'
Are you going to McNeil?'
`No; of course not'
He
came a l
ittle farther into the stables:
At last she got the strap free, but in tugging at it she slid the
saddle over to
one
side.
`Then tomorrow would be mor
e convenient for
us all.
‘
`No.
’
He said
: `Here, let me,' and came up beside her and took the girth out of her hands and began to fasten it properly.
In the lantern light his face looked like stone.’
She turned sharply away to hide her own face from him and went for her valise, carried it to the horse. In silence he finishe
d saddling the mare and reached for the bridle. Then he stopped, weighed
it in
his
hands.
'He said: `Since you went upstairs I've been trying, to think how this began, this quarrel, how it came so swiftly
on us,
and the cause. Perhaps you think I was patronising you by explaining myself in
the way I
did, by seeming to take your feelings for granted. Was that it?'
`
Does it matter now?'
`No, plainly not. What I feel for E
li
zabeth now is of small importance; other
things have
come up. Still it was the truth, what I told you, all of it. When I saw
her tonight, that confirmed it
-
it was like
seeing a stranger. Queer
! Like a stranger, even an enemy, sitting there. George's wife. I'm sorry that I did her an injury as well as you, but there's
no way of recovering the past.’
‘
No,
’
He fastened the bridle and bit and then looked at her. "Shall I tie the case to the
back of the saddle?' 'Please:’
Where are you going? It's very late.'
`I.... The Paynters for tonight. Prudie
will
find me some
where.'
`Will you come back for they
r
est of your things,' or shall
Gimlett bring them
over?'
`I don't know.
I'll
send
word.’
He
said: `Before
you go, you should know that I don't seriously question your account of what took place between yoursel
f and McNeil. What you told me came as
a
surprise - a shock, and in the first anger
or you could call it the
first jealousy
.
But of course I don't want you to think that could be my eventual belief.'
Demelza turned blindly, took the reins, led Darkie to the door. Ross did not
at
once follow her but stayed in the stable picking up some things which had fallen from a shelf. She
hesitated, put her hand to stirrup to
steady it, but did not mount. He came out. Darkie pulled her a couple of paces forward and vigorously shook the bridle.
`And there's one other thing I want you to know,' he added. `That is how deeply sorry I am that I
ever hurt you in the
first place
-
in May, I mean.
You were so undeserving o
f any harm. All these months.
I know how you will have felt. I want you to
know that. If you had gone off
with McNeil, I should have had only myself to blame.'
She dropped t
he reins
and put up her hands and covered her face with them in a sudden gesture of distress. She wanted to say something but could think of nothing at all.
After a minute or two he said: `Does it upset
you now to be told that I love
you? D'you still pr
efer McNeil? Is he still
in the district? I'll go and call on him tomorrow.'
`No, Ross, be is gone; and I care nothing, nothing.'
'
Then why are you leaving? Are
you not willing to over look what I said?'
`I can't'
`Why not?'
'Because it is the
truth!
That
is
what I had never realised till
you had spoken it. Oh, I don't know why. A sort of blindness. 'Tis quite unbearable to think of.... Impossible to live with! I don't know, what I shall
do.'
He came out and stood beside her. He looped the reins over a peg.
`Should we not go inside and talk it over?'
'No! I can't.'
"You cannot forgive me, then.'
'I cannot
forgive myself;'
`That was a favourite Poldark complaint at one time, but I judged you too wise to catch it. Look, supposing we go as far as the kitchen. I don't see that need compromise either of us too deeply.'
He took the lantern and waited for her. She hesitated.
He said. '`You may leave in five minutes if you wish.'
She followed him into the kitchen.
He opened the side of the lantern and lit another candle from it. The fire was low but quite
a glow still came
from it. She resisted a sudden impulse to shiver.
He said: `I've been
giving good advice to two other people of late, but it's hard, always to, advise oneself. 'If-' He stopped and stared
at the door
leading
to the stillroom. In the
growing light they could see a black stain spreading under it.
`What is that?’
'Oh
.. the beer! . I casked it this morning.' She took the candle he had lighted. In the stillroom the cask was overflowing with froth, and beer and froth covered half the floor. She exclaimed and
went back into the
kitchen.
He said: `Did you bung it too soon??
'I don't
know. The fermentation had ended
-
I thought' She returned with a floorcloth and a pail. His impulse was to say, leave it, you'll spoil your dress; but in time he refrained.
"Twas the hops, I b'lieve,' she said, `You remember you, thought they smelled not quite right.'
He picked up the bung which had blown out and sniffed it
`I should've waited till you came home,' said Demelza:
They cleared the mess: The place reeked of beer. He carried the bucket out twice and emptied it and after
inspection replaced the bung.
The fermentation was over now. Whether the stuff was drinkable must be decided at a later date.
When
the
job was done there seemed nothing more to do or say, The awful catastrophe of their quarrel had evaporated
-
in a commonplace way.
He handed, her a towel and she dried her hands. There was beer on her cuff and on the hem of her, dress. She did not look at him.
He said 'There's no a drunkard in Cornwall smells worse th
an we do now.'
She took out a handkerchief and blew her nose, hiding behind it longer than she needed. Then she went to the window and opened it.
He said
: 'My dear, I bought you something in London I had intended giving it you tomorrow; but in case the
re is no tomorrow
for us, it would be best for you to have it at once,' .
She did not turn while he fumbled in his pocket, but then he came up beside her at the window and put a box in her hand. She was surprised to see
th
at his fingers were not as
sure of themselves as usual. She opened the box and saw a gold filigree brooch with a ruby in the centre.
`I could not get one just like the last. I believe this is
French instead
of Italian. The work is not quite so elaborate as the one we bought from the Jew.'
`It's lovely’
'I bought it in Chick Lane, near Smithfield Bars. Quite.., by chance, walking that way, the second day after
seeing Caroline. And this also.
'
She heard him fumbling again, and after a minute he put some tissue paper in her hand. She unwrapped a necklace of garnets.
`Oh, Ross, you'll break my heart.'
'No, I shall not; not this way surely. If there--'
'Yes, you will You do not know what is going on inside me.'
'Can't we agree to forget what has passed? I assure you I should be well pleased to do so. Is not our fermentation over
too?'
`Truly, it isn't that I..’
`Think of this brooch as the payment of a just debt long
owed, and this necklace
as a Christmas present. Nothing
more.'
`I hav
e nothing at all for you.' `See
the catch fastens this way.'
She had been fingering it, and he took it from her, showed
her how it worked, then moved
to put it round her neck, For
a second she shrank away and he stood with the necklace. Then
she straightened up and allowed him to put it on her. The
acceptance had more, than its own significance. She fingered
the stones uncertainly.
`There's no mirror here,' he said. `Come into the next
room.
’
'I don't think I w
ant a mirror just yet. Until I
can se
e
myself in some less
-
less disagreeable light.'
`No such ill
light exists. I assure you.'
'Ross,
you know that I didn't need or
expect a present like,
`I know: But if you suppose or suspect that in buying these things I was hoping to buy myself back into your favour, then you're right. I admit it. It is true, my dear, my very dear, my very dear Demelza. My fine, my loyal, my very sweet Demelza,'
`Oh, no!' she said, the tears overbrimming her eyes again
'You cannot say that! You cannot say that now!'
'Do you know of any way to stop me?'
`Well you cannot mean it! I have never felt so bitter for
myself ... If we are to make it, up, if we are to live together,
I think
it will be a good
thing if you are unpleasant to
me for
a little while.'
`Remind me next week. I cou
ld make a New Year resolution
of it.'
`But seriously .. '
`Seriously, Demelza,' he said.
She touched his hand as she turned away from the window. 'I
-
I wonder you had money to get home. So generous.' I wish I had something for you. It is Christmas tomorrow and-'
`It's nearly twelve,' he said. `Let us, sit up awhile and call it Christmas tonight.'