That in itself was a huge change; the acerbic, businesslike Renee had taken a back seat to a Renee who was quicker to smile, more eager to laugh and definitely less intimidating than her predecessor. Everyone remarked on the change except Bennie, who had never thought of her friend in those uncomplimentary terms anyway.
Other than admitting to herself that she was counting the days until Andrew returned the hardest thing for Renee was not saying a word to Bennie. As much as she wanted to confide in her best friend, she didn’t want her to get in the middle of an ugly situation if things didn’t work out with her and Andrew. And although on the one hand she wanted to spill all to Bennie, on the other hand she wasn’t ready to reveal that she had this kind of interest in her best friend’s brother. It seemed so post-debutante, so silly. She was a little too old to be confiding a crush on her BFFs brother, wasn’t she? Besides, who said there was anything to actually tell Bennie? Andrew said that he wanted to start dating when he got home. What did he mean by
dating
, for heaven’s sake? Although she knew in her heart what he probably meant, it was hard to get her head around that idea.
Andrew was young, virile, sexy and magnificent. Dating didn’t mean what it meant to her middle-aged admirers. It wouldn’t mean taking Renee where she wanted to go when she wanted to go there, nor would it mean catering to her every whim and rewarding her with trinkets for allowing them to spend time with her. To Andrew, dating would mean something totally different, something along the lines of let’s do what you want one day, and do what I want the next. And let’s have sex and plenty of it.
Yow
.
Renee had been mulling over these thoughts for days and she hadn’t been able to think of anything else since she left Yolanda’s office. She wasn’t at her best right now; she was at the moment scrunched up on her chaise longue having monster cramps. The thought of a totally new kind of relationship with a totally different kind of man made her leap to her feet, causing momentary dizziness. The door to her sitting room was open and she could hear Bennie singing little snatches of song alternating with talking to Aretha. She decided to join her friend and maybe Bennie could shed some light on a few things.
“
Aretha, please get out of there. I’m not sending you to Atlanta, no matter how much you flirt with Clay,” Bennie said absentmindedly. She was cutting wrapping paper while Aretha was staking out a box as her personal territory, daring anyone to try and remove her from her new domain. Renee came in and sat on the loveseat in Bennie’s sitting room to observe.
“
And just what are you doing?” she asked, although it was plain that Bennie was wrapping a present for Clay.
Bennie confirmed that yes; she was sending Clay a present.
“
Why?” demanded Renee. “Is it his birthday or something?”
Bennie admitted that it wasn’t his birthday or any other special event; she just wanted to send him something because she loved him. She said it proudly, too, like it was just the greatest thing in the world. Renee looked at her carefully. Bennie looked wonderful, but then she always did. Renee had to admit though, in these halcyon days of Clay Deveraux, Bennie had an extra beauty, a glow that came from within. She was a good-natured person in any case but these days she was positively angelic. It was almost sickening. Renee dove right in, wasting no time in getting to the heart of a few things.
“
I have to ask, why are you sending him gifts? Shouldn’t he be the one sending you tribute?” She tried not to sound petty, but it was unavoidable. Bennie didn’t point that out, however. She was gracious and honest in her answer.
“
Renee, I like to give gifts, you know that. And I especially like to give Clay things because he’s so special to me. It’s not about tit-for-tat or anything like that. And if it was, I’d have a lot of catching up to do. Do you know how much Judith Leiber bags cost, for instance? And when I bought those earrings in Atlanta, he bought me the matching necklace and bracelet as a surprise. And they were like four times the cost of the earrings, which were not cheap, by any means. I’ll have to take you to that estate store the next time we’re in Atlanta,” she added as she dumped Aretha out of the box.
After blowing the cat hair away, Bennie continued. “I know you’re not supposed to tell men how you feel about them, or show them a lot of affection or buy them presents. I tried to read some of those “How to Catch a Man” books and I just think they’re stupid. Well, maybe stupid is a strong word, but they’re just not for me. I knew Gilbert was the right man for me because I never had to hold back with him. I could be as smart as I wanted, and do or say anything around him because he loved me just as I am. And I can do the same with Clay for the same reason.”
Bennie busied herself with wrapping the books she had purchased for Clay while Renee mulled over what she had said. In theory, she supposed Bennie was right. Her late husband Gilbert was certainly mad for her and Clay seemed to be following in the same pattern. But Renee was too nosy to resist probing a little further.
“
Okay, I’m playing devil’s advocate here. Suppose; just suppose that things don’t work out with you and Clay. How are you going to reclaim that part of yourself that you gave to him? How do you get yourself back?” Renee asked softly.
Bennie gave Renee her full attention then. “I don’t think you do,” she said honestly. “Even I’m not that big a Pollyanna; I think that you do give a part of yourself away when you love someone. But even if it doesn’t ‘work out’ between Clay and me I don’t
want
that part back. It’s a gift that I give to him just like these books of poetry that I bought him, one of which is erotic Japanese haiku, just so you know. That part of me is his real gift; it’s one that I give freely and I don’t want it back.”
Renee was amazed. Bennie was truly light years ahead of her in the love game. Either that or she was way too far-gone over Clay to be sensible. Renee had to point out, once again, that it was Bennie that was the prize. Bennie went right back to her wrapping.
“
Renee, I understand in theory why you say that. I understand that it means that you are worthy of being loved, that you’re a treasure and a rare jewel and all of that. I’m not trying to discount those feelings. But honey, I don’t
want
to be a prize. I don’t think of myself in those terms and I don’t think of Clay in those terms. Our relationship, what we have together, that’s my prize. Quiet as it’s kept, I want to be a wife again and also a mother. That, to me, would be a real prize.” Bennie looked at Renee’s astounded expression and laughed out loud.
“
Yes, I said it and I meant it. So put that in your pipe and smoke it, sister,” she said with a cheeky grin.
For once Renee was stunned into silence. Either the whole world was going mad or she needed desperately to get a new perspective on life. Or at least a new affirmation, because the old one seemed a little outmoded, even though it had served its purpose. There had been a time when she desperately needed to feel that she was worthy of love and respect. There had been a time when she needed something strong and defining to cling to and the affirmation had served that purpose. But maybe it was time to let it go and find a new definition for Renee.
And maybe, just maybe, a new relationship with Andrew would help bring that about. Renee felt that same pleasurable yet frightening tremor ripple over her body as she thought about exciting new possibilities. Saying a hasty goodbye to Bennie and Aretha, Renee scooted back upstairs to count the days until Andrew would be back home. She might not be ready to swim in the deep end just yet, but she was damned if she was going to keep wading in the shallows.
Chapter Six
“
Would you care for more tea, Mrs. Hasenpfeffer?”
“
I would love some, Mrs. Rutabaga, thank you so much,” the gracious lady replied grandly, extending her tiny cup for more of the lemonade that Renee was pouring from a china teapot. Bennie’s niece Lillian was having a tea party in the backyard with Bennie and Renee as her guests. Periodically they would have a special Girl’s Day just for Lillian who was not only the youngest of the middle Cochran brother’s children; she was the only girl. She had a brother and many male cousins but no females her age anywhere in sight. So Bennie and Renee would occasionally take her on outings away from the boys. They’d have a special sleep over for her and play dress up with outlandish costumes and mad hats, as they were now doing.
Lillian was ravishing in a black feather boa, white opera gloves and a huge pink hat adorned with purple and fuchsia flowers. Bennie was similarly attired, with a rhinestone tiara, a lavender bed jacket lavished with lace and a wealth of beads of the Fishbone’s variety. Fishbone’s was a trendy restaurant that specialized in New Orleans style cuisine right down to the traditional Mardi Gras beads used as souvenirs. And Renee was way over the top in a pair of bejeweled cat eye sunglasses with a beaded neck chain, leopard spotted Capri pants, a huge straw hat and cork wedge heeled sandals. She also affected a Norma Desmond façade for all it was worth. Everything was “Dah-hling” and “but-of -
course
”, much to Lillian’s delight. Altogether it was a charming group frolicking in the backyard of Bennie’s house, at least that’s what Andrew thought when he rounded the corner.
“
Well. Do you ladies think you can spare a cup of tea for a thirsty traveler?” he asked in an amused voice. Bennie and Lillian immediately ran to him and hugged him hard. Renee stood there frozen in place. He wasn’t supposed to be back until tomorrow.
And here
I am, ready for my damn close-up
, she fretted. It didn’t seem to matter, though, as Andrew was looking at her like she’d hung the moon or something else miraculous and wonderful. It was all she could do not to give him her own hug, she was so glad to see him.
He looked dashing, although a little tired. The stress of the past few weeks showed clearly, yet he still had a healthy glow about him. And a beard; as he had threatened, he hadn’t done much in the way of grooming while away. It suited him in a way. While Bennie and Lillian were chattering away, Renee found herself walking towards him, her eyes locked on his. She had to touch him, just a little, to make sure he was really there. Andrew hadn’t moved. It was as though he were holding his breath until she reached his side. Renee had gotten just close enough to touch his hand when Lillian spoke.
“
Who is that? Where did she come from?”
Following Lillian’s gaze Renee turned to see a tiny, pale woman with a cascade of brown hair walking around the corner of the house as if she belonged there. She was smiling broadly and waving happily at Andrew.
“
Oh, isn’t she adorable! I’m Dana Pierson, honey. Your Uncle Andrew brought me here. We were in Haiti together,” she said confidently.
Three pairs of eyes, two almost black and one golden, turned to Andrew for confirmation. It was quite obvious that he had erred somewhere to judge by the looks he was getting from his twin, his niece and his…whatever Renee was. The fact that he was slightly jetlagged didn’t help Andrew’s power of speech in any way; he was reduced to the universal male cry for help.
“
What
?” he asked plaintively.
It wasn’t as damning as it looked, by any means. Dana Pierson was a television journalist doing a story on the Medic International and she’d been covering the site where Andrew was working as well, as visiting other locations. When Andrew’s tour was over they ended up on the same flight home. It seems that Dana’s cousin was getting married in Detroit and she was participating in the wedding. She’d rented a car at the airport and offered to drop Andrew off which seemed like a good thing. After all, no one was expecting him until the next day and he didn’t want to inconvenience anyone by getting someone to pick him up. Plus, he was worn out. Although from the looks he was getting, he would have done well to wake them all up at midnight and drag them to Romulus where Detroit Metropolitan Airport was located.
After the introductions and explanations were over, everything more or less returned to normal. Bennie wasn’t the least bit chagrined at having been caught cavorting by a stranger, she was just too down to earth to care. Lillian did not take to strange women, period. She had no real use for most women outside her own family, another result of having two brothers and lots of boy cousins. Renee however, was ready to raise hell and put a chunk in it.
She couldn’t have possibly cared less about her costume, or the fact that they were having a child’s party. But she did resent Andrew’s unexpected appearance, particularly the part where the strange woman came along. She had another scenario planned, one that she had discussed for weeks with Yolanda. She knew just what she would wear, how she would smell, and how she would act. She had been anticipating his return with an eagerness that she hadn’t allowed herself to feel for years and years and just look at what had happened. Showing up out of the blue was bad enough. But to drag that woman along was just the very limit. Renee felt like a Roman candle had replaced her head—if someone had set a match to her she would have spiraled off in fiery circles of rage. And if she’d landed on that little snip, so much the better, she thought.
Andrew was bone-tired and thoroughly sick of the garrulous Dana’s incessant conversation. All he wanted at the moment was a hot shower and a cool bed. But he wasn’t so tired that he didn’t recognize an angry woman when he saw one. Renee’s cheeks were full of wind and he ought to know; after all he’d caused that condition more times than he could remember. What he didn’t understand was why she was in such a snit. She’d barely stayed around for the introductions and explanations; she had disappeared into the house without saying a word to him. After a suitable interval, Andrew followed Renee into the house where she was making a great, noisy show of cleaning up the dishes from their impromptu party.