Vada Faith (25 page)

“Everybody,” I said, clearing my throat. “I have something to say.” My heart was thumping in my chest.

Mama, who finally joined us, paused as she cut a slice of pie. Thankfully, Bobby Joe and Pattie were still at the swings with the girls. Louise, sitting in her lawn chair, turned to look at me. Bruiser, stretched out on a blanket on the ground, kept his eyes closed. He had worn himself out looking in the direction of the courthouse steps where Joy Ruth was helping with the book sale.

“I have decided to keep this baby,” I said, firmly, “it’s my baby and I want to keep it.” I leaned on the picnic table for strength.

John Wasper’s face went white as a ghost.

My mother and Louise wore the same stunned expression. Bruiser’s eyes popped wide open but for a change he didn’t utter one word.

“I’m seriously thinking about it,” I stammered, backing away, as I saw the hurt in John Wasper’s eyes.

Well, holy cow. Why had I said I was thinking about it? I’d already made up my mind. I wasn’t thinking about it. I had decided. For sure. No turning back.

“You don’t have to say anything.” I looked around at the faces of all the people I loved. They didn’t look about to say anything anyway. I picked up a water bottle and took a sip. “I just wanted you to know.”

All around us people were milling about. Eating. Drinking. Talking. Like there wasn’t a care anywhere in the world. Well, they didn’t know the half of it.

I stood there, my fingers like stone as I clutched that water bottle. I needed to get away but couldn’t move.

“Why’s everyone so quiet?” Bobby Joe walked up with his arm around Pattie who wore the look of a girl in love. The girls trailed behind them licking ice cream cones.

“We’re all partied out,” I said, flatly, feeling my body finally go limp. I turned and walked slowly across the lawn with my water bottle. I sat down under a big tree and put my head in my hands.

“Hell-o!”

I raised my head. Dottie sauntered across the grass toward me, wearing a navy silk dress and matching heels. Her shiny hair skimmed her shoulders. She belonged in a glass house or at the mall. Not here at a picnic. Not here in my life. Ha. What life? I didn’t have one anymore.

I glanced over to see my husband helping the girls assemble kites. For some reason he’d decided against going up near the podium where Benny Johnson was giving his mayoral speech. It was being broadcast over speakers but John Wasper didn’t seem to notice. Worry etched his face. At least he hadn’t seen Dottie. I didn’t want any more scenes.

“Vay-da Fa-ith,” she said, slurring her words as she bent over me, “you little stin-ker. Who-are-all-those-people-you’re-with?” She pointed at our table.

“My family,” I said. Under my breath I added, “They used to be.” I scooted back against the huge tree trunk to avoid the woman’s breath but she came even closer.

“My husband wants to see you,” she said, shaking her perfectly manicured finger at my nose, “You naugh-ty girl.”

“What’re you talking about?”

“He wanted you to drive your new car today. Show it off. He drove by your house and it’s still in the driveway.”

“Look here,” I said, sharply, “I can’t take that car. You have to get it out of my driveway.”

“Sure you can take it, honey. Roy said Dottie-kins our little girl needs a car. I said, Roy-see Boy-see you get her one and he did.” She threw out her hands and I could see the flash of a huge diamond on her finger. I’d never noticed it before. She saw me looking and she held out her hand. “It’s new. He gave it to me just this morning. It’s part of our deal. We have some issues we are working on.”

“It’s a beauty,” I said, checking the ring on her finger. Then I looked back at my husband. The worried look on his face had been replaced by a big smile as he knelt alongside Sandy Dooley, a cute little blond, who was chatting with him and helping the girls tie the tails on the kites. Sandy was a secretary at the trucking company and sold real estate part time.

“You know,” the woman beside me said, “I would rather be pregnant.”

I had to pull my eyes away from my husband and Sandy to hear what Dottie was saying. Her voice had sobered some.

“I would rather be pregnant,” she said, “than have this expensive ring any old day. You do know that. Don’t you?”

“I know.” I looked back to see John Wasper and smiling Sandy Dooley flying one of the kites together. I thought my heart would break.

“Do you really know?” She moved closer and looked into my face. “Do you know what it’s like not to be able to get pregnant with your own child? It’s all I’ve ever wanted. Since I was a little girl. To be pregnant. It’s the one thing I could never have. All I ever wanted was to be loved. Really loved. But,” she said, cheering up, “my life is about to turn around. I am about to get my baby and I thank you for that. That’s all that matters in the end. Isn’t it? It’s just the baby, really, that’s important?”

“Yes, yes, that’s all that’s important.” I couldn’t tell her I’d changed my mind and was keeping my baby. I had to tell her. Now just wasn’t the time.

I had to figure out why the woman across the lawn was spending time with my husband. I had to somehow fix our relationship and get issues in my own life resolved. I didn’t have a clue where to begin.

Suddenly, I noticed the sky getting dark and the wind picking up. People were gathering their picnic baskets and lawn chairs.

“I’ve got to find the girls,” I said, standing up and brushing off my clothes. I could no longer see John Wasper, Sandy Dooley, or the children. “A storm’s coming,” I said. “We’ll discuss this later.”

“O-key doo-key, girl,” she said, “we’ll talk later.”

I should have been angry at her. Instead I was sorry for her. I watched her teeter on her high heels toward the concession stands.

“Where are you parked?” I asked when my husband appeared back at the table as I started packing our picnic basket.

“Behind the courthouse,” he yelled over the wind. “It was the only space left.”

“You get the girls,” I called, gathering my things and tossing them into the picnic basket, the wind nearly blowing me away. “I’ll be in the truck.”

By the time he finally swung into the truck a few minutes later, the wind was dying down and the dark clouds seemed to be moving away. My husband was alone and his face wore a strange look. He started the truck.

“I asked your mom to bring the girls home, later. They’ve set up games inside the courthouse and they’ll stay for the fireworks. If they have them.” He didn’t look at me. “We need to talk, Vada Faith.” He peeled out of the parking lot leaving a patch of rubber that would be the topic of the next council meeting.

“Fine,” I said, furious at him for driving like a maniac. “Let’s go home and get this over with.”

“Fine,” he barked. “Let’s get it over with.”

Over with? What did he mean, over with?

“Whose car,” he asked, swinging the truck into our driveway past the new car? We hadn’t spoken all the way home.

“Not mine,” I said, getting out of the truck and slamming the door extra hard.

“That door is gonna fall off its hinges one of these days, woman. Not that you care. You don’t care about anything anymore,” he said. He came around to take some of the picnic stuff.

“I’ve got other things on my mind besides truck doors,” I said, marching into the kitchen and piling the picnic stuff on the counter. In a huff, I headed up the stairs toward our bedroom.

“Come back here, this minute,” he demanded, following me into the living room. “I want to talk to you.”

“All right.” I turned around and came back down the steps slowly. “What’s on your mind, mister smart guy?”

“Were you with Roy Kilgore last night? Tell me. That’s all I want to know.”

“I wasn’t with him last night. Not with him, anyway. Why?”

“You have never lied to me before. So don’t start now.”

“I had dinner with Roy Kilgore. I wasn’t with him,” I insisted. “You make it sound like we were on a date.”

“You’re married, Vada Faith. In case you’ve forgotten. Which I’m sure you have and have you forgotten about the girls?”

“I only had dinner with the man, John Wasper. I didn’t marry him. Stop being so dramatic.”

“Why would you have any reason to have dinner with that man?”

“I had dinner with him to tell him I’m keeping my baby. He didn’t get it.”

“He didn’t get it?” He looked incredulously at me. “Well, I don’t get it either. You went into this thing swearing to give this baby to them. Then you meet him, by yourself, in some bar and you want me to believe it was just to tell him you’re keeping the baby.”

“I was not in some bar. I was in a restaurant. I was not hanging on anyone like your informant, Mac Hill, who was hanging on some blond who was not his wife.”

“Well, that crook had his arm around you.”

“I was not feeling well. Now, Mr. Goodie Two Shoes, let me ask you something. Why was Sandy Dooley hanging out and helping you with those kites? I saw you both laughing. Even holding onto the same kite string. What was that about, Mister Know It All?”

“Sandy Dooley is a good friend from work. She’d never flown a kite and I was showing her how. It was obvious if you’d been watching instead of talking to that Kilgore woman. What kind of people are you mixed up with anyway? That woman was drunk as a skunk.”

“I’ve been trying to tell you how messed up those people are. You won’t listen to me. That’s why I can’t give them this baby. I’m not ashamed of being seen with him in a dining room. That was innocent.”

“Of course, you wouldn’t be ashamed. This big new Vada Faith would never be ashamed.

No matter how wrong she was. I don’t know what you’re up to. I know what that man is up to. Don’t think for a minute I don’t. He’s after you. He wants you and that baby. You know what I think? I think you’re leading him on.”

I gasped, not believing what I was hearing.

“That’s right, honey,” he said, none too kindly. “That’s exactly what I believe.”

“I’m not leading him on and I think you’re mean for saying that.”

“Before you call anyone horrible you should look in the mirror. You’ve destroyed us. How could you announce today in front of everyone you’re keeping this baby that belongs to Roy Kilgore? I should have some say in this. You didn’t tell me you were going to do that. I have feelings too.” He dropped down on the sofa where we always had our serious discussions.

However, we’d never had a discussion as serious as this one.

I could count on one hand the serious talks we’d had over the years in this living room. Bright red throw pillows stood like soldiers in each corner of the sofa.

I blocked out the voice in my head that said John Wasper should have been in on this decision and every other one I’d made regarding this surrogacy.

“I’m keeping this baby,” I said, softly, sitting down across from him in our new leather chair, “because it’s the right thing to do. Oh, I know how you feel. You’ve made it clear. Can’t you try to understand how I feel?”

I could see from my husband’s set face he didn’t understand and he wasn’t giving an inch. I wasn’t either. Too much was at stake. “It makes me sick to see you so upset,” I said. “I was wrong. Everyone else was right. Do you feel better now? I was naive to think I could carry a baby and give it away.”

“Then why did you get involved? You knew exactly what you were doing, Vada Faith. Don’t say you didn’t.”

“That is irrelevant now. I did it. It’s done. There is a baby to consider.” I looked down and touched my stomach. “He doesn’t even know what his future is going to be.”

“You’re being unreasonable,” he said, standing up and stuffing his hands into the pockets of his jeans, his face fiery red. “The Kilgores want this baby. So give it to them. How can you think about keeping it?”

“I’m not giving it to them, John Wasper. They are not fit to have a child.” I felt tears coming. “He may go to prison and she’s a drunk. Besides she wants to run away with her boyfriend and take this baby.” I stood up to face my husband. “I can’t give it to them under those circumstances. Don’t ask me to, please don’t.”

“Then get an abortion,” he said, angrily.

“An abortion?” I couldn’t believe my ears. “I’ll never get an abortion. Never!” It went against everything I believed in and everything he used to believe in. What had happened to us?

“Then have it,” he shouted, “and give it up for adoption.”

“Adoption? My baby has a mother.” I was appalled at his suggestions.

“Well, my cousin Jeffy adopted. He got a little Chinese baby,” he said.

“That’s different. Jeffy adopted a baby who didn’t have parents. This is my child and I love it already. You’re crazy if you think I’ll give it away to strangers.”

“I’m crazy all right,” he said. “I’m crazy I didn’t put my foot down when you came up with this wild scheme. I don’t know where we’re headed. Either one of us. All I know is, I don’t want a baby in my house that belongs to that man.” He swallowed hard. “Especially a baby that belongs to you and Roy Kilgore.” He stood and stared out the window.

“How could you not want this baby? It’s mine. I know that’s hard for you to accept. You might accept it in time and I bet our families would grow to love it. A baby is a baby. Bobby Joe and Bruiser would love it. You know how they love the girls.”

I didn’t believe my own words and I could see he didn’t either.

“This is different,” he said, his anger gone now, “but of course you wouldn’t understand that. It won’t work. This baby is not mine and I will never feel about it the way I do about the girls. You can’t expect me to. How would this child feel then? Unloved, that’s what.”

One thing was now clear to me. The horoscope I’d read earlier was never going to work for me. No matter how hard I tried. My family would never accept what I was doing. Not any of them. Especially not the one I cared about the most and was hurting the most.

“I’m sorry, John Wasper,” I whispered, understanding everything he said and knowing he was right. It was already too late. “I truly am sorry.”

“I’m sorry, too,” he said, looking at me with those beautiful sad eyes of his. He climbed the stairs quietly and started hammering loudly on a two by four.