Urban Tantra: Sacred Sex for the Twenty-First Century

PRAISE FOR
URBAN TANTRA

“Any book on Tantra that begins by describing a professional lap dance as a divine sexual experience is one I will definitely read. Written with wit and humor, Barbara’s
Urban Tantra
keeps sex real, and, best of all, the rituals are fun.”

—Betty Dodson, PhD, author of
Sex for One
and
Orgasms for Two

“If you ever thought Tantra wasn’t for you—too foreign or gimmicky or New Agey, or not edgy enough for your radical sex explorations—Barbara Carrellas will cure you of all misconceptions and bring you an Urban Tantra to unite your sex, your spirit, your erotic wanderlust, your edge.”

—Carol Queen, author of
Real Live Nude Girl

“Urban Tantra
offers a daring, delicious, profound, courageous, and altogether magical celebration that will teach us all to dance to the rhythms of the universe. Barbara Carrellas has written the ultimate how-to book that unites sex with spirit, healing with philosophy, and the animating force of the cosmos with each and every one of us. So if you’d like to live your sex life on a galactic scale, you must read this book!”

—Dossie Easton, coauthor of
The Ethical Slut

“Everyone needs to rejoice in their own sexuality, and Barbara shows us how in this very informative, easy-to-use book. It would be nice to practice Tantra in a lovely remote garden or high atop a mountain, but the reality is that in today’s world many of us don’t have that luxury. Barbara demonstrates that it doesn’t matter where you practice, as long as you’re conscious when you do. Now, let go and enjoy
Urban Tantra.”

—Louise Hay, author of
You Can Heal Your Life
and
Empowering Women

“Urban Tantra
is a courageous book by Barbara Carrellas, one of the pioneers in contemporary American Tantra. This engaging and comprehensive guide includes numerous powerful exercises as well as moving personal anecdotes that reveal how the conscious exploration and embrace of sexuality can function as a tool for transformation.”

—Mark A. Michaels (Swami Umeshanand Saraswati) and Patricia Johnson (Devi Veenanand), authors of
The Essence of Tantric Sexuality

“Barbara Carrellas, whose Urban Tantric sex workshops combine Eastern sex techniques with the postmodern methods of SM practitioners, is a trailblazer.”

—Tristan Taormino,
The Village Voice

Copyright © 2007 by Barbara Carrellas
Illustrations copyright © 2007 by Colleen Coover

All rights reserved.
Published in the United States by Celestial Arts, an imprint of the Crown Publishing Group,
a division of Random House, Inc., New York.
www.crownpublishing.com
www.tenspeed.com

Celestial Arts and the Celestial Arts colophon are registered trademarks of Random House, Inc.

The poem on the opposite page is paraphrased from Guillaume Apollinaire.

Quotation on
this page
excerpted from
The Book of Secrets
by Osho. Copyright © 1974 by Osho International Foundation, Switzerland.
www.osho.com
. All rights reserved.

Reprinted with permission.

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data
Carrellas, Barbara.
     Urban tantra : sacred sex for the twenty-first century / Barbara Carrellas.
         p. cm.
     1. Sex. 2. Tantrism. 3. Sex instruction. I. Title.
     HQ23.C38 2007
     306.77—dc22
                           2006100430

eISBN: 978-0-307-78580-0

v3.1

Come to the edge, she said
.
No, I will fall
.
Come to the edge
.
No, it’s too high
.
Come to the edge
.
I came
she pushed
and I flew
.

This book is dedicated to
Louise L. Hay
&
Patricia M. Neilson

Contents

Cover
Title Page
Copyright
Dedication

Acknowledgments

Foreword by Annie Sprinkle, PhD

Prelude
The Temple of the Sacred Lap Dance, or Ecstasy Is Where You Find It

Introduction
What Is Tantra, Anyway?

TEN MYTHS ABOUT TANTRA

A QUICK-START GUIDE

Part 1
Tantra: The Basics

1. Why Ecstasy is Necessary

PLEASURE VS. ECSTASY

ADRENALINE IS NOT ECSTASY

XXXTASY IS NOT ECSTASY

SO HOW DO WE FIND REAL ECSTASY?

2. Be Here Now

BREATHE

CHANGE YOUR MIND

DO SOME AFFIRMATIONS

FOCUS AND IMAGINE

MAKE NO JUDGMENTS, MAKE NO COMPARISONS, AND DELETE YOUR NEED TO UNDERSTAND

DROP YOUR EXPECTATIONS

GIVING AND RECEIVING

3. Know Thy Chakras, Know Thyself

THE SEVEN CHAKRAS

SEX AND THE CHAKRAS

4. Wake Up Your Body, Calm Your Mind, and Free Your Spirit

THE BASICS OF BREATH

FOUR CONSCIOUS BREATHS

MEDITATION

THE POWER OF SILLINESS

WITNESSING

THE EXHILARATION AND CATHARTIC MEDITATIONS

5. How to Touch

THE RESILIENT EDGE OF RESISTANCE

THE RESILIENT EDGE OF RESISTANCE APPLIES TO MORE THAN TOUCH

6. Twenty-Minute Tantra

CONSCIOUS QUICKIES

Part 2
Tantra for One: Unleashing Your Orgasmic Energy

7. Sexual Energy: What It Is and What to Do with It

KUNDALINI, CHI, AND THE INNER FLUTE

“SEEING” SEXUAL ENERGY

DROPPING INTO THE BODY

LET’S DANCE

8. Orgasm: The Totality of Possibilities

WHAT IS ORGASM?

BUT WAIT, THERE’S MORE!

ORGASM TIPS FOR ESTROGEN-BASED BODIES

ORGASM TIPS FOR TESTOSTERONE-BASED BODIES

WHAT ABOUT P-SPOT ORGASMS?

ORGASMIC SOUNDS

THE UNIVERSAL HUM

9. Breath and Energy Orgasms

WHAT’S SO SPECIAL ABOUT BREATH AND ENERGY ORGASMS?

THE FIREBREATH ORGASM

THE CLENCH AND HOLD

10. Solo Tantra

EYE GAZING

THE MICROCOSMIC ORBIT

VIBRATE THOSE CHAKRAS

DISCOVER WHAT TRULY TURNS YOU ON

TRY NEW SENSATIONS

TAKE YOURSELF ON A TANTRIC DATE

EVOLUTIONARY SELFLOVING

Part 3
Tantra for Two: A Tantric Ritual

11. Set the Stage

THE STAGE

SCENERY

LIGHTING

SOUND

COSTUMES

PROPS

SPECIAL EFFECTS

SAFER SEX

12. Chill Out and Warm Up

CHILL OUT

WARM UP

13. Come Together

THE POSE OF RECOGNITION WITH HAND BALANCING

THE POSE OF GIVING AND RECEIVING

THE GARDEN OF SENSUAL DELIGHTS

14. Rock and Roll

THE HEART CONNECTION

BACK TO BACK

SPREAD THE ENERGY AROUND

YAB YUM/SITTING POSITION

SITTING OPEN-EYED CLENCH AND HOLDS

TANTRIC FUCKING

15. Afterglow

TOES TO THIRD EYE

HEART-FOOT-HAND

GROUNDING HUG

16. The Erotic Awakening Massage: An Introduction

THE EROTIC AWAKENING MASSAGE HAS UNLIMITED POSSIBILITIES

SENSUAL MASSAGE

CONSCIOUS RECEIVING AND CONSCIOUS GIVING

HOW TO BREATHE

WHOLE-HAND TOUCHING

GENDER AND THE EROTIC AWAKENING MASSAGE

ORGASM AND THE EROTIC AWAKENING MASSAGE

17. The Erotic Awakening Massage for People with Pussies

SETTING UP

CONNECTING

STARTING WITH A SENSUAL MASSAGE

THE VULVA

THE CLITORIS

SPREADING THE ENERGY AROUND

INTRAVAGINAL MASSAGE

STOP!

ROCK AND ROLL

THE CLENCH AND HOLD

NOW WHAT?

18. The Erotic Awakening Massage for People with Penises

STARTING WITH A SENSUAL MASSAGE

THE COCK STROKES

THE CLENCH AND HOLD

AFTERGLOW

Part 4
Tantra for the Adventurous

19. Tantric BDSM

THE NEEDLE MUDRA

FIVE MYTHS ABOUT BDSM

USING TANTRA TO ENHANCE BDSM

20. How to Create the Tantric Ritual That’s Perfect for You

THE EROTIC PLAYSHEET

ONE OF THOSE DAYS

DIFFERENT LIVES

P.S., YOUR CAT IS DEAD

21. Group Tantra

HOW TO THROW A GREAT RITUAL/SEX PARTY

CLUB RELATE

HAPPY BIRTHDAY

AN EROTIC RITE

A WEEKEND IN THE COUNTRY

THE DARK HEART

HOW TO TRY GROUP SEX WITHOUT FRACTURING YOUR RELATIONSHIP

Part 5
Tantra: The Next Dimension

22. Sex Magic

SEX AND HEALING