I insisted on helping clean it out, eager to get away from office tasks. And this last day of May—warm and bright, and hinting of the summer that would soon arrive—was the perfect time to get outdoors. It would be my first Highland summer. I had planned a few guided walking tours for guests. And I couldn’t wait for warmer weather so I could hike and take excursions on the red mountain bike I’d bought before I’d learned I was pregnant. For now I’d have to be happy on the flatter roads, saving riskier adventures until after I gave birth per doctor’s orders.
Jim’s whistling announced he’d returned from his early morning fishing before he strode through the barn’s open door.
“Ellie, Ben, morning. So I got a call from Poppy Vanderberg—she’d be the woman from London, mind—and we had a nice chat. We came out of it with her bookings increased for the season. She is quite the influencer. We talked about guests’ concerns and she offered to come up here, suss it out, and give us the glowing recommendation she feels sure we’ll deserve.”
“Well done, Jim. You are the charmer.” I winked at Ben as I leaned the wide broom I’d been using to sweep out the pens against the wall. “When is Ms. Vanderberg coming up to inspect the estate?”
“The start of next week,” Jim answered, tapping his hat against his leg.
“Right. Let’s get things together, roll out the red carpet,” Ben said, giving me a conspiratorial smile. “You’re not worried about her visit, are you, Jim?”
“No. I have a feeling it will be a rollicking good time.” Jim’s forced smile quickly turned to a frown. “Well, might be I’m a wee bit worried.”
“I’m sure she’ll enjoy her time here, and you will as well.” I bit my lip to keep from laughing and embarrassing Jim. He clearly fancied this Vanderberg woman. Something was up between them, but this was the kind of lighthearted goings-on I welcomed. The thought of Jim with someone made me ridiculously happy. I didn’t want him to be alone because I could see he didn’t want to be any longer. This Vanderberg woman had better be good enough for him.
“Will you be taking Ms. Vanderberg out on the river for a day of fishing, then?” Ben asked. “I’ll be happy to go along and help out, be your ghillie.”
Ben glanced over at me and snickered. I elbowed him in a playful warning to stop the teasing.
Jim scuffed his boot on the straw scattered over the barn’s floor. “I don’t think I’ll be needing your help. I can manage fine.”
“I’m sure you can,” Ben said.
I put my hand on Ben’s arm and furrowed my brow in silent insistence he stop before he embarrassed Jim. He relented.
“Thank you for hosting her, Jim,” I said. “Let us know if you need anything. Of course, we’ll want to have her for a nice dinner, and she’ll stay in the best room we have. Please do explain to her we are working out opening kinks because of our late start to the season.”
“Oh, aye, she knows. She is happy to come up before the crowd and be out on the river without a group.” Jim tapped his hat against his leg again, perhaps an attempt to shake off his uncharacteristic bashfulness. His face lit up as he landed on a change of subject. “She sent along her congratulations, Ben.”
I caught Ben’s expression. What was that look? Something was hinky.
“Jim, did you tell her our news?” I asked.
“No. I only told her that Glenbroch was remaining under Ellie MacKinnon’s ownership and management.”
“Ben MacIver, what were the congratulations about? Spill it,” I said, trying to look stern but in too good a mood to pull it off.
He looked at the floor, a devious look sneaking over his face. “Right. I might know her and could have had a wee bit to do with selling her on booking Glenbroch at the beginning.” He rushed on as my eyes widened. “But she’s chuffed to come up here now with all her posh clients. If you had known, Ellie, you would have thought I was trying to pull one over on you. I had to keep it secret.”
I shook my head. “Och, Ben MacIver, the world is lucky you are seldom up to no good, because if you were inclined . . .” I shuddered. “I don’t want to see another John running around.” I picked up the broom and began sweeping again. “At least things look to be working out for the good,” I said, glancing back at Jim with a broad smile.
“Aye, we got a heap of bookings from Texas,” Jim said. “They’ve made our late season, we’re nearly full. The marketing team couldn’t explain it. Do you have any ideas of how a crowd in Texas heard of us?”
“As a matter of fact I do. Shayne Barnes told me she was rallying her connections to book a stay with us.”
“Is that the Shayne from the tour last year?” Ben asked, his face reflecting surprise.
“We’ve kept in touch,” I answered, turning back to Jim. “Shayne asked me how things were going and I told her the truth. She said she was going to make some calls and pull in some favors. Sounds like she did.”
“Aye, she did, in a big way. And that name is familiar too. I’m pretty sure she’s booked herself over here as well,” Jim said.
“She had said she might. It will be so much fun to have her here,” I said, amused at how excited I was. Shayne would be a hoot to have for a visit. We’d have a great time. “Before I forget, Jim, I got an email from Kami Richards in the States as well. She was the librarian who helped me research Scotland and we’ve emailed now and then. She’s planning her first visit to Scotland and I want to comp her stay while she’s in this part of the country. I’ll let you know as soon as I have her dates.”
“Aye, just let me know.” Jim cleared his throat, his smile fading and his eyes taking on their familiar, concerned look. He worried about everyone else far too much. “Ellie, I also wanted to tell you, in case you hadn’t heard, Henry’s hearing on his fitness to stand trial is coming up soon. Were you planning to go?” he asked.
I closed my eyes. “I can’t think about it now.”
“Of course,” Jim said. “I shouldn’t have mentioned it.”
“No, I’m glad you did. I just need time.”
“Right. Looks like we’re set for a great season. I’ll grab some supplies from my truck and give you a hand.” Jim sauntered out of the barn.
I turned back to my sweeping and had nearly finished with the pen I was in when I looked up to see Jim working away at one end of the barn and Ben at the other. Luck or fate or neither, I didn’t know how it all worked. I was simply grateful to have these two men in my world, and Glenbroch, these babies, this life. I wish Gerard hadn’t died, but the life growing in me wouldn’t exist if he were still alive.
Death is a part of life—I understood that better now. I was beginning to see that while some things did come to an end when a person died, other things began . . . and those things could be good. I was working on trusting and being mindful—not dwelling on what I didn’t have but living with more gratitude, aware of the everyday grace in my life, as Anna would say.
At some point, I had begun to see more with my heart, and I could see what I couldn’t before. The people I loved weren’t gone. They were always with me. And they would always be.
I am not alone.
And that tiny fragment of hope wasn’t tiny any more. It blossomed here in these hills, among these people, and grew a little more with each passing day.
31
After working out at the barn in the warmth of a cloudless, sunny day, I wasn’t ready for this last night of May to be near freezing. The air steamed with every breath, and the wind swirled through my coat and scarf, turning my skin pebbly with goosebumps. At least no clouds hung overhead and that’s what we needed—a clear sky. As I accompanied John, Anna, and Ben to the steading, my right hand covered the ring’s bump visible through my glove.
John kept insisting he would drive but backed down after Anna’s silent look and touch on his arm. Talk was light as Ben drove the Beast, the radio preventing the drive from becoming unbearably awkward. John had no idea where we were going, or why, and grumbled until we were off the main road and headed up the hillside.
I was relieved when we reached our location, the same place where Ben and I had seen the eagle snatch the lamb. It had made sense to choose this hilltop as it was accessible with the Beast and had unobstructed views.
We made our way over the rise at the peak. Ben’s camping lantern illuminated the tussocked ground and I stayed close behind him. Anna and John, his hand protectively holding hers, brought up the rear. Ben stopped in front of the telescope he had bought me for Christmas, now mounted on a permanent platform he had built and installed for it. I loved his handyman capabilities. I could load my scope, bring it here, and set it up on the platform at any time, although he wasn’t keen on me lugging it around myself right now. I didn’t argue.
Ben hung the lantern on a peg he’d created for it, its light shining over the camp chairs he had staked down earlier. We all took a seat.
He turned to me and took my hand in his. “Mum, Dad, we have news.”
Anna didn’t let on she knew what was coming. John stiffened. Neither said a word.
Ben squeezed my hand, grinning like a schoolboy with frogs hidden in his trousers. Turning to face his parents, he shared our news. “Ellie has agreed to be my wife. We’re getting married.”
Anna leaped from her chair and pulled me up and into her arms, tears glistening in the lantern’s golden light. “This is wonderful news.” She held me back where she could see me. “You are so dear to me. Nothing could bring me more joy.” She turned to Ben. “Well done, son. You have won the heart of an outstanding woman.”
Ben hugged his mother, a tear welling in the corner of his eye. At least I think that’s what it was. He ran deep, this one. I didn’t need to see on the outside what I knew he bore in his heart.
I looked at John, my heart racing as I awaited his response.
“Glad to hear my son is settling down,” he offered in a gruff tone.
Nothing about me being a Yank or a MacKinnon? For John, this wasn’t bad. Still, I wanted more; even after everything I wanted his blessing.
“Now why did you make us traipse all the way up here in this unholy cold to tell us this?” John asked. “You couldn’t have done it in the house by the fire?”
“John!” Anna said, taking my hands in her own. “Ellie, John and I would be honored to help with the wedding planning in any way you decide. Big or small, whatever you fancy, we will support you.”
“Anna, I would love to have a gorgeous, traditional Scottish wedding. Something my father and grandparents would have enjoyed. Would you help me plan it?” I asked, my heart hoping that souls did go somewhere. And if they did, perhaps my parents, Gerard, Alan, Helen, and Angus had found each other, and would celebrate along with me.
“You’re making an old woman’s dream come true!” Anna exclaimed in delight. “I nearly thought God had forgotten my prayers for a daughter, but of course he remembered.” She kissed me on both my cheeks and pulled me into her arms again.
“Enough of this blethering,” John groused. “It’s freezing up here.”
“We wanted to show you something.” I ignored John’s complaints, glanced at Ben, knowing he had positioned the scope perfectly. “John, take a look. What do you see?”
John peered at the night sky and then through the telescope’s eyepiece. “Jupiter is still visible tonight, low on the horizon, and I can see two moons even though I’m viewing it through a child’s toy.”
Ben and I rolled our eyes at each other, but couldn’t keep the smiles off our faces. John would be John.
John looked up at the sky again without the scope. “Let’s see. Polaris. And there’s Castor, Pollux—”
“Aye, the twins of Gemini, Castor and Pollux,” Ben said.
“What about it?” John asked as he adjusted the scope and then looked through the eyepiece.
Ben didn’t answer, squeezed my hand again.
“Anna, can you see the twins of Gemini near the horizon, just above Jupiter?” I asked, pointing at the distant specks of light.
“Yes, off to the left. Is that Gemini?” Anna asked, peering at the sky without the benefit of the telescope.
“Yes,” Ben said.
She turned to both of us, her brows lifted with curiosity and expectation as she waited for us to explain ourselves.
I looped my arms around Ben’s body for strength, and he pulled me close against him.
“Mum, I hope something could bring you more joy than hearing we’re getting married.” He met my eyes, took a deep breath, turned back to face his parents. “Ellie and I . . . we’re having twins.”
Anna gasped, and John grabbed his wife as her knees buckled. I wasn’t sure what to think about her reaction, held my breath.
“Babies? Twins? My eldest son has a wife, I have a daughter, and I’m going to be a grandmother. You tell me this all in one night? Are you trying to put me in my grave?” She pressed her hand to her heart, laughing and crying without restraint. “You’re right. I am beside myself with joy.”
My loud exhale of relief steamed the night air between Ben and me. But his eyes were riveted on John, his body tight with tension. John’s approval meant more to him than he would admit. It surprised me how much it meant to me as well.
John reached out, shook Ben’s hand, then grabbed him in an awkward hug, leaving us all in shocked silence. I wished I’d had a camera. I wasn’t sure I’d ever see anything like that between Ben and his father again. This time I was certain I saw a tear rise in Ben’s eye.
After giving his son’s shoulder a good shake and slapping him on the back, John turned to me. His face wasn’t scrunched in a scowl. A good sign. Instead of speaking to me, John strode over and stood near the telescope. I reminded myself to be brave and followed.
Anna took hold of Ben’s arm. “Let’s go and get the hot chocolate and biscuits.”
I looked back and she gave me a knowing glance before disappearing with Ben over the curve of the hill.
“It’s funny you and Ben chose this spot,” John said after several minutes of silence.
“Why is that?”
“Gerard and I used to come up here when we were lads. We did what you and I are doing now, stared up at the stars, the galaxies, planets. I was into it more than he was. He always wanted to travel and see the world down here more than the stars. And he did.”