Vision of Shadows (15 page)

But I couldn’t bring myself to get the words out. Man, I was such a wimp
.

“I’m ok
ay,” I said. “Really.”

“Bristol,” Uncle Mark said
. “You know you can tell me anything. If you need to talk, I’m here for you.”

I nodded, pushing both the guilt for not opening up and the yearning to do just that aside. “I know. I really do. I just…
I guess I needed a good cry is all.”

He smiled. “Well, I’ve got a good shoulder for that
, too. Whenever you need me, just let me know. Okay?”

In that moment, I so understood why Aunt Eve had fallen in love with him. 

“I will,” I replied. “You go back to bed. It’s late. I’m okay, I swear.”             

Uncle Mark kissed the top of my head before pulling the covers over me and letting himself out, closing the door shut behind him.

But I still wasn’t alone.

I hadn’t seen Jay since earlier
that afternoon. He was sitting in an old rocking chair Uncle Mark had found and put in my room, telling me he thought I’d like it. Of course Uncle Mark had been right.

Jay got up and walked across the room. I couldn’t help but wonder what my uncle wou
ld have thought if he knew I had such an incredibly gorgeous guy in my room. Would it make a difference that the boy was only a ghost? 

Jay sent me a smile before lying next to me. 

“It’s okay,” he said. “Just sleep. It occurred to me you would have an easier time resting if there was someone with you to chase the nightmares away. Close your eyes, darling. I promise to be here in the morning.”

I returned the smile, closed my eyes
, and went to sleep.

* * * *

When I woke the next morning, it took me only seconds to become aware of the stunning ghost lying next to me. It was more than a bit of a shock, but a pleasant one. 

It was probably very wrong for me to have let Jay spend the night. I mean
, I’m only seventeen, but did this really count? Jay was, after all, a ghost. He was an amazingly beautiful ghost, but still he had no body. I couldn’t touch him, and he couldn’t touch me. Not to mention I was wearing no makeup, my hair was a mess, and I probably had that crusty stuff you get in the corner of your eyes when you sleep. I must have looked frightening. In fact, I probably would have scared the poor boy to death if he weren’t already among the dearly departed. 

“Good morning, darling,” Jay said with that seductive smile of his. “I hope you’re feeling better.”

I stretched, returning the smile. “Yeah, I guess. I just needed a good night’s sleep.”

“Good. I’m so happy to hear that,” Jay replied. “Tell me
, darling, what was your nightmare about?”

I shrugged. “It was silly.”

Jay cocked one eyebrow. “I don’t think so. There was something about the way you looked. So very haunted. It gave me quite a fright, darling. Please, why don’t you tell me what it was about? I might be able to help.”

I sighed. I did really want to talk to someone about this recurring dream that had been waking me up at night for as long as I could remember. I’ve never spoken about it to anyone, except Ricky. If I
was being honest here, Ricky was never been much help. I knew he cared, but he never really had much to offer.

Jay seem
ed like a logical choice. After all, he’d certainly believe me. He was available, willing, and just so gosh-darn cute. I loved the way he talked to me. Very classy. Besides, who would he tell? 

“Ok
ay, maybe it would be good to talk this out,” I said. “But let me tell you the whole thing, okay?”

Jay shifted positions and gave me a nod. 

“Okay, then.” I took a deep breath, feeling like a kid who was trying to get up the nerve to jump into the pool, afraid of how cold the water would be. Then I looked into Jay’s beautiful eyes, and I decided I was ready to take the plunge. “For as long as I can remember, I’ve dreamt about Payne McKnight.”

I started with all of the fleeting images I’d had of Payne over the years. I explained quickly all of the reckless things I’d seen Payne do. Then with a bit of guilt, I began telling Jay about all of the visions of Payne and I being together. I felt bad for describing these things to Jay. They were such wonderful moments that perhaps might lie in my future, but were possibilities that had been forever stolen from him. I wondered if Jay mourned for the life he never had, the children he’d never father. 

“It’s a lovely life you are describing,” Jay said. “And yes I’m consumed by jealousy, but please continue.” 

How cruel was I being to Jay right now? But I needed to finish what I had started, so after a moment I continued.

“There has been another dream,” I explained. “One I keep having over and over again. One that’s a lot less
happily ever after
and far more
psycho
than all of the others.”

Jay shifted. “And this more horrific dream?
Am I to assume it’s the reason you woke last night drenched in sweat, panic in your eyes?”

“Yeah, that would be a fairly safe bet,” I answered
. “And it makes no sense. There’s no way all of those wonderful, lovely, storybook kind of dreams could exist and yet this other, not so nice dream also be real. It’s not possible. It’s really silly of me to even worry about it,” I concluded, fooling no one but myself. Even Ricky in his soup can was probably shaking his head.

“So tell me,” Jay urged
. “I would very much like to hear your ‘not so nice’
dream. Indulge me. Does something wicked happen to little Payne? Perhaps one of his many reckless stunts catches up with him? That would be such a shame, wouldn’t it?”

“Jay
,” I admonished. “That’s not nice.”

“Bristol dear, please forgive me. I never wished to cause you any distress. I promise to behave.”

I figured Jay deserved a little leeway. After all, it must be hard for him to hear this. 

“Ok
ay,” I said. “In my not so nice dream, it’s not Payne who ends up getting hurt.” I forced myself into a sitting position. “It’s me.”

Jay slowly rose as well, the playfulness in his eyes replaced by something far darker. It was like watching a thunderstorm roll into a clear sky.

“Explain, Bristol,” he commanded. “How is it you are harmed in this dream?”

His intensity was palatable. So
much so, it scared me. Ignoring my fear, I closed my eyes and blurted it out. “Payne kinda, sorta kills me.” 

I heard nothing. No response, no gasp, no laughter
, or sound of shock.  Just silence. I slowly opened one eye and took a peek to see if Jay was still in the room. 

He was. And he looked really mad. 

“It’s not as bad as it sounds,” I said. “I’ve had hundreds of dreams with Payne, and out of all of them he only kills me in the one!” Wow, that sounded really stupid when I said it out loud.

Jay put his hand up to silence me. “Just stop. Please
, darling, do you even hear yourself?”

“Yeah, I know, but here’s the thing. I’ve had dozens
, if not hundreds, of dreams of Payne. Most of them have us falling in love, living happily ever after, growing old together. We can’t grow old together if he kills me.”  

“We’re talking about your life here,”
he said. “I would rather not take any chances on your pretty little neck. I happen to be quite fond of it.”

“So am I,” I said. “Trust me
, I’m not just dismissing these dreams. I feel like I’m missing something.”

“Perhaps what you’re going to miss is your next birthday,” Jay replied. “Something I hope you have plenty of. Look, Bristol…
you have no choice but to stay away from Payne. You simply cannot be involved with him. I’m sorry, but I must insist.”

“You must insist?” I repeated. “You have got to be kidding me. Jay, I appreciate the sentiment, but it’s my choice whether to see Payne at all. Besides, I have a plan.”

“And what might this grand scheme of yours involve?” Jay asked.

I ignored the sarcasm. “It’s simple. In my dreams, Payne either loves me with all of his heart or hates me enough to murder me. I just need to make sure neither happens. Payne and I will be friends. That’s all. I highly doubt there’s a real possibility of anything more that.” 

For several seconds, Jay stared at me blankly before throwing his head back and laughing so loud he would have woken up the entire house if there were anyone else that could hear him. 

“What’s so funny?” I asked, feeling more than a bit perturbed. “Stop laughing!”

“Bristol, my darling,” Jay said. “You are a precious jewel, as unique as you are lovely. Do you really believe Payne will be able to resist you? I am sure that poor boy is already ensnared by your charms. Charms that are ever the more delectable since you seem to be completely unaware of how incredibly enticing you are.”

Now it was my turn to stare blankly. I threw in a few thousand blinks as well. “I don’t have any idea how to respond to you. The things you say, they’re like poetry.
A precious jewel? Delectable charms?”
I offered Jay my most sympathetic smile. “I think it’s been such a long time since you were able to talk to a flesh and blood girl that you might be getting carried away.”

Jay sent me that killer smile. “And do my poetic words have any effect on
your
flesh or blood?”

Oh boy, if he only had a pulse.

“Jay,” I said, unsure of what else to say.

“Bristol,” he replied, “I could make you very happy, I think. You and I could run off together, away from Spirit, away from any possibility of harm coming to you. I know it wouldn’t be the most conventional relations
hip, but that doesn’t mean it couldn’t be a fulfilling one.”

“Oh
, Jay.” My heart fluttered. “You have no idea how tempting an offer that is, but I can’t leave Spirit. I know I’ve only been here a short time, but I can’t leave my uncle, or Simon, or Zack, or Grandpa… well maybe Grandpa…”

“I had a feeling he would be the exception,” Jay said. “I know it’s hard to imagine, but just keep that idea tucked in your mind somewhere. I’m not giving up on you just yet.”

He was breaking my heart.

“Bristol, you don’t know me as well as you think you do,” he said. “There’s a lot more to me than meets the eye.”

“Such as?”

Jay sent me that wicked grin. “Why don’t we save that for now? Keep an air of mystery about us. Besides, you need to get going. You’ll be late for classes.” 

I glanced at the clock, saw the time, and leaped off the bed. “Dear God almighty! I’ve got to move. Jay, I’m sorry but…” I looked over my shoulder, and Jay was gone.

He’s A Great Catch

I managed to get to school on time. I ran into my first class as the late bell
rang. 

M
y mind was on Payne and what I was going to do. I couldn’t all of a sudden abandon Payne, no matter what my visions said would happen. But I would be foolish to simply dismiss them. Payne and I would have to be just friends. As much as I may have wanted it, I couldn’t allow myself to become romantic with Payne. The kiss that nearly happened was never going to happen.

Today, Maggie was decked out head to toe in a bright purple getup with canary yellow accessories. She pepper
ed me with questions when I told her about the previous night. She listened intently to each detail. When I got to the part about Payne with his shirt off, Maggie let out a squeal and everyone stared at us. 

“Please, tell me that you took a picture
,” she said.

I
knew
she would say that.

Later, I walked into the lunchroom looking for Payne
but instead ran into Princess P.

She walked up to me, eyeing me like a
cougar getting ready to pounce on a gazelle. She was flanked on both sides by other really pretty, snobby-looking girls. All together, there were five of them.

I had Maggie
, who squeaked behind me.

“Who do you think you are, Brenda?” she said.

“Bristol,” I corrected.

“Whatever,” she responded with a flourish and accompanying eye roll. “What the hell kind of name is that
, anyway?”

“Is there something I can do for you?” I asked.

Pricilla looked me up and down. “Yes, you can drop off the face of the earth and never show your ugly face in Spirit again. Are we clear?”

Ok
ay, I guess I walked into that one. 

“Look
, Pricilla,” I said. “I don’t know what your problem is—”

“
You
are my problem,” Pricilla said. “What business do you have cozying up to Payne? He’s a McKnight. You’re a Blackburn. The two don’t mix.”

“So I’ve been told,” I replied. “My relationship with Payne is none of your business.”

“None of my business?” she repeated. “Payne is mine. Not yours. Do you hear me?”

I dropped my book bag and crossed my arms. “Payne is
yours
? Do you have a receipt? Proof of purchase? A warranty?” I accentuated my point by taking a menacing step forward.

“Chick fight,” said Jake Dispost, the rocker ghost who helped me out on my first day. I tried to ignore him.

Pricilla was not ready to back down. “I don’t know what you’re talking about. I’m just warning you off. Consider it a friendly gesture.”

“Uh
-huh.” I snorted. “I’ve got a friendly gesture for you, too.”

Pricilla looked scandalized.
I got the impression she wasn’t used to people talking to her that way.

“And what about you?” Pricilla said, turning to Maggie. “Are you going to continue to be friends with this loser? I can tell you right now
,
Magpie,
that would be a mistake. Before long, no one in this school will even want to be seen in the same class as her. You better ditch her before you get the same treatment.”

I
glanced at Maggie, who looked like a giant, dorky deer caught in the headlights of a massive trailer truck headed her way. Then she snapped.

“Pricilla, let me tell you something,” Maggie said with fiery determination
. “You’re a really mean girl, and Bristol is very nice, and my friend, and I don’t care what you say! You think you’re so…” Maggie did some sort of wiggling motion with her fingers. “But you’re really very…” Now she did a choking motion with her hands. “And I’m tired of you acting like you’re better than everyone else. And you know what, if you don’t like it, you can just kiss my keister!”

“Whoa!” Jake said. “Maggie just blew a gasket. I think she’s
, like, mucho hot when she goes off like that. But Barbie doll here doesn’t look pleased at all.”

Jake was right. Pricilla’s face was so red she looked like she was trying to pass a bowling ball. I could practically see the imaginary steam coming from her ears. 

Pricilla pointed a finger toward Maggie. “Now you listen here, Magpie—”

I moved between Pricilla and Maggie. “No,
you
listen, you oversized Barbie doll.”

“Hey,” Jake complained, “that’s my line.”
             

“I don’t know why,” I continued, stabbing at Pricilla with my finger, “
you feel you have the right to dictate who I’m friends with, or why you think I would care. But guess what? If I want to see Payne, I will. If I want to date Payne, I will. If I want to marry Payne, I will. And I don’t care what you or your bimbo brigade has to say about it.”

I was right in Princess P’s face. She had a look of fear in her eyes as she stumbled backward. Together, Maggie and I turned our backs and walked away. 

There was applause from everyone in the lunchroom and then a collective gasp while Jake waved his arms and yelled out to me, “Incoming! Incoming! Move to the left!”

Without hesitation, I grabbed Maggie’s arm and yanked her hard to the left. I could see something fly by as I did so. Then I heard a chorus of “oohs!”

I turned around to see Pricilla had thrown someone’s lunch at me. Thanks to the warning from Jake, she missed us. The same could not be said for Mrs. Fairbanks, one of the school deans. 

Mrs. Fairbanks was a short, stocky woman who wore her glasses on one of those stringy things that hung around her neck. Her previously pink sweater was now covered in lunch goo, something brown and something beige. She looked incensed. After a moment or two of shock, during which time the lunch goo slid off of her face and sweater and onto the floor, she rounded on Pricilla and dragged her out of the lunchroom by her ear.

Maggie and I looked at each other in disbelief before we broke out in laughter. It was good to have a friend to share with. 

“Looks like Barbie doll is in mucho trouble
,” Jake said. “I remember Jackie when we were, like, classmates. She always had a temper. I don’t envy Barbie now.”

Maggie and I managed to get our laughter under control. As we made our way to a table, we got high fives and
atta girls
from all directions
.
It was enough to make a girl blush. 

Just as we were sitting down, something caught my eye. In the far side of the room, I could see a very beautiful red
-haired girl, watching, appraising me. Without a word, she turned and left.

* * * *

I ran into Payne on the way to my next class. Maggie was still walking with me when he smoothly moved into place on my opposite side, like it was where he belonged. He sent me that wolfish grin. My heart seemed to tremble as I did my best to ignore the look Maggie sent me.

“I heard you had a run in with Pricilla,” Payne said. “What was that all about?”

I shook my head. “Nothing. She was being a complete dweeb.’”

“Dweeb isn’t the word I would use,” Maggie offered. “But my parents would be very upset if I used the word that comes to mind, so I’ll just let you fill in the blank, but Bristol’s wrong. It wasn’t nothing. She actually had the nerve to tell Bristol
—ow!” 

Maggie’s sentence was cut off as she tripped over my strategically placed foot. Once Maggie was righted again, I gave her
The Look
. I just hope Payne didn’t see. I was pretty sure I had been discreet.

“You ok
ay there, Maggie?” Payne asked.

“Uh huh,” Maggie said
. “Yeah, just tripped over myself. You know me, big klutz. It’s hard to walk with two left feet.”

“Yeah,” I whispered, “especially when one of those feet is in your mouth.”

Thankfully, the bell rang and we had to file into class. Just as we took our seats, Payne leaned down on my desk. “If you can, I’d like to see you after school today.”

I nodded, all the while trying to ignore Maggie, who was
giving me a thumbs-up from behind Payne.

“Great.
It’s a date,” Payne said before moving to take his seat. 

“No, it’s not,” I said in a sort of whisper
-shout voice. “We’re just talking. I don’t date.”

Maggie leaned close to me.
“What are you doing? If Payne McKnight wants to go on a date with you, you go. Think about how much it will kill Pricilla. Not to mention thrill me.”

“Maggie
.” I sighed. “Am I supposed to date him just to make Pricilla nuts? Or just to make you happy?’

“Either works for me,” Maggie said. “Or how about the fact that he’s
beautiful
.”

“Yeah, yeah,” I murmured.

“Don’t yeah, yeah me, girl,” Maggie said. “We are not talking about he’s okay or he’s really cute here. Payne McKnight is a have your teeth fall out from all that sweet eye candy kinda beautiful. Half the girls in this school would kill to even catch his eye. And the other half, like
me
, will kill you if you don’t go for it.”

“Maggie,” I
said, “I understand, but if I’m not ready to date, then I’m not ready. I’m not going to do something I’m not ready for just for you, for the girls of Spirit High, or even for Payne McKnight.”

“Yeah
, you will,” she said. “But it’s because the two of you belong together. Otherwise, the thought of it wouldn’t scare the living daylights out of you.”

I ignored her and looked
toward the teacher, who was starting to drone on about the Revolutionary War. I wasn’t paying attention. I was worrying about whether Maggie was right or not.

Two classes later when the last bell of the school day rang, I felt a sense of utter panic set in. I was supposed to meet Payne. And now I was left to answer the question: What am I, insane?

I grabbed Maggie and dragged her into the girl’s bathroom. “What am I supposed to do now?”

“I thought you and Payne were supposed to hang out,” she answered.

“I know,” I replied. “I know I’m
supposed
to meet him. But what am I supposed to do with him?”

“You really need me to tell you that?” Maggie asked, as she wiggled her eyebrows again. 

I walked right into that one. 

“Maggie,” I whined
. “I think I’m in over my head. I can’t handle this. You don’t understand!”

I think Maggie was starting to see how frightening this was for me because her eyebrows stopped wiggling
. She came over, put her hands on my shoulders, and gave me a reassuring pat. Her eyes were filled with sympathy. “Bristol,” she said in a gentle, kind voice. “Let me ask you a question. Are you
nuts
?” she yelled, her puppy dog eyes widening in horror.

I stood there, open mouthed, completely blindsided. I hate
d when that happened. 

“Bri
stol,” she said, “he likes you. And it’s driving me crazy because I know you like him, too. You do like him, right? Because if you don’t, if I’m reading you wrong, then tell me. But if you
do
like him, what’s the problem? Because it seems to me that you just can’t get yourself to believe that he really does like you. I mean, I understand. Believe me I do. But trust me, he really likes you.”

“Well, no, um…” I muttered. She was making it hard to be unreasonable. “Look, I guess maybe I’m not ready for this. I’m still adjusting to life here, with my new family, without my parents. I’ve never been out on a date before.”

“Okay,” Maggie said. “No one is saying run off and get married. Although, I would
so love
to be your maid of honor, but that’s not the point.” Maggie waved off the panic in my eyes. “Just go talk to him. When he asks you out on a date, you’ll decide you’re ready. But you don’t want to not give yourself the chance to find out.” 

She was making sense. I should take this one step at a time.
I decided the best thing for me to do was remain calm. I needed to keep a cool, clear head. The last thing I wanted to do was panic.

Then I looked in the mirror and screamed.
“I can’t see Payne when my hair looks like this.”  

“Yeah
.” Maggie started to dig into her purse. “I was wondering about that myself. You really should do something. Maybe a little makeup wouldn’t hurt. You know, girl up a little.”

I wasn’t even sure what that meant, but I reached into my own bag
for my hairbrush and went to work.

Minutes later, Maggie and I went out of the school and looked around for Payne. He wasn’t hard to find, standing at the bottom of the school stairs.
He seemed totally unaware of how many girls were checking him out.