When I'm Gone: A Novel (14 page)

JUNE

CHAPTER 14

Luke clicked the button on the top of the camera, Will and May framed in the display screen. The digital software made a soft click, reminding him of the days when a shutter actually opened and closed inside a camera.

When they were kids in Pentwater, Luke and Natalie used to pool their spare change to buy those disposable cameras. They’d have a photo shoot in the backyard fort, taking turns making the funniest faces they could imagine. They never had enough money to actually develop the film.

Clicking another picture, Luke wondered if those cameras were packed in an old box somewhere. He’d have to ask Will to check with Terry while he was at her house.

“Dad, are we done yet? You’re going to make us late,” May said through clenched teeth as she held her smile, posing with her hands on her hips. Will rolled his eyes.

“It’s the last day. I don’t think anyone cares if we’re late.” Will flipped his hood up. It was the first week of June and seventy-eight degrees outside, but he was still wearing the hoodie. Maybe it would dissolve one day due to overuse. “But, seriously, can we go now? Last day I get to see my friends for the whole summer.”

Luke flicked the power switch off and placed the camera on the side table in the hall. The pictures weren’t his idea. Natalie reminded him a few days ago in a letter. Every year she’d take pictures on the first and last day of each school year and then put them side by side in a set of frames on the mantel in the family room. The first and last day of school was always treated as a holiday in the Richardsons’ house. It probably came from Natalie’s career as a teacher.

There was one part of the “last day of school” letter Luke loved. He read it again this morning before waking up Will and May. She’d said: “I don’t understand why parents cry on the first day of school. For me, that’s the best day. The anticipation and excitement for what lies ahead always gives me goose bumps. It’s the last day that makes me tear up. The year is over, and my students walk out of the room first graders and into their parents’ arms second graders. It’s the end that marks a beginning, not the first day.” Every time he read it, he couldn’t help thinking she’d been talking about more than school.

“Don’t be so dramatic, Will. We aren’t leaving for another two weeks.” May hefted her faded purple backpack on her shoulders. Why it was so heavy on the last day of school, Luke didn’t dare ask. The rocks he’d seen May and Jessie decorating a few days ago were probably the culprits. “Plus,” May continued, “Grandma Terry said she’s going to take us to Disney World and the beach and to see alligators and—”

“I don’t care about all that. I just want to stay here and chill with friends.” Will yanked on the drawstring on his hood, closing it around his face. “Clay! We’re leaving.”

“Hey, be nice to your sister,” Luke said, grabbing his keys off the holder by the door. “And stop yelling. Annie’s going to think we live like a bunch of wild people.”

Clayton’s feet stomped on the hardwood floor as he ran in from the kitchen. Annie walked behind him in measured steps like she was sure he was about to trip and fall. Annie was a new addition to their morning routine. She’d called him a few hours after he picked up Clayton for his nonexistent doctor’s appointment. With no reference to Luke’s insinuations, Annie offered to care for Clayton at the Richardsons’ house. She also explained that she’d changed her mind and was ready to move to Washington, DC with Brian, asking, halfheartedly, if Luke would still be willing to give the promised recommendation. He agreed, not wanting to push her away again, but still not sure what he’d say if the call ever came.

Soon he wouldn’t be seeing her much anyway. When Terry asked if she could have the kids visit her in Orlando for six weeks over the summer, Luke couldn’t find a reason to say no. The shift to being a single dad had been exhausting. He’d be working on a new project, and as grateful as he was for Annie’s help, he didn’t feel right about making her watch all the kids through the whole summer.

“Don’t worry; I was already aware of the wild people in this house. You’re not as shocking as you think.” Annie tugged at May’s high ponytail and stood in front of Will. “Though after spending a few minutes in your room, I think
National Geographic Explorer
could do a whole series on the things growing in there.”

She gently yanked at the gathered fabric around Will’s face and pushed back the hood. With Will already a head taller than her and still growing, Annie had to stand on her toes a little. She patted down a few flyaway hairs and smiled.

“That’s better,” she said, stepping back to stand by Luke. “You took the pictures without the hood, right?”

Luke nodded, glancing at his watch. Seven forty-five, time to go.

“Okay, everyone, say bye to Clayton and Annie.” Luke clapped his hands together. “We’re going to be late.”

“You mean
you
are going to be late for your meeting with Ms. Mason,” Will said, raising his eyebrows. “What is this, the third or fourth time in the past six weeks?”

“Hey, we are talking about you in those meetings, so I wouldn’t be counting so closely,” Luke said, trying to push the conversation away from Will’s insinuations. Will insisted the only reason Ms. Mason kept asking for meetings was because of some underlying romantic intentions. “You’re stalling. Let’s go.” Luke leaned down and gave Clayton a kiss on his sticky cheek. “Be good for Annie.”

“I’m always good, Daddy. Annie says so.” Clayton put his hands on his hips and pouted as though he was really offended.

“This is true. Always good, I swear,” Annie said, giving Will a side hug and pulling May in on her other side. “You guys have a great last day and don’t be so hard on your dad. He’s going to miss you guys.”

“Yeah, right . . .” Will said, shrugging. Annie wiggled her fingers against his rib cage, and he flinched away, trying not to giggle. “Hey!”

“What?” She looked at him with wide innocent eyes.

“Out the door now.” Luke glared at Will, pointing to the garage door. Taking May’s hand, he turned to face Annie. “And you are
not
helping!”

“Hey! Remember when we were happy to see him smile?”

“I know. I know.” He paused. He wanted to tell Annie she had a lot to do with Will’s progress, but they hadn’t had a real conversation in weeks. Instead he said, “Well, have a fun day, you two.”

“We will.” Annie’s lips pressed together like she too had something to say she couldn’t get out.

Luke dropped May off at her elementary school, waiting through a slow line of cars. By the time he parked and stealthily said good-bye to Will, Luke had four minutes to spare before his eight-thirty appointment.

Fine. He was looking forward to seeing Ms. Mason again, and their past two meetings could’ve easily been done over the phone. He enjoyed her company, and if Natalie was going to pressure him into dating again, he’d rather spend time with someone he already knew and kind of liked than whatever Natalie had in store. These were not exactly dates, but they were as close as he could manage now.

Usually he had to wait in the uncomfortable chairs lining the hall outside of Ms. Mason’s office until she came out of whatever meeting she’d been wrapped up in. But today, she stood outside her office, leaning on the door frame of the open door. She was wearing heels, as always. This pair was a scaly red, with at least an inch of platform under the sole. Her black skirt and flowy gray top were bland in comparison, but the contrast was enough to make the shoes almost appropriate.

She was wearing her hair down, and the tight, natural spirals hung down her back, nearly reaching her waist, the ends four shades lighter than the dark amber at the top of her head. Luke didn’t know if it was from an old dye job or a new fashion trend. Natalie never followed trends but always had her own sense of style. Every once in a while she’d get really dressed up for school, as though there was some special event going on. After a few years he’d stopped asking when she threw on a dress and a pair of dangly earrings because every time he asked, she always answered, “It felt like a dress day today.”

You’ve got to stop,
Luke told himself. He couldn’t think about her nonstop anymore. If she were only dead, he’d never want to stop thinking about her, but since she was dead and had left him with questions about two different men in her life, thinking about Natalie was doubly painful.

Yes, he read her letters when they showed up, and sometimes he even enjoyed them when he allowed himself to forget. But he also read the letters in case she slipped up and let a secret spill and to count mentions of Dr. Neal (twenty-four) or a casual drop of Andy’s name (only once). But Ms. Mason was right in front of him, waving him over to her office. She was a nice, professional, intelligent woman, and Luke hated to admit it, but Will was right—she liked him.

“Mr. Richardson, good morning.” Ms. Mason shot him a wide smile, uncrossing her arms nervously. “Thanks for meeting me early.” She gestured for him to enter the office. On the desk were two cinnamon rolls as big as fists and a pair of sweating glasses of iced coffee.

“I hope you don’t mind iced coffee. It’s finally getting hot out, and I can’t stand drinking hot coffee on a warm morning.”

“Iced sounds great.” Luke smiled and sat down, pulling his chair up to the desk. He picked up the see-through plastic cup, wiping the pool of condensation off the tabletop. He took a quick sip and tried not to cough. The drink didn’t taste anything like coffee, more like milk with sugar and caramel mixed into it. Ms. Mason settled into her seat and crossed her legs to the side.

“Can you believe it’s the end of the year already?” she asked, pinching off a small piece of pastry and popping it in her mouth.

“Yeah.” Luke nodded, working hard to make small talk. Why was he suddenly so nervous? Perspiration beaded up on his forehead. “It really snuck up on us this year.”

“So true,” Ms. Mason said, nodding slowly like he’d meant more by his comment than intended. Like he was talking about Natalie. An awkward silence passed between them. Luke shifted in his seat, a bead of sweat trickling down his back. He coughed and instinctively reached for another sip, only to fight back his gag reflex when he tried to swallow it.

“Uh, so . . .” He put the drink down, determined to not mistakenly drink it again. “Was there something you wanted to discuss? About Will?”

“Mmm, yeah,” she mumbled, mouth full of cinnamon roll. She took a drink and coughed. “Whoa, that’s way too sweet, right?”

“Maybe a little.”

“I’m so sorry.” She held up the cup like she was searching for the mistake. “It’s a new place. Starbucks had a line, so I tried Java Joe’s. Lesson learned. They’re on my bad list now.”

“You have a list? Are you searching out coffee shops to blacklist?”

“Oh yeah, I’m undercover in Michigan to find all the subpar coffee shops. It’s my main mission.”

“Wow, that sounds dangerous. Anyone try to assault you with their grinder yet?”

“Not yet, but no worries; caffeine triggers my training, so I’ll be a ninja in no time.” She laughed. Luke liked her laugh; it was careless and a little loud, like she’d fit in with a group of kids on a playground.

Luke laughed; he could see why she was so effective with the teenagers. Her humor was captivating.

“I’m officially scared.” Luke held up his hands like he was fending off an attack.

“No, I only use my powers to fight evil. You’re safe.”

“Whew.” He wiped at his forehead and was surprised at how wet his hand came back. He was almost tempted to try the iced coffee again to help him cool down. A loud bell rang in the background. Luke tried not to check his watch. School must be starting.

“Well, I don’t want to keep you. Should we get down to work?” Ms. Mason flipped open the manila folder lying on the desk. He braced himself, like he did every time he walked in her office. “I wanted your approval on some of these honors courses I mentioned last time you were in here. With his test scores and final grades, he’s qualified for honors English, Chemistry, and American History. I need a parent’s signature to enroll him. I wanted to make sure you think Will could handle the pressure and the workload.”

“I looked at those syllabi you gave me, and I think he can manage it. I know he had a rough patch, but he’s come a long way in the past few months.” He squinted at Ms. Mason. “What do you think?”

“He has. I give you both a lot of credit . . . and I agree. I think he’s ready.”

“You definitely get credit too, and I’m glad we agree. I’ll sign the papers now if that’s easier.”

“Sure,” she said, smiling so her dimples showed. Okay, she’s cute and definitely has an original personality, not to mention she’s dedicated to her job. He could acknowledge all those things, but Luke still wasn’t sure he was ready. “So, how’s the therapist working for Will? He seems to like Mr. Cotton.”

She nudged the page his way, and it swooshed across the desk.

“Yeah, it’s been good,” Luke said, distracted by the page full of words in front of him. “I thought for sure he’d bail as soon as his six weeks of forced therapy were up, but he seems to like it. May’s gone a few times too . . .” Luke’s words came to a halt as he searched for empty lines to sign. He could feel Ms. Mason watching.

“Well, that’s good. A little therapy never hurt anyone.”

“I guess not,” Luke said as he finished the
n
at the end of his name. He passed her both the pen and the paper and stood to leave.

“Oh.” The smile on her face fell, and Luke felt a twinge of guilt. It had never been this hard with Natalie. But then again, they were mere kids when they met.

“I’m sorry; this was so nice of you.” Luke gestured to the drinks and snacks. “But I’m late for work.” The second bell rang in the background, and a voice droned over the loudspeaker in the hallway.

“No, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to keep you. You . . . we . . . I don’t get many involved fathers. I guess I wanted to say thank you.” She crossed to the door and put her hand on the silver hooked door handle.

“I think you give me more credit than I deserve,” Luke said.