Who Moved My Blackberry? (28 page)

Was upset u sat with Keith at breakfast. Can we have lunch? Am off to give my speech now. Fingers crossed. Best of British with yrs later … M xx

From:
Martin Lukes

To:
Barry Malone

Thank you very much! Yes when I was standing at the podium I felt this terrific current of positive energy coming from the audience. I've had some fantastic feedback for my speech, but to me it just proves that your strategy for uniting and re-energizing this company is delivering results already.

Bestest, Martin

Sent from my BlackBerry Wireless Handheld

From:
Cindy Czarnikow

To:
Paradise Island delegates

Sawat-dee-kha!!!!

The Weakest Link quiz was a blast! Congratulations to Jenny Withers who knows all our visions and values down to the last letter! She was the fastest to name all our key behaviors, and to be able to list them in order. Well done Jenny!!! You win a free shiatsu massage in the health spa!!

Cheers, Cindy

Sent from my BlackBerry Wireless Handheld

Text message to Graham. Sent 23:57

Where r u? There's no one in the bar … I haven't found anyone to drink with all evening. Don't feel like bed yet … want to do some more celebrating … am in the mood for some action …

Text message to Graham. Sent 08:23

Arrgh. I'm so hungover. Can't face golf. C u later.

From:
Martin Lukes

To:
Jenny Withers

Jens—I'm very sorry about last night. I was very pissed—this insomnia thing is making me drink quite a lot. Anyway I didn't mean to barge into your room and hope my advances weren't entirely unwelcome! Can we have a drink by the poolside tonight to make amends. I'll have to be on call in case Barry needs me, but we should have a chance for a chat …

M xx

Sent from my BlackBerry Wireless Handheld

From:
Barry Malone

To:
All Staff

Howdy!

We've just concluded a weekend where every director of this company gathered in the Bahamas' beautiful Paradise Island for our annual conference. The theme was We Are One Global Family, and we showed that we are stronger than ever, united by love, values and belief.

I would like to thank Martin Lukes, whose passion and dedication to making it the weekend of a lifetime knew no bounds.

Also Jenny Withers in London, whose speech Storytelling—Around the Corporate Campfire gave us all so much to think about. It's a long time since I read the classics, but her speech has inspired me to go back and take a peek!

It is these stories, not just in books but by word of mouth, that we pass down to each other, that bind us together, to our past and our future. We are great apart. Together we are unbeatable.

I love you all

Barry

From:
Martin Lukes

To:
Jenny Withers

Sorry you dashed off to get your plane without saying good-bye. You see what an amazing couple we are—both singled out. Great apart—together unbeatable?

Mxx

From:
Martin Lukes

To:
Barry Malone

Hi Barry

I see there have been a few more muckraking stories in the papers while we have been in the Bahamas. Can I make a suggestion? This is the moment to put out an internal announcement relating to your integrity, something that will reinforce your brand values. I have in mind something that is totally authentic to your character, but will distract attention from any further press reports on your divorce and Janine.

Bestest, Martin

From:
Barry Malone

To:
All Staff

Howdy!

As everybody close to me knows, I do not rest easy knowing that there is injustice in this world. Every day I try to fight for compassion, against greed. It is for that reason that I have decided to give a significant percentage of my bonus this year to the Boy Scouts of America. The gift means some personal hardship for my family, but they understand that in tough times those at the top must make hard choices and hard sacrifices.

I love you all

Barry S. Malone

From:
Martin Lukes

To:
Barry Malone

Hi Barry

Another Big Wow! That was just right. M

From:
Martin Lukes

To:
Graham Wallace

Graham—Frankly your carping pisses me off. Contrary to what you say, Barry does deserve his bonus. It's particularly generous of him to be giving money away when his wife Randee is suing him for $98m … Cheers M

From:
Keith Buxton

To:
All Staff

Hi

I am delighted to announce that Christo Weinberg has been appointed Marketing Director in London. Christo has an exceptional creative talent, and I'm sure will breathe new life into this most important department.

An announcement on a new permanent chairman of a-b glöbâl (UK) will be made shortly.

Keith Buxton

Global Chief Talent Officer

From:
Martin Lukes

To:
Keith Buxton

Keith

Why wasn't I consulted about this??? Christo Weinberg is a very bright lad who has hugely benefited from my mentoring over the past year. But no way is he ready to head up such an important department. And when you say “breathe new life” into the department, what exactly are you driving at?

Re the UK chairman: I'm glad a decision is imminent though sad you did not see fit to consult myself. With respect, I should be kept in the loop.

Martin

From:
Barry Malone

To:
All Staff

Howdy!

This morning I received notification from the SEC that it is investigating movements in the a-b glöbâl share price in the period leading up to Q2 and Q3 results. However, I have no reason to believe that this is any more than routine. There is no question of any wrongdoing by anybody inside this company.

I love you all

Barry S. Malone

From:
Martin Lukes

To:
Graham Wallace

Hi Graham

What are people saying in London about the insider trading story? I think it's definitely a storm in a teacup—though BSM seems a bit paranoid about it all. I caught him shrieking at his PA just now, an attractive little number called Stacey.

Mart

From:
Martin Lukes

To:
Barry Malone

Hi Barry,

I suggest we do something to take people's minds off the insider trading story. Just been looking at the outsourcing figures. Looks like we'll be cutting 6,000 jobs globally. Do you think now might be a time to get some of that bad news into the open to distract attention, if you will? You suggest I send out a message to put an end to the rumors. I've thought hard about this and wonder if we might do better to sit tight and wait for it to blow over?

My best, Martin

From:
Martin Lukes

To:
Barry Malone

Sure, on second thought I think you're 250 percent right. Will do soonest.

Martin

From:
Martin Lukes

To:
All Staff

Hi!

Our CEO, Barry S. Malone, has asked myself to touch base re the stories in the press relating to insider trading. Most of these bear little relation to the facts, which are as follows. An individual has been taken in for questioning for alleged insider trading in a-b glöbâl shares. We believe her to be a Manhattan-based art dealer. She has a large portfolio of stocks which she trades actively. Barry is a renowned art collector but has never met this individual. There is no link between the two whatsoever.

Martin Lukes

Chief of Staff, Office of the Chairman

From:
Martin Lukes

To:
[email protected]!

Hi Pandora

Sorry I haven't been in touch—huge drama here on insider trading. Could be very serious, but I think we are controlling the agenda skillfully, and it'll probably blow over …

22.5 percent better than my bestest

Martin

From:
Martin Lukes

To:
Stacey Stone

Oh my God I don't believe it. Where is he now?

From:
Martin Lukes

To:
Keith Buxton

Keith—have you heard anything?

From:
Martin Lukes

To:
Graham Wallace

Fucketyfuckingfuck—Barry's been taken in for questioning. I just don't bloody believe it. The total complete and utter idiot. This is a personal CATASTROPHE for me—I need a drink NOW. Wish u were here … M

From:
Martin Lukes

To:
Keith Buxton

As bad as that? I must say I'm not altogether surprised. As I got closer to Barry I realized something was up. I never really bought into the integrity thing. In fact I was so suspicious about his art dealer person I had planned to check her out. Let's meet soonest to limit damage.

Martin

From:
Martin Lukes

To:
Katherine Lukes

Hi Katherine

Got your SOS. Sorry you have split with your partner. But I'm in a worse crisis of my own. Will message when things calmer.

Martin

From:
Martin Lukes

To:
[email protected]!

Pandora—

Malone has quit. He's been feeding insider information to this art dealer.

Fuckfuckfuck … I've been much too close to him … what shall I do? Help help M

From:
[email protected]!

To:
Martin Lukes

Martin—Can I remind you that crisis management is a coaching service only offered with the Executive Gold Program. Unfortunately as you have not upscaled from Executive Bronze that means that I am not able to offer you in-depth coaching through this.

However, I can suggest as a start that you try to make a paradigm shift in your headset. Take some deep breaths. Put your hands in front of your mouth, or find a bag and breathe into it. This will stop you from hyperventilating. When the going gets tough, the tough get tougher …

Strive and thrive!

Pandora

From:
Martin Lukes

To:
[email protected]!

For fuck's sake Pandora—I may be about to lose my job. Now is NOT the time to start breathing into a paper bag. Do you have any USEFUL advice on what I should do now??

Martin

From:
[email protected]!

To:
Martin Lukes

As I said, Martin, I shouldn't really be offering you this, but I do it out of the goodness of my heart.

Ask yourself some questions. Is my relationship with Barry really a rocket? How do I protect my personal brand? The GROW model will help you, Martin. Remember this is a time to make sure that whatever you do is aligned with your values. If you ignore your values, you will damage your brand.

Strive and thrive!

Pandora

From:
Martin Lukes

To:
[email protected]

Hi Lucy,

Long time no speak. Trust all is well with you and yours. We spoke back in February when I was doing a project giving back to the homeless. I remember the Financial Times was the only newspaper that handled the story responsibly.

I wanted to touch base to offer an exclusive on the a-b glöbâl story. You'll have seen on the wire that our CEO Barry S. Malone resigned this morning. Many newspapers will be running with the story that a-b glöbâl had not kept proper checks and balances on him. This actually is not the case. It was becoming clear to myself, as Malone's chief of staff, that he did not meet my own, or the company's, exceptionally high standards of ethics. In particular my suspicions had been aroused by his art dealing. The day before he was taken in for questioning, I challenged him personally. He did not give me a satisfactory answer, and I had that day considered contacting a support group for whistle-blowers. I can offer you an exclusive interview.

All my very bestest

Martin Lukes

From:
Christo Weinberg

To:
All Marketing

Hi!

Day One for me as Marketing Director has certainly been exciting! In case anybody has not yet seen it, the following story appeared in the London Financial Times this morning. Particularly direct your attention to my predecessor's angle on P17.