She couldn’t fight the grin any longer and was relieved when his lips twitched up at the corners as well.
“I don’t believe you’re a child, but I can’t apologize for being upset over the danger you were exposed to, no matter how unintentional it was. You’ll be waiting a long time for me to apologize over anything that involves your safety. I’m sorry if that upsets you, but I won’t budge on this one. Your and Molly’s safety is my number-one priority. And while the not-being-a-child part is true, you’re naive about the dangers here.”
“Okay.” She sighed. “I’ll concede your point, but it’s possible to convey that information without treating me like a child.”
Bayden groaned and rubbed his nape before drawing in a long breath. “This isn’t what I wanted to talk to you about.”
“Fair enough. Let’s agree to treat each other as adults from now on and leave it at that. Moving on. What did you want to talk to me about?”
“I know there’s an attraction between us.”
“Yes.” She barely kept her mouth from falling open.
He’s actually admitting that there’s something between us?
Her heart thumped faster.
He brushed a clump of stray hair off her face and tucked it behind her ear. The warmth of his fingers brushing against her skin sent shivers of need down her spine.
“You tempt me like no woman ever has, but as I told you before, nothing can come of it.”
“That’s what you wanted to say? To tell me again how even though we’re attracted to one another, we can’t do anything about it because you have this macho, screwed-up notion about you not being good enough for me?”
His eyes widened. “It’s not a notion. It’s the truth.”
She stood. “Just shut up, Bayden. If that’s all you came to tell me, you can leave.” She had had enough. She wanted him. He wanted her, but he was being a stubborn, bullheaded pig. Well, she wasn’t going to beg him.
“I can’t give you what you need.”
“And what exactly is it that you can give me?” she asked while folding her arms across her chest.
He took a step closer. “I can give you pleasure. I can even give you kindness and respect, but I can’t give you forever.”
She rolled her eyes. “Does every man on the face of the planet—planets—think that every unattached woman wants forever?”
He scrunched his brows. “Ones like you do.”
“Like me? Hmm.” She tapped her chin.
Did he just compliment me?
Not wanting to get off subject, she let it go. “I’m not sure I understand what you mean by that, but for now, I’ll leave it.” She stuck her pointer finger in the air and started ticking off facts. “First of all, I have no grand design on you. I’m attracted to you, but we haven’t known one another for long. Second, I won’t deny that I enjoy spending time with you, but that doesn’t mean I’m longing for you to sweep me off my feet and ask me to marry you. Third, as far as you not being able to give me what I need? I’m not even sure what I need.”
“Ellie, I—”
“No! Since that damn meteor wiped out my home, I’ve had no childish fantasies about a knight in shining armor riding in on a white horse to rescue me. Any dreams I once had of meeting a man and falling in love died along with everything else I loved. I have no preconceived notion about what type of man I need. Honestly? I don’t
need
a man at all. But if I was to meet one that I was interested in for more than friendship, I can only say that I’d wish for the basics—love loyalty, respect, and companionship.”
She studied him, taking in the sincerity of his face.
Then it hit her. He 100 percent believed what he said. He hadn’t been making excuses or telling her lies to brush her off. He truly thought he wasn’t good enough for her. How could he possibly think that?
She hadn’t tucked away to memory any grand list of needs or wants where men were concerned. She wanted Bayden, even if it didn’t work out between them. If getting to know him, even falling in love with him, came with the risk that things wouldn’t work out between them, she didn’t care. She’d rather take that chance than go the rest of her life wondering
what if.
I guess it’s up to me now
. She rose to her toes and wound her arms around his neck. He pulled back, but she tightened her hold, refusing to let him go.
“Ellie.” He growled.
“Growl all you want, Bayden. It only excites me more.”
He sucked in a sharp breath.
She attacked his mouth with a fervor she didn’t know she possessed. Life had been too precarious as of late to waste time on trivialities.
She trailed her tongue over his full lips and nipped at the bottom one. After a few seconds, he finally let out a low, tortured groan and returned the kiss. She reveled in the feel of him, the clean scent of him. He wrapped his arms around her and tumbled her to the couch. His weight felt delicious on her, and she spread her legs wide to cradle his hips between them. When his hardness pressed against her, a small ping of alarm shot through her body. It’d been a long time since she’d made love to a man, and he was bigger than anyone she’d been with.
His tongue danced with hers, and he pushed his hand under her shirt and cupped her breast. He found her nipple unhindered by a bra and rolled the hardening peak between his fingers. She moaned and strained to get closer to him. Her body started to catch fire, the flame stoked as he rocked against her. The thrusting of his tongue in her mouth matched the thrusting of his hips against the part of her that yearned for him most.
“I ache with wanting you, Ellie.” His breaths came hot and hard against her ear.
He was wild, but his rough hands certainly didn’t hurt her. In fact, she felt small, conquered, but also empowered that she was able to give this huge man pleasure.
“Then take me.” He ripped her shirt down the middle, and she squeaked, barely able to stop from covering her bared breasts with her hands.
“You’re so damn beautiful, nela,” he whispered.
The way his eyes darkened as they gazed upon her nakedness promptly chased any embarrassment away that she felt. She wanted his shirt off too, to be skin to skin with him, craved running her hands over his hot skin. Before she could pull off the garment, his mouth descended over her nipple.
Zings of electricity shot through her. “Ohh.” She rested her head against the cushion. She tangled her fingers in his hair, holding him to her, and a keening moan slipped from her throat. He pulled the stiffened peak deep into his mouth, licked, nipped, and sucked it until she thought she might pass out. Just when she thought she couldn’t take any more, he swooped down on the other nipple and introduced it to the same sweet torture.
His hand slid under the waist of her jeans, and the brief stab of fear that shot through her from being touched so intimately was instantly replaced by the heat that pooled deep in her belly. His hand skimmed through the tight curls at the juncture of her thighs before his finger circled her clit. Tremors shook her body, and he kissed her again.
Each time his finger brushed the sensitive bundle of nerves, her skin burned hotter and the pressure inside her belly built. She jerked with every mind-blowing caress, and she dug her nails into his shoulders as he brought her body to a fevered pitch. She pulled her mouth from him, panting for air.
The heat that burned in his gaze curled her toes. She reached for his shirt and fought to get it over his head. She sucked in a deep breath. His chest was a perfectly sculpted, broad span of golden skin. There wasn’t one ounce of fat on his body. And his abs… Her mouth went dry. She’d never seen a man put together as gorgeously as he. She licked her lips and pulled him down for another kiss.
His hand slipped back to the waistband of her jeans and tugged at the button and then the zipper, all the while his mouth, his lips claiming her. He stood and pulled her to her feet in front of him. Her body ached for him, for the pleasure that it instinctively knew only he could give. He knelt in front of her and kissed her stomach, swirled his tongue around her navel, and she clutched his shoulders. When she looked down, her breath caught in her throat, and her body tensed.
He looked up at her. “What’s wrong, Ellie?”
No. It couldn’t be. This had to be some kind of mistake. There on his back, almost covering its entire width, was a tattoo. The hooded figure had no face, only a black void. Starting from its neck and ending at its feet, a thick obsidian robe hung in folds around its body. Grasped in its bony hand was a menacing scythe ready to cut into anyone who got close enough. There was no color in the tattoo, just blacks and grays.
She remembered the articles about the Reapers and Renegades, and horror clenched its ugly fist around her insides. She clutched the sides of her shirt together to cover her breasts and stumbled back. Her calves hit the sofa, and she tumbled down on it, staring up at him with wide eyes. “Y-You’re a Reaper.”
Every muscle in his body tensed. “Son of a bitch.” He cursed under his breath. “I’m sorry. I should’ve warned you about the tattoo. It can be daunting.”
“You kill people. I heard about Reapers on the computer. You do horrible things.” Her lips trembled.
He snorted. “I do, do I? And I suppose the computer said how upstanding the Enforcers are too, huh?”
Something deep inside her screamed in denial. This man had been kind to her. The others had been kind to her. Yes, he was rough, crude at times, fierce, but he’d taken care of her and Molly and never asked for anything in return.
She didn’t know what to think. He came toward her, and she scooted farther onto the cushions. The anger that crossed his face scared her, but the pain that filled his eyes made her heart ache.
“Don’t worry. I won’t touch you again,” he said through gritted teeth before he picked his shirt up and yanked it over his head with agitated jerks of his fingers. He turned and started for the door.
Instantly, she knew she’d made a mistake. She’d hurt the one man who’d been responsible for rescuing her and Molly, the man who’d made sure Molly had been saved. The man who’d shown her kindness. The man who made her burn. He’d probably never forgive her for it, and she wouldn’t blame him.
“Bayden.” She scrambled after him. When he plucked his hand back from the key pad and straightened, she held her breath.
He kept his back to her but turned his head. A small muscle ticced in his jaw. “Forget it.”
“But—”
“Don’t!” He turned on her so quickly she nearly fell backward. “I thought you were different. My entire life, everyone’s judged me because of who my parents were, or who I was working for, or how I looked at them. No one’s ever once looked at me and seen
me
. I’m tired, and I was right. You’re too good for me.”
He walked out the door before she could say another word to him, and tears streaked her cheeks in hot rivulets of sorrow. He’d opened up to her, tried to show her his true self, and she’d thrown it in his face.
How could I have hurt him like that?
The hollow resolve on his face as he’d spoken made her realize he’d just shut her out. He might still want her, but he’d never open himself up again. Unless she could find a way to prove to him that she could be trusted with his feelings…with him.
I’ll find a way to make you trust me, Bayden.
If she couldn’t? Then she’d give him the kindness and trust he deserved and craved.
* * * *
He kicked the punching bag until his legs ached.
You’re such a fucked-up bastard
. Against his instincts, he’d opened his heart to Ellie, and she’d trampled it. How could she think that he’d done the things that damn computer accused him of? Hadn’t he taken care of her and Molly as he’d promised? Hadn’t he given them a safe place to live? Was that the act of a rapist? A murderer? He punched the bag several times.
It didn’t matter what he did. He could save a whole family. They’d act kind, humble, grateful, but if one word was whispered about him being a Reaper, the tides would change in an instant. First, he’d been a bastard not good enough to have a loving family, not good enough to deserve basic, decent treatment. He’d been beaten simply for being born. He wondered if Ellie had noticed any of the scars that lay under the tattoo on his back.
Probably not. She’d been too focused on labeling him someone he wasn’t. When he’d run away at fifteen to become an Enforcer, he’d thought his life couldn’t get any worse. He’d been wrong about that too.
When he and Conlan finally fled Koryan, they’d barely escaped with their lives. Shortly after, they met Stryder and formed the Reapers. All of them had vowed to restore peace among the planets. Every mission they carried out aided those in need or helped strengthen their forces against Koryan.
Mykal had eventually found out about the Reapers and what they were doing. He’d used his network of loyal followers to spread poisonous rumors about the Reapers. Fortunately, the king didn’t know who the members of their group were or the location of their compound. Even as brazen as Mykal was, not many would risk pissing off Ryonians.
His muscles ached, and sweat poured down his chest and dripped from his hair. He’d shut himself off from everyone so he’d never be hurt again…until Ellie. He’d been an idiot.
See, boy. I told you you were going to get screwed again
. When she’d accused him of being a murderer, a rapist, his heart had shattered. He’d never be stupid enough to allow someone to hurt him like that again. But her hands had been magical on him. Even now, while his anger burned, the mere thought of her fingers running along his skin, her mouth on his…
Stop it! She’s just like the rest.
He sighed. This was the first time in his life since he’d been a boy that he wanted to give in and have a good cry. He wouldn’t, but the misery that slithered through him was almost crippling.
Fuck this. I don’t need her
. With an unbreakable resolve, he went to his room to take a shower.
Chapter Nine
The next morning, a persistent tapping on the door woke Ellie. She padded by the couch and a dozing Molly who’d fallen asleep on it last night. When she answered the door, she was surprised to see Sarek on the other side. “I’m happy to see you.” She gave him a quick hug. “What’s wrong?”