Wild Heat (Northern Fire) (21 page)

Shocked at her aunt’s words, Caitlin didn’t reply to them; she just relaxed into the very welcome embrace.

Aunt Elspeth finally pulled away and stepped back. “Come, Alma gets so upset when we’re late to the table.”

“I need to change my shirt,” Caitlin admitted, hoping that bringing attention to the proof of her nerves wouldn’t diminish her aunt’s pride in her.

For some reason, the emotion was extremely important right now.

“Of course, dear. I’ll just tell the others you had a disagreeable potential guest whom you had to turn down, so you’re collecting yourself.”

“Um…”

“It’s not a lie, not really. I’m sure that odious man would like to come up here and see you, but you weren’t having any of it.”

“I doubt very much Nevin Barston would ever suffer the indignities of travel to such a
backwater
town.”

“We can only hope, dear.”

Caitlin shared that hope but could not be absolutely certain. It was a sobering realization. She’d been stronger on the phone than she’d known she could be, but how would she respond to her tormenter in the flesh?

There was a reason she’d moved out when he was not in the country.

“Ten bucks says he got her number,” Egan said to Bobby as they came through the back entrance to MacKinnon Bros. Tours.

Caitlin closed the drawer in which she’d been filing paperwork from past excursions and turned to face them as they came into the reception area. “What are you betting on now, Egan?”

Egan stopped short, looking like he’d swallowed a fish…whole. “Oh, hey, Kitty. Thought you were gone already.”

“Gran told me to put extra hours in here if I wanted to. She and my aunts just don’t need the help everyone thinks they do.” And she was hoping to see Tack when he came in from his excursion.

“No kidding. They might be past the age of retirement, but those three are not slowing down,” Bobby said with admiration.

“Not that I can tell, no.” Caitlin gave the two men as natural a smile as she could. She’d been on edge ever since the call from Nevin the night before. “So, what’s the bet?”

“Oh, nothing—” Egan started to say.

Bobby butted in. “There was this hottie flirting like crazy with Tack, even before we got the cruise passengers loaded in the vans. And Tack wasn’t exactly freezing her out either. Egan thinks Tack is going to get her number, but I figure he’ll just hook up with her. He’s got a reputation.”

Hot and cold washed over Caitlin in quick succession, leaving her feeling faint. There wasn’t a chance she was going to let Tack’s brother and cousin see her reaction to their words, though.

Funnily enough, Egan didn’t look so hot either.

She forced another smile, this one not remotely genuine. “Oh, does he?”

“You bet.” Bobby nodded for emphasis, his grin all masculine approval for another successful hunter. “He’s seen the inside of so many cruise ship cabins, he should get frequent flyer miles.”

Egan smacked the back of his cousin’s head. “Dumb shit.”

“What was that for?” Bobby demanded.

Caitlin interjected. “Frequent flyer miles are for airlines, not cruise lines.”

Bobby rolled his eyes. “Whatever. You know what I meant.”

“Yes, I did.”

Bobby glared at Egan. “There. See? I’m not dumb.”

“That’s not…” Egan looked between Caitlin and his cousin and frowned. “Never mind.”

“Do you two have your paperwork and customer satisfaction surveys?” Caitlin asked, with no hint she felt like puking at the thought of Tack flirting with another woman.

A
hottie
, according to Bobby. Probably according to Egan too. After all, he hadn’t been betting against Tack and the woman getting together, just that his older brother would get the woman’s number.

The guides handed over the paperwork and Caitlin got to work on inputting the customer feedback into the computer. She was still working on it when they left an hour later to take out their second tours for the day.

Tack’s would end two hours later, so he didn’t have an afternoon tour scheduled. Tonight was one of his open evenings as well.

Regardless of her lack of success the last time she’d asked him, she planned to convince Tack to spend it with her.

While they’d spent the very rare full evening together, he had even been the one to suggest it a couple of times. So, he wasn’t against it on principle.

One thing had become resoundingly clear to her in the aftermath of Nevin’s call. Her relationship with Tack was nothing like the one she’d had with her ex-husband. Partly because Tack was nothing like Nevin and partly because Caitlin
had
grown stronger.

So many of the obscure emotions that had clouded her inner motivations for most of her life were clear now. Caitlin could choose to give in to old pain or fight for new joy.

No matter how the past eight years might have painted her, even to herself, the truest color of her soul was that of a fighter.

Caitlin knew what she wanted and if she didn’t ask for it? That was on her. How Tack responded to her needs,
that
was on him.

Something else Caitlin had come to terms with.

Bobby and Egan’s
bet
only made it more imperative Caitlin talk things out with Tack. She needed answers to questions she’d just realized she had to ask.

However, as the afternoon wore on and the time for Tack’s tour to end came and went, Caitlin’s mood grew progressively morose. There could be lots of reasons for him not returning to the tour office, but one of them wasn’t that he’d gone straight home. He would have exchanged the tour van for his truck.

Which he could have done without coming into the office, she realized. So, she went out the back door to check the parking lot. Tack’s bright red four-by-four was in the same spot it had been that morning when she’d arrived for work.

Caitlin walked back to her desk with thoughts chasing themselves through her head. She and Tack hadn’t said they were going to be exclusive. He’d never suggested they go without condoms even after she’d informed him she was on birth control to help even out her hormones.

He’d stopped wanting to see her for sex every night. Was the real reason because he was getting it elsewhere, or planning to do so? Did a man share the kind of passion with a woman that Tack did with her and still look for sexual satisfaction elsewhere?

But she was thinking about Tack. Not any man. If Taqukaq MacKinnon planned to see multiple women for sex, wouldn’t he have said so? Tack wasn’t dishonest. He didn’t hide his motives, not like Nevin.

Which made her initial worries that he wanted to cut back on their nights together for any other reason than the one he stated a little irrational, didn’t it?

But then she never would have considered Tack capable of cheating. Only, could it be called that when the sexual relationship between them was unequivocally no-strings?

Not really a relationship at all. Not something that could be
cheated
on.

She didn’t want to think Tack would do that to her, but would he see it the same way?

They had a sex-for-eating deal that he’d gone to great lengths to make sure she understood was casual and had no hope of being anything else. No emotional commitments. No expectations or hopes of a future together.

Now that she thought about it, was there even a point in having the discussion she’d planned? She’d wanted to talk to Tack about the call from Nevin as well, as a friend, but were they even that?

The potential answers to those questions hurt too much for Caitlin to keep dwelling on them. Though she wasn’t sure she could stop.

At least now she had her answer to
where
he got his casual sex partners in the summer when he was too busy to go to Anchorage. Women from the cruise ships.

Her stomach roiled.

The prospect of
her
Taqukaq having sex right that minute with some faceless, nameless woman in her cabin on one of the huge cruise ships in the harbor filled Caitlin with dread. Acid churned with increasing intensity inside her as image after image of Tack with another woman invaded her brain.

It didn’t matter that they were just her imagination, that she didn’t know if he’d taken the woman up on her obvious intention to offer. Caitlin’s stomach rebelled like it hadn’t in months and soon she was rushing to the toilet, where she was sick for the first time since coming to Cailkirn.

The uncontrollable nausea scared her more than the prospect of seeing Nevin face-to-face did. Because while she’d still struggled with eating enough, Caitlin
had
managed to control this part of her eating disorder since before coming back to Alaska.

The prospect she was backsliding sent her into a full-blown panic attack, which brought on another bout of dry heaves along with all the other symptoms at debilitating levels.

She didn’t know how long it took her to bring herself back under control, but eventually her stomach stopped seizing. Her breathing returned to a semblance of normal, but every muscle in her body ached from involuntary contractions.

She’d managed to get herself into a sitting position against the wall when she heard noises in the outer office. Had Tack come back finally?

Unwilling to be caught in such a state, she pulled herself together. Drawing a mental barrier around emotions too raw to share with a man who showed no interest in revealing his own, she stood up and washed her face with cold water. There was nothing she could do about her pale face or the haunted look in her eyes, though.

The sound of Egan’s and Bobby’s voices came through the bathroom door. A sense of reprieve mixed with acute disappointment inside her. Regardless of both, she prayed the men would leave without realizing she was still there.

She’d locked the front door and dropped the blinds already, since technically no one was supposed to be in the office to handle walk-ins and she knew she’d get more work done without random interruptions.

From potential clients or locals stopping in to say hello.

The sound of the back door closing indicated her hopes had been answered. Cautiously opening the bathroom door, she looked out to an office cast in shadow by the blind-covered windows and turned out lights.

Caitlin went to her desk and discovered another stack of survey forms filled out along with the paperwork from the afternoon’s tours. She might as well take care of them now.

Caitlin wasn’t waiting for Tack to come back for his truck.

She wasn’t.

She couldn’t even pretend to believe the lie an hour later when she’d finished with the input and filed the paperwork.

Collapsing into her chair, she stared at the computer screen. What was she going to do?

Could she keep
seeing
Tack when he was having sex with other people? No. Not even a remote possibility.

She couldn’t be sure he
was
seeing other women, though. Part of her simply refused to believe Tack would go from her to another woman, no matter what his reputation was, no matter how many random hookups he usually had with different women during tourist season.

But even if there was a reason for him not to have come back for his truck, other than taking the
hottie
up on the invitation Egan and Bobby were so sure she’d make, that didn’t mean he loved, or ever would love, Caitlin.

Needing an answer to at least one question roiling through her mind, Caitlin picked up the phone off her desk and called Tack’s cell.

H
e picked up on the third ring. “What do you need, Egan? I’m busy.”

She tried to talk, but nothing came out except air.

“Egan, damn it, I’m with someone.”

“It’s Caitlin.” Her voice came out low, but at least she got the words past her tight throat.

“Kitty? What are you still doing in the office? Do you need a ride home? I’m pretty sure Da’s still in town. He was picking up some stuff for Gran.”

“I don’t need a ride.” She didn’t comment on the fact that Tack was obviously too busy to pick her up himself.

“Okay.”

The silence stretched and she realized he was waiting for her to tell him why she called.

“I called because—”

“Look, it wouldn’t be a good idea to get together tonight.”

Each word felt like the sharp stab of a stiletto blade, but she wasn’t taking anything for granted, no matter how damning the implications of his conversation so far.

“I need to know the parameters of our
non
relationship,” she forced out, not really caring if she was putting him in an awkward situation.

“Right now isn’t a good time to talk about this.”

“Just answer one thing.”

“Kit—”

“Are we having sex with other people?”

“You want to have sex with someone else?” he yelled.

He wouldn’t sound so upset if
he
was with another woman, would he? Some men had double standards about that kind of thing. Women, too, she was sure. But not Tack. She wouldn’t believe it of him.

She let out a little breath of relief. “That’s not what I said.”

“Then what the hell is this about?” he demanded.

“Egan and Bobby said there was a hottie after you in your tour group today.”

He swore. “Hold on a second, Kitty.” She heard muffled words as he spoke to whoever he was with and then he said, “I’m back.”

“Okay.” She didn’t know what else to say.

“I didn’t take Lisa up on her very blatant offer.”

“Why?”

“Because I would never disrespect you that way.”

“But what we’re doing, it’s just casual, right?”

“Is that what you want?”

“It’s what you said it could be. You don’t want anyone to know.”

“You know why.”

“Yes.” Because he didn’t want their families getting their hopes up for something that would never happen.

Her heart cracked just a little more.

“Listen, even if it’s just friends with benefits, we are friends and I wouldn’t hook up with another woman before we both knew exactly what to expect in that regard.”

“That doesn’t make me feel any better,” she admitted with more honesty than she wanted to give, but not as much as she could have.

“Look, Kitty, I don’t need sex with anyone else.”

“But we’re not doing it every night now.”

“I don’t know what my brother told you—”

“Bobby’s the one who said you’re a cruise ship Casanova.”

“Nice. Little shit. Anyway, cruise season is busy as hell and I don’t have the inclination or energy to go for more than one hookup a week, if that.”

“Oh.” Even cutting back, they were having sex significantly more often than that.

“Are we okay on this now?”

“What reason did you give the hottie for not taking her up on her offer?”

“She wasn’t that hot, wildcat. Sure as hell didn’t turn me on like you do.”

“Good.” Caitlin waited in silence for him to answer her question.

“I told her maybe some other time,” he said in a frustrated tone. “Are you happy now?”

“Not really, no.”

“What did you want me to say? That I have a casual sex partner already?”

“No.” But what else could he have said? “Never mind, Tack. I need to get to the Knit and Pearl.”

“Look, I’ll pick you up at the usual time tonight.”

For another casual hookup? “No.”

“What? Why not?”

“You want to come to dinner with my family?”

“You know I don’t come to the B and B for dinner during tourist season; besides, I have plans tonight.”

With his family. “Cancel them.”

“I don’t like ultimatums, Kitty.”

“Me neither.” But what else had he been giving her since he offered the first kiss if she’d eat lunch? “I’ll talk to you later, Tack.”

“Wait, Kitty—”

“Just go back to whoever you’re with.”

He let out a frustrated breath. “We’ll talk tomorrow.”

“Take care,” she said, not agreeing one way or another.

“Get some sleep tonight, sweetheart. You’re going to need a clear head for our discussion.” He cut the connection before she could reply.

That didn’t mean she was going to do what he said. Get sleep—she wasn’t sure that was possible, or talk to him tomorrow.

She wasn’t ready. When they talked, she was pretty sure she’d have to break off their sexual relationship. And as much as it hurt to be in it, it was going to devastate her to end it.

But it wouldn’t destroy her. She didn’t think. Caitlin had to step back before she got to a place where it would.

Tack stomped back into the house where he’d left Cian hanging in his great room. “That was Kitty.”

“I figured.”

Tack grimaced. “Yeah.”

“Bad call?”

“Egan and Bobby opened their big mouths about a woman on my tour today who was looking for another notch in her cruise cabin bedpost.”

“Pissed?” Cian asked in that cryptic way he had.

“Kitty was something. She wanted to get together.”

“Now.”

“Yes.”

Cian frowned. “You told her no.”

“Yeah. I need to think things through and it’s not my big head I’m thinking with when she’s around.”

“Bullshit.”

“What?”

“Your heart, not your dick.”

Shit, Cian was right. “She was all about how the sex is just casual.”

“Then why call?” Cian’s tone implied Tack was stupid.

“I don’t know. I told her we could get together later. She refused.”

Cian shook his head. “Idiot.”

“Hell, I asked you over to talk this out, not have you call me names.”

“You want my opinion?”

“Yes.”

“You screwed up.”

“Thanks, that’s helpful,” Tack said sarcastically.

“You’re welcome.”

“How did I screw up?”

“She wanted more, you refused her.”

Tack stared at his cousin. The man didn’t get verbose unless he was drunk, but the few words he spoke were profound sometimes. This was one of them.

“Well, shit. You’re right.”

“Often am.”

“Don’t get cocky.”

“When a man’s got reason…” Cian let the words trail off, his meaning clear.

Tack managed a laugh despite the tightness in his chest. “I told her we’d talk tomorrow.”

“Stupid.”

“Yeah, I’m starting to get that. I should just go over to the B and B and talk to her.” Only if he was wrong, if the more Kitty wanted wasn’t the more Tack needed, he didn’t want the whole town knowing she’d rejected him.

Again.

“Kitty’s stubborn.” Cian took a swig off his longneck.

“You think I should give her time to cool off.” She hadn’t sounded angry, though.

“No.” Cian looked at Tack like he was a few eggs short of an omelet. “She’ll dig her heels in deeper.”

“She didn’t sound mad.”

Cian dismissed that with a flip of his hand. “Why’d she call from the office?”

“She never said.”

“She waited for you.”

Shit. “You’re right.” She’d waited for him. She’d told him no to sex but made it clear she wanted to see him for dinner.

Even if the more she wanted wasn’t everything he needed, it was about more than sex and he’d screwed up, big-time.

“What are you going to do?”

“Go to the Knit and Pearl.”

Cian’s expression turned smug. “Thought so.”

“Don’t be a know-it-all shit.”

“Wasting time arguing with me.”

Tack was still muttering about his cousin’s attitude when he started his truck and peeled out of his drive. Cian would close the house up.

Tack arrived at the Knit & Pearl before dinner and went in through the front door, wanting to see Kitty first if possible. Miss Elspeth was sitting at the reception desk.

That was unusual this time of night. She’d normally be in the parlor entertaining the guests before dinner.

“Good evening, Miss Elspeth,” Tack said.

She jumped as if startled, then looked at him like he was one of the apparitions the sisters claimed haunted the B&B. “Oh! Well, hello, Tack.”

He’d been quiet coming in, not wanting to alert the people in the parlor to his presence until he figured out if Kitty was in there with them. But he hadn’t been silent.

“Is everything okay, Miss Elspeth?”

The older woman looked down at the phone like it was a snake and then back up to Tack. “I don’t know. I really don’t. I was so proud of her. She stood right up to him, but she’s not doing well today. I thought standing up to him was good for her, but she said she wasn’t hungry…was going to bed early. That’s not good, is it? I’m not going to let her answer the phone again. If he calls, he’ll get an earful from me.”

“Miss Elspeth, who are you talking about?”

“Nevin Barston.” She said like his name was a curse.

Tack’s jaw locked. “He called?”

“Last night.” Miss Elspeth nodded. “She handled it so well.”

“But she’s not doing as good today?”

“Oh no. I don’t understand it. Do you think he called her at MacKinnon Bros. Tours today too?”

“No way for Barston to know she’s working for us.”

“He’s evil.”

Tack wasn’t going to argue that, but it didn’t make the man omniscient. “Where is she?”

“Up in her room.”

“You go visit with your guests. I’ll make sure Kitty doesn’t take any upsetting phone calls.”

“If he calls again, you’ll tell him what for, won’t you?”

“He’ll know not to call again.”

“Oh, thank you.” Miss Elspeth headed to the parlor.

Tack climbed the stairs, knowing Kitty’s room would be the same one she’d had as a child. Miz Moya had told him they’d never used it for guests, not in all the years Kitty had been in California.

He knocked firmly on her door but was unsurprised when she didn’t answer.

The knob turned easily in his hand, though, and he pushed the door open. “It’s me, Kitty.”

Her light was off and the sun-blocking shades were over the window, but he could make out the shape of a Kitty-sized lump in the center of the bed.

“Come on, wildcat. I know you’re not asleep.”

“Go away.”

“Not going to happen.”

He flipped the wall switch, flooding the room with light from the overhead fixture.

Kitty lay curled around her pillow, glaring up at him, her eyes red from crying, and he felt like the biggest asshole ever.

Then he recognized her nightgown and it wasn’t red lace. “You stole one of my shirts?”

“You haven’t missed it.”

“No, but I’ve been missing you.”

She was up and out of the bed in a flash, stomping right up to him so she could poke him in the chest. She liked doing that. “Don’t lie to me, Taqukaq MacKinnon.”

“You’re not skipping dinner, Kitty.”

“You can’t tell me what to do.” She poked him with every other word.

“We’ve got a deal.”

Her eyes narrowed even farther and Tack wondered why Nevin Barston wasn’t scared as hell of this wildcat. “You can take your deal and stick it right up your as—”

He didn’t let her finish, grabbing the hand pointing at Tack and using it to yank her to him so he could kiss her. She resisted for about two seconds and then she went up like dry tinder, throwing herself into the kiss with an angry passion that gave him hope.

They were both breathing heavily when he pulled back. “We are going downstairs and having dinner with your gran and aunts. You can wear my shirt or put on some clothes. Either way, you are coming with me.”

“Don’t you think they’ll know there’s something between us when I come to the table in your shirt and it’s only over your shoulder?” she demanded in a nasty tone that gave him an inexplicable urge to grin.

“They’re going to figure it out when I tell them you’re coming home with me and not coming back until after work tomorrow.”

“What?” Kitty demanded, her voice going high.

“You heard me.”

“But we’re a big secret.”

“Not after tonight we aren’t.”

“What if I don’t go home with you?”

“Won’t matter. The secret’s already out.”

“What do you mean?”

“I called
Aana
on the way here to tell her I wouldn’t be coming for dinner at the Homestead.”

“So?”

“I told her why.”

Kitty’s eyes went wide and her pretty mouth parted on a surprised sigh. “So you could come see me?”

“Yep.”

“But I don’t think I can keep seeing you,” she wailed.

“Because Nevin called?” What had that bastard said to her?

“Because I threw up this afternoon.”

He tried to process what that meant, but it wasn’t coming together. He needed more information. “Why did you get sick?”

“You didn’t come back to the office after your tour.”

“I was talking to Cian.”

“But I thought you might be with
her
.”

“Who?”

“The
hottie
!”

Hell, he’d forgotten all about his brother’s big mouth when Miss Elspeth told Tack about the phone call from Barston. “I wasn’t,” he growled out.

“You told her
maybe some other time
.”

“It’s an easy way to let someone down. She knew we weren’t going to ever see each other again.”

“You didn’t freeze her out, Bobby said.”

Bobby and Egan were going to get an earful from Tack, and a punch in the jaw apiece if he didn’t get things worked out with Kitty tonight. “She was a client. I don’t make it a practice to offend people on my tours.”

Kitty shoved herself away from Tack. “Get out.”

“I’m not going anywhere.” Where the hell had this emotional, all-over-the-place woman come from?

He kind of liked it. Hell, maybe he even loved it. This was Kitty like he’d never seen her.

“Oh, yes, you are.” She crossed her arms under her chest, causing him to have completely inappropriate thoughts for the topic at hand. “I don’t want to be your pity sex
project
anymore!”