When I Look to the Sky (24 page)

Matthew entered the flat to soft music and wonderful smells, the food, as well as Carlee, he realized. He wrapped her in his arms to drink in the smell of her. She looked gorgeous to him. Something was different; he couldn’t pin it down, but there was something. He kissed her and went to shower. When he returned, she’d lit candles on the table and poured them each a glass of wine. They sat together on the sofa relaxing for a while. 

“
Wow, dinner smells great, Carlee. But you…” he pulled her onto his lap, into his arms. “Dang, you smell like heaven rolled into the body of a beautiful woman.”

“
Woman…?” she asked as she kissed him. She was days away from her 20
th
birthday.

“
Yes Carlee, woman…” he said. He set their glasses aside, and dragged his fingers through her hair. Tangling them in the curls, he pulled her to him and they kissed again. 

She pushed back.
“Let’s eat,” she suggested, quickly.

She saw Matthew
’s attempt to regain his composure as he joined her at the table, and she smiled. She served the meal and topped their glasses off with more of the wine.

Matthew took her hand and kissed the palm;
“Thank you for this, it’s wonderful. Who knew you could look like that and cook like this?”

After the meal, they cleaned up, and made their way to the sofa where they again found themselves in each other’s arms. The snuggling turned into kissing; kissing turned into more, and Carlee pushed back, this time to catch her breath. She looked at Matthew and rose; not saying a word, she left him on the sofa. She went to the other room and was gone a while. Finally, Matthew went into the bedroom. Curious, he found that she’d gone in the bathroom. 

“
Everything OK?” he asked.

“
Mmm hmm… I’ll be right out.”

He sat down on the edge of the bed to wait for her.
 She took a big, deep breath and opened the door.

It wasn
’t the big t-shirt.

“
Carlee…” It was pink, and lacy, and Matthew knew he stopped breathing. 

She moved closer.
 Straddling him on the bed with her knees on both sides of his legs, she scooted forward on his lap and put her arms around his neck. The chemise rode up over her thighs.

“
Carlee…” he said again in a breathy voice as he pulled her closer.

“
Matthew…” she replied, kissing him senseless.

He lay back
, pulling her to him. Wrapping her in his arms, he kissed passionately.              

Finally
, she pushed up. Looking down at him, her curls falling on his shoulders, she smiled.

“
I don’t know if I can stop,” he told her, his voice a raspy whisper.

“
You don’t have to,” she replied.

“
Carlee,” he said once more as he sat up with her still on his lap. “Are you sure?” he asked, knowing there would be no turning back.

“
Never so sure of anything in my life,” she told him. She was ready. Still on his lap, she pulled the lacy, pink slip over her head revealing nothing but matching lacy panties, and small, firm breasts. He kissed her breasts as she held on to him, arms wrapped around his neck. He set her beside him, rose from the bed to remove his clothes and saw her watch nervously. Naked, he returned and pulled her to him. Wrapping her again in his arms, he fell backward on the bed. He knew it was her first time, and she knew it wasn’t his; they’d talked about it, so he wanted to take his time – make it special.

“
Carlee,” he whispered in her ear, kissing her neck. “I don’t want to hurt you. If it does, you need to tell me to stop. I want this to be right.”

She roll
ed off and moved to the middle of the bed. His hands explored her body like a blind man feeling a woman for the first time. He was slow, pleasuring both of them. He kissed places he’d only touched before. He could hear her breath come in short huffs, nervous pants, and he felt her squirm against his touch. Her quivering hands exploring his own body were making them both crazy. He slipped her panties off and brought her back to his lap.

“S
tay here, just like this,” he said holding her there. Feeling him against her, she was nervous and scared, but she was more anxious.

“
I love you, Carlee. Relax,” he whispered pushing hair back from her face to kiss her, His fingers taking her to a place bordering on insanity.

“Help me with this,” he said
finally, handing her a condom. “It’ll help you feel more comfortable.” With trembling fingers, she removed the condom from the foil packet. He held her hand and showed her how to help him put it on. With the condom in place, he scooted to the middle of the bed and lay back. He wrapped her in is arms, rolling her on top of him. Slowly he raised her hips above his and eased her down on him. He felt her quiver, and slowed himself. She was wet, and he could tell she was ready. He lowered her just a little more. Once he was all the way in he just held her to him.

“OK?” he asked
in a soft voice.

“Yes,” she said, breathlessly.

Slowly, he eased up and slower still, he moved back inside her.

“
Oh, my god,” she said, her voice a whisper.

“OK?” he asked again.

“Yes,” she said nervously. “Yes, oh, my god Matthew…”

What they shared was slow; he didn’t want to rush for lots of reasons. He wanted her to enjoy it as much as he didn’t want to hurt her.
He felt her tense, and then relax, and then tense again. He slowed up again.

“You OK?”

“Yes, it hurts a little, but the good feeling makes me forget the hurt,” she said pulling him closer.

He eased out and reached his hand to touch her. “No,” she said and moved beneath him, raising herself to meet him as he entered her
again. “Oh, my god, Matthew,” she said in a raspy voice as she felt quivers, followed by shakes go through her body, and she tried to stifle the yell she wanted to scream.

After
, both satiated, Matthew rolled off, scooted his body close beside her and held her. Soon, wrapped in each other’s arms, sleep followed.

Tuesday morning, when she finally stirred, she was naked in Matthew’s arms. He pulled her closer, nuzzling her neck as he did. “I love you,” he whispered in her ear. “I’ve been lying here watching you, thinking about last night, loving that you are right here by my side.” He eased up and pushed that mess of curls away from her face to kiss her. As he did he saw the tears rolling down her cheeks, “Carlee, why are you crying?” Alarmed, he asked, “What’s wrong?”

She reached,
pulling him back, “I love you so much; I don’t ever want to leave you…”

“
I don’t want you to either,” he said, holding her tightly in his arms. “We’ve got a few days yet, don’t cry.”

They stayed in bed a while
, Matthew holding her close. He just wanted to feel her there beside him. 

Later, they went for a driving tour - places Carlee hadn’t seen when she was there with Andy. Matthew took her on a date to Six for dinner. They were happy sharing their time together, learning each other, learning to make love.

They were up and out early Wednesday morning, making their way to a Farmer’s Market up the street. They stopped at the grocery market to shop for what they needed that evening, and the things they wanted to prepare their Thanksgiving dinner. A quick stop at the wine shop and they returned to the flat. Carlee loved being able to walk where they wanted to go – but she loved that they were together, more…

That evening, they curled up on the sofa and were watching a movie when Matthew’s phone rang. It was Dan Patrick, his photography instructor at the university. “Hey there, Dan,” Matthew said.

“
Got a minute? I know Carlee is there, and I don’t want to interrupt, but I wanted to talk to you. It’s kind of important; is this an OK time?” he asked.

“
Sure,” Matthew replied as Carlee stopped the movie they were watching. 

“
I wanted to tell you that I decided to retire. I’ll be closing my books at the end of the next term.”

“
Wow! That’s great,” Matthew said, “a big surprise,” he added.

“
It’s time, been pondering it for a while. I’m calling to tell you that I suggested you as a possible replacement,” he said. “I wanted to tell you so you could think about it. It’s hard to think about it as a job. ‘If you love what you do, you’ll never work a day in your life’, isn’t that what they say? You’re a natural, Matthew. I hope you’ll at least think it over.”

“
Thank you for your confidence in me,” Matthew told him, but it was with mixed emotions. “I’ll be by to see you on Monday.”

Matthew turned to Carlee. She’d heard the conversation and was very quiet. “I’m excited for you,” she said, finally. “Very proud of you,” she said and her tears flowed.

“
Carlee, it doesn’t change anything,” Matthew told her, folding her into his arms.

“
It changes everything,” she said through the tears.

“
We can get through this,” he said. “We’ll figure it out.”

She
was
proud and happy for Matthew, but sad to think he might not come home. She suggested they return to the movie they were watching. She needed a distraction. They watched but neither really paid attention, their minds racing over their future. 

They cooked the Thanksgiving meal they planned,
together. And as they prepared to eat, Carlee stopped to remind herself of all she was thankful for. She knew this was a great opportunity for Matthew, but she wondered about his
We can get through this, we’ll figure it out,
affirmation.
How?
she wondered over and over.

They enjoyed their time together, but their future was first and foremost in both their minds.
 She tried not to dwell on it, tried to make it good for them both, but struggled to keep the tears at bay. She was flying home Sunday morning. Matthew’s graduation was December 16
th
and she’d be flying back on the 12
th
. She knew she could make it that long.

At the airport, Matthew walked with her as far as they would allow. “Graduation is in three weeks, you’ll be back in two. We’ll talk every night. Carlee, please don’t cry.” He held her close, but she did. When she walked away, she wouldn’t look back, she didn’t want him to see her crying. He hated her leaving that way.

~ ~ ~

Matthew called to talk to Andy after he left the airport to tell him about the job and Carlee. Andy knew, so he was ready when he met her at the airport to give her love and support. 

“
Papa, I know this is good for him,” she told him as she cried. “I was so anxious for him to be closer, so we could start really planning forever.”

“
Carlee, this is a good thing. This is a start for Matthew so that your beginning together can be what he wants to share with you. It’s a huge opportunity. You have the means to go to London any break you have or to bring Matthew home. And your love for each other is strong enough that you can do this. Carlee, I talked to him, and Matthew is as torn about this as you are,” he told her.

“
I know, Papa…” She was exhausted. The time difference, the travel, the emotions, and the sobbing had worn her down.

CHAPTER NINTEEN
~ With The Ring of the Phone

O
nce they were home, she sent Matthew a text to let him know she was there. Andy sent her to bed to rest. While she slept he called Matthew.

“
Hey,” Matthew said, and Andy heard the emotion, the sadness in his voice.

“
She’s a wreck,” he said. “She told me everything is OK, but she’s not OK. I sent her to bed. She’s been crying since I picked her up.”

“
I know. She was crying when she left. Andy, neither of us was ready for her to return home.” Matthew said honestly. “Eight days together, I couldn’t imagine how hard it would be for her to go, and then the job… I kept telling her that we’d see each other in two weeks, and then graduation.” Matthew spoke from his heart. “It didn’t make it any easier.”

He was quiet a minute, then finally said;
“I’m pretty sure I need to say ‘yes’ to the teaching position, but I don’t know what to do about the rest of my life. Our life,” he corrected his words. “She’s still got two semesters of school.”

“
She can come on breaks,” Andy told him.

“
I know that, but it’s not the same. I know I can talk to you about this. I’m ready to wake up every day with her beside me. I’m ready for that. I hate this distance between us. I hate that we have to share everything we do over the phone.”

“
I know you are going to say we can wait, and I won’t push the issue, because I know it’s what’s right for Carlee, to finish college, but it won’t make it any easier. I never dreamt I could feel like this for anyone. I didn’t know it was really even possible to
love someone so much it hurt
. I didn’t think about tomorrow before Carlee. Now it’s all I think about…”

There was silence for a
moment; Andy was processing all Matthew had said, and as he did, he realized that their relationship had taken a deeper turn this visit. Finally Andy said, “Well, I guess the first step you take is accepting the position at the University. Then I guess you have to figure out that ‘forever’ thing and decide how to move forward. I’ll stand by any decision the two of you make. Think,” Andy said, “then plan your path.”

~ ~ ~

Carlee returned to school the next day, no longer counting days, she was counting moments until she would be in London again with Matthew. The arrangements in place, Andy and all of Matthew’s family were going.  

It was an incredible opportunity, and Matthew knew it, but it meant being away from Carlee.  Their nightly phone calls were full of tears and potential; lots of ‘what if’s’ from them both as they tried to figure out what to do. 

He went through the interview process at the University,
expressed his desire to accept to Dan Patrick, but he shared his feelings about Carlee too. Dan agreed to remain available for anything Matthew needed, to fill in any time he could. Matthew only had to say ‘yes’ and the position was his, and as bad as he wanted to be near Carlee, he knew he had to say ‘yes.’ He did, and then tried to plan whatever came next.

But everything changed with a phone call.

~ ~ ~

Three days later
, Andy was in bed reading. His phone rang and the display showed that it was Matthew. It was late, so he knew it couldn’t be good. “Hey,” he said. “What’s up?”

There was quiet
on the other end as Matthew struggled to form the words he needed to say.

Andy sat up, alarmed and asked,
“Matt? What is it?” 

“
It’s my dad. He had a heart attack this evening. He passed away in the ER. I haven’t called Carlee yet, I’ve been on the phone with Mom, and then trying to book a flight, getting ready,” he mumbled. “I’m at Heathrow now, waiting for my flight to board.”

“
Matthew, I’m so sorry,” Andy said. “I’ll take care of telling Carlee.”

“
Mom would like you to come there. There’s plenty of room at the house. Can you pick me up at the airport?”

“
Yes,” Andy said. “Yes, whatever you need.” 

“
I land in Jacksonville at six tomorrow morning.”

“
Carlee and I will be there waiting.”

Andy hung up, and grabbed some things to pack a bag. He went to Carlee’s room and grabbed a few things he thought she might need, dresses and shoes that she wouldn’t have taken to school with her. He dressed, and hit the road. As he drove, he thought of Matthew, remembered when he lost his own dad, but he’d had warning. His dad had been sick. This was unexpected.

When he reached Carlee’s dorm, it was 1:30, he called for security and then dialed Carlee’s number. 

“
It’s me,” Andy said when she answered. “Open the door, it’s really late. Security is with me, we didn’t want to buzz and scare you.”

Carlee ran to the door.
 It
was
late, so she knew something was wrong. “What is it, Papa?”

He hugged her,
“It’s Tom, Matthew called me. He had a heart attack this evening, passed away at the hospital. Matthew’s on his way home.”

Marissa came out and ushered the
two men in. Andy’s phone rang and he saw it was Geni. He called her earlier to tell her they’d be on their way once he got Carlee ready to go.

“
Matthew’s plane’s been delayed about an hour. Just come straight here. You’ll both need rest after you’ve been up all night. One of the boys can pick him up.”

“
I just got to St. Augustine. We can talk about Matthew’s arrival when we get there. You should get some rest.” 

Marissa grabbed one of Carlee
’s bags and started helping her put things in it. “I’ll contact your advisor and instructors in the morning and let them know what’s happened. You need to concentrate on what’s important. I’ll be there,” she told Carlee.

“
I grabbed a couple of dresses from your closet at home,” Andy told Carlee. “I brought the dark blue one you wore to the Cancer Foundation meeting and the black one, not the fancy black one. I wasn’t sure what you had here.”

“
Andy, you have my number, if she needs anything, forgot anything, just call me. I’ll bring it when I come,” Marissa told him. As they headed out the door Marissa hugged Carlee and whispered in her ear, “I love you, friend…” 

Andy and Carlee were quiet as they headed for Jacksonville. It was around 3:30 that morning when they finally arrived at Geni’s. Thomas and Brian were there with her. They all sat at the kitchen table, talking. 

After a while, Andy told the group that he would go to the airport to wait for Matthew. “I’d like to do that.”

“I’ll go too,” Carlee said, but Andy shook his head. “You get some rest. You too,” he told Geni.

Geni kicked into
‘mommy mode’, sending her boys home, and getting Carlee settled in the room she used when she was there. Finally, she went to rest.

Andy was there waiting when Matthew exited the terminal. They hugged and quietly headed to the car. When they arrived, the house was still. All Matthew could think about was getting to Carlee, but first, he went to his mom’s room. He lightly tapped on the door, and then entered and sat on the side of the bed to let her know he was there. “I love you,” he told her, and kissed her cheek as she hugged him. 

He
then went to Carlee’s room. Curled on her side, she was sound asleep. He left the door to the room open, and lay on the bed beside her. She woke as he wrapped his arms around her and held her. Andy walked by on the way to his room, and observed their tender moment.

Thursday around noon, as the family gathered to plan a funeral, Carlee and Andy made a trip to the grocery store and grabbed groceries to have on hand. 

As
plans were made, Geni wanted to get through it all quickly so Matthew could return to London. They thought Friday evening was best for the visitation, with the funeral on Saturday. 

“
No.” Matthew said. “We can’t do that, tomorrow is Carlee’s birthday. We can’t do that on her birthday,” he mumbled. “School is fine. I’m just finishing up classes, formalities… that’s all. I can fly back Tuesday. It’ll be fine. We can’t do it Friday,” he said once more.

A
ll agreed they would receive friends on Saturday afternoon. The service would be private, on Monday morning. Matthew would return on Tuesday. Geni and Thomas went to the funeral home after their plans were made, to finalize things. That evening, once again, they all gathered, ate, drank wine and shared stories, celebrating the life of Tom Davis. 

Friday morning, only Matthew and Andy were up. They sat at bar in the kitchen, had a cup of coffee, and talked a while. Matthew looked at the clock, “I need to run a of couple errands,” Matthew said. “Want to join me?”

“
Sure,” Andy told him.

Their first stop was
a bakery close by. Matthew wanted to make sure there was a celebration for Carlee, it was important to him in the middle of all that was going on.

“
Hey there, Mrs. Van Buren, I need to order a cake for later today. I know its short notice.”

“
I’m sorry about your dad, Matthew. I can take care of whatever you need,” she said.

“
Thank you, I’d like white cake, that chocolate hazelnut filling and the whipped butter cream frosting, and yellow roses,” he said, “lots of yellow roses. I’d like it to say ‘Happy Birthday Carlee. EE, not IE,” he told her.

“
It can be ready by four,” she told him.

“
Perfect. Thank you.” Matthew paid her and they left the shop.

They got in the car and drove a little further to a party store.
 “I need twenty yellow balloons, four bundles of five, please. He walked over to look at them mylar balloons and picked one that said ‘I LOVE YOU’, and one that said ‘HAPPY BIRTHDAY.’ Andy grabbed six different colored balloons with stars all over them and another one that said ‘HAPPY BIRTHDAY.’ Matthew told them they’d be back around four.

“
One more stop,” Matthew told him as they got back in the car. He pulled up in front of a florist and they went in. “I’d like two vases full of daisies, with yellow ribbon, please.” 

Andy took his turn,
“I need a dozen yellow roses, but I would like some calla lilies in the vase please.”

Matthew knew why the
calla lilies. “We’d like to pick them up around four, please,” Matthew said.

His mission complete, he turned to Andy and asked, “How about another coffee?”

“
Sure, that’d be good.” They made their way to a coffee shop around the corner.

“
This is all very nice, Matt. Thank you for including me.”

“
I didn’t want the memory of her twentieth birthday centered on the funeral stuff,” he said.

“
I went with you on the roses, followed your lead, but can I ask, why all the yellow?” Andy asked.

“
It’s her favorite color,” Matthew replied. This was special. Andy didn’t even realize that tidbit.

“I thought pink was her favorite color,” Andy said.

“I know,” Matthew laughed.

When they returned to the house
, Carlee was still in her pajamas, shorts and that big Traveler t-shirt, drinking coffee with Geni.

“
My two favorite ladies,” Matthew said, and went straight to Carlee. 

She reached to hug him.
 “Where on earth have y’all been so early?”

“
Andy and me went for coffee,” he told her, as he kissed her.

It was a busy day and the time passed quickly. Friends called and stopped by to visit, to remember, and to drop off food. Marissa arrived around two that afternoon. Carlee introduced her friend to everyone. Marissa had heard about all of them, but Andy and Matthew were the only ones there she’d met. Carlee and Marissa left to get her settled in the room she would share with Jenna and Carlee. Marissa had a blow-up twin air mattress she brought along so that they could share the room. A short time later, Kimmy, Lane, and Jenna arrived. Geni had invited them all to stay there.

That afternoon, as everyone gathered, getting to know each other, Andy and Matthew disappeared. Carlee, Marissa and Jenna played games in the floor with Percy and Megs. Geni looked around the room more than once, watching all the activity, and loved that they were all there, together.

While they were out to get the cake, balloons and flowers,
Matthew and Andy picked up pizzas, wine and beer and around 5:30 they returned with a surprise party just waiting to happen. Matthew came to her and Carlee looked up from the games they were playing with the girls. He pulled her to her feet. First, she saw the balloons that they snuck in, then the flowers and the cake.