After they hung up, she’d had to make up an excuse for Levi so she could drive to the pharmacy where she had her prescriptions filled. She couldn’t use the one inside Nature’s Way—a locally owned grocery store not far from Whiskey Creek—unless she wanted everyone to know about her condition before she found the nerve to tell them. It wasn’t as if she could claim the diuretic spironolactone, or the lactulose, which she had to take four times a day to inhibit the buildup of ammonia in her blood, were for a harmless condition like premenstrual cramps. She was just lucky that she didn’t need beta-blockers. So many people with cirrhosis of the liver developed enlarged veins in the esophagus and bled internally as a result.
“There’s nothing I can do.” She sat on the edge of the chair swing he’d hung from the ceiling of his old-fashioned porch. “If Denny set that fire, I have to hope the police will be able to prove it and prosecute him, or...I’ll continue to live in fear.”
Baxter was generally dressed in either an expensive, hand-tailored suit, which he wore to work, or something equally classic and stylish for casual. But in honor of a lazy Sunday afternoon, he was wearing designer jeans, a button-down shirt and house shoes. “Indefinitely?”
If she lived at all. Wondering about the side effects, she frowned at the medication she’d brought in so she could take her first dose. “What other choice do I have? It sucks, but they can’t charge him with a crime just because I believe he’s guilty.”
“You could move back into town.”
“What good would that do?”
“It would get you out of the sticks and farther away from where Denny lives!”
“He won’t be staying in that house for long. He’s only leased it for the summer. Anyway, why should I let him chase me out of where I want to spend my final months?”
A hand went to his chest as if she’d just stabbed him.
“Don’t say ‘final months’!”
“I’m sorry.” She shoved the medication into her purse so she wouldn’t have to look at it. “Anyway, where would I go?”
“Your parents’. Or...” He gestured at the hundred-year-old house behind them. He’d spent an inordinate amount of time picking flooring and paint and accoutrements so Riley, their contractor friend, could restore it, and it was lovely. “Heck, you could even come here. I have an extra bedroom.”
“And give you a front row seat to what’s going to happen to me?” She shook her head. “No, thanks.”
He clasped her hand. “I’d take care of you, Callie.”
“I don’t want you to
have
to.”
“Come on. That’s what friends are for.”
“I know.” She curled her fingers more tightly through his. “But I wouldn’t want to bring my Denny trouble into anyone else’s life. And I like being at the farm. That way I’ve got the privacy I need to cope with my illness.”
“You mean Levi’s there,” he said with a laugh.
She grinned. “That, too.”
Baxter gave the swing a push, and it started to sway. “I like him,” he said as they watched the cars, many of them tourists coming to see a genuine gold-rush town, pass by on the street.
She broadened her smile. “He’s hot, huh?”
“Not as hot as Noah, but...”
They laughed together. Then he sobered. “When are you going to tell him?”
“About what?”
He widened his eyes. “What do you think?”
“That I’m about to die? Why would I
ever
tell him?”
Baxter stopped the swing. “Callie—”
“Levi and I are just hanging out until the police can get to the bottom of this arson. Why would I need to let him know I’m a terrible investment of his time? That there won’t be any return?”
“Knowing you is a privilege,” he insisted. “No matter what.”
“Come on! It’s too intense for a new acquaintance. We’re not even sleeping together.”
He let go of her hand to tie the leather thong that was coming undone on one of his shoes. “I get the feeling things are drifting that way.”
“Well, they’re not. For your information, I dumped all my birth control last night.”
“Not a good idea.”
She tucked her feet under her. “What don’t you understand about...
he’s not interested?
”
“He might tell you that, but it’s not necessarily the truth. I wasn’t the only one who could feel the sexual tension between the two of you yesterday.” He bent his head to make his next words more meaningful. “Kyle mentioned it.”
“He did?”
“As soon as we left.”
“Is he...upset about that?” She missed Kyle. They’d spent so much time together in the past year and now that she’d put the brakes on sleeping with him, trying to reestablish the old boundaries felt so strained and awkward. But with everything that’d happened, what he knew about and what he didn’t, it wasn’t as if they could carry on the way they had before.
“He’s playing it straight,” Baxter said, “acting like he’d be happy if you could find a good guy.”
She toyed with the chain holding the swing. “Levi
is
a good guy, but he’s not
that
guy.”
“He’s obviously wrestling with some inner demons, Cal. Doesn’t mean they’ll win. Maybe he won’t wind up going anywhere. Maybe you’ll get that liver transplant and he’ll stay.”
“You’re dreaming!” she said with a roll of her eyes.
“He came back yesterday when you thought he was gone, didn’t he?”
A gentle breeze stirred the chrysanthemums that lined his porch. “Only because he feels responsible for getting me into the mess I’m in. If he’d shown up on someone else’s doorstep after that dog attack, it would probably be their barn that got burned.”
“Maybe he realizes what he has in you.”
“Let’s face it.” A door slammed and she lowered her voice because Baxter’s neighbor had come out to water his lawn. “That would be the worst scenario. I don’t want him to suffer any more loss.” She considered telling Baxter about the woman who’d been killed in Afghanistan, but since Levi had entrusted her with something that personal, she wanted to respect his privacy. “So the most I can hope for is a couple of great weeks with him before he takes off—and before this damn disease gets the better of me and I’m no good for anything.”
Concern etched deep grooves between his eyebrows. “Do you feel sick?”
“Surprisingly, I don’t. I mean...I have my moments.” Like the night she’d started throwing up and couldn’t seem to stop, and Levi had carried her to bed. “But most of the time I feel like the old me, except for a sense of lethargy. Many people have no symptoms at all, not until the very end.”
“Then, since you still feel good enough to want a man, I say you go buy more birth control.”
She gave his shoulder a shove. “Quit that. I’m determined to settle for being his friend, for knowing I helped him at a time when he needed someone.”
The neighbor waved and Baxter waved back. “I’ve been thinking,” he said.
“About your situation or mine?”
“Don’t try to change the subject.”
“Why not?”
“Because there’s nothing I can do. I wish I could change my sexual orientation, but I can’t.”
“When did you figure out you were gay?”
“In the fifth grade, when I realized that girls didn’t mean the same thing to me as they did to Noah.”
“You’ve known that long?”
“I certainly wondered. But we’re talking about
you.
I think you should tell Gail right away. Maybe she can help.”
“How?”
“She’s married to one of the biggest movie stars on the planet. Simon has contacts and money the rest of us don’t.”
She scowled at him. “I told you. The donor lists don’t work that way. Besides, his money isn’t mine!”
“For Gail’s sake, he’ll do whatever he can. What good is having money if it can’t make a difference when it’s most important? We’ll all pitch in, although he hardly needs to ask for donations.”
“You think she might be able to get me moved to the top of the transplant list by
bribing
someone?”
“I’ll bet she can get you a liver by tomorrow.”
“I would hope the people who manage this type of thing aren’t that corrupt.”
“You can hope, just don’t bet on it. Money talks.”
“But that would just nudge everyone else down the list.”
“So?”
“So?”
she echoed. “Who are we to say I have any more right to survive than the other people waiting for a transplant?”
She could tell he didn’t want to look at it that way. “There’re no guarantees for anyone as it is,” he said.
“I couldn’t live knowing I took someone else’s chance of surviving. That just feels too creepy to me, like we’re playing God.”
The swing tilted to her side when he got up and began to pace. “You have to fight for your life, Callie! That means throwing everything you have at this. You just happen to be best friends with Simon O’Neal’s wife. Take whatever help they can give you!”
She wanted to live so desperately that, for a moment, she considered letting him convince her. She wasn’t sure Simon would be able to do anything; his contacts weren’t in the medical field. But he was treated like a god by just about everyone. His level of fame made such a difference. And on top of that, in a world where money mattered so much, paying the right people probably
could
improve her chances of receiving a liver before it was too late.
But what about those who were waiting and hoping, who might not know a celebrity of his stature? What if one of them was a single mother? A father with a family to support? A child?
She shook her head. “I couldn’t. Living is important, but—”
“What could be
more
important than that?” he interrupted, clearly exasperated that she would argue when he was so certain he’d come up with the perfect solution.
It was a tough choice. She’d give just about anything to reclaim the promise of a future, to know she could avoid the terrible fate that loomed ahead.
Anything except her integrity. “Living right.”
That seemed to take the fight out of him. Tears filled his eyes and he glanced away. “I don’t want to lose you,” he said, his voice strangled.
This was what she’d have to face if she told the others. Maybe Gail would even act on her own. “There’s always a chance I’ll pull through.” Gathering her purse, she got out of the swing. “I have to go, Bax.”
He blinked away his tears. “So when will you let everyone else in on our little secret?”
He didn’t like bearing the burden of it alone. But if she divulged the truth, word would get back to Levi. Since he’d made arrangements to help Joe at the station, he’d be coming into town whenever Joe called him. The repair shop wasn’t open on Sundays, but it would be tomorrow and the next day and the day after. That meant she’d no longer have control over what he heard and what he didn’t. So why take the risk? Why tell anybody? There was no need for Levi to be burdened with the knowledge of something she could easily tell her friends after he left.
She was going to enjoy what little time she had with him.
“When Levi’s gone,” she said.
Baxter gripped the railing. “Seriously? You’re putting it off again? But we talked about this!”
“I’ve waited four months. What’s another few weeks?”
Another few weeks could be everything, could be The End. And yet it
still
meant more to her to spend the coming days with this new person in her life.
“He’s that important to you?”
“For some reason, he is.”
Baxter cursed but eventually sighed. “Fine.”
“You’ll respect my wishes?”
“Of course, but...”
“There’s a ‘but’?”
“At least sleep with him!” he said, and waved her off.
18
T
he Gruper rental, as Levi had heard Callie refer to it, wasn’t one of the nicer homes in Whiskey Creek. Not only did it lack the sturdy construction of the farmhouse, it possessed none of the nineteenth-century charm of the Victorians closer to town. Such a cheap, unimaginative structure didn’t even seem to belong in the area. The gray stucco walls had cracks, indicating it had been cheaply built to begin with. And, judging by what Levi saw, no one had bothered to take care of it since. Dog piles—or bleached grass where dog piles had disintegrated with time—dotted the dry, brittle lawn. The paint was peeling under the eaves. The screen door hung at an awkward angle.
The only remotely interesting thing about this house was two holes, chest-high, in the screen door. Levi thought they looked as if someone had fired a couple of bullets through it....
That made him leery. But not leery enough to get back on his motorcycle and drive away. He’d tried to talk himself out of coming here. But, for better or worse, he wasn’t going to let others threaten his life or the life of someone he cared about. In his opinion, a man should have the right to defend himself against pricks like Denny and his friend.
The truck Denny had driven to the farm sat in the driveway. Levi eyed it while listening for sounds that might suggest Denny had reclaimed Spike. When he didn’t hear barking, he felt confident that Denny hadn’t yet raised the money for the fine. At least he wouldn’t have to fight off another pit bull.
He lifted his hand to knock, and the door swung open almost as soon as his knuckles could strike wood. Sure enough, no dog came charging out.
“Powell, come here! Quick!” Denny yelled. “It’s our homeless friend.”
A toilet flushed and Powell came hurrying into the living room, zipping his pants. “What’s he want?”
“That’s a good question.” Heartened by Powell’s presence, Denny stood a little taller. “What are you doing here?”
With the blinds drawn and only a television throwing off any light, the house was so dark inside Levi couldn’t see Denny or Powell very clearly. He could smell alcohol, though, and wondered if they’d been sitting around, stewing and drinking.
Men with a few beers under their belts were often more impetuous, or just plain stupid, than others. But Levi had known coming here would be a gamble. He was willing to accept the odds.
Scowling, he focused on Denny, who was right in front of him. Powell stood closely behind and to one side. “Take a wild guess.”