Vengeance: The Niteclif Evolutions, Book 3 (23 page)

A small lounger beckoned, and I lay down, weary. The term “weary of spirit” had never made more sense than it did now. With all the drama that had just unfolded in the living room, the snick of the French door opening should have alarmed me. I just couldn’t bring myself to care in that moment. A tall shadow moved over me and I wondered briefly what it would take to kill me as an at least temporary immortal. If I could manage to have a child, I might lose the indefinite longevity. I snorted—“indefinite longevity” my ass.
 

“What’s so funny, Maddy?” Micah’s voice in the darkness was like rich, decadent sin.

I only shook my head. “Nothing. Did you help them get it sorted out in there?”

He chuckled and things low in my belly tightened.
 

Damn it.
 

“Your gentlemen are far from gentle.” The sound of a chair scraping across the flagstone made me stick a finger in my ear, but all the Nephilim did was settle into the seat. He leaned forward, deep eyes intensely focused on me. “For what it’s worth, they weren’t beating the holy hell out of each other when I left the room.”

I laid my head back on the headrest and shivered in the cool night air. The sound of shifting, then a jacket settled over my legs. “Thanks.”
 

Micah’s smell was faint but masculine, like silk and patchouli overlaid with sunshine. It had crept through the leather of his jacket and, as I snuggled into the transferred warmth, I couldn’t help but breathe deeply. Closing my eyes against the shades of night that were battled back by the single lamp light in the study, I wanted nothing more than twelve hours of uninterrupted sleep.
 

The fallen angel took a deep breath and my muscles tensed in anticipation. “There’s something I’d like to comment on if I may.”

“Depends. If you followed me out here to try and pull a soap opera melodrama where you try to convince me to have your baby? Leave. But I’m keeping the jacket.”

Again, a deep chuckle caressed my skin. “No, Maddy, it’s nothing like that. There’s time yet for that dramatic discussion. I wanted to talk to you about your growing penchant for violence.”

A new, unwelcome chill ran through me, followed closely by a white-hot rage that had me flinging the jacket aside and standing to face him. “What,
exactly
, does that mean?”

“Since I’ve watched you, you’ve become easier and easier with the paranormal world, falling into their ways without considering what it costs you in terms of your humanity.” He held up a hand to stop my retort. “Let me finish. You’ve started weapons training and taken a gun to hand as your weapon of choice. I’ve watched you several times reach for it before you reach for logic.”

The truth in his words fell around my shoulders like a lead yoke, but if he wanted logic, I’d give it to him. “What you fail to realize, Micah, and what it took me a while to accept, is that logic is poor defense when you’re being beaten, stabbed, shot at, chased or worse.” I turned in a small circle, picking up his jacket and tossing the cooling leather into the nearest chair. “Logic provides little protection from the paranormal world, and if part of my job is to keep justice in place and prevent the most violent of paranormal crimes and criminals from crossing into the mundane world, I need the tools to stop them.”

“And so then does your logic not tell you that violence begets violence?” His voice registered hard and stark.

“No. Maybe. No. I don’t know how to answer that.”
 

“You do, Maddy, but as in so many areas, you refuse to acknowledge the truth as it pertains to you.” He stood and shoved his hands in his pocket. “You hardly reacted to defacing a demon tonight, you never blanched at splitting the difference between two living creatures hours later, and I don’t doubt you’d have shot one of Bahlin’s men to disrupt the brawl if you thought you’d not have run a good chance of hitting Hellion.” His breathing was rapid, shallow, leaving small puffs of dark gray on the night air.

“Don’t judge me, Micah.” I stumbled over my words as they rushed out. “You don’t know what it’s like. You don’t know how it feels to face down enemies you never knew you had, to know,
know
, you’re outgunned before the fight even gets started. I start every conflict on the defensive, retreating from approaching violence as fast as I can backpedal.” Tremors of cold and fear and rage wracked me, and I found myself speaking through clenched teeth to keep from stuttering, a childhood nod to being overwhelmed. “That gun at least evens things up a little bit. It gives me a chance. Without it? I’m only living until a better opportunity to die comes along.”

He shook his head, and the side of his face illuminated by the study lamp showed frown lines marring the skin’s surface. Stepping closer to me, he wrapped a hot hand around the nape of my neck and pulled me close. I pulled back so that he either forced me or stopped. He paused, relaxed and stepped in to me.

“Don’t,” I whispered. “You do
not
have my permission to cross into my personal space.”

Micah stared down at me from his impressive height, the edges of his lips curling up. “I care little for your permission. I do, however, wish to remain in your good standing, so I’ll refrain.”
 

“You couldn’t possibly have been kicked out of Heaven for extreme hubris, could you?”

A strange, dark look passed over his face. “I’ve told you why I became Nephilim.” Releasing me, he turned and snatched his jacket up before stalking toward the study. He stopped at the French doors and glanced back. “Don’t give in to the monsters, Maddy. Don’t give up your humanity yet.” He walked inside, shutting the door in the face of my answer.

“It’s hard when they keep popping up out of the grass and wearing the faces of friends. You can never tell who all the real monsters are.”

Chapter Twelve

I stayed on the patio, under the stars, until the damp cold drove me inside. Flames from the peat fire burnished the deep, cognac-colored leather sofa. It beckoned to me silently. Crawling into the warm depths of the oversized piece, I pulled down the heavy wool throw that lay across the arm and snuggled in to think through our next course of action. There were several things I knew to be true, all of which may or may not play into dealing with Agares.

First, I was terrified that something had gone wrong and I had been cut off from Tyr. He never went this long without talking to me. When he’d come to me at Hellion’s Lees Place home, Tyr had been under some type of assault. The last meeting was generally vague. Memories bled together like overly wet watercolors, the harder I struggled to remember, the worse it became until a headache overwhelmed me. I let the subject go for now.

Second, this whole pheromone thing was privately freaking me out. I didn’t really
want
kids, and I definitely didn’t want to give birth to the child who would kill Bahlin. Scrubbing my hands over my face, I groaned. There had to be a solution, but the longer I sat there, the bigger the chasm of impossibility became, so I temporarily turned away from it too.

Third, the demon Asmodeus wanted something with me. No one around me knew any more than I did about this particular demon, so until we could find an expert, I was in the dark.

Fourth, the feeling that I was missing something critical really nagged at me. I’d never experienced anything like this, this burning knowledge that something I should see stood right in front of me, yet I remained blind to it.

I rolled over and stared at the beamed ceiling, willing inspiration to wash over me. Nothing happened.

The sounds of the crackling fire, the weight of the day and the encroaching warmth left me lethargic, my leaden limbs refusing to do more than find their way under the cover. Sleep’s anesthetic pull dragged me under into a dream-filled world of endless mazes, faceless bodies, disembodied screams and haunting laughter, none of which I could escape.

The morning sun illuminated the small, private garden, showcasing the last of autumn’s blooms with heartfelt joy. Birds flitted about, making use of the birdfeeder and birdbath, chattering and nattering at each other as chickadees, sparrow and swallows fought small wars of dominance and position. A large shadow passed overhead and the birds scattered, each little feathered body out for itself. I watched it all, grateful to start the day on my own despite my concern that Hellion and I hadn’t reconciled last night.
 

Swinging my legs over the side of the sofa, they landed heavily on a warm, muscled body.

“Oompf.”
 

I yanked my feet up with a little gasp. My heart skittered in my chest, bouncing around like a dime store pinball.
 

Hellion sat up, rubbing his middle. His hair was disheveled and sexy, his face marked from the rumpled pillowcase. He smiled at me, slightly reserved.

“I didn’t know you were there.” I clenched my hands in my lap to keep from reaching for him. “I never heard you come in last night.”

His eyes caught the movement of my hands and his brows drew together. “I thought to let you and Micah have your words, but when you didn’t come to bed…” He shrugged. “I searched you out early this morning and found you here. Disturbing you in order to get you to our bed seemed unnecessary, but I wasn’t willing to sleep without you.”
 

“Oh.” Soft, the word escaped on a breath.

“Did you and Micah…that is…did he…” Hellion scratched at the stubble on his chin as a faint blush spread across his cheeks. “Did he come on to you, Maddy? I won’t have you propositioned in your own home.”

I arched a brow.

He grinned. “Fair enough. I meant I wouldn’t have you propositioned by anyone other than me.”

I laughed and he stood, his lounge pants tented in the front from an impressive, heavy morning erection. “May I join you on the sofa, love? We’ve a lot to talk about and there’s the matter of the five minutes you still owe me.”

Butterflies took up radical maneuvers in my stomach, and I wrapped my arms around my middle. The look of alarm must have shown on my face because Hellion stopped midway into his slide under the coverlet that pooled around my thighs.

“Maddy?” When I refused to look at him, he stood again and faced me, arms crossed across his massive chest. “Care to tell me what you’re so scared of?”

“Not particularly.” I swallowed hard. Before I could stop myself, I blurted out, “I don’t want to have a child, and I’m afraid you’re going to come in here and tell me you’re all about kids and knocking me up, and I don’t want that.” Breathing heavy, I buried my face in my hands, scared to face his reaction for fear of the truth.

I heard him moving blankets and such off the floor. When he didn’t sit next to me, I was sure I’d hit on the truth and he’d left. Just as I was about to call out for him, I felt the air in front of me move. He’d been standing there all along, watching me.
 

Hellion lifted my chin gently, his black eyes as tender as they could ever be. “Madeleine Dylis Niteclif, you are the heart of me. Knowing you don’t want children, not now and maybe not ever, is a difference between us, but it’s not insurmountable. I’d love to father your child someday, but truth? I’m far from ready myself. I’d hoped first for a lifetime of years between us to simply enjoy each other.”

I searched his face for the truth. “You mean that?”

“Did you truly think I’d ask for my five minutes to foist a pregnancy on you?” Shock traced sharp consonants and warred with irritated vowels.

I thought about what I’d expected from Hellion and found myself slightly ashamed at my actions. I glanced away. “No, I didn’t expect you to. Truly.” Patting the edge of the sofa, I was a bit surprised when he refused to sit. His morning arousal had seriously lost its happy factor, and I felt like a capital buzzkill. “Sorry,” I muttered, gesturing to his groin.

Booming laughter scattered the little birds that had returned to the patio. “Come here,
síorghrá
.” Hauling me to my feet, Hellion led me to the door and out onto the cold stone. “Wait.” He went back and grabbed blankets and a pillow and brought them back out, making a small, makeshift pallet on one of the loungers. He muttered a few words, then said, “Climb in.”

I did, surprised at the warmth emanating from the blankets. “Tell me you haven’t been hiding this little magic from me on purpose.”

He grinned, sliding in next to me. “Better than a coal warmer any day.” Pulling me into his arms, warm breath chasing the chill away from my neck, Hellion tucked me into the crook of his shoulder where my head fit naturally. “Tell me, Maddy. What do you want,
grá mo chroí
? What would make you happiest?”

“I don’t know. I haven’t ever really thought about it lately. It’s been easy to simply be with you and take it one day at a time. Maybe, right this moment, if I knew Agares was bound to the Plains of Despair, never to break free. Having Micah Ascend so that he’s not trying to ‘save me’ from fabricated tragedies. Knowing you and Bahlin had resolved your differences.” He snorted, blowing my hair about. I laid a hand on his healing ribs. “Above all? I’d put your personal demons to rest.”

“You slay me with your heart, Maddy.” A kiss. “But I didn’t hear the answer I most needed to hear.”

I thought over what I had said to him. The issue of children had been addressed inside. The— “Oh!” I slapped a hand to my forehead. “I’d get rid of this effing pheromone problem. I feel like a bitch in heat, scared to go outside for fear of finding who’s newly over the fence and in my backyard, so to speak.”