When September Ends (17 page)

She doesn’t press me further. Maybe she’s happy not knowing, which is fine with me because I’m not ready to put my private life out there for her to judge.

“Would you like a cup of tea? I find it soothing. It looks like you could use some soothing,” she comments, getting up to pour me a cup.

“Thanks,” I reply, taking the cup and sipping from it. “We need to talk about those papers, Sarah. We need to end this marriage.”

She takes another sip of her tea. “Especially now, right?”

I look over at her, studying her expression. “What do you mean,
especially now
?”

“I mean now that you’re going to be a father again,” she says with no emotion.

My pulse races. Did September tell her grandparents? As if reading my mind, Sarah continues. “After you left, I was still upset. I don’t have friends, other than Casey, I guess. And lately, well she’s been avoiding me so I went next door to find out why. She filled me in on everything.”

“Define everything.”

“I know about you and Casey, and I also know about you and my
daughter
,” she snaps harshly.

“I see. Casey is quite the piece of work,” I deadpan. “But I’m not going to apologize for any of it, Libby.”

“It’s
Sarah
,” she replies testily, her eyes welling up.

“No, it’s
Libby
, and it’s time for you to take ownership of your past, regardless as to whether you remember it or not. Period.”

The firmness and finality in my voice quiets her for the moment, so I continue. “You left the marriage of your own will. You left me with our daughter, and with
your
daughter. You didn’t even leave a fucking note. You didn’t contact me, or your parents, and though none of us are privy to what was going on with you at the time, there was at least a year between the time you deserted us and when you got injured. It seems to me that, in that time, no matter what your circumstances, you could’ve found a way to contact us.”

She stands up, turning from me. “You don’t know shit about what I went through, Jesse!”

I cock a brow, and remain silent.

“Yes, I remember!” she screams, whirling back around to face me, her eyes are wild and filled with genuine fear. “I remember bits and pieces only, not everything. I left you because I was promised wealth and a life that would be exciting. I was sick of being trailer trash tied down with snotty-nosed kids!”

Her rant stops, but only momentarily as she finds the words to admit what she now remembers. “But what I hadn’t considered was the promised wealth went to him—my Mexican pimp, and none of it to me. He hired me out to his wealthy and powerful friends who did unspeakable things to me, and my only comfort was when he showed me the mercy of shooting me up with heroin so I could endure the torture, day after day, week after week, and month after month. When I finally found the opportunity to escape, I took it. Damn right, I took it. A drug mule offered me escape and, trust me, anything I had to do as a result was much better than what I’d been going through. I don’t remember much after that, only that I helped him smuggle opiates over the border a few times. I guess that’s when I got injured and nearly died.”

“Is that it?”

“Is that what?”

“All you remember? What about your daughters? When did all of
that
come back to you, and when did you plan on cluing us in?”

She shrugs and takes a seat at the table, gazing over at me. “I guess it just came back a little bit at a time. Mama has been relentless in showing me photos and videos of them, and of you and me—our life together. She’s told me everything I’ve ever needed to know about all of you, and what our life had been like as a family. I don’t know, maybe I
haven’t
really remembered, maybe Mama has simply planted the details in my mind so many times that it seems as if I do remember. All I know for sure is that I want you as a wife wants her husband.”

“What are you saying?”

“I’m saying I want you to fuck me, Jesse. I want to see if it triggers more memories for me, and if it feels like it should between a man and a woman. I want to share your bed. I can make you forget September…you only took up with her because she reminded you of me, that’s what Mama says anyway.”

“You’re delusional if you think that’s going to happen, Libby.”

“It will if you want me to sign these papers,” she replies. “Come on, I’m betting we enjoyed some amazing sex back in the day. I’m your wife, it’s not sinful like what you did with September.”

I have to laugh at what she’s just said, and I do so harshly. “So you’ve got this all planned out, right? You think I’m going to fall in the sack with you and suddenly, everything will be just fine? That you can blackmail me into staying married as if I could ever
love
you again?”

“You did once,” she replies, watching me.

“Maybe. But I don’t really think it was a healthy kind of love. It was nothing like what I have with September, that much I know.”

“Stop!” she shrieks, covering her ears. “You’re talking of something depraved and sick.”

“I’m speaking the truth, Libby, and there’s nothing depraved or sick about it. How convenient is it that you come here with all of your ‘born-again’ ways and choose to judge me. Have you asked the good Lord to forgive you for what you’ve done?”

I haven’t realized that our voices have gotten loud. That Scout’s awake now and standing outside in the living room where she can clearly hear our argument in the kitchen.

“I have prayed to the Lord, and I continue to pray to Him every day, Jesse. I pray that he’ll bring us together, you and me, and no one else.”

“No one else?”

“Don’t you see, Jesse?” she asks softly, sinking down on her knees in front of me, clasping my hands in hers. “You and me are meant to be together, I can feel the Lord’s blessing wrapped around us like a soft, thick blanket. But kids—well, I think that’s the part I couldn’t handle to be honest. I think that is likely the reason I left you back then.”

I’m totally blown away and I’m not sure I’m really hearing the words that she’s saying. “What the hell?”

“Now September is grown, and there’s no reason why she can’t stay on with Mama and Daddy to help out there. Once the baby comes, Scout will be out of school for the summer. She can go on and stay there with them and help with the baby. Then we can have our fresh start. I never wanted more kids, Jesse. It was wrong of me not to tell you that back then. We had Scout by accident and then I knew for sure I didn’t want anymore. But you wanted a son and, well, I let you think that was going to happen, but I knew it wouldn’t because I kept on taking my birth control pills.”

I feel my jaw clench tightly as I pull my hands away from her and move to stand up. “You’re once sick bitch, Libby. If you think for one moment that I would send my daughter away, you’re crazier than fuck!”

“Now you wait one minute—”

“No! You shut your mouth. I don’t love you. I don’t want you, and the fact that you’ve pretty much just said you want nothing to do with your kids even now, makes me not able to even tolerate you being here one more minute.”

“What? What are you saying?”

Just then Scout comes into the kitchen, tears streaming down her cheeks. “Dad, please don’t yell,” she sobs coming over to me. I immediately wrap my arms around her, and pull her against me. “I’m sorry, baby,” I say softly. “I’m sorry you heard us arguing like that.”

She nods, and remains silent. I choose my words carefully, and my voice is firm, but quiet. “Get your things packed up, Libby. Tomorrow we’re driving to Meridian for Christmas. I’m sure your mother and father will be glad to see you and grateful for the help you can provide.”

She starts to object, but I shoot her a look and she thinks better of it.

“Would you like to spend Christmas with your grandparents, Scout?”

She pulls back and looks up at me. “Is September there?”

“Yeah, baby, she is. How about we see about bringing her home?”

She nods and a hint of a smile appears as she wipes her eyes with the back of her hand. “I hope she’ll come,” she says, “I want her back.”

“I do too, baby. I do too.”

Christmas Eve

Well, under the circumstances, Gram and Grandpa took the news of my pregnancy as I expected…not well. And I did the right thing: I didn’t lie.

I owned it and told the whole truth about my situation. They now knew that Brandon was just a friend—and not a boyfriend. When Gram had continued to badger me about the identity of the father, a look from me had told her everything she needed to know.

“Good Lord, September,” she had moaned, “How could you have let this happen? I thought that business was over.”

I wasn’t about to provide details, so I simply turned away telling her that I didn’t want to talk about it.

Grandpa was livid as well, although for different reasons I think. Gram had it in her mind that the new and improved “Sarah” was going to be the wife to Jesse and mother to Scout that she should’ve been when she was Libby. Grandpa still had it in his mind that Jesse was this seducer of young, innocent virgins because well….that’s just how he thinks. He’s old school Southern one hundred percent.

I’m upstairs in my room where I’ve been hiding out since giving them the details last night. It’s just a little before noon. My stomach is growling, and I’m debating whether or not it will be worth Gram’s cold demeanor if I go downstairs to feed my hunger.

Just as I decide to go for it, I hear some kind of commotion downstairs.

Do we have company?

I step out into the hallway and Scout’s voice is unmistakable. I hear Gram tell her that I’m upstairs. Within seconds, I hear her footsteps on the stairs and I don’t budge until I see her coming towards me, a smile on her face as she sees my confusion.

“Surprise and Merry Christmas,” she says, coming at me.

“Oh my God, what are you doing here?” I ask, giving her a sisterly hug.

“Dad brought us here to bring you back. You’ll come with us, right?”

My stomach lurches, and it has nothing to do with being hungry. “Slow down, you’ve lost me,” I reply, as I pull her into my room and close the door. “What’s going on?”

She takes her jacket off and tosses it on my bed. “I don’t know everything, but I guess he wants Sarah to stay here with Grandma and Grandpa, and he wants you to come home with us. Please say you will?”

She looks at me, and her eyes are pleading as she awaits my answer. “Scout,” I reply softly, “It’s kind of complicated.”

“It doesn’t have to be.”

“What about Mama—Sarah,” I correct, “Won’t you miss her? Seems like you and she got really close.”

She shrugs and a frown creases her forehead. “I don’t think she really likes having kids around. I heard her talking to Dad about it. September? Are you gonna have a baby?”

Oh God.

I study her for a moment. At eleven years old, Scout sometimes amazes me with her directness. And, for whatever reason, I know she’ll be fine with this…but I’m not sure how much she knows, or how much she should know.

“Yes, I am. How did you know?”

“I heard Sarah say something about it to Dad. I don’t think I’m supposed to know, so we can just keep it between us if you want.”

“Yeah, maybe that’s best for now.”

There’s a knock on my bedroom door. “Scout?”

It’s Jesse.

“Come in,” she says, and suddenly I feel as if my legs have turned to jelly. I sink down on the bed as Jesse enters the room. My heart flip-flops when I see him, and his blue eyes are assessing me and shit, I know that he knows—not just about my condition…but he knows…everything.

“Scout, can you give me a few minutes to talk to your sister alone? I think your grandmother’s making lunch for you.”

“Sure,” she says, bouncing out of the room, “Are we staying over?”

“No, we’re not,” he replies. “I’ll be downstairs in a few minutes.”

She closes the door behind her and Jesse hasn’t taken his eyes off of me once since he’s entered the room. “You need to pack your things. You’re coming back with us.”

“Wait…what?”

He doesn’t skip a beat. “What part didn’t you understand, babe? This shit has gone on too long. I know everything. Had a little chat with Brandon yesterday. My question is, why the hell did you run off and not share this bit of news with me?”

And I feel like a kid getting my ass chewed—deservedly—but I don’t like giving him that kind of power over me. “Look, I didn’t know what else to do, Jesse. I mean, the whole thing was kind of a shock to me, do you even get that?”

“To you?” he says, and then gives a bitter laugh. “How the fuck do you think it made me feel when I practically rearranged your neighbor’s face thinking…well…never mind, you damn well know what I was thinking what with you doing what you do best.”

I bristle at this. “And what exactly is that?”

He pulls me up from the bed to stand before him. “Your sneakiness and duplicity,” he snaps, shaking his head.

Now. I. Am. Pissed.

I jerk my arm away from him, and turn my back.

“Now get your shit packed up, we’re going home. Ruth and Henry made it clear just now that I’m not welcome here, and I’ll be damned if I’m leaving without you.”