When You Least Expect It (47 page)

             
Amanda stared at her sister, exhausted by her rambling.  “How do you think he was?  How do you think I am?”  Amanda shook her head.  “Forget it, you won’t understand.  Let’s just get my luggage and go home, I’m beat.”

             
Hilary sighed.  Okay, so that’s how it’s going to be.  She would be dealing with the melancholy sister for a while.  Unfortunately, she wasn’t surprised.  “Well, didn’t you have a good time?  Why are you so down?  You went; you saw; you conquered.  You knew there was no future in meeting Ray, so just take it for what it’s worth.”  Hilary knew this was too much too fast, but she couldn’t seem to restrain herself.

             
“Shut up, Hilary. For once in your life, just shut up.”                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                            ~~~

             
              Amanda was quiet on the way home.  She knew she would feel better once she was home, once she saw Elisa and Alex.  They were the ones who grounded her, who kept her in grip with reality.  They made her who she was, they always had. 

             
There was a strange car in the driveway, but Amanda didn’t wonder out loud about it.  Instead, she turned to Hilary.  “Do you mind just dropping me off?  I really am tired and just want to go in and lie down.”  She tried not to react to the look on her sister’s face.

             
“But, I want to hear about your trip…”

             
“I know Hil.  We can meet at Nene’s tomorrow for dinner, how’s that?”  She was already out of the car.  “Can you pop the trunk?”

             
Hilary did so, and got out of the car to hug her sister.  “Mandy, I’ll leave you alone, but only this one night.  I will not allow you to wallow in this.  You knew the consequences of meeting Ray and liking him, so unless you’re ready to uproot your life for him, which I doubt, then just move on.  Please don’t do this to yourself.”

             
Amanda hugged her.  “Thanks for picking me up.  I’ll see you tomorrow.”  She picked up her suitcases and walked in to her house, well aware that Hilary was standing there watching her.  She didn’t look back.

             
Once inside, she was delighted to find both her kids home to welcome her back. 

             
“Mom!”  Both kids rushed to hug their mother. 

             
“Welcome back, Mom.  How was Maine?”  Alex had an arm around his mom.  He had both missed her and been worried sick about her, although he would never admit it. 

             
Amanda smiled at her son, happy to see him.  “It was fun.  How were things here?”

             
“Elisa stayed here most of the time, and Aunt Hilary practically moved in.” 

             
“Good.  The house looks great.”  She looked around for Elisa and for the first time noticed, there was a fourth person in the room.  Standing by Elisa was a boy that looked vaguely familiar.  She couldn’t really place him though.  Elisa came over and gave her a hug.

             
“Everything was fine here, Mom, how ‘bout with you?  You look so tired.  We dropped over to say hi and welcome you home.  I’m actually on a date.  Do you remember Tom from high school?

             
Tom came over to shake her hand.  “Of course she remembers me…hi Mom!” 

             
Amanda did remember him.  Elisa had gone out with him for about a week as a sophomore.  She hadn’t really gotten to know him then, obviously, but Alex had stayed friends with him, so she saw him from time to time.  She always had liked him.  “Tom, you’re so grown up! How are you?” 

             
“I’m good.  Working and going to college.  I’m living on my own now.  Things are working out okay.  I reconnected with your daughter, and she has agreed to go out with me.  I must be a glutton for punishment.”  They all laughed. 

             
“You must be.  Elisa’s grown up some too, though.  You might just be pleasantly surprised.”  She put her arm around her daughter.  “Thanks for taking care of things while I was gone, honey.  Anything I should know about it?”

             
“No, everything was fine.  Alex was a pain, but that’s not new.  How was Ray?”

             
“Ray’s a very nice man.  I had a terrific time with him.”

             
“I’m glad, Mom.  So the trip was worth it?”

             
“Yes, I’ve made a good friend.”

             
“Mom, I have to go to work.”  This from Alex. “Elisa, can you give me a ride?”

             
“Sure, we’re on our way out too.  Mom, I’ll catch up with you later.  I want to know everything.”  She hugged her good-bye.  “You should rest, you look horrible.

             
Amanda laughed.  “Thanks a lot.  Now, go.”

             
They all three walked out the door, talking and laughing.  She walked to the door and waved at them.  She was happy to be back with her family, to be in her own home.  She had missed the kids.  She took a walk through of the house to make sure it was in order, her last stop being the phone.  She picked it up and dialed Ray’s number.  He picked it up on the first ring.

             
“You made it.”

             
“Yes, I did.  I’m home all safe and sound.”  She tried to sound cheerful, failing miserably.

             
“My little apartment seems empty without you, Mandy.  I miss you already.” 

             
Amanda fought back tears.  “I know, Ray.  My trip home was awful, I cried practically the whole way.”

             
“Who knew meeting would make things worse?”

             
She sighed.  “I know.”

             
The two were quiet for a moment, lost in their own thoughts.

             
“Ray, I better just go to bed tonight.  I’m emotionally drained, physically too.  I don’t think I would be the best conversationalist tonight.”

             
“Me neither.  You rest.  I’ll probably be up for a while if you change your mind.  I can’t imagine going to bed tonight without you.  I don’t look forward to it.” 

             
Amanda cradled the phone at her neck.  “I’m sorry, Ray.  Maybe we’ll have a better perspective in the morning.  I’ll talk to you tomorrow, okay?”  

             
“Good night, Mandy.  I’ll see you in my dreams.”

             
She hung up the phone without saying anything else.  She couldn’t, she was already sobbing.

~~~

Amanda waited for Hilary at Nene’s sipping on a much-needed margarita.  Her day at work had been atrocious; everyone wanted to hear about her trip, about Ray, about how she felt.  It was the last thing she wanted to be discussing.  Although she was excited to tell them, and hearing it repeatedly made it seem even more real.  But, without fail, the last question out of everyone’s mouth was, ‘are you going to move over there?’  Her answer was always the same.  No.

             
She sighed and dipped her chip into the hot salsa.  She wondered if Ray would consider moving to El Paso.  She looked around the restaurant taking in its culture, which she loved so much.  She loved the sombreros and colorful serapes hanging on the wall.  The Mexican music playing in the background, and the colorful uniforms the server’s and bartenders wore.  It was all such a part of her.  She’d lose that if she moved to Maine, but how would Ray feel about it if he moved here?  It would be as big of a culture shock for him as it would be for her. 

             
Hilary sat down, startling her back into reality.  “Hey there, sorry I’m late.”  She looked at her sister, who still didn’t look quite herself.  “How are you today?  Any better?”

             
Amanda definitely did not want to have this discussion with Hilary.  “Jet lag is an ugly thing, Hil.  They say whatever the time difference is between the two places, that’s how many days it takes to get back on track.  So, in my case, that’s going to be three days.” 

             
Hilary laughed.  “Who’s they?”

             
Amanda rolled her eyes.  “’They’ are the people who know, of course.  Don’t start with me, I’m tired.”  She waved over their server so they could order.  Hilary ordered a margarita and a plate of tacos, and Amanda ordered a tamale plate, Nene’s specialty.  She held off ordering another margarita, she wanted to stay awake for the inquisition, which she was sure this visit was going to be.  Hilary didn’t disappoint her; she started right in.

             
“I want to hear all about Ray, Mandy.  Was he everything you hoped he would be?”

             
“Yes, and then some.  He was sweet, thoughtful and attentive.  He was definitely not an axe-murderer like everyone thought.  We had a great time together.”  Amanda went on to describe New York, Ray’s friends and family, and all about Maine.  She kept the conversation as light as possible.

             
Hilary listened attentively as she munched on the chips.  “That’s great Mandy.  How did he feel about you?”

             
She looked down at her margarita, playing with the salt around the rim.  “I think he liked me, too.”  The absurdity of this statement brought tears to her eyes, which of course, Hilary promptly noticed.

             
“What?  Did things not go well between you?  I mean, you sound like you had a great vacation, but the whole point of the visit was to meet Ray, yet you haven’t mentioned anything about him.  Why does it make you cry?”

             
Amanda took a gulp of her drink.  “Because leaving him was one of the hardest things I’ve ever gone through.  I could literally feel my heart break as I boarded the plane.  Meeting him was just a formality, I already knew in my heart how I felt about him.  We ‘clicked’, Hil.  Things just fell into place as if it were meant to be.”

             
Hilary could almost see her sister’s heart on her sleeve.  She felt it was her duty to bring her back to earth.  “You mean everything except for the few thousand miles between you.” 

             
Amanda fought back the tears she felt coming.  She refused to cry in front of Hilary.  “Yes, except for that.  It’s a technicality, albeit a big one.  We’ll figure it out, one way or another.”

             
Hilary’s eyes widened.  “Would you even consider moving over there, Mandy?  You’d leave your kids, your family?”

             
“No, I wouldn’t.  I didn’t say how we’d figure it out; I just said we’d have to try.  Ray’s going to come out soon to visit; maybe he’ll fall in love with El Paso, and want to move here.  Who knows?  We’ll just have to see how it goes.  Alex is in his last year in high school; Elisa’s already on her own, so at this point, who knows how things will turn out.   Only time will tell.”

             
Hilary put her hand on her sister arm.  “I just don’t want to see you throwing your life away waiting for something that may never be.  You aren’t twenty-one anymore Mandy, you’re forty.  Don’t wait too long or you just might end up all alone.”

             
Amanda was relieved that their food arrive, forcing the conversation to an end, at least for the moment.  She asked about the kids and Josh, and gave Hilary the floor for a while.  She didn’t want to talk about what a difficult situation she had made for herself.  She was all too aware of it.

~~~

             
Ray was in a funk.  He sat at work and went through the motions, but mostly he thought about Amanda.  He thought about how wonderful it had been having her visit.  How well they had gotten along, how much fun it had been.  He felt so lucky; and yet so miserable.  On the one hand, he had done it, he’d found happiness.  He never in his wildest imagination knew what true happiness really felt like.  He’d thought at one time that he’d been happy with Carrie; that he’d loved her, but it was nothing like this.  This was euphoria.  On the other hand, there was pure misery.  He’d never felt so empty, not even on Sunday’s when his girls went home. The loneliness he felt since Amanda had left was like a black hole; it never ended.  The irony of it all was that although he had longed for Amanda before they’d met; now it was even more than a longing, more than an ache.  His phone rang interrupting his thoughts.

             
“Ray Knight.”

             
“Remember me?”  It was Carrie.

             
Ray froze.  This was the last thing he needed right now.  “Yes, Carrie, how could I forget?”

             
“Well it seems like you have conveniently forgotten that I exist, or that your children exist.  We hear nothing from you.”