What Endures (7 page)

His question caught her off-guard. “I-I. . .”

“’Cause I’ve missed you these past few days,” he said honestly. She caught the note of vulnerability in his voice and her heart felt a sharp spasm of guilt.

“I’ll be by,” she said softly. He raised an eyebrow and she smiled. “When you’re here. . .and conscious.”

He smiled at her answer, his eyes flashing with happiness. She felt a familiar twist in the pit of her stomach and had to look away quickly. She swallowed, telling herself to not ruin their fragile, just-brokered truce. “Besides, I think I may need to move in here to keep you and Tyler from killing each other.”

He grinned. “Is that all it would take? Me threatening Tyler's life?”

“Do not get any ideas!”

He chuckled. “Just a thought.”

“Right,” she said, smiling at him knowingly. “But just in case it isn’t, in the spirit of our new compromise, I’m gonna ask you to do something for me, O.K.?”

“What?”

“Ease up on Tyler. He is trying to help you.”

“I thought you said you didn’t care if we argued? That you even expected us to argue?”

She shook her head. “I didn’t say I expected you to argue. I said it didn’t surprise me when you do. But as for you two butting heads to the point that you each are threatening the other with bodily harm. . .” She stopped because Jason had the oddest expression on his face. “What?”

He shook his head. “It’s. . .I just. . .it felt. . .strange. Like. . . “ He looked at her quizzically. “Did we have this conversation before?”

“What?” she asked, confused.

“It’s, um. . .it feels like I’ve had this conversation with you before. I mean not this exact conversation but a similar conversation. Like you've warned me off Tyler before."

She couldn’t help it. Her ever-optimistic heart surged with hope. And just as quickly, her head put a stop to it. She couldn’t afford to indulge in false hope. “Actually. . .”

“Truthful answers remember?” he said lightly, though his expression was intensely serious.

“Right.’ She sighed. “Yeah, actually I have warned you off of Tyler before. Many times.” She smiled. “You two had a very contentious relationship at first. He hated that he had to go live with you and thought you were a spoiled, dumb jock. You hated him moving in and displacing your family. You were both hormonal teenage boys, so in other words, little powder kegs. And you both liked throwing lighted matches at each other."

"Ouch. Spoiled dumb jock?"

"You asked for the truth."

His face relaxed at her honest, unguarded answer to his question. “You were the referee huh?”

“Against my will a lot of times, but yes.” She smiled. Not having to actively avoid answering his questions anymore seemed to have lifted a huge burden off her shoulders. This compromise, born in a moment of desperation-fueled insight, might actually work. For both their sakes, she hoped so.  “And while you and Ty get along now, you both still like to push the other's buttons from time to time."

He chuckled. “Well, can you blame me? Come on, you have to admit, Tyler can be an ass-“

“Do not finish that sentence!” she warned, but her stern tone was completely off-set by her amused expression.

He laughed and she joined in. In that instant, things seemed right. If she really wanted to, it would be all-too-easy to fool herself into thinking that everything was as it should be. Her heart, despite the trauma it had and was enduring, still wanted nothing else. It was urging her to grab onto that illusion.

It was so tempting. The Jason sitting across from her looked the same. He sounded the same. He even acted the same sometimes. He was by all appearances, ‘her’ Jason. The person she had grown to love most in the world.

But illusions belonged to the world of dreams. And she didn’t, she couldn’t, believe in dreams. The dreams she had, they were in the past now. And just as she had made Jason promise to move forward, to stop looking back, she had to do the same thing. The hard part was to convince her heart to let go.

CHAPTER FIVE

Late April. . .

“Sorry, man,” Tyler said, coming into the living room from the direction of the stairs. “Couldn’t find the game. I guess we’re stuck with NBA Basketball again.”

Jason shrugged. “I don’t mind. Just means I’ll get to beat your ass. Again.”

Tyler chuckled as he settled into the seat next to him on the couch. “Yeah, yeah. I’m getting better though.”

“I’ll spot you 10 points,” he said with a grin.

“Pity points?” Tyler asked, sounding insulted. “Just for that, I’m definitely kicking your ass today.”

“Do you two ever do anything else but play with that thing?”

They both turned to find Megan standing there, holding a large shopping bag and looking at the plasma screen which was now hooked up to an Xbox system, with a mixture of annoyance, amusement and resignation.

“We watch T.V.,” Tyler said with a smile.

“Great,” Megan said with a shake of her head. “That will help counteract the brain rot.”  She nodded at the plasma screen. “You know there are other things to do besides stare at that thing all day long.”

“Really?” Jason injected. “Like what?”

“Reading?”

He grinned. “Was I ever a big reader?”

“Well. . .” she hedged.

He glanced over at Tyler who gave an imperceptible shake of his head. “Right.”

Megan made a face. “Just for that, you’re not getting cake!”

“Him or me?” Jason asked innocently.

“Both of you!” she retorted as she headed for the kitchen.

“Aww, come on Meggers,” Tyler protested half-heartedly. His attention was more focused on setting up their game though.

“Yeah, come on,” Jason chimed in. Since their compromise, the interaction between the three of them seemed to be much easier, and he was definitely enjoying it. “You can’t use cake as blackmail. That’s wrong.”

“So is ganging up on me,” she called back.

“Think she’s serious?” he mumbled to Tyler.

Tyler shook his head. “She’ll give up the cake eventually.”

“I heard that Tyler Adams!” Megan poked her head over the counter top separating the kitchen from the living room. “Now you’re definitely not getting any cake! And dinner’s not looking good for you either!”

He laughed softly as Tyler turned and made a face at Megan. His latest compromise with Megan had definitely helped to settle things down. The underlying tension that always seemed to be brewing beneath the surface between himself and everyone else had dissipated noticeably.

His interaction with Tyler went back to easy camaraderie. He had to admit that Megan was right. Having Tyler stay with him was helping them re-build their relationship. He was learning more and more about Tyler, and in turn, more and more about everything else. His mother. Tyler’s mother. Their relationship with his father. Bits and pieces of his past here and there.

He really did like Tyler. He wasn’t the nerdy, yet surprisingly athletic kid he had felt an intense rivalry with when they were young. Tyler was funny and easy-going and having him around really was like having a brother. He wondered if his relationship with Tyler had improved before or after his father had divorced Tyler’s mom because he could vaguely recall that Tyler hadn’t been all that thrilled with being his stepbrother either.

Then there was Megan.

He only wished things with Megan were as easy as things were with Tyler. On the surface, they were definitely getting along well. Those awkward moments between them were still there but didn’t happen as frequently. Their interactions flowed better, even naturally at times.

But underneath the surface, there was something. He still had millions of questions. But he only asked some of them, despite the fact that their new compromise allowed him to ask as much as he wanted.  Megan was living up to her end. Any questions he had, she had answered. Some more willingly than others. 

Her words had affected him. He really didn’t know if he could handle 15 years of memories. Some of the things he had found out were already hard to deal with. Like how ugly things had gotten between his parents after their divorce. When Tyler had told him that a few days ago, it had been hard to take in. He wasn’t even sure he had fully grasped it yet. But more than that, something about how Megan had proposed the compromise had struck something deep inside of him.

There had been a sense of desperation to it. It was as if she wasn’t quite ready to deal with things either. He didn’t want to push her. Megan had been there for him since he had awoken into this strange, confusing, and scary new world. She had tirelessly taken care of him, and stayed by him always. Even during the worst of it, she had stayed.

He felt as if he owed her something in return for it. And if that something was to go easy on figuring out his past, then he was willing to do it. He wanted to know about his past, desperately at times, but he couldn’t do it if it was at her expense.

Then there was the tension that seemed to crackle underneath their interactions with each other. While they were getting along, every time they were alone, he could feel that tension. He wanted her. His brain might have been shaken up and muddled, but he was still a man and there was nothing wrong with him in that department. Megan was gorgeous, and the easier his interactions with her became, the more he wanted her. Desire was his constant companion whenever he thought of Megan and from the looks of things, he knew the feeling was mutual.

But neither of them wanted to act on it, or in his case, didn't know how to act on it, so the tension built. He wasn't sure how much longer they could keep this up.

“I knew I should have gotten rid of that thing when I had a chance,” Megan mumbled as she walked back into the living room.

He looked at her with feigned shock. “You were gonna get rid of my Xbox? That would definitely have been an abuse of my power-of-attorney.”

She rolled her eyes. “Are you two planning on eating dinner any time soon?”

Tyler smiled. “One game, Meggers.”

“I’ll take that as a ‘no’ then.”

“What’s for dinner?” he asked looking over toward the countertop where she had placed some take-out containers. Megan had taken to coming over and bringing dinner with her several times a week these days. He really looked forward to those times. The three of them sitting around, eating, laughing and talking felt so comfortable.

She made a face at the both of them. “Well for you two, I’m thinking leftovers. But I did bring a couple of steaks, rice pilaf and grilled veggies.” She grinned. “And a chocolate and raspberry cake.”

He looked at Tyler for a beat before he tossed his game paddle down. “Sorry, man. A guy’s gotta eat.”

Megan laughed. “So Ty, leftovers for you?”

Tyler regarded the both of them with a sour expression. “That wasn’t fair Meg!” He directed his gaze toward Jason. “Traitor.”

Jason grinned as he reached for his cane. His leg was healing remarkably well and he had been off his crutches for a few days now. “You expect me to pass up on that kind of a meal? Besides, the game’s on pause. We’ll eat fast and get back to it.”

“Ohh!” Megan exclaimed. “I give up.” She looked at Tyler. “And here I was, hoping you’d be a good influence on him.”

Jason looked at her in indignation as he limped toward the dining table. “What’s that supposed to mean?” He indicated Tyler. “You don’t think I can be a good influence?”

“Of course you can,” she said casually as she began transferring the take-out containers to the table.

He settled into a chair. “I think I’m hurt.” He glanced at her and saw her suppressing a laugh. “Oh sure, laugh.” He reached for his plate, focusing on the food, but still talking. “Yet, I do seem to recall you not being too thrilled with Tyler at times. Like when we were at the baseball field and you were complaining about how he was running from his problems.”

He didn’t notice the silence at first but when he did, he looked up to find both Megan and Tyler looking at him with stunned expressions. “What?”

Megan didn’t move, only staring at him with eyes that radiated both disbelief and hope. Tyler finally managed to find his voice and asked softly,

“Are you remembering that?”

That’s when it hit him. He could clearly recall a conversation with Megan about Tyler and something about Tyler running away. If he focused hard enough, he could even see flashes of her in his mind’s eye. Yet, much of what he was recalling were just bits and pieces of conversation in his head. He hadn’t even been aware that he was recalling a memory until then.

It happened quite a bit these days. He would get flashes but never complete recollections. And they were always scattered. Bits he would remember visually, while others he would recall in sounds and voices. They were never complete, full-fledged recollections. That was why he wasn’t even sure if they were old memories. He often wondered if it was his mind making up something to ‘fill in the blanks’ in his head. That it was his psyche’s way of coping with his loss.

He looked at Megan, who was standing completely still, her expression frozen in that look of disbelief and hope. “Was that. . .am I remembering something?”

Ever so slowly, she nodded her head.

His voice caught in his throat. “I-I’m remembering?”

Megan suddenly dropped the container that she was carrying then. “Oh! God, I’m sorry!” She quickly dashed into the kitchen, but didn’t reappear again with a towel like he had expected.

“Megan?” he asked in concern.

“I’ll be right out,” she called back, her voice sounding strange.

“Should we?” he asked Tyler, who was bent over, picking up the container that Megan had dropped. Fortunately, it was one of the containers containing the baked potatoes so there wasn’t much of a mess.

Tyler shook his head. “Give her a minute.” He grabbed a cloth and wiped the small spill before he came over and sat down in the chair across from him. “I can’t believe you’re remembering something man.”

He nodded absently, concerned about Megan. “It’s weird. It feels like a dream I’m recalling. I’m not even sure it’s real.”