What He Really Feels (He Feels Trilogy) (31 page)

Tracy nodded, took our menus, and headed back to put in our order.

Lindsay gazed at me for a moment. “So tell me why you didn’t want more with her.”

I sighed. She was actually going to make me do this.

I laid it all out on the table. “After my night with you, I was a mess. I was heartbroken over Jules, and then you came into my life and disappeared, shattering me in a totally different way. I
leaned on a few different people during that time. Tracy was one of them. I couldn’t start a relationship with someone after you had broken me by walking out of my life.”

“So there’s nothing between you two?”

I shook my head. “In fact, I told her all about you. She knows how I feel, and she knows that I'm not available to her as more than a friend.”

Apparently I had said the right thing, because her foot found my leg and traveled up my shin. She reached across the table and took my hand in hers, and her eyes softened.

“I wasn’t innocent in that time between our first and second meeting, either.”

I
really
didn’t want to hear this part. “We can’t change the past. I’d just as soon not hear about it.”

“I want to be honest with you.”

I gazed into her eyes. “Are you sure?”

She nodded. “I need to. I need you to know what happened in the time between our night in Arizona and that night at Sunset Cliffs.”

“Go for it,” I said between clenched teeth. My jaw ached as I ground my teeth together, bracing for the confessions that I didn’t want to hear. I drummed my fingers nervously on the table.

“I didn’t sleep with Spencer.”

I blew out a breath of relief.

“I was too miserable over you. That night… God, Travis. That first night with you was unlike anything I had ever experienced. I had this fundamental connection to you that I just couldn’t get over. I saw you everywhere. I felt like I had lost something precious that I would never get back. And during that time, Spencer tried, and like you did with Tracy, we fooled around a little when we got back together. But I couldn’t bring myself to have sex with him.”

“Good,” I whispered. “If we’re being completely honest, I should tell you that there was one other girl that I almost hooked up with. She was a random girl who was on vacation. I met her at some bar in Gaslamp. She took me back to her hotel room, but I stopped it before anything more than kissing and a little groping happened.”

She took a sharp breath. “Thanks for the honesty.”

“Thanks for not going bat-shit crazy jealous on me again.”

She giggled. “Sorry about that.”

“Don’t be. It’s kind of hot to see how much you want me all for yourself.”

“When should we tell Spencer?” she asked.

“He needs some time, Gorgeous. He’s not doing well.”

Sadness passed across her face. “He’s a good guy. I shouldn’t have gotten back together with him. It gave him hope when I knew there was no hope for us.”

“Doesn’t matter now. You can’t change it. He’ll be okay.”

“Is it weird seeing him at work?”

I nodded, taking a long drink of my beer.

We were both quiet for a minute, and then Tracy broke our silence by delivering our food: cheeseburgers with a side of fries.

“Thanks, Trace,” I said. She asked if we wanted a second round, and we both nodded.

Lindsay looked over at me, her eyebrows raised, once we were alone.
“Cheeseburger?”

I grinned. “They’re pretty spectacular.”

“I believe you used that word to describe me once.”

“Take a bite. You’ll see.”

She squeezed mustard on her burger and squirted ketchup on her plate for her fries. And then she picked up the burger and took a bite. As she did, she closed her eyes and moaned.

I instantly had the need to readjust my crotch. “Jesus, Lindsay. You even make eating a sensual experience.”

She giggled, her eyes glittering with a smile behind them.

We finished our dinner and our beer, and I paid the bill before we walked back to my place, hand-in-hand. Something about clasping her hand in mine made me feel so protective over her. I had never felt the need to protect the women I had dated in the past; I always just assumed they’d take care of themselves. But something about her screamed to me that she needed me to care for her, to love her, to protect her.
Forever. Maybe it was because of our connection to each other. Maybe it was because she was so petite. Maybe it was because her dad had left her when she was just a small child. Maybe it was because of what she had been through with Spencer because of me. But whatever the case, I wanted to take care of her. I wanted to put her needs above mine and to show her how much she meant to me.

We got back to the parking lot and she stopped at her car. “I need to go home for awhile.”

“You’re not driving.”

She rolled her eyes. “Travis, I’m fine.”

“You had two beers. It’s not safe. I’ll take you home.”

“You had two beers, too,” she protested. “Besides, I need my car.”

“Then I’ll drive your car and you can bring me back here in the morning.”

She rolled her eyes.
“Fine. Whatever. Let’s just go.”

“Can we run upstairs so I can grab a few things? I have some work I can do, too.”

She followed me up and I grabbed my iPad and packed a quick overnight bag. Before we left my bedroom, I pulled her close to me. “Hey,” I whispered.

She looked up into my eyes.

“Thanks for taking me back,” I murmured, leaning down to press my lips against her forehead.

“I told you, Tiger. I couldn’t stay away.” She ran her tongue along her bottom lip, and that little peek of her tongue made me almost immediately rock hard.

“You came into my life like a hurricane and a volcano and an earthquake all at once, and I fucking love it.”

She leaned up and pressed a kiss to my lips. “Good.
Because I’m going to continue shaking things up for you.”

“I hope so,” I murmured against her lips. And then I couldn’t help myself. I parted her lips with my tongue, and my tongue slid hotly against hers, our mouths colliding together with passion and craving. Her hands found their way under the back of my shirt, and I moaned into her when I felt her nails scraping down my back.

I once heard the urban legend that men think about sex every seven seconds. Maybe it’s true, and maybe it’s not. But since I met Lindsay, I blew that story out of the water. I couldn’t ever stop thinking about sex with Lindsay.

I ran my fingers lightly down her arms and back up, finding her neck beneath my palm as my other arm wrapped around her waist and pulled her tightly against me. Her warmth sent a shiver of lust straight through me, and I wanted her again like I hadn’t just had sex with her before dinner.

“We have to stop this,” she pulled away first.

She looked up at me, her cheeks flushed and eyes hazy with lust and lips swollen from my aggressive kisses.

“Stop what?” I asked, my voice husky.

“Every time I get you alone, I want to have sex with you.”

“Nothing wrong with that,” I grinned.

She smiled back at me. “No, but I don’t want our relationship to be based only on sex.”

“It’s not. I’ve had relationships like that, and whatever this is,” I said, motioning between the two of us, “I can say with confidence that there’s a lot more here than just sex.”

“What if you came over tonight and we both got our work done and then we just talked?”

“No sex?”

She shook her head. “No sex. We talk, we can kiss and cuddle, but that,” she pointed to my erection, “stays in your pants.”

“Was I bad?” I asked, making a pouting face.

She laughed. “No. You’re a very good boy,” she said, reaching up to pat the top of my head.
“My good boy.”

“I want to be your bad boy.”

“You’re silly.” She kissed me sweetly. “Take me home.”

“You got it, Gorgeous. But don’t think for a second that I’m not going to make a pass at you tonight.”

I drove her car to her place, and when pulled into her driveway, I noticed a figure sitting on her front stoop, his elbows resting on his knees and his head bowed downward.

Shit.

It was Spencer.

CHAPTER 16

“Fuck,” Lindsay cursed under her breath.

“Want me to stay in the car?” I asked.

She looked at me with fear in her eyes.

“You make the call, Lindsay.”

“Shit.”

“You can’t sit here swearing all night.”

“Dammit. I know. Just come with me.”

I moved to get out of the car, but she stopped me with a hand on my arm.

“Wait.”

I turned back to look at her.

“Give me a minute with him.”

“Whatever you need, babe.”

She got out of the car and headed toward the steps. Spencer stood, and he made to hug her, but she held up her hand. I could see that they were talking, but I had no idea what they were saying. And I was dying there in the car.

Here was this great guy who I worked with who was suffering because his girlfriend – the girl he proposed to, who he wanted to marry – dumped him. And now he was about to find out that she was with another guy… a guy he knew. A guy he had confided in over beer not very long ago.

Their conversation was becoming heated, and I felt my protective nature fly to the surface. I wanted to go out there and stand up for her. I didn’t want her to have to handle this on her own.

But I stayed put, because she had asked me to.

She gestured toward the car. I saw a lot of hand gesturing, but I had no idea what any of it meant. If I had to guess, I’d say that they were both angry.

I couldn’t take it any longer.

I got out of the car and walked over to them, but Lindsay hadn’t heard me approaching over the heated conversation she was having with Spencer.

“How can you possibly have moved on so quickly?” I heard Spencer ask.

Clearly she didn’t know that I was directly behind her, because I don’t think she was ready for me to hear what she said to him in response.

“Because I fell in love, Spence,” she said quietly.

“Travis?” he asked
in confusion, finally looking up and recognizing me.

“How do you know about Travis?” she asked, and then she
whirled around to see where he was looking, coming face to face with my chest.

It was dark, but I could still see that her cheeks were flushed with her confession. And my heart was soaring.

She fell in love. With me. I placed my hands on her arms and gazed down into her eyes. They sparkled in the porch light and the light of the moon.

I didn’t say a word. I wasn’t sure if she knew I had heard or not, and I couldn’t profess my own love to her in front of her ex-boyfriend. I just gazed down into her eyes, hoping the expression in my eyes told her that her sentiments were returned.

Spencer coughed behind her, breaking the spell between us. “I hate to break up this love fest, but I have a question.”

Her eyes didn’t leave mine for a moment, and I knew my gaze back at her was filled with the same emotions that were looking at me.

She loved me.

And I knew that without a doubt that I loved her, too.

The only way that I could have “flipped the switch” off of Jules and moved on so quickly was because of love.

The one thing that helped me move on from what I thought was the worst heartbreak of my life was love.

And I had never experienced any of the feelings I’d felt for Lindsay before in my life. This only told me that it was love, pure and simple. Whatever outside forces threatened to tear us apart, we would survive. We’d fight it out, we’d fight with each other, and we’d fight for us, but no matter what, we would end up together. Forever.

All of those thoughts ran through my head in a split second. She turned around to address Spencer and the question he had.

He spoke sharply. “What the fuck?”

“What?” Lindsay asked. I put my hands on her shoulders, feeling that
strong new need to protect her.

“What the fuck is going on?”

“I’m with Travis,” Lindsay blurted.

“I thought we were friends,” he spat at me. His face was an expression
of fury as he looked from Lindsay to me, the vein in his forehead getting bigger the angrier he became.

“We are friends, man,” I said.

“Then why are you with my girl?”

“I’m not your girl, Spence,” Lindsay said.

I glanced at her. “The two of us being together has nothing to do with you.”