Where Loyalty Lies (49 page)

“Of course.”

It was true, I knew Saul wanted me and not her, but it was knowing what they’d done that always bugged me. Before he could pick up on that, I carried on talking.

“We both have pasts, there’s no point in trying to pretend otherwise.”

Saul was quiet for a moment as he ran his fingers up and down my arm. “I bet you’ve left a trail of broken hearts.”

I shrugged. “All my previous relationships were with humans so Attraction always made it impossible. I didn’t know back then that it was Attraction, but I knew something wasn’t right. Guys told me they loved me on the first date and, somehow, I just knew that what they felt for me wasn’t genuine. In the end things got too difficult.”

“What do you mean?”

“Attraction just messes up everything. It made guys really clingy and, when they saw how other guys acted around me, it’d make them madly jealous even if they were usually laid back. If I dated someone, they’d feel a huge need to get a ring on my finger and I knew it was only because they wanted to show other guys I was taken. Breaking up was always hard too; they’d either completely fall to pieces or get furious because they didn’t want me to leave. After going through that a few times, I decided it wasn’t worth it, so I gave up trying.”

“You’d better not be telling me that any of them ever raised a hand to you,” Saul said.

“Of course not.”

“Thank God for that, I thought I was going to have to go and track them down and teach them a lesson.”

I rolled my eyes even though he couldn’t see it.

“So you just decided that you’d never be with anyone, you’d always stay by yourself?” he asked.

“In a way. I decided to stop dating but I never swore that I wouldn’t start again if someone came along who seemed normal.”

“Is that what I am?” Saul asked.

“You? Normal? You’re kidding, right? You couldn’t be further from normal if you tried.”

There was a brief pause before Saul spoke.

“I’m hoping you mean that in a good way.”

I suddenly realised how my words had sounded.

“Yes, it’s a compliment and don’t pretend you didn’t know, you can feel what I’m feeling. It’s like you have a permanent window into my thoughts.”

Saul chuckled. “Yes I do and I love it, otherwise I don’t think I’d stand a chance of keeping up.”

The light finally disappeared and left behind a clear starry sky. The moon was full and its reflection in the lake was so perfect that it looked like there were two. I could have sat there all night and watched until the sun rose in the morning, but there was no bathroom or kitchen here and I was sure I’d need one or the other at some point.

As usual Saul sensed my decision before I’d had a chance to voice it. He stood and helped me to my feet and once more held on to me the whole way back to the car. Saul drove us back; he said it was to give me a break because I’d been driving all day, but I think it was because he wanted to drive my car.

By the time we got to Rillith the motion of the car had made me drowsy and I was struggling to keep my eyes open even though it wasn’t late.

We passed through the gates and, as we neared the castle, we found there was a commotion going on at the front doors. A huge group of people were huddled around a large black Land Rover with blacked out windows.

Saul pulled up as close as we could to the front doors and we both got out of the car and walked into the crowd. My first thought was that someone important had arrived but I couldn’t work out why everyone looked so miserable. Two guys came forward and opened the back door of the car. They pulled out a stretcher that was covered in a black sheet but it was unmistakable what was underneath. Somebody had died.

I looked around at the crowd and tuned into their quiet conversations to see if I could find out who it was and what had happened. I heard someone saying that the body had been found dumped outside Rillith’s gates but then one word reached my ears and everything seemed to stop working. Holt. As I stood in shock I seemed to hear his name come from a hundred different mouths in a hundred different conversations.

I gasped and started pushing my way through the crowd. Saul tried to grab me but I was too quick. I got to the front and almost collided with the stretcher. Before I could change my mind I yanked the sheet off and stared down at Holt. His eyes were closed and I’d have thought he was sleeping if it weren’t for the bloody hole in his chest, exactly where his heart was.

Only when I stopped, did I realise I’d been screaming. A hand touched my shoulder but I twisted away from it and threw myself forward. My weight on the stretcher must have made the two men holding it lower it to the ground because I felt the gravel slice into my knees as I hovered over Holt’s body. I didn’t mind the pain, in fact I welcomed it, I hoped that it would wake me from this nightmare.

This wasn’t right. Holt couldn’t be dead. Nobody would have murdered him, he was the most decent, kind-hearted person there was. It was a joke, a sick, twisted vampire joke that I didn’t understand because I was too human. Maybe it was a test from The Sénat.

I grabbed fistfuls of his dark green shirt.

“Wake up,” I shouted. “This isn’t funny, just wake up.” There was nothing and I screamed again as I realised he wasn’t ever going to wake up. A hand rested on my back again and Saul knelt down next to me.

“Faine...” His own sentence broke and I turned to see the agony on his face.

“Do something,” I begged. “He can’t be... he just can’t be. Please do something.”

Saul’s head dropped and a tear ran down his cheek. There was nothing he could do.

After that everything became distant. I don’t remember how long I huddled next to Holt screaming and sobbing. I don’t remember how many people were still watching as I was finally dragged away from Holt and he was covered back up and taken away. I don’t remember how I got back to my rooms.

What I do remember was Saul. He sat on the sofa with me on his lap and we clung to each other in desperation. I cried until no more tears would come and then I sat there in numb shock. My brain was blank. Saul thought I’d fallen asleep because he lifted me up and carried me to bed. I kept my eyes shut, worried that conversation would make the blessed numbness leave. I thought he’d get into bed with me and hold me but, instead, he went back into the living room and closed the bedroom door between us.

After what could have been either minutes or hours, I heard my front door open and close. I got out of bed and crossed to the bedroom door, gently pressing my ear against it. I still couldn’t face anything as difficult as a conversation, but I wanted to know if something else had happened.

“So it’s true.”

The voice belonged to Henry. He’d no doubt heard the gossip and seeing the state of Saul proved it was no false rumour. There was a long silence then Henry spoke again.

“Where’s Faine? Does she know?”

“She’s sleeping,” Saul replied. “She found out when she saw them carrying Holt’s body in.”

Henry swore and then there was another silence.

“It’s my fault,” Saul said suddenly.

I frowned. Something in his voice sent chills down my spine. Henry must have heard it too because when he spoke his voice was hard.

“What do you mean?”

“I mean it’s my fault,” Saul hissed.

“You’d better explain yourself, brother,” Henry said and the coldness in his voice made me feel sick.

“I knew he was going to be murdered. I’ve known it for weeks and I sat back and let it happen.”

There were footsteps across the room and I braced myself for the door to open but it didn’t.

“What the fuck...” was all I heard Henry say before the stereo clicked on just loud enough to cover up their voices.

Saul’s words bounced around my head a few times before they sank in. I lowered myself onto the carpet because I knew I didn’t have the strength to stand any longer.

It was a good job that Saul couldn’t sense my emotions through the closed door because I felt like a bomb had just gone off inside me bringing on a mix of anguish, pain and desperation.

I remembered all the times people had told me that Saul was cold-hearted and callous. I’d thought it was a front and that I knew the real him, but I’d been wrong. I’d just been the one to fall for it. I was his mate, there was no denying the connection between our souls, but I’d fallen for his act. He’d betrayed me. How could fate be so cruel as to make Saul my mate?

I went to put a hand to my mouth and found I was holding Holt’s necklace. I couldn’t remember it getting there but, judging by the broken clasp, I was betting it had snapped off in my fist when I’d been pulled away from him. Remembering the sight of Holt’s unmoving body brought another wave of desperation crashing through me. Holt had once told me that he’d trust Saul with his life, what a mistake that had been. I’d not be making the same error of judgement.

I stood up and found that my bloody knees had stained the carpet and, for a long moment, I stood there and stared at it. It was ruined. Everything was ruined. I looked across the room at the dressing table mirror to see if I looked as messed up as I felt, but I didn’t see my reflection because pinned to my mirror was a photo. I pulled it out from where I’d wedged it between the frame and the glass and my heart gave a painful twist. It had been taken on Christmas Eve. Saul was on the left, then me, then Holt and finally Henry. We were all smiling, all completely unaware of what was coming in the New Year.

I ran a finger across Holt’s face and fresh tears ran down my cheeks. I’d never see him again. I’d never get to thank him for the car, never get to prove to him how glad I was he’d brought me here, never get to make him proud of me. My eyes moved across to Saul. He was frozen, wearing his classic half-smile, but instead of melting my heart like it usually did, it made me angry. Had he known when this photo was taken that it would be Holt’s last Christmas? The only Christmas we’d ever share?

Had Holt been murdered while I’d been with Saul? I’d spent the afternoon with someone who could have saved Holt’s life and he hadn’t. Instead he’d been with me, making love to me. My stomach twisted. I’d failed Holt.

I ripped Saul off the end of the photo and left him on the dressing table. The rest of the photo I put in my bag. Then I grabbed anything that came to mind – my iPod, cash and a change of clothes – and stuffed them into my backpack. I glanced around the room to see if I’d forgotten anything, but my reeling mind wouldn’t focus. All I knew was that Saul could walk in here at any moment. I never wanted to see his face again. What he’d done to me was bad enough, but what he’d done to Holt was unforgivable. He hadn’t killed Holt but he might as well have done.

Saul still had the keys to my Mustang but I fished out the key to the Yaris. I hated leaving the Mustang when it had been a gift from Holt but it was for the best; it was too noticeable.

I tied Holt’s pendant around my neck and took one last glance around the room. Was I making a terrible decision? I looked at the car keys in my hand. The car Holt had brought me and taught me to drive. Now I knew I would never see him again I felt that everything would remind me of him. Could I really face living in this place every day knowing I would never see the person who’d brought me here? No, I couldn’t. I went into the bathroom and opened the window.

Only once I’d climbed into my Yaris and closed the door behind me did I allow my tears to start again. I was terrified that Saul would arrive and stop me from leaving. I didn’t want to hear his excuses.

I pulled my mobile out of my bag and ran my thumb over the buttons. I wanted to call Dale and beg him to come with me. I knew he would. I would barely even finish asking the question and he would be gathering his things. He could be here in minutes and then we’d be on our way. And then what? We’d have enough money to last a while but we’d both eventually have to get jobs. Rubbish job’s with minimum wage and no contracts because The
Sénat
would be looking for us. I’d been told I couldn’t go anywhere for longer than forty eight hours and Dale was supposed to get signed off before he could leave Rillith for good. Even if they gave up looking, Saul wouldn’t. I may not know who he was anymore but I did know that he would never stop looking for me. Could I really live with myself if I dragged Dale away from his comfortable life here so that he could live on the run with me? No, I couldn’t be that selfish. Before I could change my mind and call him I opened the window and dropped the phone on the ground before pulling away out of my parking space.

As I drove towards the gates I allowed myself one last look at Rillith in my rear view mirror. I promised myself that, once I’d settled down I would find a way to let Henry and Dale know that I was safe. Then I focused my attention on what was ahead of me. Once again, it was time to disappear.