He squeezed her shoulders. “I know. I couldn’t seem to stop. It’s because I was already worried about you—and now this.”
Pretending to be absorbed in her work, she averted her gaze. She hated lying to those she loved but wasn’t ready to handle the alternative. “I don’t know why you’d worry about me. I’m fine.”
“Fine? You haven’t been yourself since you moved here.”
“Of course I’ve been myself.” She’d done her best to go on as if nothing catastrophic had happened but, of course, there were bound to be changes. Hearing that she had only six months left, that this summer would be her last, still wasn’t easy to cope with.
“No. You’re quieter. Reflective. Withdrawn. You don’t spend much time at the studio anymore, and you were there all the time before. I can’t figure out what’s wrong.”
“Nothing’s wrong,” she said firmly. “My assistant is taking care of Reflections. That gives me a chance to live here, on the farm, like I’ve always wanted to, before my parents sell it. It’s my way of saying goodbye to the place.”
He obviously wasn’t convinced. “You loved living in town, loved being in the middle of everything. And you were so determined to build your business. Then you went...AWOL.”
“I haven’t gone AWOL. I’m tired of doing weddings. I want to be able to photograph nature and help my parents, too. This is my opportunity.”
He studied the black-and-white photograph mounted on canvas that hung on her wall. She’d managed to capture a large, hairy spider spinning a web out in the barn. The texture of the old wood came through so clearly. And she loved the shadow of the web on the ground. It was competition material. She knew it. Finally, she was taking artistic photographs—but she wasn’t sure she’d be around to reap the rewards.
“So how are you making a living?” he asked. “I know your parents are giving you a little to get this place shaped up before they list it, but that can’t be enough to cover your monthly expenses.”
“Actually, the studio’s booked for the season and I no longer have to pay rent on my old apartment. I’m better off than before.”
“The business hasn’t suffered without you there?”
“Not as much as you’d expect.” Autumn might prove to be a different story, but autumn might not matter.
One day at a time...
“Tina’s talented. I trained her well.”
“If she’s
that
talented she’ll break out on her own someday.”
She wouldn’t have to. Callie planned to leave her the business. And she planned to leave Kyle her dog. Those were the only two things she had to give away, except her SUV, but that came with a monthly payment. “Maybe. Maybe not.”
“So you’re happy?”
The way he looked at her begged her to be honest with him, so she almost came out with the truth about her liver. She didn’t want to hurt her friends and family by dying suddenly when she could’ve given them some warning.
But neither did she want to trade her final months for what sharing her secret would mean. Once everyone knew, she’d be the recipient of their pity. She’d have to live with their sadness as well as her own. And she’d have to respond to all that grief and concern with some polite phrase that showed courage in the face of bitter disappointment. She wasn’t sure she was capable of being as brave as that required. Not yet.
Besides, her mother would want to take care of her, would pressure her to move home, and she wasn’t ready. The doctors had given her until the end of summer. She wanted to enjoy as much of that time as possible.
Chances were good she wouldn’t die suddenly, anyway. First she’d become too ill to take care of herself. At that point, she’d come out with it. But right now, the medication her doctor prescribed kept her fairly healthy, if she was careful to eat right, get plenty of rest and manage her stress. It even kept her from looking jaundiced.
“I’m happy,” she insisted.
“So it’s not me. It’s not that we’ve...been together?”
“No.” She smiled as she touched his face. “I know you’d marry me if I wanted you to. You already married another girl just because you slept with her.” She was teasing. Their entire group teased Kyle about Noelle. First she’d used her pregnancy to get him to propose. Then she’d aborted the baby without consulting him when he wouldn’t buy her the mansion she wanted. It was the most astonishing act of spite Callie had ever seen. She still couldn’t bear to look at Noelle, who was once again working at A Damsel’s Delights, a clothing and handmade-jewelry boutique in town.
Fortunately for Kyle, that episode of his life was over. Callie thought it was also fortunate for him that she’d given up on love and marriage; she had no expectations where he was concerned. She didn’t have time to start a family. Even if she found the right man, she wouldn’t want to get romantically involved, wouldn’t want to hurt a partner by dragging him through what could easily turn out to be her death.
“The change in you...it happened about the time we first slept together,” Kyle pressed.
No, it had happened precisely six weeks after. They’d both drunk a little too much and slept together on New Year’s Eve. During the next four weeks she’d begun feeling poorly—tired, nauseous, feverish. She’d assumed she had the flu but the symptoms wouldn’t go away. Then she became jaundiced and, before people could start to remark on it, she’d decided to drive to Sacramento and get checked out at a twenty-four-hour medical center. She must’ve had some inkling that it was serious, or she wouldn’t have gone to such pains to avoid the local doctor. Still, it was a bombshell when, on Valentine’s Day, a physician from that clinic called with the news.
When she didn’t speak, Kyle said, “I can’t help but assume it’s what we’ve done that—”
“Kyle, you have nothing to worry about,” she broke in. “There’s no blame here. I want you to remember that, okay?”
She’d grown too serious. Her intensity made him even more suspicious, but before he could respond, Levi returned with her phone. Hearing his tread on the scarred wooden floor of the old kitchen, she whirled around to face him. “Any luck?”
When his eyes shifted from her to Kyle, Callie felt herself blush. She feared he already understood more about what was going on between them than the group they socialized with so often.
“The police have it,” he said. “They picked it up probably an hour before you got there.”
“Too bad I missed it. But at least it wasn’t stolen.” She didn’t ask how much the impound fees would be. She doubted he had the money to pay them and didn’t want to put him on the spot in front of Kyle. Besides, she felt partially responsible for his loss, since she was the one who’d told the officers about it.
“I’ve got to get back to work.” Kyle looked at Levi. “Want me to drive you to the impound lot?”
Levi shook his head. “No need. I’m not ready to go there yet. But if you’re heading toward town, I’ll hitch a ride as far as you’re going.”
He wasn’t asking for any special consideration. That seemed to soften Kyle up. “I can take you wherever you’d like to go.”
With barely a wince to give away what the movement cost him, Levi hauled his bag over his shoulder as if he might not be coming back. “I saw a gas station a few miles back.”
“The Gas-N-Go?” Kyle said.
He nodded. “Anywhere close to that will be fine.”
Finished with the dishes, Callie dried her hands. “What are you planning to do there?”
“Find work,” he said, and turned away.
She stopped him. “You can’t work! Not yet. You’re covered in stitches.”
He didn’t seem to think that mattered. “I’ll live.”
“Wait.” She sent Kyle a glance that warned him not to interfere. “I could use some help around here.”
Levi’s eyes narrowed skeptically. “Doing
what?
”
“My parents want to sell the place. I told them I’d get it in shape.”
“Which would include...”
She could tell she’d caught his interest. “I’ve been meaning to repair and paint the barn, for one thing.” Her parents had bought the paint; she just hadn’t felt strong enough to get up on a ladder. She’d been considering hiring someone, anyway. The place had sat empty for so long there were plenty of other projects for her to do. Just keeping up with her gardening and photography seemed to be a full-time job. “If you’ll provide the labor, I’ll provide room and board until you finish. I’ll also front the money to retrieve your motorcycle and get it fixed.”
He adjusted the bandages covering the stitches on his right arm. “How do you know I won’t take advantage? That I won’t fix my motorcycle and leave before I ever paint the barn?”
“Will you?” she asked, but she figured there could be worse things. Liver failure had a way of putting smaller disappointments in perspective.
There was a moment of silence. Then he said, “No. Where’s the paint?”
She chuckled. “You’re not in any shape to start quite yet. And the fees on that motorcycle are only going to go up the longer we leave it. Let’s get that taken care of first.”
* * *
Levi kept quiet while Callie drove to the impound lot in Kyle’s truck with his trailer lagging behind. The silence stretched on so long it began to feel oppressive, so she made an attempt at small talk. “Last night you said you’d been in the military. Where’d you serve?”
When he glanced over, she could see him weighing whether or not he wanted to engage in this conversation.
“Is where you served classified information?” She grinned, trying to tempt him into lowering his guard, but he didn’t even crack a smile.
“It’s pointless to go through the usual rituals. We won’t know each other long enough for any of it to matter.”
“It’ll take a week to finish the barn, and that’s only if you’re a fast worker. So humor me.”
“Fine.” He shrugged. “Afghanistan.”
“That must’ve been tough.”
No response, but she couldn’t blame him for not wanting to talk about such a difficult post.
“Where are you from?”
“Seattle.”
“Do you have family there?”
He wasn’t looking at her. He’d gone back to staring out the window. “Some.”
“A wife? Kids?” She’d seen no ring on his finger, but she knew that didn’t necessarily mean he wasn’t committed.
A muscle jumped in his cheek, giving her the impression that she’d just struck a nerve.
“Neither,” he said, the word falling like an ax.
Curious as to why he’d be sensitive on this subject, she asked, “So you’ve been married?”
It took him a few seconds to answer, but eventually he managed another word. “No.”
“Neither have I.” She leaned forward to catch his eye. “In case you were wondering.”
He made no comment, which led her to believe he
hadn’t
been wondering—or wasn’t willing to admit it if he was. He’d have to open up if he was going to ask any questions about her, and that would risk her asking even more questions about him.
“Wow, you’re really easy to talk to,” she said.
His eyes flicked her way.
“I’m afraid they won’t release my bike.”
“The impound lot? Why wouldn’t they?”
“I don’t have my license or registration.”
Considering his situation, this didn’t really surprise her. But it did create a problem. ID was usually required. “So what’s your plan?”
“I don’t know. It’s
my
bike. If we pay the fine, they’d better give it to me.”
Callie didn’t want any problems. “You didn’t...
steal
it, did you?”
He gave her a look that nearly shriveled her on the spot. “No. Just because I don’t have the registration with me doesn’t mean I stole it.”
She wasn’t sure why, but she believed him. He seemed too forthright to be a theif. “I have a friend who tows for this yard. Actually, it’s the brother of a friend. I bet Joe can arrange it.”
This seemed to ease some of his tension. “You think so?”
“It’s a small town. We can work it out.” She loosened her seat belt to give her a bit more breathing room. “So what brings you to California?”
“Figured this was as good a place as any.”
She had so many loved ones she couldn’t imagine taking to the road, trading her relationships with them for a series of roadside diners and two-bit hotels—even if she was well.
“Does your family know you’re here?” Who’d been part of his life? And where had they gone? Did they miss him? Care about him?
Again, there was a slight delay in his answer. “I haven’t talked to them in some time.”
Why?
She wanted to ask, but no amount of effort on her part seemed capable of breaching the walls he’d thrown up. Because he wouldn’t engage in this conversation, it seemed more like an interrogation.
Convinced that she was wasting her time, Callie let it go. She wasn’t necessarily looking for a friend. She had plenty of those. She was just trying to be one. But being a friend didn’t have to include badgering him into revealing his situation. She could live and let live. After all, she had her own secrets.
Adjusting the volume on the radio, she fell silent and expected that silence to last—until
he
spoke.
“That guy, Kyle.”
She tightened her grip on the steering wheel. “What about him?”
“You’re sleeping with him, right?”
Fortunately, the impound lot was coming up. “Kyle’s a long story,” she said, and turned into the drive.
* * *
At the farm, the sun bore down on Levi, reminding him of Kandahar in July. In reality, this day, which was somewhere around ninety degrees, was mild by comparison. He’d never felt what the word
swelter
meant until he’d experienced one-hundred-and-fifteen-degree temperatures in the desert half a world away—while wearing an army uniform and fifty pounds of gear. Still...the blinding brightness of the afternoon sun brought back memories. Once again, he could taste the gritty dust that clogged his nose and throat, the salt of his own sweat, the fatigue of intense exertion. He could also hear the Pashto spoken in the market they policed. Afghanistan had been unlike any place he’d ever visited or previously imagined, but he hadn’t disliked being there. Not in the beginning. Joining the army provided an escape from his father, which had considerably improved his life.