Voyeur Extraordinaire (15 page)

All the pleasure I’d felt evaporated and I tumbled from the height his fingers had guided me toward. My body tensed and I cried out as unexpected pain ripped through my abdomen. It was a stinging pain. It felt like I was being ripped apart, and he hadn't even started moving. I could feel his cock twitching in me, but Adrian was completely frozen, every muscle tensed up. I, too, was unmoving in his arms, trying to accustom to the fe
el of him in me. He was so big.

Adrian lifted his head, his eyes wide as he stared at me. I bit my lip, unsure what to do and worried to move and make the pain worse. He gripped my butt and then he pulled out slowly. I pressed my lips even tighter together to keep myself from whimpering. I wanted to ask him why he’d stopped, but at the same time I was glad. It hurt, and I hadn't thought it would be like
that, I hadn't wanted it to happen in a corridor against a wall.

I wanted him to hold me and tell me that it would be okay, that we would cuddle in his bedroom and try again later. I wanted him to kiss
me and whisper soothing words to me. I licked my lips, about to apologize but his expression made me pause.

“Was this your first time?”

I stared at him, feeling my throat tightening. I couldn’t reply but the answer must have been plain on my face.

He shook his head. “Why didn't you tell me?” he hissed in a dangerously low voice. His face was appalled, disgusted,
furious. “I don't do virgins.”

I
don’t do virgins.

The words felt like a slap in my face and something broke in me, crumbled in a heap at my feet.

I don’t do virgins.
The words echoed in my head. Cruel and merciless.

Tears filled my eyes like a flashflood; I wasn't able to blink fast enough to keep them at bay. But with the sadness came something else, another emotion I held onto: anger. I slapped Adrian across the face. The slap sounded loud in the silence of his apartment and for a moment I relished in the sight of my handprint on his perfect cheek. His green eyes grew wide and he raised his hand to touch the mark I’d left. Then I felt more tears rising up in my eyes and decided to make a run for it before I lost the last shreds of my dignity
– if there were still any left.

I grabbed my dress that lay on the ground and pressed it to my chest as a barrier, considering putting it on but deciding I couldn’t stand another second in Adrian’s proximity. Not looking at him, I turned around and ripped the door open. The corridor was empty – a small mercy.

And then I ran, not bothering to wipe off the tears, not bothering to quiet my sobs, not caring that I was only wearing my lovely red lace underwear and black high heels. I just wanted to get away. I didn’t care if Adrian’s neighbors saw me. It wasn’t as if I’d ever set foot into this building again after tonight. Oh god, how could a perfect evening have gone so wrong?

I heard steps behind me and maybe even Adrian's voice, but I ran only faster. I smashed my palm against the call button of the elevator and its doors slid open immediately. I stumbled inside, squinting against the too bright elevator lights. I hit the button for the ground floor, followed by the one that closed the door
s and slumped against the wall.

In the moment before the doors shut completely, I could see Adrian rushing toward the elevator, fumbling with his belt. My heart thudded faster, then he disappeared from my view and the elevator began its descend. I squeezed my eyes shut and pressed my lips together, taking deep breaths through
my nose. I had to calm myself.

When I didn’t feel like I was going to have a mental breakdown anymore, I opened my eyes and slipped on my dress, then wrapped my arms around my chest, avoiding the mirror in the elevator. But from the corner of my eye, I could tell I looked like hell. At least, my mascara hadn’t run. Amy’s waterproof mascara was worth the money. I shook my head at the ridiculous thought. What did it even matter? Heat pressed against my eyes once more but I forced it back. I refused to cry again, at least until I was safe from running into other people.

The elevator came to a halt and opened its doors. With a quick glance around to make sure nobody was close by, I dashed out, past the concierge who looked up from his desk with a wide-eyed stare.

I hurried through the front doors and out into the cold night. I shivered and no matter how hard I rubbed my arms I didn’t feel any warmer. This time Adrian wasn’t there to warm me with his body. Not that I wanted him to, not
after what he’d said tonight.

I was such an idiot. Shaking my head, I headed for my apartment building and staggered up the stairs, feeling myself losing it again. But I kept it together – barely – until I entered my apartment. Bruno wasn’t there to welcome and comfort me. Amy was playing babysitter for the evening so I could enjoy my date. A shrill laugh bubbled out of me. I thrust the door shut and leaned against it, trying to catch my breath, trying not to fall apart. This was all so fucked up. This wasn’t how this evening was supposed to end. This wasn’t how my
first time was supposed to be.

I felt sick and dizzy and tired, and so many other things that I didn't want to feel right now. I realized I’d left my keys in the lock. I opened my door again. Tears were running down my cheeks as I fumbled with the keys, but they seemed to be stuck in the stupid keyhole. “Fuck!” I muttered. Why couldn’t anything in my life be easy? I didn’t want anyone to see me like that, but sadly Amy and Jared must have h
eard my not so silent entrance.

The door of their apartment opened and Amy poked her head out. She searched the corridor until she spotted me. One look
at me and her eyes widened in horror. She rushed over to me, only dressed in a skimpy babydoll and barefoot, but she didn’t care. If I were her, I’d be more worried about touching the disgusting corridor floor with my skin, but Amy had only eyes for me. That was Amy for you. I’d never had a friend like her. Well, at least not for a long time. I dropped my hands from the key still stuck in the keyhole. Amy wrapped her arms around me. “Nora, what’s the matter?”

I shook my head, holding onto the last bit of my composure with a steely grip. Amy removed my key without trouble and closed my door before steering me towards their apartment, instead of mine. I didn't fight. I was too tired, too sad, too angry, too dis
appointed. Just too everything.

Jared was sitting on their sofa, his legs propped up on the table and Bruno was curled up in his lap, deep asleep. That dog would sleep through a break in.
Definitely not a guard dog. Jared turned his head, gawked at me and dropped his legs from the table. Bruno yapped in surprise and sat up, finally spotting me. Before he could dash toward me, Jared gripped him by the collar and stood.

“Wh
at happened?” he asked quietly.

Bruno wriggled in his arms, but I was glad Jared wasn’t putting him down. I would cuddle with Bruno later. Right now I needed time to think. There was murder written across Jared’s face as he studied me. Maybe he’d actually kill Adrian if I asked him nicely. Not that that would make me
feel better. Or maybe it would, but I couldn’t do that to Jared. My homicidal thoughts actually gave me a brief moment of satisfaction, but then I caught sight of myself in one of the many decorative mirrors in Amy’s apartment and felt my stomach tighten.

I was a mess and I felt really sick. This was the problem with me. If I cried too hard, I always ended up sick. The wine definitely didn’t help either. A stronger wave of sickness washed over me. “I think I need to throw up,” I whispered, then clapped a hand over my mouth as if that could actually prevent the worst. Usually that wasn’t the case. I had experience with it, not only first hand, but also from watching too many customers throwing up in the bar.

Amy ushered me into their bathroom and lifted the toilet lid – just in time. I bent over the white ceramic and hurled the evening’s dinner into the toilet bowl. Amy held my hair back and made small calming noises as I emptied my stomach. The acid of the wine burned in my throat. I sat back on my haunches, suddenly embarrassed. Amy let go of my hair and handed me a wet wash cloth. I rubbed my mouth and chin, then whispered. “Thank you.”

Amy didn’t say anything. She was watching me with a small frown, her expression a mixture of dread and worry. I couldn’t take it anymore. I stumbled to my feet and took a step to the side toward the
wash basin. Amy’s and Jared’s bathroom was only marginally bigger than mine but Amy had managed to make it seem more comfortable by adding bright pink shower curtains, matching towels and other touches of décor.

I turned on the faucet and rinsed my mouth, then splashed some water in my face. Finally, I risked a look at my reflection and immediately wished I hadn’t. Not just because I was pale and had finally managed to smudge my waterproof mascara all around my eyes, but also because I could see Amy’s face hovering behind my shoulder with that same look of almost tears on her face. Amy never lost her shit, so it seriously freaked me out that I was the reason for that expression on her face. And to make matters worse: she hadn’t closed the door and Jared kept casually walking by to take a peek at me. It was probably second nature for him as a future doctor to check up on people but I wished I
was alone with my broken heart.

Amy touched my shoulder and I met her eyes in the mirror. “Nora, what...” Amy voice broke. She swallowed visibly,
then cleared her throat. “What happened?”

“Can we sit do
wn?” I asked in a hoarse voice.

She bobbed her head in agreement,
then took my arm as if I was too fragile to walk on my own. I let her lead me back into the living room, glad for her company. Jared leaned against their kitchen counter, Bruno still on his arm. His eyes followed me around the room but he never stopped patting Bruno’s head.

Amy pushed me down on the sofa,
then fetched a glass of water for me before she sat down beside me. I took a deep gulp of water. Jared pushed off the counter and took a few steps in our direction. He was still watching me in concern, but there was something else in his eyes, something dark. “What happened?” he repeated his question. “Did he force you?” his voice shook and it was from rage I realized.

Amy let out a s
mall sound and gripped my hand.

Guilt washed over me. Was that what they thought? Fuck. No wonder they were worried. Adrian had broken my heart, had ruined what was supposed to be a special night, but I’d wanted him, had wanted to sleep with him. But I’d also wanted to be loved and that was something he couldn’t give me.
I don’t do virgins.
Anger and mortification jolted through me.

I shook my head. “No. He didn't force me.”

“Are you sure?” Amy asked carefully, her arms wrapping tightly around me. She smelled of vanilla and coffee, and she was warm, so I allowed myself to rest my head on her shoulder. I’d have the mother of all headaches tomorrow. But that was the least of my worries.

“I am.
Really
.”

Jared looked still doubtful, but he relaxed slightly which made me glad because I was worried that he’d actually confront Adrian. I didn’t need any
more reasons to be embarrassed.

“But something must have happened,” Amy said. She pulled back a few inches to better study my face.

“The evening was lovely, at first. He took me to an Italian restaurant. We had dinner and we talked about Italy. He was so nice...and charming...We laughed and we had amazing wine.” My chest ached as I remembered those perfect hours.

“Did he make you drunk?"
Jared asked, his voice strained. Bruno started wriggling again and this time Jared put him down. Bruno ran toward me and jumped on my lap. He started licking my face and some of the tightness in my chest loosened at the feeling of his soft fur against my palms.

“No. He didn’t make me drink. We had wine for dinner. He drank even more than me, and I wasn’t really drunk. Maybe a bit tipsy, but I had an espresso after dinner to clear my head. I knew what I was doing. I was just stupid. I…” I shook my head, angry
at myself and at Adrian. I’d been such an idiot, but Adrian…Adrian had acted like a major asshole. Okay, maybe I should have told him that it was my first time, but so what? It wasn’t like he’d felt the pain. What did it even matter to him if he was my first? He probably expected stellar performance from his women – his fuck buddies – in bed and I was obviously bound to disappoint.

“What hap
pened, Nora?” Amy asked softly.

My eyes darted to Jared who was hovering in the middle of the apartment. I liked him, but I really didn’t want to go into the details of the night with him in earshot. I wasn’t even sure if I wanted to tell Amy everything. Just thinking about it made me too embarrassed for words. Amy gave Jared a pointed look and he slunk back into the kitchen area and sat down at the table, then picked up the newspaper and raised it in front of his face. He could probably still hear us if we talked loudly, but at least he ga
ve us the semblance of privacy.

Amy turned back around to me and tucked her legs under herself. Our sides were still pressed against each other, and neither of us moved away. “After dinner, we took a cab and when we got out, he asked me if I wanted to come up with him to his apartment.” I could see that Amy was struggling to stay silent and simply listen. ‘Duh’ was probably the word whirling in her mind right now.