Whatever It Takes (Second Chances #2) (9 page)

“So bouncer guy walks you to your car? Every night?”

Tess looked at me sideways. “On the nights I work, yes.”

“Okay, good.”

“Do you ever stop?” We were at her car and she pulled out her keys to unlock the door.

“Stop what?”

“Taking care of people?”

I shrugged. No use denying it I guess. “It’s sort of my thing. Superman leaps tall buildings. The Hulk turns green. I’m all about the damsels in distress.” I climbed into the passenger seat next to Tess. The key was in the ignition but she didn’t turn it. Instead, she moved her head to look at me.

“Who takes care of you, then?” Her eyes caught and reflected the light closest to the car, and I could see something I didn’t quite understand in them.

“I’m a big boy, I can take care of myself.”

“I’m sure you can, but you shouldn’t have to.” A small smile danced over her lips before she turned the key and the car purred to life. At the parking lot exit, she stopped the car. “Do you still live there?”

“Yep. You can take the trailer park out of the boy . . .”

I started to tell her which direction to go, but she shot me another smile.

“I remember.” And she made all the right turns to Granite Estates. “Do you mind?” she asked softly as her car rolled past my place.

I knew what she was asking and I shook my head. The silence in the car grew thick.

“I haven’t been back here since . . . well yeah, you know.”

“I know.” There must have been something in my voice, because her wide eyes flew to my face, her gaze sad and filled with something that looked like regret. “Ryan . . .”

I held out my hand. “It’s okay, Tess. It took a while to realize it, but it was for the best. How many people actually get out of here, right? I mean, look at me. Still here after all this time. I’m happy that you’re one of the few.”

Tess laughed, not unkindly, but laughed all the same. What the fuck? Here I was opening up to her, and she was laughing in my face?

“Ryan, please,” she said, still with a giggle in her voice. “Let’s not pretend. You and I both know I’m not one of the lucky few.” The smile in her tone faded. “At least not anymore.” I wanted to press her to tell me more, to just be vulnerable with me for one goddamned second, but she didn’t say anything else and I worried pushing her would just turn her away.

Her car slowed to a stop in front of a white trailer with a faded yellow stripe around its middle. When they lived here, her grandma kept the place looking nice. Flowers surrounded the dented skirt and everything was neat and clean and smelled like lemons.

The people there now didn’t have any flowers planted.

“Wow. Things have really changed. I guess I thought that somehow it would stay the same, you know? When you’re away from it, it’s always like you remember. Why didn’t you leave?”

“Pops didn’t want to, and I can’t just leave him here alone.”

She sighed. “You’re one of the good guys, Ry. You always have been.”

I was about to reach out and take her hand when she exhaled a shuddering breath and put the car into reverse. My head was spinning and my heart pounded against my ribs. Being back here together was screwing with my mind.

When she pulled the car up to my trailer and cut the engine, it was as if neither one of us wanted to be the first to say a thing. I glanced at her from the corner of my eye and saw her staring at my home.

This place, her place, practically every inch of Granite Estates had a memory that connected us. Everywhere I looked, I saw what used to be. Did she regret driving me home tonight?

“Thanks for the ride,” I finally said, climbing out and walking around to her side of the car. She rolled down the window and I crouched so that I could lean half in.

“I have a feeling you would have been just fine in a cab.”

I couldn’t take my eyes off her and she held my gaze. When she licked her lips I tried not to groan. It had to be the mind-fuck of seeing her back here again. God, she was killing me and didn’t even know it.

“Well, thanks again,” I said, starting to push to standing.

“Ryan . . .”

When I ducked back down, she wrapped her hand around the back of my neck and then she was kissing me softly. At this angle I couldn’t drag her into my arms like I wanted to do, but I could kiss her back.

Like I’d been wanting to do since the moment I saw her.

I ran my tongue over the seam of her lips and when she parted them with a sigh, I sank into her mouth and lost myself. Our tongues dangled and danced and her fingernails dug into the back of my neck. I was two seconds away from dragging her out of the car when she pulled back.

We were both panting like dogs.

Her lips were swollen and glistening in the porch light. I used my fingers to nudge her chin up, then this time I took her mouth. Every inch of my body was on fire, and I slid my hand down to rest on her shoulder. I used my thumb to trace along her collarbone, then lower, over the swell of her breast above that damned corset.

She groaned. I answered. Fuck, but this felt too good. I wanted to pull her out of the car and feel her entire body against me, but that would mean I’d have to stop kissing her.

Finally Tess pulled back with a small sigh.

I leaned my forehead against hers and cupped her jaw.

“I should go,” she whispered.

Everything inside screamed for her to stay.

“Noah’s babysitter will wonder where I am.” I saw the regret shining from her eyes. Did that mean she wanted more of what was happening between us? God, did I? I brushed my lips over hers one last time, then stood up.

She reached out and put her hand over mine. That small touch sent my senses spinning.

“I’ll see you . . .” Hesitation filled her face.

“Definitely,” I answered hoarsely.

“See ya, Ry.”

“’Bye, Tess.”

I stared at the spot where Tess’s taillights disappeared for about five minutes before I went inside. The trailer was dark, and Dad was not sitting up in his recliner kicking back beers and watching late-night TV.

Alarm raced up my spine and I rushed down the hallway. His door was closed and I exhaled before pushing it open. Dad lay in his bed, snoring softly. The piles of clothes were gone, and his room was tidy and clean.

I pulled the door closed, then leaned my forehead against it.

Dad was safe and in bed. I should follow his example, but I was wound tighter than a top. I could take a shower and try to find some relief from the tension in my entire body, but the thought of getting myself off held no appeal.

I wanted Tess.

My gaze landed on the keys now sitting in a clean bowl on a small table by the door. It took all of three seconds to make the decision. Fuck it. Everything was spinning out of control in some fucked-up twilight zone, so why the hell not.

I grabbed the keys to my truck and pushed out of the trailer. I could still taste Tess’s lips and I wanted more.

Much more.

As I drove I practiced what I would say to her. I’d let her know right up front that the physical stuff was all I had to give her. If she wanted some kind of commitment, I couldn’t be that guy. If she wanted relief as badly as I did, we’d be good.

When I pulled into her parking lot and killed the engine, I looked up at her darkened window and realized what an asshat I was being.

I must have sat there for another ten minutes, not ready to admit defeat, when I saw a light flicker through the blinds in her window. I was up and out of my truck in three seconds flat. That was my goddamned sign and I was taking it.

I took the stairs two at a time and stood in front of her door.

It was almost two in the morning; I had to get up in about three hours, and I was standing outside the door of someone who had not invited me over, hoping against everything that she’d let me in.

So that I could taste her again. Touch her.

Now that I was standing there, I wondered if that’s what she wanted too. What if she’d been caught up in the same feelings that had filled me at having her back where it all started? What if she drove away relieved that she could leave it behind again?

I clasped my hands behind my neck and exhaled. This was a batshit crazy idea. I should talk to her in the light of day and make sure she had no regrets. I turned around, ready to leave, when I heard a low moan.

I froze, then moved closer to the door. Again I heard it, but this time I swear to God that I heard my name. Adrenaline spiked swift and fierce. What if she was sick? What if she was lying on the floor not able to move? Shit, what if she’d fallen, broken something?

I knocked, then called out to her.

Nothing. Panic set my nerves on end. I could picture her, on the floor, maybe bleeding. I knocked again. “Tess?”

I heard a curse and something fell.

Now I was half out of my mind. “Tess, it’s Ryan. Is everything okay?”

More mumbling came from behind the door.

“Damn it, Tess, what’s going on?”

Finally she opened the door and before I could stop myself I stormed inside.

The truth of it was I’d battle fucking dragons to save her.

CHAPTER ELEVEN

tess

A
fter I said good night to Louisa and took a quick shower, I threw on my comfiest pajama bottoms and a tank top. Noah was sound asleep and I should be too, but I could not stop thinking about Ryan.

And about that kiss. The one I had started but he more than finished. I would have climbed out of the car and wrapped myself around him right there in his driveway in a couple more minutes.

Being back in that trailer park had opened some kind of floodgate.

Seeing where I grew up, remembering all the good times I had there, how happy I’d been—and all my memories had Ryan in them. The regret, the guilt, had opened a chasm in my chest and the only way I knew how to fill it was with him.

So I kissed him.

And it was everything I needed, but I needed more. The water had been almost painful on my hypersensitive skin, and when I brushed the pads of my fingers over the tips of my breasts, the pleasure would have sent me to my knees if I hadn’t stopped.

I didn’t go any further. Not yet. I sat on the couch and leaned back. Closed my eyes and let myself think about what his hands would feel like. They were rough and calloused and would drag over my skin.

My own hands became his.

I touched myself like a lover would. No, like Ryan would. Purposeful. Confident.

When I slid one hand under the elastic waistband of my pajama pants, I panted. Softly groaned. My head fell back and I spread my legs open. I let my other hand slide up my ribs, over my breast, until I rubbed my palm over my nipple. It pebbled under the touch, and I twisted it between my thumb and finger.

And thought about what Ryan would be whispering in my ear as he touched me.

So close. Oh, God. I pictured Ryan’s face, pretended that the fingers sliding over my clit were his. Knowing it was his eyes I looked into sent me spiraling to the edge. The tension built, and for a second I hovered there, muscles tight with need, and then with one last brush of my fingers . . .

“Ryan,” I moaned.

“Tess?” a deep voice called out from the front door.

My head shot up toward the door. What. The. Hell. In the fogginess that hovered in my head, I had to be hearing things.

A soft knock followed. “Tess, it’s Ryan. Is everything okay?”

I pulled my hand free from my bottoms and jumped up.

How long had he been out there? Had he heard . . . ?

Oh God oh God oh God oh God.

My legs shook and I stumbled, slamming my toe on the end table.

When I cried out in pain, the knocking got louder. “Damn it, Tess, what’s going on?”

Every nerve in my body was tingling when I yanked open the door.

“Shhhh. Noah’s sleeping,” I got out just before he pushed past me and stormed into the apartment.

He looked around, then swung around to pin me with his stare. “I heard you cry out.”

Oh, kill me now. Heat climbed my face, and I let the door swing shut behind me.

“I was just . . . studying.” But I couldn’t look him in the eye. If I did, well, I hadn’t quite recovered yet from my near-release, and looking at the object of my fantasy would be way too awkward. Especially since I hadn’t caught my breath yet and every movement of my legs reminded me that I had been
right there
a minute ago.

I dared a quick glance and watched as his gaze roved over me. He took a step closer, then seemed to make himself stop. Were his hands shaking? God, was he mad?

“I stubbed my toe . . .” I stammered.

My nipples were hard and very visible through the thin tank top. I hadn’t quite pulled it back into place and one side was still bunched under my ribs. When he met my gaze, I could see the fire burning in his eyes.

He knew.

“Why are you all flushed?” His voice dropped low, seductive, and he took another step toward me. “What were you doing, Tess?”

My face turned even redder. “I told you. Studying.”

Now he was only an arm’s length away and I could see how dark his eyes were.

God, I never expected that he’d come over. But my traitorous body still craved release and with the object of all that pent-up anticipation standing right there, it was hard to focus on anything but that throbbing need.

He reached out and ran a finger down over my cheek, my jaw, then wrapped his entire hand behind my neck. He hadn’t moved yet—just stood there holding on to me. My breath caught and I wanted to step into his arms, but whatever this was . . . he was calling the shots.

I felt like a puppet, and God, did I want him pulling my strings.

“Bullshit. My imagination is fucking out of control right now thinking about what you could have been doing, Tess,” he said, finally getting close enough that I could feel the heat from his body. He leaned his forehead against mine. “Tell me that you were not touching yourself and thinking about me. Please. Because if you were, I’ll be too damned tempted to finish what you started.”

I shook my head back and forth in a literal attempt to clear the fuzz of lust that was clouding my vision and, apparently, my brain. In all my embarrassment I had forgotten to ask what the hell Ryan was doing knocking on my door at two in the morning.

“Ryan,” I said, my voice huskier than intended. “Why did you come here?”

“Isn’t it obvious, Tess?” He ran his free hand down my side and cradled my hip. He dug his fingers in and pulled me closer. Now I was pressed against the length of him and I could feel how much he wanted me. “I was going to take care of it myself too, but I couldn’t stop thinking about you. I wanted you, not my own hand.”

His words sent heat racing straight between my legs. Ryan wanted me.

Ryan was standing there, holding on to me and asking me to tell him that I wasn’t just thinking about him. If I did, if I admitted the truth, I had no doubt he would be able to finish me in record time. And oh, my God did I want that.

The dam that had been holding me back from everything cracked and right that second, I wanted to feel something besides pressure and obligation and loneliness. If I was going to fool around with someone, why not someone I knew already? Better than risking anything with a stranger.

“What about that girl?” I asked breathlessly. He hadn’t even done anything and I could feel the tension seeping into my bones, but if he said yes, this would end now. “The one I saw you with at the park?”

Ryan’s eyes darkened a touch but he shook his head. “We aren’t together. What about you? Is there anyone else?”

I snorted. “No. Not in a very long time.”

He guided my head closer and then stopped, our lips just an inch apart. I wanted to grab him and scream for him to kiss me already, but he still held back. I could see hesitation in his eyes. Maybe he thought I was looking for more—even a father for Noah. Well, he didn’t need to worry—I’d stopped expecting someone to save me a long time ago.

“I’m not looking for anything except tonight . . .”

“I don’t do commitments, so if you’re looking . . .”

Ryan froze. Fire filled his eyes. “Say that again.” His fingers tightened on the back of my neck and a wash of goose bumps danced down over my arms. He wasn’t looking for long-term either. Maybe . . .

“I’m not in a place to handle a relationship right now. I just want . . . this . . .” I said. “I just need you right now.” I brushed the back of my hand over the bulge in his jeans.

“You are fucking killing me,” he groaned. “You deserve so much more than just a hookup. I wish I could be that person . . .”

“We have a past, Ryan, and that’s why I want it to be you. We were friends first, you know,” I said breathlessly. “Maybe someday we can get back there? I . . . I miss you, Ryan. I’ve missed you so much.”

He sucked in a breath and then his lips crashed down over mine. I opened immediately, savoring the warm velvety feel of his tongue stroking mine. His other hand slid to my hip and under the elastic of my pajamas and he dug his fingers into the fleshy part of my butt.

“I don’t want to be your fucking friend, Tess,” he rasped out. “I want to drag you over to that couch and taste every inch of you before sinking so deep inside you, it’s all you think about for weeks after. Friends don’t want to bend each other over the couch and drive into them until they scream your name.”

His words, gritted out from between clenched teeth, had me right back on the edge. I whimpered and pressed my lips to the underside of his chin. If friends didn’t do those things, then I didn’t want to be friends either.

“I’m not looking for forever either,” I said between kisses. “So why don’t we just let this happen, and when it’s time, we both just walk away. No expectations. No hurt feelings. No promises at all.”

I’d worry about the consequences later, because right now, I wanted everything he just said to me. I wanted it more than I had ever wanted anything else.

“No promises?” he asked.

I saw the hesitation under the fire burning in his eyes. I could see he didn’t want to hurt me and I was grateful for that, but I was a big girl and right now, I just wanted him.

“None. Just one kiss at a time. One lick. One taste.” I ran my tongue over his neck and he groaned out loud. “Nothing but what’s happening right here, right now.”

“God, you deserve fucking flowers and dinner and picket fences, Tess.”

It was so sweet of Ryan to say that, it made my insides ache, and it was true, maybe once I wanted all that. Reality has a way of opening one’s eyes, though. Right now, right here, I just wanted Ryan. Needed Ryan.
Deserved
to feel his hands on me.

“I had my hand down my pants and I was touching myself and pretending it was your hand. I was so close to coming when I called out your name.” Each word I whispered made his eyes grow stormier, darker.

“Fuck,” he growled. “Are you sure about this, Tess?”

“More than I have been about anything in a long time,” I said honestly.

“Good.” Then his lips moved over mine and he did what his eyes had been threatening to do for days: he devoured me.

I groaned into his mouth and met his tongue with mine. We both knew this dance, but it was different now. We were older, more experienced, and the urgency building between us was so much more than the teenage lovemaking we used to do.

This . . . this was sex. Hot and spontaneous and desperate.

“I couldn’t get the taste of you off my tongue,” Ryan said against my lips. “I had to have more.”

I gripped his arms, thickly corded with muscle that came from doing something he was so good at, when he wrapped his arm around my waist and lifted me off the ground. He took three steps and I was pressed against the wall next to the door; his hard body pinning me there.

He moved his mouth between my shoulder and neck and I felt his hot tongue glide over my skin. I tried to touch him too, but he kept me crowded against the wall on purpose.

“I want to touch you,” I panted.

“Nope,” he said against my collarbone. “We’re going to finish what you started earlier. Put your arms around my neck and hold on. Don’t let go no matter what.”

I nodded because my throat had completely dried up.

When I had my arms where he wanted them, he leaned back enough so that he could run his hand down over my shoulder. His thumb brushed the edge of my breast and I sucked in a breath at the surge of need his touch caused.

It had been so long since I’d been with a man, but even when I was fourteen there was something more between Ryan and me, something that blazed brighter, hotter than pure chemistry should allow for. With other guys, it had never been the same, and feeling it again was like the sweetest dessert I never thought I’d get to savor again.

If I was going to give in and indulge, then damn it, I was going to enjoy every single second of it.

“So responsive,” he whispered appreciatively. His hand slipped under the hem of my tank top and he pushed it slowly up. When the tips of his fingers brushed the underside, I sucked in another breath. “Tell me what you want, Tess.”

“Touch me,” I begged. “Please.”

I let my eyes close when the cool air washed over my hot skin. Ryan flicked his thumb over my nipple and I gasped. My back arched. I needed more.

“You like that?”

“Yes. God, yes.”

This time, he rolled the end between his thumb and finger. The perfect amount of pressure. Not too light, not too hard. If he hadn’t been holding me up, my knees would have buckled.

“Do they taste as good as your mouth?” he asked.

I didn’t know whether to nod or shake my head, so I arched again. He leaned his head down and pulled one tip between his teeth.

A sharp twinge of fire shot through me. “Oh, fuck.” I dug my fingers into his hair and pulled him closer. The fire from earlier flared back to life and I could feel the pressure building again. He drew me away from the wall without moving his mouth, then guided me backward until I felt the couch at the back of my legs.

Instead of lowering me first, he swung around and sat, pulling me down onto his lap. I moved my legs to straddle him, and he tugged my tank top off and dropped it on the floor.

“You’re so beautiful,” he murmured. “I always thought you were the most amazing thing I had ever seen, but now . . .” He slid his hands up my ribs and then cupped both of my breasts. He flicked the tips at the same time and then leaned in close to suck one into his mouth.