Authors: D Jordan Redhawk
Sonny approached the side of the hospital bed, reaching to take her lover's hand. "Hey, sexy," she murmured with a large smile on her face.
Grinning in response, Jordan answered, "Hey, there." She weakly squeezed the hand that was warmly wrapped around her own. "How long?"
"Five days." Her other hand reached up and brushed red gold bangs from the guitarist's forehead. "You passed out in a motel room and someone called 911."
Jordan nodded. Her eyes closed and she let herself float with the feelings of love that emanated from the dark teenager. The voices in her head were strangely silent, but she was sure they'd return with a vengeance once she acquired more strength.
The dark woman continued to caress her lover's face, a slight twinge of anxiety fluttering through her heart as emerald eyes sagged closed. But her lover's breathing remained normal and she sent a silent prayer to anyone, asking that Jordan not return to her coma.
Now's the time, woman. Before you turn chickenshit. Jordan opened her eyes and stared intently into pale blue concern. She chewed her upper lip in a moment of indecision. "I love you, Sonny," she rumbled. There was a sudden increased beeping as the machine nearby picked up her heart rate.
The dark teenager blinked, stunned. She said it? The words echoed in her head. She said it!!
The smile that broke out on her lover's face seemed to brighten the already sunlit room. Jordan felt tears of relief fill her eyes and, for once, she didn't try to fight them away. An ancient voice repeated, "She can handle it."
"I love you, Jordan," Sonny said, bringing the redhead's hand up to her lips and kissing it. "For a very long time now."
"I know. I... wasn't able to hear it." Jordan swallowed, nervous. "To say it."
"It's okay," the teenager soothed, knuckles brushing a fine cheek. "You don't have to talk now. Just rest until the doctor gets here."
"No." Her grip on Sonny's hand tightened. "There's something else...." Jordan searched her mind for the words.
Sonny waited patiently, letting her lover work through years of self-discipline, self-hatred.
"I... I have a problem." Hot tears leaked from the corners of her eyes. "Several of them." The guitarist closed her eyes in misery. I have to get through this! She can handle it!
"I know. I know," Sonny murmured. "It's okay."
"No, it's not okay!" Jordan exclaimed. Her eyes flew open, burning with intensity. "I can't handle this alone. I'm an alcoholic and a drug addict. I need help." Pause. "I'm so sorry I hurt you." There! I said it!
Tears of sympathy, relief and joy flowed from the dark woman's eyes. She leaned over the bed. "I'll help you. We'll work on it together," she promised.
Oct 30, 2002
Jordan gets out of the hospital today. She's completed the program with flying colors and has really been working hard to clean herself up.
It's funny, but her struggles have brought something to Lando, too - he's cleaned his act up quite a bit, as well. Of course, he wasn't as heavy into the drugs as Jordan, but he's cut back on his drinking and carousing a lot.
I've been meeting with my own counselor every week. That and attending AA and joint counseling sessions with Jordan. It's been very educational all the way around. I hope I can get through my own issues with her problems. I hope I'm able to help her get through this all. She says she knows I'm strong enough now. Makes me feel both happy and sad. I'm happy that she feels she can trust me with her Self, but sad it too so long and so much pain before she figured it out.
White Horse has kept the contract. The band goes in next month to negotiate the next album with their producer. Jordan's musical output has nearly tripled while she's been in the program. The drugs were interfering with her creativity and she didn't even know it! She's written at least two dozen songs in the last two weeks!
The Mueller's have dropped their civil suit. With Tamara and White Horse on it, there was no way they could get any money out of Jordan. The police records pretty well exonerate her in the whole mess, laying the blame on her step father and his cronies. Jordan still hasn't forgiven herself, though. She's been working with Tamara to start a trust fund for Sylvia Mueller to defray the costs of the hospital where she's been placed. It's probably not exactly what the family wanted, but Jordan needs the chance to repay Sylvia for all the trouble she feels she caused.
The press, of course, has had a field day with all this. Amazingly enough, their album's gone double platinum! White Horse was worried about losing money and it only served to increase the band's popularity!
I hear Tom calling me. Gotta go pick up Jordan. On her first night of freedom, we're gonna take her to dinner at the Rhinelander.
I can't wait to hold her, to wake up with her beside me.
To Have and To Hold
Depeche Mode
I need to be cleansed.
It's time to make amends
for all of the fun.
The damage is done.
I feel diseased.
I'm down on my knees.
I need forgiveness,
someone to bear witness
to the goodness within
beneath the sin,
although I may flirt
with all kinds of dirt.
A point of defeat.
I want relief.
All is decay - take it away.
There's someone there,
someone who cares
with a heart of gold
to have and to hold.
Discography
Depeche Mode. Music for the Masses. Mute. 1987.
Nine Inch Nails. The Downward Spiral. TVT/Interscope. 1994.
Queensryche. Warning. EMI. 1984.
Queensryche. Rage for Order. EMI. 1986.
Queensryche. Operation: Mindcrime. EMI. 1988.
Sevendust. Sevendust. TVT. 1997.
Silverchair. Frogstomp. Sony. 1995.
Tool. Undertow. BMG. 1993.
Tool. Aenima. Volcano. 1996.
Type O Negative. October Rust. Roadrunner. 1996.