When You Least Expect It (10 page)

             
“Hi. Good book you’re reading?”

             
Carrie didn’t look up.

             
He sighed, but pressed on. “It sure is hot out here.  You must be melting just sitting in the sun.  Have you gone in the water yet?”

             
“Yes”. 

             
She didn’t even look up from her book.  Ray persisted.   “I have a good idea, why don’t we all go over and get some ice cream and play at the arcade”

             
“No thanks.”

             
Ray wondered what it would take to melt the ice queen.  Maybe, he thought, he should pick her up and throw her in the ocean.  That certainly would get her attention.  He eyed her surreptitiously.  Nope, the days of picking Carrie up were long gone.  Maybe he could try bribing her.

             
“How about we go shopping?  New clothes sound good?”

             
“Nope.”

             
“Does anything sound good?”

             
“Yes, sitting here quietly reading my book.”

             
Well, there it was; another slap in the face.

             
“Okay, I can take a hint.”

             
“It took you long enough.”

             
Ray got up and walked to the pier.  He went to the ice cream parlor and bought himself a huge chocolate chip sundae with hot fudge and nuts.  He sat across the street on a bench in the shade, lapping it up.

             
About ten minutes later, Ray could hear his girls giggling as they walked up the street.  He watched them, all three, plus Carrie.  They hadn’t seen him yet, they were on the other side.  Carrie looked like a different person when he wasn’t around.  All smiles, and giggling like the girls.  He wished she could be more like that with him.  He could vaguely remember a time when she was. 

             
They stopped in front of the ice cream parlor. 

             
“Mom, this was the best idea you had all day!”  Nikki took her mom by the hand.  “Can I have three scoops?” 

             
“You can have as many as you want, girls.  Let’s pig out, then, go play at the arcade!”

             
All four girls squealed and went in.

             
Ray just sat there in shock.  His sundae had turned into a large lump in his stomach.  He was going to be sick.  He slowly got up, still staring at the ice cream window.  He wanted to go over and shake Carrie.  He wanted to yell at her.  He wanted her to tell him why she treated him like this.  He wanted to know what he had done so horrible in their marriage to make her feel like this towards him.  He’d never cheated on her, had never hit her.  He’d provided a good home.  Ray walked over and threw his sundae in the garbage can on the street.  He walked home, beaten and alone.

             
                                                        ~~~             

             
Hilary couldn’t believe Amanda.  She actually had feelings for this Ray on the Internet.  Hilary felt partially responsible because she’d encouraged her to get online.  How could she have known she would fall for someone?  In Maine!  Who’s married!  Hilary didn’t know what to do.  Unfortunately, she let Amanda know exactly how she felt. 

             
“Mandy, you’re spending too much time alone at home.  You’re lonely.  If you’re ready for a love life, that’s great.  Go out.  Date.  Don’t fall in love online.  Ray is in Maine…hundred of miles away.  You don’t know him from a snake in the ground.  He could be some horrible, twisted hateful man who has you wrapped around his finger because he’s good at telling you what you want to hear.” Hilary had lost control by now and couldn’t believe she was even having this conversation with her older sister. “Grow up Amanda!  Who are you anyway?”

             
Amanda couldn’t believe her ears.  “You are the last person I thought I’d hear this from.  You should know that I don’t do anything lightly, and if I have feelings for Ray, then it’s for a legitimate reason.  You know that the last thing I want is to make another mistake, and I’m being as careful as I can possibly be.  Stop making me out to be some flighty bimbo.”

             
“Then maybe you should stop acting like one.  Leave that guy from Maine alone and get a life!”  Hilary was livid.  She stood up from the table and gathered her things.  “You’re forty years old.  Start acting like it for once.”  With that, she stormed out leaving her sister alone at the table.

             
Amanda was appalled at Hilary’s behavior.  What was she so afraid of?  She just didn’t understand why everybody was so weird about this.  Meeting people online was very popular these days.  Okay, it wasn’t the norm, but with so many people doing it, it couldn’t be all bad could it?  She rationalized it this way.  If she went out tonight, met some complete stranger at a bar, gave him her phone number, then went out with him tomorrow, is that any different?  Then they’d go out and get to know each other.  She seriously felt she was getting to know Ray from the inside out.  Maybe this way, it was even better.  They had none of the sexual tension that went along with new relationships.  She finished her beer and paid the bill.  She barely had enough to cover it since Hilary had stiffed her on her half.  Hopefully she’d calm down and think this through, and then they could have a civilized conversation about it.  She hoped so.  It would mean a lot to her to have her sister in her corner.

             
                                                        ~~~

Amanda arrived home and heard her phone ringing.  Maybe Hilary has come to her senses, she thought.  She hurriedly unlocked the door and ran to answer the phone. 
              “Hello?”

             
“Hi Mandy.   How are you?”

             
She was surprised to hear Ray’s voice. “How’s the beach?”

             
“Okay, but I’ll be glad when it’s over.  We go home tomorrow.”  Ray was so glad to be talking to her.  Ever since Diego had left, the vacation had gone from bad to worse.  It was nice to hear a friendly voice.  “So what have you been up to?”

             
“Not much, working, thinking about things…the usual.   I wish I were back at the beach right about now.”  Ray certainly didn’t sound as happy as he did at first.  “How are things?”

             
“Things are bad, Mandy.  If I weren’t sure before this trip that the marriage was over, I am now.  We have nothing.  We have less than nothing.  It’s over.  As soon as I get home, I’m getting a lawyer and weighing out my options.  Then the next step will be to move out.  I even had this discussion with my eldest daughter, and believe it or not, she’s all for it.  I guess it’s harder on my daughters to watch this farce of a marriage than I thought.  They see how unhappy I am, and it upsets them.  If that doesn’t convince me to move out, Mandy, then I guess nothing will.  But at this point, my mind is made up.”  Ray waited for her response.  He knew things were different between them, and he hoped this news helped.  Unfortunately, all he got from the other end of the receiver was silence.  “Mandy?  Are you there?”

             
“Yes, I’m here.  I was just thinking.  It’s ironic.  Here I am thinking of breaking things off with you because of your wife, and here you are ending things with her.  I’m more confused than ever at this point, Ray, so you’ll have to excuse my silence.”  She was exasperated.  Things weren’t really going her way at all lately.  She had heard the planets were in mercury retrograde, which meant everything that could go wrong did, but this was ridiculous.  She’d heard that on the radio that morning, and though she didn’t believe in astrology, it certainly went along with her life at the moment. 

             
“Breaking things off with me?  Wait…Mandy…what do you mean?”  Ray felt as if someone had suddenly punched him in the stomach.  This can’t be happening, he thought.  Not now.

             
“Everyone in my life has such a fit when I tell them about you.  Then add to that how I feel about you being married.  I’d decided that I was definitely interfering in your marriage, good or bad.  I wanted to cool things between us until you were free.  I don’t want you to make any decisions based on how you think you feel about me.  I am far, far away.  I can’t be there to help you, and I can’t be there to comfort you.  Maybe we won’t ever get to be together, so before you make any rash decisions about leaving your family, you should take that into consideration.”  She held her breath.  She just stood there staring at herself in the mirror, waiting for him to decide their fate.   In her mind she knew these were the right things to say, but in her heart she felt differently.

             
Ray was panicking.  He was afraid to say the wrong thing here, but didn’t know what the right thing was.  He wanted to convince Amanda they were meant to be together.  Unfortunately he was never very good at expressing his feelings, or displaying his emotions.  All he knew was, he better learn fast.

             
“Okay, Mandy, listen.  First and foremost, I’m not ending my marriage because of you.  I’m leaving because of me.  I deserve to be happy, remember?  If we don’t end up together or even meet, then so be it.  If we do, and I think we will, then wonderful.  I’ll get to be happy.  If I end up alone…I’ll still be happier than I am now. I feel we met for a reason.  It just feels right.  We have a connection couples don’t usually have even after knowing each other for a long time.  I love you. I think you’re my soul mate.  That’s the only reason I can come up with for wanting to share my heart with you.  You make me want to be better.”  He wished he could see her right now.  He wanted to see how this made her feel.  He wasn’t used to sharing his feelings this way.  It was new to him.  He wanted to have her just say ‘I love you, too, Ray.’ He didn’t want her to have so many reservations. 

             
“If you’d never met me, Ray, would you still be considering ending your marriage?”  She knew this was the most important question she’d ever asked him.  This was what she wanted to know.  Deep down she felt that the end of Ray and Carrie’s marriage was inevitable, but she just had to be sure.  She silently started to cry, afraid of the answer.

             
“Mandy, please believe me. The answer is yes.  I don’t love Carrie any more.  Our marriage is dead.  I was dead too.   I see now I have no life.  I want one.  Damn it, Mandy, I deserve one!  You made me see that.  You brought me back to life.  Not because I think we have a chance to have a life together, but because I think I have a chance to have a life.  To be happy with myself so that just maybe, I can find someone I can be happy with.  I know it’s out there.  I just want the chance to find it.”  Ray was holding the phone so hard his knuckles were white.  He was willing her to believe him.  He could not fathom losing her before he had the chance to find her.

             
“You will.”  Amanda’s voice was barely a whisper.  “You’ll find yourself again, and then, one day, when you least expect it, you will find that special someone.  The person you are supposed to be with.  Then, miraculously everything will make sense.  I want that for you.”

             
“I want that for you too, Mandy. I know it’s the wrong time for us.  But can’t we just be friends, and maybe, the right time will come along?  If not, do you have so many friends, you couldn’t use one more?”  Ray held his breath.  Why did he feel like in her answer lie his destiny?    He prayed he had gotten through to her.

             
“Alright, Ray, I give.  We can be friends.  But that’s it.  No more love talk or soul mates or anything.  Just two people on the Internet, chatting.”  She knew she would have just as hard a time as Ray living up to this.  But she felt it needed to be done.  If and when he left his wife they could think about more, but not until then.  “So what do you say, buddy?”

             
He knew whether he liked it or not, this was going to be the best he could get.  It was better than not having her around at all, so reluctantly he agreed.  “Ok, you win.  From here on out, Internet pals we are. We can still talk on the phone though, right?” 

             
She considered this for a minute.  “Ray, if your wife were calling some man and talking to her at all hours, how would you feel?  Would it bother you?  Would you feel like she was cheating on you?”  She knew she was hitting below the belt, but she wanted him to understand where she was coming from.  “I know I wouldn’t want my husband talking to some woman he met online”.

             
Ray had heard enough.  “Look, how many times do I have to tell you we don’t have a normal marriage?  If I did, then probably no, I wouldn’t be talking to you.  I wouldn’t want her talking to men she found online.  I would be having a life with her.  As it stands, nothing about my life is normal.  I’m not looking forward to dismantling eighteen years of marriage…but I’m tired of wasting my life.”  Ray was very angry at this point and went on without thinking.  “If you don’t understand that, then maybe we should just not talk anymore.  I need support right now, not someone overanalyzing every aspect of my screwed up life.  I don’t feel guilty about you, I feel reborn. Maybe it’s wrong, but I don’t care. I don’t know how else I can explain my situation to you.  Either you believe me or you don’t, but I’m telling you the truth.  It’s up to you, Mandy.”  Ray knew he had probably gone too far, but there was no turning back at this point.