“Fine,” Evan muttered tersely. “I don’t like it, and they wouldn’t toss me aside for defending you, but I will try to stay out of it. That’s the best I can promise.”
Josh nodded as Evan shut the door. If that was all he could get from Evan, he’d have to take it.
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Every mile he put between him and Josh spiked the duelling emotions of anger and despair in Nick. He was gripping the steering wheel so hard he figured his hands were going to be permanently frozen in a claw-like pose. He kept his elbows locked against the desire to turn the truck around. There was no point in going back; he’d been an idiot to ever come down here in the first place. While he’d known he’d never be able to truly meet his siblings, Nick had hoped for…something, some mysterious bond that, in his mind, should exist between brothers and sisters even if they hadn’t ever known each other. If he’d found such a bond, he would have been in quite a quandary, but he hadn’t, so his path was clear.
Which would thrill his mother, who was now firmly settled at the ranch where she believed she should always have been. To her, Ian Calhoun’s wife had been an interloper, a snooty gringa who’d stolen the man right from under her nose. The fact that Calhoun had been very clear that he’d never consider marrying anyone who wasn’t white didn’t seem to make a difference. Nick’s mom was convinced he hadn’t meant it, even though Nick had heard the bastard say those words numerous times. But Nick’s mom, Antonia, had always loved Calhoun, had even carried on their illicit affair throughout Calhoun’s marriage.
Antonia believed she and Calhoun were married in the eyes of God as Calhoun had
been the first, and only, man for her. How she rationalised Calhoun’s thirty year marriage, legal marriage, to someone else was beyond Nick. He never could comprehend his mother’s way of thinking.
And now she was set up like the damn Queen of England on the Mossy Glenn Ranch.
Antonia was furious with him for risking her newly acquired domain. She didn’t care that he had siblings he’d always longed to meet, to know. All she cared about was finally being acknowledged as
the
woman of the son Ian Calhoun had chosen to leave the place to. As if Calhoun’s spiteful act was really a tribute to her when it really wasn’t anything more than a way to hurt Annabelle and Rory.
When Nick had told his mother he was coming to Texas, she’d gone batshit crazy on him, threatening to disown him in one breath then begging him not to take what was, in her opinion, rightfully hers. Nick had been forced to promise not to actually approach his WHAT MATTERS MOST
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siblings, since striking up a relationship with them would cost him the ranch. But he’d thought, maybe, if there was a chance for him and Annabelle and Rory to really be family, the ranch was a small price to pay.
It didn’t matter now. Annabelle hated him, and Josh… Nick’s chest tightened, the muscles burning as he hissed out a strangled breath. Josh hated him, had used him for what?
His own amusement, then tossed Nick aside. As much as Nick wanted to hate Josh, he couldn’t. Nick knew he deserved nothing more from the man. Nick had lied, used him, played him, stalked him—you name it, Nick had done it and fucked up the one chance he had at discovering something previously unknown about himself. Any hopes he had that he and Josh might have some sort of connection was now soundly trashed.
“Fucking idiot,” Nick grumbled, pressing the gas pedal down hard. Like he ever truly had a chance with Josh. Between Nick’s own skuzzy behaviour and the siblings he wasn’t supposed to contact, a relationship between Josh and him had been impossible to begin with.
Nick had just been too blinded by lust to realise it. “It’s all for the best. Not like I’m even gay.” The words tasted bitter and dishonest on his tongue. Nick groaned as his dick hardened, memories of the way Josh’s sweet mouth took him in, those plump lips tucked over teeth to give Nick the best blow job he’d ever had. And he couldn’t deny that he’d got off, or that he’d thoroughly enjoyed taking Josh’s fat shaft in hand. What a surprise that’d been, the feel of silk over steel, thick veins and—and Nick hadn’t just enjoyed it, he’d
loved
it.
Touching Josh had felt more natural than touching any of the women Nick had fucked.
All right, so maybe I am a
little
gay.
Nick didn’t know if that was possible or not, but it was as far as he was willing to go in that direction. To reconcile himself to anything more would cost him the only family he had left, and as screwy and hateful as his mother could be, Nick didn’t want to be cast aside by her and forced to face this world entirely on his own.
Josh looked at Annabelle and Justin sitting on the sofa across from where he sat in the rocking chair. The confusion on their faces was almost comical as they waited for him to speak. Evan’s hand pressed his shoulder gently, a quick squeeze to remind Josh he had some support. It didn’t make him feel any better; he didn’t want to put Evan in the middle of the WHAT MATTERS MOST
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mess he’d made. Although, it was kind of too late, wasn’t it? Josh craned his neck until he could see Evan standing almost behind him.
“You should go sit over there, probably.” Otherwise Evan might find himself on the wrong side of the line that might get drawn in a moment. Evan hesitated a moment before nodding and giving Josh another squeeze. He crossed to the sofa in two long strides and plopped down beside Annabelle. Annabelle slipped her hand into Evan’s so that she now gripped both her men. She gave Josh a questioning look.
“What is it? My God, you’re scaring me!”
“I’m sorry, I just…” Josh shifted in the rocker, his butt already going numb from the unpadded wooden seat. “I screwed up, I think.”
“You think?” Justin asked. “If you’re not sure, why are you so nervous? You’re acting like you used to when you were fixing to get in trouble.”
Because he probably was. Josh grimaced and decided stalling was only going to make it all worse. A deep breath almost steadied him. He looked at Annabelle. “I told you what happened between me and Nick, and that I, er, left him on the floor of the Xxchange.” She nodded and shot Justin a quelling look when he started to speak. From his expression, Josh guessed Annabelle hadn’t shared that story with Justin. Or Evan, who was biting at his lower lip as he arched a brow at Josh. Josh shrugged one shoulder and turned his attention back to Annabelle. “I realised he wasn’t interested in me. He had this look…”
“Then why has he been stalking you?” Justin asked, leaning forward. Annabelle
followed suit. Evan remained reclining on the sofa.
Josh swallowed audibly, his throat clicking as fear dried up all the moisture in his mouth. “B-because he… He—” That wasn’t the way to go, Josh didn’t think. At this point, he didn’t know what
was
the best way to proceed. Annabelle released her lovers’ hands and stood up, crossing over to kneel in front of Josh. She looked up at him with so much compassion Josh thought he might cry. Why hadn’t he said something sooner?
“It’s okay, Joshie, just say what you need to. Why did you leave Nick lying there with bruised balls?”
“He asked me about you,” Josh confessed softly, “I thought he was using me to get to you, and he was, but…”
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Justin was already up and towering over Josh, one big finger pointing at Josh’s face.
“What the fuck?” Justin barked, “You
knew
he wanted Annabelle all this time, and you didn’t fucking say anything? I’ll beat that son of a bitch’s ass all over again.”
Evan stood and hurried over. He slapped Justin’s finger down and jerked the bigger man back with a quick tug. “Sit down and shut up, Jus. Let Josh finish explaining before you jump to erroneous conclusions.”
“I—”
“
Now!”
Josh didn’t know who was more surprised at Evan’s unwavering demand, him, Justin, or Annabelle. Justin snapped his mouth shut and edged back a few feet, but he didn’t sit back down, instead giving Evan a belligerent look. Evan just rolled his eyes and waved his other hand at Josh, which he guessed was Evan sign language for ‘keep talking’.
“He wasn’t interested in you like that, though I thought so at first,” Josh said, speaking directly to Annabelle. “When I said so, he laughed,” he didn’t think mentioning the derision in Nick’s tone was a good idea right now, or probably ever. “He said he wasn’t interested in you like that, which didn’t make sense at the time. I mean, why else would he be asking, right?”
Annabelle blinked once then blanched, her full lips thinning as she narrowed her eyes at Josh. She always had been exceptionally quick to figure things out. “What are you saying, Josh?”
The use of his name instead of the pet name Annabelle normally called him caused a tight ball of terror to swell in Josh’s belly. As much as he wanted to look away from her, or better yet, get up and run out—like he could even do that with his fucked up ankle—Josh forced himself to keep his gaze locked with hers.
“I didn’t figure it out at first, but once Rory said y’all had a half-brother, I started thinking—”
Justin lunged forward. “God damn it, Josh, you—” Evan wrapped both arms around
Justin and literally picked the man up and flung him on the couch. Before Justin could even bounce, Evan was on him, pinning him down. Shit, this was turning into the disaster Josh had feared it would!
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“I love you to death, but you need to control your temper, lover,” Evan growled, his face mere inches from Justin’s. “Josh has probably been too scared of how you’d react to tell you anything!”
“Josh,” Annabelle said firmly, drawing his attention back to her. He couldn’t see a hint of warmth in her eyes. “You’re trying to tell me that this Nick asshole is the one my father left the ranch to?”
This is not good at all.
Josh’s temper was trying valiantly to take over, his urge to protect and defend Nick nearly overpowering his common sense. He nodded once and folded his arms over his chest, unable to keep from returning Annabelle’s glare.
Annabelle hissed and stood up, no doubt the better to glower at him. “And when
were you going to share this bit of information?”
Josh shoved up out of the chair, almost toppling backwards when the rocker slapped against his legs. “I don’t know, okay? I was
trying
to do what was best for everyone—”
“You mean, what was right for Nick,” Annabelle spat, her eyes narrowing to thin slits.
“Because surely it would have been
best
for me and Rory to know the truth!”
“Why?” Josh snapped, his heart twisting painfully. “So you two could tell him to fuck off when all he wanted was…was…” He wasn’t sure what Nick had wanted, exactly, but it couldn’t have been anything bad. That didn’t make any sense. Despite having tried to use Josh, Nick didn’t seem to be a bad guy. Josh thought.
Annabelle huffed and tipped her head down. After a long moment of silence, she
snorted and raised her head back up, her midnight blue eyes misty with unshed tears. “I guess I can see where you might have had a reason to be worried. I can’t say I’m not pissed at the guy; he could have said something, and he shouldn’t have tried getting to me through you. And he didn’t have to whip Justin’s ass—”
“Hey!” Justin struggled with Evan, trying to shake the man off. “He didn’t whip my ass, I gave at least as good as I got!”
Annabelle rolled her eyes and cast an incredulous look over her shoulder. “You’re forgetting that I saw both of you in that jail. Trust me when I tell you he didn’t look as damaged as you do, honey.”
Josh could see another argument brewing. He tapped Annabelle’s wrist and she
turned back to him. “I don’t know if he
could
talk to you or Rory.”
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“What?” Annabelle frowned, a faint line dividing her normally smooth brow. “Why
couldn’t he? If he’d just approached us to begin with, you wouldn’t have ever had to have gotten dragged into this.”
Josh didn’t answer, giving her time to puzzle it out. It didn’t take long.
“That rat bastard,” Annabelle snarled, stepping to the side then pacing a few steps away. “It would have been just like my father to make the inheritance conditional, keeping Nick from being able to actually contact us. Fucking manipulative, cruel—” Annabelle spun around, levelling her gaze on Josh again. “Can you find out if that’s the reason? If Ian only let Nick inherit on the condition that he not have anything to do with me and Rory?”
Josh’s cheeks burned as he looked blindly towards the window. “Probably not now,”
he muttered. He’d really fucked this up for everyone, not just himself. Josh swiped at his cheeks, brushing away the moisture there.
“Joshie?” Annabelle’s voice was softer than her hands as she slid them around Josh’s chest and pulled him gently against her. Her breath fluttered over his ear as she spoke.
“What happened? Why didn’t you tell me you were in love with Nick?”
Josh stiffened and tried fruitlessly to pull away. Annabelle merely tightened her hold and hung on until he gave up and slumped against her. “I don’t,” Josh said, and meant it. He felt something for Nick, something full of promise, or at least, it had been before Josh had dicked out on the man. “Not yet,”
and not ever, now, since I made sure Nick and I wouldn’t have a
chance to truly know each other.
“Well, he must not be a complete waste of DNA if you care about him.”
Justin’s laughter was cut short by Annabelle’s sharp “Shut it!”
“But, Belle, every one of his boyfriends have been utter losers,” Justin explained, and though it was the truth, it still irritated Josh to hear it. Not everyone could be as lucky as Evan and Justin, and even they had to try more than once before they found the right woman for them.