Watery Graves (9 page)

“You should have seen this fight that broke out-”

“There was a fight?” Emmy asked.

But Maya lifted a hand to him
. “Stop.”

“What?”

“No fighting. Promise me you won’t be that kind of man. Hitting or hurting another human being is not the answer to anything. It never is.”

“I can’t believe I didn’t see it?”

“Too busy chatting with the girls.”

“It wasn’t like that,” Emmy said. She looked up at Maya. “They think there’s something wrong with me. They don’t know how to talk to me.”

“No. You don’t know how to talk to
them
,
” Sebastian said.

“But couldn’t they try
? I can’t think of anything to say.”

“Maybe they can’t think of anything to say to you,” Maya said.

“See? It’s impossible.”

“The other day, you swam across the river and back without the float or Kristian helping you,” Maya whispered into Emmy’s ear. “If you can do that, you can do anything.”

“They think I’m weird. It’s like that thing we read once about the chimpanzee. You know. It was raised in captivity like a human child and they tried releasing it into a zoo with other chimpanzees and it couldn’t read the body language of the other chimpanzees. That’s me. I’m that chimpanzee.”

“Where did you read that?” Maya asked.

Emmy felt Sebastian glance at her and look away quickly. She kept her gaze on the print on the sheet.

Maya settled back in the purple pillows. “Don’t worry. You don’t have to tell me.”

“It will get easier,” Sebastian said. “You’ve just got to stick with it, Em.”

“Whatever is, is, Em,” Maya murmured. “Just be yourself in amongst it.”

“I’m not going again. I’m happy here.”

Emmy felt Maya’s fingers entwine in her hair, then slow to a feathery touch. She looked up into her face. Maya had fallen asleep, her face contorted.

“Don’t be afraid. It’s too soon to give up,” Sebastian said, awkwardly pulling a cover over his mother.

Emmy lifted herself higher on the pillow so that she could be close to Maya’s face. She inhaled her perfect vanilla scent, the same as her own mother’s. A lump sat in her throat, and she tried not to cry. “Sebastian, she’s really sick isn’t she?”

Emmy rolled off the bed. “I’m going to find Mum.”

“Tell her about the chimpanzee.”

“Shut up Sebastian.”             

*

It took a while to find Ingrid. And only then it was by mistake. Emmy headed into the sitting room under their loft bedroom with a pile of washing to be put away. Ingrid was curled up under a blanket on the couch.

“Mum?”

Ingrid jerked, half sitting up.

“I was looking everywhere for you. I thought you’d be desperate to know how my day went.”

Ingrid gave a tight smile, and stretched. “I just settled in here for a break. Must’ve fallen asleep.”

“Are you sick? You never sleep.”

“I’m just tired, Em.”

Emmy nodded. She got it. There was too much to think about with Emmy and Sebastian off at a waterhole with strangers and Maya in bed. Sleep was her mother’s escape.

Ingrid looked at the clock and sat upright. “I might need to get back to Maya. I didn’t think I was here that long.”

“She’s al
l right. Sebastian’s there. She’s been sleeping.”

“She vomited right through the night last night apparently. She’s not eating.”

“I wouldn’t either,” Emmy said. Emmy went to take the washing up the stairs.

“Hey
. Come back here. What happened today?”

Emmy dropped the basket with a thud, and flopped into the armchair. “I’m not going back. The whole friendship thing is not my scene.”

“I used to have lots of friends when I was a kid,” Ingrid said.

“I don’t need lots of friends.”

“I had so much fun. We got up to so much stuff.”

“But then what happened? Where were they when your family died?”

“Em, they were there in the beginning. But then it all got so weird, the more the deaths kept happening, the more people talked and the less I hung out with them.”

“Great friends.”

“Actually, I don’t know if it was with all the drownings or whether I just became so sad no one knew what to say.”

“Libby and Sebastian would stick by me no matter what.”

“That’s right. So how about you look in that group of girls or boys for one other person that could be as good to you as they are. It’s all you need, just one friend.”

Emmy sat with that and wondered. Of all the faces she saw that day who could that be? No one spr
ang to mind. 

“It’s something to play with. Think about. Try out.”

“You make it sound so easy. I have nothing in common with them.”

“You’d be surprised.”

Emmy raised her eyebrows. “Yes, I would be incredibly surprised.”

Ingrid
threw a pillow at her. “I’m not asking you to win a popularity contest.”

“And for that I’m grateful.”

“Shush. Look,” Ingrid whispered.

A green tree frog loped into the room. His outstretched flippers sucked at the stained wood floor. Slow and deliberate, Emmy slipped from the armchair onto the floor. She pressed her cheek to the cold wood and slid along, drawing closer to it.

She was conscious of her mother watching her, and lifted a finger to her lips to signal silence. With smooth movements, barely visible, she edged closer, so close, her vision of the frog’s bulging eyes blurred as she kissed its square mouth. She slipped back, laid her face onto the floor, and watched its pale yellow throat swell in and out.

“You kissed a frog,” Ingrid whispered.

Emmy’s breath clouded the floor and retreated. “He didn’t turn into a prince.”

“Aren’t those things nocturnal?”

“Strange. I’ll look it up.”

“Did you make a wish?” 

Emmy nodded. “Maya loved tree frogs.”

“She’s not dead yet, Em.”

“A part of her life is. She wants to go down to the river but she can’t. She’s saying her goodbyes all the time. Not in words, but by getting us to do things like go hang out down the waterhole, just so she gets to see it. She wants everything to change and everything to be different before she goes. I can’t do it. I can’t give it to her.”

But Ingrid only heard one thing. “Why would she want to go down to the river? She’s so close to death
, why go to a place where death is all around you?”

“That depends on who you are, Mum.”

The frog jumped three even hops towards the open door. It paused, turning back to Emmy.

“I don’t like leaving Maya at night time anymore,” Emmy said.

“Same,” Ingrid replied.

“I don’t like leaving her to go to places I don’t want to be. I’m not ready for any more change.”

“Okay. I hear you.”

Chapter Fourteen

All the windows were open. The night breezes played with the curtain. Water lapping at the river’s edge was only drowned out by the odd screech and whop of bat wings. They were all together in Maya and Kristian’s bedroom. Emmy lay with Ingrid on a mattress beside the big wooden bed, listening to the creaks, twitters, and sighs.

Ingrid had talked a lot about death in her lifetime. Too much really. Emmy knew it could come suddenly. Everyone had to face it one day. Her biggest fear was that death could come too soon to anyone. With Maya so sick she worried that death would creep in during the night and take the wrong soul, only to have to return for Maya later.

The erratic gasp and rattle of Maya’s breathing offered a strange comfort. She was still with them. Knowing Kristian was in bed with her was reassuring. If anything went wrong he would know what to do. He always did. On a stretcher beside them, Sebastian was on watch. Emmy could tell though, from time to time he forgot what they had to lose and drifted off to sleep.

It was a moonless night. Stars shimmered at each window. Emmy knew her mother was asleep when she stopped squeezing her hand each time a star streaked across the sky. She wondered if the stars ever had warning before falling. She wondered if any of them had life on them and if they suffered before the star died.

That night the air felt thick enough for the Earth to be the next planet to explode. Emmy squeezed her eyes tight wondering what it would really feel like to burst into non-existence and fade away.

*

“Em?..... Em?”

Emmy jolted awake at the whisper near her ear. Strings of Maya’s dark hair tickled her cheek.

“Come for a snack?”

Emmy sat up and rubbed her eyes. Everyone else was sleeping. It was weird but she went with it, sliding out of bed. In their nightdresses and slippers, they tiptoed across the wooden floor and out the door. The tall grass brushed their calves as they headed to the kitchen, their arms linked. Maya moved slowly, her frail body hunched.

Inside, Maya headed straight for the fridge and loaded her arms with bowls. “Let’s make a dessert we’re going to remember.” She grinned as she peeled the lid off the cake container.

Emmy took the ingredients from her, leading her to the table.

In a crystal dessert dish, Maya and Emmy smothered chunks of sponge cake with chocolate sauce, whipped cream and fresh cut strawberries.

They sat side-by-side and shared the bowl between them. Emmy loaded her spoon high with the delicacy, and giggled as it began to topple.

“You’ll never eat all that in one mouthful.” Maya laughed.

“Make a bet,” Emmy said, opening her mouth wide and shoving it in. After a few swallows, she managed to say, “The cream makes it look bigger.”

Their voices bounced off the wooden furnishings and steel appliances. Emmy noticed how empty the room felt without the others. The kitchen was the place they came together for meals, games, a chat and it was a great place to study. It used to be the heart and soul of their world. It was where they spent most of their time. That was until Maya had almost stopped getting out of bed at all.

Emmy prepared her spoon for another greedy mouthful. She tried not to stare as Maya licked barely a morsel of cream off her own spoon. It was obvious she was pretending to eat. 

“This was always my favourite dessert as a kid,” Maya grinned.

“Mine too.”

“I think it’s Sebastian’s as well. That and apple pie and pavlova.”

“And blueberry cheesecake
.” Emmy laughed. She scraped some cream off the dessert, catching a strawberry in her spoon. The lump in her throat prevented her from taking anything bigger.

Maya reached out and stroked Emmy’s free hand. “I’m going to miss a lot of things.”

Emmy shook her head. “Maya, no.”

Maya nodded. “Yes.”

“I don’t get why this has to happen,” Emmy protested.

“It is happening, Em.”

“But why can’t God make someone old die for a change? Or someone we don’t know. Someone who’s lived their life.”

Maya shrugged, her eyes beginning to fill. “It happens all the time, all over the world. Dying is a part of living. It doesn’t need to make sense.”

“Mum said people get better all the time.”

“I’m getting sicker, Em. It’s happening.”

Emmy scooped up a chunk of the dessert, dipped it in chocolate sauce and shoved it in her mouth. The sweetness stung her throat. She choked, reaching for water.

“I want you to know that I will always be there. You can talk to me whenever you want and I’ll always hear you. Any
time. Just sit somewhere quiet and talk.”

“That’s what
Mum tells me to do with my dad. I’ve never done it.”

“I believe that he’s come down to visit you from time to time.”

Emmy nodded. “Like when I swim.”

Maya raised her eyebrows and then her face softened into a smile
. “Exactly.”

“I feel like they’re all there to protect me.”

“When you were young you used to talk about them all the time, but I think you stopped when you saw how much it upset your mother.”

“Did I really?” Emmy said. “They’re still always there.” 

“I thought you stopped seeing them. Adults have a way of making children sceptical,” Maya said. “It’s nice to hear you feel so safe with them.”

“How will I know you are with me? Will you be spending time among the reeds of Mercy River?”

“You know what,” Maya laughed, shrugging. “I have no idea what’s going to happen or what death is going to be like.”

Emmy felt herself panic
. “Surely if you fight a bit harder. It doesn’t have to happen for a long time.”

“Em.”

“Just try.”

Maya reached out for Emmy’s hand. “All I know is that if there is any opportunity to visit, I’ll be here. I can’t tell you how. I don’t know how things work. What the rules are
.” She smiled. “I know if there’s any possibility, I will visit. But I want something from you and Sebastian.”

“Anything.” Emmy broke up some of the larger chunks of cake and mixed them with cream. But she’d lost interest in eating it.

“I’ve had a long chat to your mother and Kristian. I get the feeling you’re just humouring me about spending more time in Mercy Falls. I want you
both
to get to know what it’s really like to be around people. Not just Sebastian.”

“I’m happy here, Maya.”

“I know a part of you wants to explore things. I’ve noticed your curiosity with the papers.”

“I don’t do that any
more. It’s scary. I don’t need the outside world.”

“Maybe you should be reading them. Life’s not bad all the time. Good things do happen
. You just have to be out there living and look for it.”

Emmy made a face and took another bite. “I can see the good up here all the time and I don’t have to look so hard.”

“Really? I’m not silly. I can see that everyone’s suffering through this as much as I am.”

“Only when they really choose to see how sick you are Maya.”

“Emmy, I want you to remember one thing. There’s a whole world out there both of you need to know about.” Maya tapped Emmy’s hand. Their eyes met. “There might even be another boy out there for you.”

Emmy shook her head. “No one could ever understand me like Sebastian does.”

“And yet you always play so hard to get.”

“He’s young.”

Maya covered her smile with her hand, but not before Emmy caught her.

“Well, he is,” Emmy defended. “He’s younger than me.”

“Before long neither of you will notice your age difference. Still, I don’t want you to settle for each other without seeing who else is out there.”

“If I met someone else he’d have to want to live here. And treat me like Sebastian does.”

“If Sebastian could hear you now, Em, he’d have such hope.”

“He knows we’ll be together one day.”

Their spoons chinked on the crystal as they wrestled with the last bits of cake and cream. Maya pretended to give in and let Emmy have it. Emmy forced it down.

As Emmy washed the dish and spoons, Maya sat and looked on. “I know one thing for sure, whether you have children with Sebastian or not, your kids will feel like my grandchildren. They’ll be beautiful.”

“I hope the little girls have long dark hair like me and you and Mum.”

“And the little boys have dark curly hair like-”

“Sebastian and Kristian,” Emmy finished for her. “See, my life wouldn’t be so bad if we stayed up here.”

“Don’t be afraid to live, Em?” Maya pleaded. “Go and see what else life has to offer.”

Emmy placed the bowl in the dish rack, dried her hands and leant back against the bench. Maya’s dark shaded eyes drooped.

“Maya
, what’s it like to know you’re going to die?”

Maya smiled back at her with such certainty that her cheeks began to glow
. “Every time I walk up from the river, I look back at it and wonder if it will be the last time. When I roam through the forest, I notice everything about the trees, the way they sound, move, reflect the light…I see a lot of things more clearly than I ever have before. There’s nothing to want for or work for anymore. Not for me anyway. I want things for the people I’m leaving behind though. But you know what I really, really, really want?”

Emmy shook her head.

“Time.”

“Like more time to live.”

“More time just to sit and be with people, soak those kinds of moments in. Every word counts now.”

“You’re the only one who’s able to talk about this. And that’s probably why. Every word counts.”

“Everyone’s just afraid.”

“So you’re not scared?”

“I’m just taking every moment as it comes. It’s easier that way.”

Emmy could feel something break inside. A chill oozed through her starting in her heart space. “What if every moment that comes is scarier than the last?”

“Sit with it. It’s not the only thing that is there. Fear can only be there if love sits alongside it. Look for the love.”

The lump in her throat burst. She dabbed at her eyes and nose with a serviette. With Maya there was nothing to hide. “Don’t say it like that?”

“It only hurts because it’s true. Stay with what’s true, Emmy.”

Emmy silently vowed to sit by Maya’s bed as much as she could from now on. “Is this kind of like a goodbye tonight? I’m too scared to say that.”

Maya nudged her. Emmy fell into her for a cuddle, drawing in a strange acetic scent, hidden only slightly by the trademark vanilla. Usually, Maya and her mother always smelt the same. But Maya’s body was breaking down. Emmy could feel it change.

“I’m not ready to say goodbye yet.”

“Neither am I. Whatever is, is.”

Emmy smiled and then couldn’t help giggling, “Whatever is, is.” They were Maya’s favourite words of comfort.

*

Emmy lay on the mattress. Her mother snuggled into her back and wrapped an arm around her. The sugary dessert had woken Emmy up. She tried lying still to watch the stars but it was hard not to fidget. When one dropped through the sky, she felt her mother give her a squeeze. Emmy turned to face her. Their gaze locked. She kissed her and snuggled in close.  With her eyes shut tight, Emmy waited until she felt her mother’s body relax with slow even breaths. Maya’s wheezing still filled the room.

With wide eyes starlit, Emmy imagined the crickets outside composing their song. It didn’t surprise her at all when the doona in the other bed rustled and Sebastian grunted. Maya’s bare feet slipped into her slippers at the head of the bed and Sebastian’s gnarly feet plodded behind her. It was their time to talk.