. They just don’t say anything so you don’t get a swollen head.”

“That’s not the only swollen head you’re giving me,” he muttered, sounding disgruntled. He shifted under her and she felt a hard bulge against her thigh.

She gasped. He wanted her?

Tack’s eyes closed and he dropped his head back, breathing in deep. “Forget I said that.”

“What if I don’t want to?” Why would she?

The very idea she could turn him on was unbelievable, except for the undeniable evidence of Tack’s erection.

Nevin had spent the last two years of their marriage telling her how disgusting he found her emaciated body, not that it had stopped him from demanding conjugal rights. But he’d made sure she understood how unfulfilling he found sex with her.

Tack moved her from his lap and back onto her side of the bench seat with careful but firm hands. “Friends, Kitty.”

What did that mean? He wanted to be friends, but nothing else?

“What if I want more?” Had she really asked that?

Kitty had been dead certain she never wanted sex again. She was still trying to reconnect in a meaningful way with her body. She wanted to
feel
like the woman she saw in the mirror. She wasn’t entirely sure she wanted it now, but she wasn’t positive she didn’t either.

She didn’t want love or a relationship. No emotional entanglements that could destroy what was left of her heart, but what if she could have sex? Something to bring a little pleasure into the new life she was building for herself?

“That’s all I’m offering.” He started the engine with a vicious twist of the key.

C
ringing back into the seat and away from the barely leashed power in the huge man sharing the cab with her, Caitlin nodded reflexively. “Whatever you say.”

“Do your seat belt.” Tack put the truck in gear.

Shaking, her hands fumbled as she tried to do the buckle, but it didn’t want to cooperate. She tried harder, her efforts growing more frantic.

He cursed and shoved the lever, putting the four-by-four back into park.

Turning to face her, Tack gently brushed her hands away from the buckle. “Let me do it.”

She acquiesced without a word, focusing on the dashboard so she wouldn’t look at him.

He took a deep breath and let it out in a sigh, several seconds of silence following. “I’m not going to hurt you, wildcat. Not ever.”

“I believe you.” She
wanted
to believe him.

“No, you don’t, but you’re trying.” He kissed her temple, his hand tangling in the kinky red strands of her hair to turn her head so they were once again eye to eye. “That impresses the hell out of me, to tell you the truth.”

“It does?” she whispered. “Why?”

Wouldn’t it be more impressive if she already believed him?

“Because, after what you’ve been through, that takes courage. Something you’ve never had in short supply.”

She shook her head, knowing better.

He pressed their foreheads together, his breath washing over her face, the scent of cinnamon and coffee oddly appealing. “Ah, wildcat, what am I going to do with you?”

“Not have sex,” she blurted out.

Tack lifted his head, his expression just strange. “Kitty, even if you weren’t already off-limits, you’re afraid of me.”

“I am not.”

“You just cringed away from me.”

“Reflex. You didn’t have anything to do with it.”

“Reflex, my ass. I’ll bet you didn’t show fear to Nevin.”

“Not if I could help it.” She’d learned fast to hide as much emotion from her ex-husband as possible.

Then he couldn’t use it against her.

“Sweetheart, even if sex between us wasn’t permanently off the table, you’re too fragile right now. You have to see that having sex right now would not be a good idea for you.”

“Yes, of course,” she said, despite the pricks of pain to her heart from his gentle but blunt rejection.

He said he admired her, but Tack thought she was broken. Too broken for physical intimacy. So damaged he
never
wanted to have sex with her.

He frowned. “I’m not sure I trust such easy agreement from you.”

“Do you want the truth?”

“Always.”

Right. That sounded nice, but she doubted very much Tack really wanted all of her truth.

Pushing that reality away, she said, “Until five minutes ago, I was convinced I never wanted sex again.”

Tack winced. “He hurt you with that too?”

Kitty didn’t bother to answer. If Tack hadn’t already figured out that Nevin had used whatever he could to control and demoralize her, she wasn’t going to explain it in further detail.

The man who had built his own business and a life anyone would be proud of already thought she was damaged and pitiable.

“Tell me about MacKinnon Bros. Tours,” Caitlin said as Tack pulled back onto the highway.

She was done dwelling on her past and wasn’t particularly keen to delve further into the present between them. What was left of her pride had taken enough hits for today.

“It’s my world right now, much to Granddad MacKinnon’s dismay.”

“Let me guess, he wishes you would get married and have lots of Cailkirn baby residents.” Tack’s grandfather was a card-carrying member of the Northern Lights Service Club of Cailkirn.

Ostensibly, it was a service organization for men who were permanent residents of the town and over the age of forty. In reality, it was a lot like the Knit & Pearl (which had no age requirement). In practice, both were social clubs dedicated to gossip and the longevity of Cailkirn.

A woman didn’t have to be interested in knitting, or even own a skein of yarn, in order to join the Knit & Pearl. And a man didn’t have to participate in any of the yearly service projects to maintain membership in NLSC.

The organizations co-hosted monthly gatherings in the winter to which all the single residents were strongly encouraged to attend. In a word, they were a bunch of matchmakers.

She refused to consider why the thought of Tack succumbing to their machinations at some point caused her heart to squeeze so tight in her chest.

“Has your gran started in on you yet?” Tack asked.

“About what?”

“Getting married again. Giving her great-grandchildren,” he said, as if it should be obvious.

Horror rushed through Caitlin, washing away any reaction to the thought of him with a wife and children. “I’m
not
getting married again. Gran understands that.”

“So she says.”

“Yes, she does.” And no matter how much her grandmother and aunts enjoyed matchmaking, they would find out quickly there was no point directing their attempts at Caitlin.

She was not interested. At all.

Besides, while the damage she’d done to her reproductive system had been recoverable, Caitlin still wasn’t the best bet for motherhood. She’d have to gain those ten pounds the doctors wanted her to before it was even a good idea to try.

And she’d have to eat another three to eight hundred calories a day during the pregnancy.

Caitlin’s stomach went queasy at the very thought.

“When did you open the guide business?” she asked, determined to change the subject.

“Right after I graduated from Idaho State.”

“You liked school better there, didn’t you?”

He snorted. “You could say that.”

“California never fit you.” He’d only gone to USC because she’d begged him not to make her go alone.

And then she’d abandoned him.

“Nope.”

“So, you came back from Idaho and started a business?”

“It’s what I always wanted to do. Dad and Granddad helped me and Egan get it going with a small investment loan. We paid them back in the first two seasons.” Tack sounded proud of that and he should be.

But there was something in his voice that said it was more than a point of pride for him.

“Good for you. It’s doing well if you hired another guide, too, not to mention me.”

“Our tours are popular.”

“Do you offer winter guide trips?”

“Snowshoeing over most of the trails we hike in the spring and summer. Licensed hunting and ice fishing.”

“So, you’re busy year-round?”

“Yep, though it’s crazy during the summer season. I’m lucky if I get a morning off a week, much less a full day. That’s why it took me so long to get my cabin done.”

He’d always been a hard worker, but that was insane. There was a time when she would have said so, but not right now. Still, what was driving him to work so hard and put in such long hours?

“You built your log cabin?” He’d always dreamed of living in an open timber log cabin and had designed it right down to the plumbing by the time they were seniors in high school.

“Yep.” There was no mistaking the deep satisfaction in that single word. “It’s exactly like I wanted it, including the dining table and chairs built by my dad and granddad.”

“Their furniture is amazing. I’m surprised neither you nor Egan went into the family business.” Though their uncle hadn’t either.

“I made my own way.” His tone said that was really important to him. “Bobby’s older brother, Cian, works with Da and Granddad. You remember him?”

“He was a couple years behind us in school, right?” Bobby had to have been a surprise baby.

“That’s the one. He apprenticed right out of high school. They’ve got another carpenter working for them too. He came home from Iraq with a bum leg and an intolerance for crowds. He moved to Cailkirn a couple of years ago when life in the Lower Forty-Eight got too congested.”

“He must not come into town during tourist season.”

“No, he sure doesn’t. His cabin is farther out than mine.”

“You built on the land your grandfather left you?”

Tack’s Inuit grandfather had never reconciled to his daughter’s marriage to a MacKinnon. His relationships with Tack, Egan, and their sister Shila had been different than with his other full-blood Inuit grandchildren, but he’d still left the MacKinnon siblings tracts of land on the outskirts of Cailkirn just as he had the others.

“Yes. Egan is going to build a home on his land next to mine. Sooner rather than later I expect now that Granddad has decided he’s old enough to marry and produce offspring.”

Caitlin laughed. “Your grandfather has a one-track mind.”

“Tell me about it. He’s driving Egan nuts.”

“You don’t sound particularly sympathetic.”

“He can suck it up. I’ve been getting the lectures for years now.”

Tack was twenty-eight, just like Caitlin, but he’d never married. Because of his business.

Caitlin would exchange years of building her dreams for having them torn to pieces in a heartbeat.

“By the way, I wanted to thank you for the job. I talked to Aunt Alma and she thinks it’s a good idea too.”

“Does she?” Tack sounded surprised.

“She’s not as eager to give up doing the books as you’d think she would be at seventy-two.”

“Oooh…you better not let her know you spilled the beans on her real age.”

“What is age except a number? I swear Aunt Elspeth is younger at heart than me.” Sometimes Caitlin felt like her spirit had more gray hair than her aunts and gran hid with their varying shades of red hair dye.

“She’s younger than half the town, if you’re talking about attitude.”

“She’s over the moon I’m working for you and Egan.”

“Why?”

“You work too hard, according to her. You’re one of her favorites, you know? She doesn’t send tea cakes to all the residents of Cailkirn.”

“She’s a sweet lady.”

Caitlin agreed.

“What about your gran? I can’t see her being happy you’re going to be spending a few hours a day away after just getting you home.”

“She’s all for it. Well, actually Granddad Ardal is, according to her, and she says he’s grown wise in the afterlife.”

“I’ve never figured out if she really thinks his ghost talks to her or if she’s having us all on. Your gran has a wicked sense of humor.”

Caitlin thought back to times she’d found her gran talking to the dead man’s ghost when she couldn’t have known she was being overheard. “I’m pretty sure it’s not a show.”

“Then I guess he did get smarter in the afterlife.”

“Why’s that?”

“He came back to Cailkirn and has had the intelligence to stick around this time,” Tack teased.

“Is that a hint?”

“Your gran thinks you’re staying for good this time.”

“I am.”

Tack’s grunt was noncommittal.

“I’m surprised Shila doesn’t want the job.” If Caitlin remembered correctly, his sister had turned eighteen that year.

“She’s been helping
Aana
in the office since she was fifteen.”

“I bet your mom likes that.” Malina MacKinnon had done all the paperwork for Natural Furnishing, the MacKinnon custom furniture making business, for as long as Caitlin could remember.

“They get along a lot better than some moms and daughters around town. At least they did until this last year.”

“What happened then?”

“They’ve been arguing all year about college.”

“Does your mom want her to stay here?”

“No way.
Aana
has got it in her mind that since Egan and I went to the Lower Forty-Eight for schooling, Shila should, too, and
broaden her horizons
.”

“Shila doesn’t want to?”

“No. She’s already applied to and been accepted by Kenai Peninsula College.
Aana
hasn’t spoken to her in a week.”

“That’s serious.”

Tack gave one of those Alaskan man grunts. “They’ll work it out.”

“I hope Shila sticks to her guns.”

“I’m surprised to hear you say that. You were so adamant about going.”

“Yeah, well, Granddad Ardal wasn’t the only one who got wiser after leaving Cailkirn.”

Her grandfather hadn’t wanted to stay in Cailkirn and had tried to talk Gran Moya into moving south. She’d refused with no chance at changing her mind. So Ardal Grant had left his wife and small son to make his fortune in the logging camps of Oregon.

Logging was an even more dangerous job forty-plus years ago than it was today. He’d been maimed in an accident. Ardal had gotten out of the hospital and gone straight to the local bar to drown his sorrows, only to be hit by a logging truck later that night when he was weaving drunkenly down the middle of the road.

“I’m sorry your sister and mom are at odds, but I’m grateful Shila doesn’t want to be your receptionist. I didn’t know how I was going to pay Gran back the money she lent me to hire a lawyer for the divorce.”

Tack cast her a measuring glance. “Miz Moya isn’t anything like your bastard of an ex.”

“Of course not.”

“You aren’t going to convince me she
lent
you the money to get your divorce.” Tack downshifted to take a tight turn on a high grade. “She gave it, no strings, or I don’t know Miz Moya like I thought I did.”

“Just because she didn’t ask me to pay her back doesn’t mean I’m not going to. My divorce wasn’t her responsibility.”

“Family takes care of family.”

“Yes, we do and I have every intention of taking care of my grandmother.” He should understand that. “I bet your dad and granddad didn’t ask you to pay back their initial investment in MacKinnon Bros. Tours either.”

“That’s different.”

“I don’t see how.”

“You’re damn stubborn for a woman who let her husband dictate so much of her life.”

“Definitely not walking on eggshells,” she muttered as he turned off Sterling Highway. Suddenly she realized where they were going.

The Skilak Lookout Trail. About two and a half miles long, it was a hiking path that went through a more than twenty-year-old burn and led to an amazing lookout over Skilak Lake. There would be some gorgeous wildflowers along the way this time of year.