Warrior's Embrace (10 page)

Bolton held out his hand. One of her
philosophies had always been
take the risk and the angels
come
. Over and over she had taken giant leaps of faith. But
she and Candace had been the only ones affected by her decisions.
This time it was different. She couldn’t take a risk that had such
sweeping consequences for a man who had the best part of his life
ahead of him.

“You don’t know what you’re asking,
Bolton.”

“I know exactly what I’m asking. I’m asking
you to marry me.”

“Is that your head talking or your
heart?”

“Both.” He stared at her with a fierce and
tender regard that forbade challenge. “To deny your heart is a
tragic mistake, Virginia. Don’t make a second one.”

She held her breath as he watched her. To
speak now would be to deny Bolton the right to make his case.

Say something,
she silently screamed at
him.
Say something to make me believe in us.

As if he had read her thoughts, he began to
speak.

“Don’t make the mistake of thinking I haven’t
given this matter any thought. I take love and marriage very
seriously. It doesn’t take forever to recognize the things you
would bring to a marriage. Love. Passion. Laughter. Warmth.
Intelligent conversation. Intellectual stimulation.
Companionship.”

Virginia’s hope began to shrivel and die.
What he’d said was not enough.

“What about children?” she whispered.

For a split second his face was naked, and
she saw the thing that scared her most.

“You want children, don’t you, Bolton?”

“I’ll have a child—Candace.”

“I’m talking about a child with your genes,
Bolton... a child you can watch grow, a child you can teach to fish
and ride and speak in the beautiful language of your people. That’s
the kind of child you want.”

More than anything she wanted a quick denial
from Bolton. She wanted him to say that children didn’t matter,
that she was enough for him. His silence was more painful than
words. Virginia squeezed her hands so hard, the nails bit into her
flesh.

All the other problems she’d named could be
overcome, but this one was insurmountable. This one, alone, was
enough to make a man as young and virile as Bolton turn tail and
run from a woman her age.

Sometimes silence is a sword, slaying without
words.

“I won’t deny it, Virginia,” Bolton finally
said.

“Let’s end this as gracefully as possible...
Goodbye, Bolton.” Virginia stood up, uncertain that her legs would
support her on the long walk to the door.

Bolton held her captive with his eyes. She
could do nothing but stare into their impossibly blue depths as he
stalked her.

“That was before I met you, before I knew
that a woman can be everything a man needs.” He threaded his
fingers through her hair, then pulled her close. “You’re everything
I need, Virginia, everything I want.”

“No,” she whispered. “I won’t do that to you.
I won’t deny you the joys of fatherhood.”

“Childbearing is no longer the exclusive
privilege of the young.”

“I had a hysterectomy six years ago.”

Her barrenness settled over her like a hair
shirt, and she was suddenly overtaken with sadness. There was
something magical in being able to bear a child, something that
made a woman feel feminine and complete.

“It doesn’t matter, Virginia.”

The fraction of a second she waited for his
denial told her all she needed to know.

“Of course, it matters! You deserve
everything, Bolton, a wife who can climb mountains with you and not
be winded, one who can wear a backless dress without worrying about
sagging upper arms. But most of all you deserve a woman who can
give you a child.”

“You’re a beautiful woman. You’ll always be
beautiful.”

He was skirting the real issue, but she was
too tired to point that out. Besides, there were no arguments that
could take away the basic fact: She could not have a child.

“Don’t you think I can count, Bolton? When
you’re forty-six I’ll be fifty-nine. When you’re fifty I’ll be
sixty-three.” She pushed against his chest. “Let me go. I don’t
even want to think about it.”

“No, Virginia. I won’t let you go.” With
subtle pressure he pulled her so close, she could feel his body
heat through her robe.

“Do you think I want people asking if I’m
your mother?”

“That’s ridiculous.”

“Oh, is it? Have you taken a good look at my
thighs? And what about my belly? When you’re knocking ‘em dead at
the beach, I’ll look like somebody whose skin needs a good
pressing.”

“Do you think I’m that shallow? Do you think
all I care about is appearances?”

“No. I don’t think you’re shallow.” She was
close to tears now, but she’d be hanged before she’d cry. She’d do
her crying later, when pride was not at stake and when dignity no
longer mattered. Her hands shook as she shoved her hair back from
her hot face. “This is so hard.”

“It doesn’t have to be this way,
Virginia.”

“Yes, it does. Don’t you see, Bolton? This is
not merely about appearances. You’re young and vigorous.”

“So are you.”

“No. I’m at the age when women start having
medical problems. I’m not going to saddle you with something like
that.”

“Are you having problems, Virginia?”

“No.”

“Good. Then don’t borrow trouble. Most women
outlive their men anyhow. Our ages even the odds.”

“I’m not borrowing trouble. I’m being
realistic.”

“No, you’re being pessimistic.”

“One of us has to be.”

Suddenly he laughed.

“What’s so funny?”

“You. Like all artists, you can turn the
mundane into drama, sometimes even melodrama.” He hugged her hard.
“I’m never bored with you.”

“I’m glad to know I’m good for something.” It
took heroic effort to keep her voice from breaking. If she didn’t
get out of there soon, she’d be bawling like a baby.

“You’re good, Virginia,” Bolton whispered.
His lips brushed her hair, then her eyebrows, her cheeks, her lips.
“You’re very, very good.”

It would be so easy to let herself be
seduced, so easy to forget everything except the sensations he
aroused in her.

“Don’t.” She tried to pull out of his grasp,
but he held her fast.

“Don’t fight against me. Don’t fight against
us.”

“There is no
us.
Oh, Bolton, don’t
you see... our love is impossible.”

“Do you love me, Virginia?”

“I didn’t say that.” His quick smile broke
her heart. “All right. I love you. But that doesn’t change
anything.”

“It does, Virginia. Love makes the impossible
possible.”

She shook her head, but he put a finger over
her lips.

“Don’t you know that when two people love
each other, there’s no problem they can’t solve.” He smiled at her.
“You write about it all the time.”

“That’s fiction.”

“Life imitates art.”

“But life is
not
art. It’s real, and
I won’t be the cause of your misery.”

“If you walk out that door, you will be.”

“No, Bolton, if I
don’t
walk out
that door, I will be.” When he started to protest, she put her hand
over his mouth. “Please don’t say another word. Nothing you can say
will change my mind.”

They were still so close she was beginning to
sweat. She didn’t know if her condition was caused by the fire or
the unseasonably warm temperature or her age. He shifted subtly so
that their hips were pressed close. She could feel his body heat,
feel his arousal. If she didn’t leave soon, all was lost.

She cupped his face so that he could see the
truth in her eyes.

“Nothing you can do will change my mind,
Bolton, so please... let me leave with some dignity.”

He didn’t move, didn’t speak. Finally she
decided the only thing she could say was good-bye. He must have
read her mind. When he held up his hand, it was not a signal for
silence, but a command.

His words were as fluid and musical as the
most exquisite poetry. She didn’t have to understand the language
to know what he was saying.

Bolton Gray Wolf was pouring out his love to
her in the ancient language of his people.

Turning away from him was the hardest thing
she’d ever done.

She had gained the door when he called
out.

“Virginia...It’s not over between us.”

She plunged through the doorway without
looking back.

Virginia put a cold cloth on her head and
stayed in bed while Bolton left. She didn’t want to see him carry
his bags down the path, didn’t want to see him get in his car,
didn’t want to watch as the Mustang shot down the driveway.

She was too numb to do anything except lie
flat on her back, aching inside and out.

The knock startled her. When Candace poked
her head around the door, Virginia looked at the clock. Three in
the afternoon. She must have slept. Pity she didn’t feel
refreshed.

“Mother...” Candace sat on the side of the
bed. “Are you all right?”

“No.” She didn’t think she’d ever be all
right again.

“We didn’t want to disturb you, but I got
worried when you didn’t come out for lunch.”

“I didn’t mean to worry you.”

“It’s okay. I’m young and resilient. I can
take it.” Candace studied her mother. “I almost made you smile,
didn’t I?”

“Almost. Where’s Marge?”

“Loading the car. We’re headed back to
school.”

Virginia made a halfhearted attempt to sit
up, then flopped back onto the mattress.

“Tell Marge ‘bye for me... and Candace, tell
her I’m sorry I missed lunch.”

“No problem. She understands... really, she
does, Mother. We both do.”

Virginia found the wet bath cloth wadded
under the sheets and flung it to the floor.

“I wish I did.”

Candace picked up the cloth and carried it to
the bathroom. Afterward, she stood in the bathroom doorway watching
Virginia.

“Candace, you look like somebody whose cat
has just been run over. You might as well spit it out and get it
over with.”

“I saw Bolton’s car leave.”

“He’s gone.”

“Will he be back?”

“No.”

To her daughter’s credit, Candace didn’t
smile at the news.

“It’s for the best,” she said.

“Yes,” Virginia agreed. “It’s best... for all
of us.”

From somewhere deep inside, Virginia drew on
a reserve of strength she hadn’t had to use in many years. She
threw back the covers, got out of bed, and kissed her daughter
good-bye.

“Take care of yourself, baby.”

“You, too, Mom.”

As she held out her hand, Virginia even
managed a smile. Candace pressed her palm against her mother’s.

“Two against the world,” Virginia said.

o0o

She was sitting in her office staring at the
computer screen. Virginia had done a lot of that lately. As a
matter of fact, she hadn’t written a single word since Bolton left.
Not one. She had tried. She’d put words on the paper, but they were
just words. They didn’t leap off the page and grab the reader by
the throat. They didn’t sing. They didn’t even whimper.

She’d used the delete key so much that the
lettering was wearing off.

It was useless to keep sitting at her
keyboard accomplishing nothing. All she was doing was adding
failure to misery.

She picked up the phone and dialed.

“Jane? Can you come over? I’m ready to
run.”

“Thank goodness. I thought you’d died and
gone to that great writers’ conference in the sky.”

“I’m not laughing, Jane.”

“Somehow I didn’t think you were. I’ll be
right over.”

Virginia was dressed in sweats, waiting on
the front porch swing.

“Up and at ‘em,” Jane said. “Let’s go,
kid.”

“I don’t have the energy to move.”

“I heard that Bolton left.”

“You can’t keep a secret in Pontotoc.”

“Is it supposed to be a secret?”

“No.”

“Did he leave on his own, or did you send him
away?”

“I sent him off, but not the way I’d planned.
I made a fool of myself, Jane.”

“Good. Join the human race. I do it daily.
Sometimes more than once.” Jane grabbed Virginia’s hands and
tugged. “Come on. Get your bones moving. You look like death on
wheels.”

“That’s how I feel.”

“Not for long, kid. Old Jane has come to the
rescue.” Jane let go and twirled around on the front porch. “Do you
think I have a cute butt?”

“I’ve never noticed.”

“Well, notice. Is it cute?”

Virginia smiled for the first time in three
days. It was then that she knew she was going to be all right.

“I don’t know anything about cute butts,” she
said, “but yeah, I guess yours is cute. Why in the world do you
want to know?”

“Old Eldon at the post office told me it was,
and I wondered if he was telling the truth or just trying a new
tactic to get me to play fun and games with him.”

“Eldon!” By now, Virginia was laughing.
“You’ve got to be kidding.”

“Yeah, I’m just kidding, but I made you
laugh, didn’t I?”

“Yes, and it feels good.”

“You want to know something else that will
feel good... besides, you know what, I mean.”

Virginia kept the smile on her face, but she
felt a small quick rush of loss and regret.

“All right. I’ll bite. What?”

“Spending money. Reed’s in Tupelo is having a
wham bang sale. After we get our bodies gorgeous, let’s go over
there and spend an obscene amount of money.”

“I’m too far behind with my writing.”

“You say that every time you start a new
book.”

“Do I?”

“Yep. If you weren’t behind schedule, I’d
think something was wrong with you.” Jane marched around her
friend, exaggerating her perusal. “Yep. Just as I thought. Nothing
wrong that spending a little money won’t cure.”