Whiter Shades of Pale
A Random House Trade Paperback Original
Copyright © 2010 by Christian Lander
All rights reserved.
Published in the United States
by Random House Trade Paperbacks,
an imprint of The Random House Publishing Group,
a division of Random House, Inc., New York.
R
ANDOM
H
OUSE
T
RADE
P
APERBACKS
and colophon are trademarks of Random House, Inc.
Some of the material in this book originally appeared, occasionally in different form, in the blog Stuff White People Like (
http://stuffwhitepeoplelike.com
).
All illustration credits can be found on
this page
.
Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data
Lander, Christian.
Whiter shades of pale: the stuff white people like, coast to coast, from Seattle’s sweaters to Maine’s microbrews / by Christian Lander.
p. cm.
eISBN: 978-0-679-60465-5
1. Whites—United States—Humor. 2. American wit and humor. 3. Race awareness—Humor. I. Title.
PN6231.W444L36 2010
818′.602—dc22 2010035303
v3.1
This book is dedicated to everyone who ever forwarded, emailed, posted, or laughed at an entry on Stuff White People Like. Thank you
.
Introduction
When I began Stuff White People Like back in January 2008, my knowledge of white people was limited mostly to my twenty-nine years of being white. But I had traveled a bit and spent four years in graduate school, so I was still in a pretty good position to observe the habits of the modern white individual.
So I started writing about them. Little did I know that there would be so many people interested in white people and how to exploit them for personal gain. Things went well. I wrote a book, I went on a few talk shows, and for a while I thought I was a man who knew all he could know about being white.
Then I went on a book tour.
My travels took me to magical places like Madison, Wisconsin; Austin, Texas; Portland, Oregon; and Chapel Hill, North Carolina. It became painfully evident that I still had a lot to learn about white people.
There were handicrafts beyond my wildest dreams: “Another hemp hacky sack! Thanks, Boulder, Colorado!” During my journeys I was introduced to many exotic grains that I could now eat in place of processed flour and that would somehow fix everything that was wrong with me. “You’re right, I do feel more centered after eating this quinoa.”
It was an eye-opening experience that helped me realize that as much as all white people are the same, in many ways they are slightly, superficially different.
But then again, there are few things that white people like more than slight, superficial differences. For proof, ask one about the difference between punk and post-punk and you’re likely to see your afternoon evaporate with a drawn-out pointless argument.
So I’ve set out to continue finding all those things that bind white
people together in unity, but this time I want to take it further. I want to take it to the independent coffeeshops of the college towns in the Midwest, the music festivals in rural Tennessee, the bicycle collectives in Los Angeles, and many more places.
Stuff White People Like is going regional.
*
*
If your city isn’t in here, I apologize. But remember, we’re all pretty much the same. Also, maybe you should consider a move to Brooklyn or Portland; every other white person is doing the same thing.
Boston, Massachusetts
- Overview
White people in Boston are very proud of their blue-collar roots. However, for many of them, two generations is as close as they will ever get to a job requiring manual labor. This also extends to the many Bostonians who will still send their white children to public school, provided that public school is Boston Latin. Boston is also home to three alternative newsweeklies that provide many young writers with jobs that don’t pay enough to make rent. The Boston white person can also be found throughout rural New England, but this breed is special, having cast off the shackles of the workaday world to begin a small organic microbrewery, creamery, or farm. - Strengths
Mayflower
relatives give them low-numbered license plates; can hold liquor. - Weaknesses
Baseball-induced depression; movies about Irish gangsters. - Secret Shame
They don’t really like the Dropkick Murphys.
Red Sox hat.
