“How can I trust you,” Alex laughed, “if you won’t even tell me why he wants us alive?”
“Not
you
,” I answered. “Us.” I glanced at William. “He wants the next generation oracle.”
Alex was quiet for a while, digesting the idea. “So he wants both?” he asked, a little surprised by my honesty. “Mindwipers and the oracle?” He brushed a hand through his dark hair. “And you’re sure talking to Adrianna will lead us to the mind-wipers?”
“Positive,” I answered. “I’m going to need you to take me back.”
“Are you serious?” Kara asked.
“Well, I’m not going to give up,” I said, defending my choice.
“How can you be positive, Elyse?” William asked, kneeling down in front of me. “You don’t have any way of knowing what she’ll say. I’m trying to be supportive but . . . I can’t let you go back there. I shouldn’t have let you go in the first place.”
“
Let me?
” I said, my voice lifting.
“You know what I mean.” William rested a hand on my knee.
“He’s right, Elyse. It’s too dangerous,” Alex added.
I looked up at them. “Since when are you two calling the shots around here? If I want to go back, I’m going back—”
“Wait,” Kara said, stopping me from ranting. She was quiet for a minute, thinking or maybe speaking to one of the others in her mind. “Actually, Alex has a pretty good idea.”
“So you’re pilfering my thoughts now?” Alex smirked at her.
“Yeah, well, say something next time,” she said, embarrassed she had been in his mind. “What if Alex goes out on his own looking for Adrianna? It’s easier for him to get in and out of places unseen if he’s alone. When he finds her, he’ll come get you, Elyse, and take you to her.”
“I’m okay with that,” William said.
“Are you sure, Alex?” I asked. “You’ll have no protection. If Christoph catches you—”
“I’ll be fine.”
Tell him it has to be that room. She’ll be there
, I said silently to Kara
. I saw it.
“All right,” I agreed. “Thank you.”
With all the commotion going on at camp, hardly anyone noticed as we approached. Groups of people were gathered around to watch as Sam and Paul prepared to race.
“What’s going on?” I asked Rachel.
“You’re back!” She squeezed me tightly and smiled at the others. “Did it go okay? Nics won’t talk to me.”
“Yeah. Fine,” I lied. “What is everyone doing?”
“Oh. Paul and Sam decided we should start our own Olympics. In honor of our soon-to-be changing world. Olympics with abilities would be a lot more fun, don’t you think?”
“Yeah,” I said, feigning excitement. I wished I could take part in the fun, but I was weighed down by fatigue. I wanted nothing but sleep.
When the two of them took off, the crowd cheered, and I watched for a moment as Paul stuttered and zigzagged drunkenly in the air. Those around me laughed, but my eyes searched for Anna. I needed her, and just as I thought those words, I found her staring back at me as if she’d been looking for me, too.
“I’ll be back,” I said to William. He nodded, but I could feel him watching me as I walked away. My secrets were building tension between us, and he was starting to notice. “I was so worried,” Anna said, pulling me into a hug. “What happened? Is everyone all right? Did you get what you needed?”
“Come on,” I said, grabbing her hand. “I need to talk to you.”
I followed the edge of the rock wall until the cheers were background noise.
“What’s wrong? Are you okay?” she asked.
“No,” I said sitting on the dirt. “Something’s happening to me.”
She sat down beside me. “What do you mean?”
“I think I’m pregnant, Anna.” As soon as I said the words
I began picking my cuticles, nervous that uttering it aloud would make it true.
Her eyes brightened. “That’s great! Oh my gosh. You were acting like it was something bad.”
“It
is
,” I insisted. “I can’t have a baby. Not now. Not here in this cave. Not when I’m supposed to lead a war.”
“Are you sure you’re pregnant?”
“No, but if I’m not, then I’m going crazy. I keep seeing these visions, and I don’t know if they’re real, but they feel real. I feel like I have to listen to them, but what if I’m wrong and . . . tonight just . . . I thought I knew what I was doing.”
I covered my face with my hands, trying to hide from everything.
“What visions?” she asked pulling my hands away.
“Of Christoph and the future. At least I think it’s the future . . . I don’t know.” I stared off into the distance. “Things . . . an oracle should see.”
“Well, I know you’re not crazy. Maybe these visions are supposed to happen. Maybe you’re supposed to listen to them. Try not to over-think everything. You do that, you know? You over-analyze. I mean, isn’t there some prophecy that says you’ll succeed in all this?”
I bit the inside of my cheek. “Yes.”
“So trust your gut, and if you’re pregnant, be happy about it. Don’t waste these precious moments on worrying that it’s not the right time or place.”
“I’m just . . .” I rested my head against the stone wall behind me. “I’m just scared.”
“You should be scared. It’s the scariest thing in the world to become a mother. Your life will never be the same, but it’s all worth it.”
“It’s not just that.” My voice raised a little as I admitted what was really bothering me. “We’re at war, Anna, and the thing Christoph wants the most is my baby.” My eyes welled with tears, and I looked up trying to hold them back.
She leaned toward me and pressed her cheek to mine as we hugged. “We’ll never let that happen.”
I nodded, hoping it was true. We weren’t able to save everyone from the fire. What if my child’s life slipped through my hands, just like the others?
She pulled away and shoved my shoulder playfully. “I can’t believe you didn’t tell me it was even a possibility that you were pregnant. What happened to best friends for life, huh? Girlfriends always kiss and tell.”
I laughed, dabbing away the tears with my knuckles. “I’m so glad you’re here.” Her lids squinted around her deep brown eyes as she smiled. It was nice to see her healthy, back to the Anna I remembered. “I think being around all these Descendants is rubbing off on you. You look younger.”
“Yeah, right,” she scoffed. “So tell me what happened tonight. I was going crazy waiting for you.”
I shook my head. “It was a complete disaster.”
Anna and I stayed away until voices began to quiet in the distance.
“Thanks,” I whispered to her before ducking into the tent
I shared with William. I slipped beneath his arm quietly in the dark, and though there was still tension between us that I couldn’t deny, it felt good to have him hold me.
His lips pressed against the back of my neck. “I’m sorry,” he said quietly. “For saying I wouldn’t
let
you go back.”
I turned to face him, the fronts of our bodies pressing together, and we kissed. The touch of his mouth was gentle against mine, but I still winced.
“Your lip.”
“It’s okay,” I said. “It’s not that bad.”
He reached for his bag anyway and pulled out a flashlight and a small pocketknife. I watched as he ran the blade across the same thumb he always used to heal me. “Here.” He slid his finger over the cut, making sure it closed up with focused eyes. When he was finished I tested the new skin with my tongue.
The silence tempted me to talk, but I stayed quiet.
“I’m trying not to be controlling and protective,” he said. “I really am.”
“I don’t think it’s working,” I teased, but maybe he had a right to be protective. I wasn’t sure I trusted myself these days.
“I just don’t want to lose you.”
The way he looked at me as his hand found my face. I’d forgotten that look. I’d been looking past it, taking it for granted.
“I don’t want to lose you either.”
We kissed slowly at first, remembering how sweet these moments could be, the moments where it was just us and
the world falling down around us didn’t matter. I inhaled with surprise as he pulled me on top of him, heat building between our bodies. He lifted my shirt up over my head and kissed my bare shoulders.
“I love you, Ellie,” he whispered, his breath tickling my neck.
“I love you, too.”
19.
AS IF ADMITTING MY FEAR to Anna had made it a reality, every morning for the past week I was hit with the same relentless nausea that woke me out of a deep sleep. I was covered in night sweats and had to move fast to my secret spot to keep from waking anyone. Most were still sleeping in tents around me, but dim light had begun to spread across the rock walls. Mr. Williamson was awake, and the supply team would be up soon to prepare for the day’s missions. Backpacks were already set out on tables waiting to be filled with weapons and food as I passed.
I tried to swallow the sick feeling down, but the bitter taste of rising stomach acid made me gag. My fingers tightened around my water bottle, and I nodded at the two night guards standing watch near the edge of camp. They nodded back, assuming I had somewhere important to be. In truth, I just needed to be alone, where no one would hear me vomit. Tears came as I wretched. I knew what it meant. It was proof that it was real, and I couldn’t deny it anymore. I was pregnant.
When it was over, I moved to a different spot and slouched against the cave wall wiping the tears from my cheeks. I rinsed my mouth out and drank big gulps of water trying to wash the taste away. How was I supposed to have a baby now? The fearful thoughts returned the tears. I felt guilty for not wanting her, even though there was already love building between us in a way I couldn’t explain. I
did
want her, just not now. Not here. I looked around at the dimly lit cave, our home, with floors of red dirt. This was no place for a newborn. How was I supposed to fight with a baby to care for? How would I lead? A different kind of nausea formed in my stomach as I considered the fact that I might never make up for the lives Christoph had taken.
“Hey,” William said from a distance.
I jumped with surprise and wiped my tears discretely, hoping he couldn’t see my swollen eyes in the faded light. “Hey.”
“You okay?”
He didn’t need to see my eyes to know something was wrong.
“Yeah,” I said. He sat next to me, and I put my head on his shoulder.
His body slouched beneath my cheek as he sighed. “I
know you’re not.”
“I’m fine. Just a lot on my mind.”
He nodded. “You don’t have to carry everything on your shoulders. I can carry some of the burden, you know.”
“I’m stubborn that way.”
“One of these days you’re going to have to start telling me things.”
I bit my lips. Did he know? “I tell you things.”
He stared at me, waiting for something more, but I stayed silent.
The sound of voices growing louder in the distance caught my attention, and I looked away. “I brought something for you,” he said, giving up on the subject. He pulled two new toothbrushes and a small tube of toothpaste from his back pocket.
I smiled at his perfect timing. “Thanks.”
He poured the water for me as I brushed my teeth and cleaned my face. I tied my hair back in a ponytail, and washed the dirt off of my arms.
“I like this look,” he said.
I laughed because I knew I was a mess. “I’m pretty sure grimy camper isn’t fashionable these days.”
“It’s kind of cute.” His warm hand found my face, and he pressed his full lips to mine. The feel of his kiss never got old. As my mouth pushed against his, my heart beat with excitement. He reached for my waist, pulling me closer. I wanted to be closer, but when his fingers grazed the bare skin of my stomach, I thought of the baby and pulled back. “So, what’s the game plan for today?” I asked, breaking away from the moment.
I left him standing alone, his eyebrows sinking in confusion as I walked away. “What’s wrong, Ellie?”
“Nothing,” I said too cheerfully. “We just need to get back.
See if there’s any news about Adrianna. That’s all.”
He nodded and pressed his lips together, unconvinced.
“I knew this would happen.” His voice wasn’t harsh, but sad.
“What?” I asked, walking back to him. “That I would lose you to this war.”
I grabbed his hands. “You haven’t lost me.”
“You’re far away lately.” He tightened his fingers around mine. “I don’t know where you’ve been, but . . .”
“I’ve been here,” I said growing defensive. “I just . . .”
He shook his head, and my chest felt nervous. I had to tell him. I wanted to tell him, but things couldn’t change.
“You have to let me be who I’m supposed to be. I have to be strong. I have to lead. I can’t be weak like I’ve been.”
“And I’m supposed to help you be strong, but you’re forcing me out.”
“Well, I’m sorry,” I said, tears fighting against my lashes. “I’m pregnant.” There. It was done. The words were out, and there was no going back.
His face was still for a moment, like he couldn’t process what I’d said. Time seemed to stretch on forever as I waited for his reaction. My ears blocked out the sound of the distant voices. My eyes stared into his, expecting fear, panic, or anger, but his lips slowly revealed a smile and a breathy laugh escaped. “I thought . . . you said . . .”
“I was wrong,” I answered with a gentle voice, still trying to accept the truth. “Some things seem to come true no matter what I do or say.”
He moved closer, slipping his fingers into my hair and pressing his lips to my forehead. “I’m glad you were wrong. I was hoping you were.”
Our eyes met, and he kissed me. His lips folded into mine with love, soft and familiar. I wrapped my arms around his neck, and he pulled me closer. I always felt safest when he held me. For that moment all the uncertainty of the future faded to the background.
His hands lowered to my stomach, still flat enough to keep our secret. “So you’re sure?”
“Aside from the vomiting, either I’m going crazy or there’s an oracle inside me.”
“What do you mean?”
“I’ve been seeing things,” I answered, moving to sit down against the rock wall. “Visions.” If he was going to know about the baby, I had to tell him everything.