Until I Die Again [On The Way To Heaven] (Soul Change Novel) (8 page)

“Surely what I said didn’t upset you that much.”

“Go away!” her muffled voice said again. “You would never understand.”

He walked closer and wrapped his arm around one of the posts on the bed—the bed they used to share on their visits to Los Almeda.

“Do you want to talk about it?”

She lifted a red, tear-stained face. “No. Your duties as my husband are fulfilled. You’re dismissed.”

“I see.” Now he was curious. Did Mick dump her? “I didn’t want to interrupt you, but I forgot to tell you that your mother called this morning. She’s going to pick you up in about an hour. You’ll be staying with her for dinner.”

He wasn’t expecting the panicked look that emerged on Hallie’s face. She wiped away the tears and looked at him in an almost pleading way.

“Just me?”

It took him a minute to figure out what she was getting at. “Yes, just you. Did your mother ever include me in?”

“I don’t know,” she answered, and he could almost believe she didn’t.

“Hallie, your mother and I have a patent disregard for each other. In any case, there’s no need for me to accompany you. Maybe you should invite Mick.”

He had succeeded in keeping his tone light, but she still shot him an angry look.

He held out a hand in defense. “Listen, you’re the one who spent two weeks out of every two months visiting Joya in L.A. and playing single. You’re the one who planned to fly away to France with Mick, and you’re the one who instigated our divorce, which was the smartest thing you ever did. All I’m suggesting is that since he is the one you chose to spend your life with, or at least ‘til boredom do you part, he should be the one to accompany you to your mother’s for dinner.”

She looked pitiful, staring up at him with a parade of feelings crossing her features. Anger, frustration, and something else he couldn’t pinpoint. He moved toward the door.

“Hallie, I know you feel in limbo now. Soon you’re going to remember how your life was, and why you did the things you did. I can’t help you with that because I didn’t know you the last year we were married. I don’t know why you did what you did.” He couldn’t keep the sigh from his voice. “All I know is that it’s been a long year, and I want it over.” Then he turned and closed the door behind him.

Chris sat there long after Jamie left, remembering the look on his face. Hallie had hurt her husband deeply. It sounded as if her affair with Mick had been the final straw. Yet, though he said he wanted it to be over, there lingered a trace of pain and regret in those frosty blue eyes. He had loved Hallie, and she had loved him too, if Chris had read their expressions right on the wedding video. What had torn them apart?

How embarrassing, Jamie hearing her sobbing. Then he had the nerve to come in to assure himself that something he said hadn’t upset her.
 
She smiled, but it vanished as quickly as it had come. He hadn’t cared what she was crying about, just wanted to tell her the terrible news about her mother coming. Not that she would have confided in him anyway, with the Sharp Rehabilitation Center lurking in the corner of her mind. Still, it would have been nice if he had tried to console her, even just a little.

Pulling herself up, she lumbered to the bathroom and leaned on the long marble vanity. It was strange to see that beautiful face marred with red tear tracks and puffy eyes. When she didn’t have physical proof in front of her, she imagined looking like her old self.

After splashing cold water on her face, she looked up and put on a resolve that didn’t feel as solid as it appeared. “I am Hallie now,” she whispered to the mirror. “Hi, I’m Hallie DiBarto. This is who I am now, not Chris Copestakes. This is my life.”

She envisioned herself like a butterfly emerging from the cocoon, previously a fuzzy brown worm. Hallie walked away from the mirror, feeling the tiniest bit more in control of her life.

That feeling of control slipped through her fingers as Jamie rapped on the bedroom door. A tightening sensation clutched her insides when he opened the door partway and peered inside.

“Your mother’s here. She’s waiting for you in the living room.”

Hallie tried to quell the urge to beg him to accompany her. Jamie in and of himself wasn’t particularly comforting. Still, the thought of having him with her somehow made her feel better, and the knowledge that it wasn’t going to happen left her spirit overcast.

She slowly rose from the bed and moved toward the door, finding it difficult to maneuver in the suffocating blue jeans she’d found. His eyes glanced downward before looking at her face.

“It’s strange to see you without all your makeup on,” he said, though she couldn’t tell how he meant it.

“Oh. I just didn’t feel like going through the routine. Actually, she hadn’t yet done the routine, and wearing a lot of makeup wasn’t the norm for her. Something else to learn.

As she followed Jamie down the stairway, a small hope harbored in her heart that he was indeed planning to go with her. When he reached the ground floor, however, he turned.

“
Ciao
. Have fun.” Then he disappeared around the back of the staircase and into the confines of the house.

“Yeah, thanks a lot,” she muttered, though she knew he couldn’t hear her.

“Hallie, honey!” Velvet yelled when she opened the door to the living room. Then Velvet disdainfully looked around, putting her hands on wide hips. “That damn butler always makes me feel like some kinda lowlife every time I come here. He escorts me into this room and closes the door behind him like I might escape.” Then her face brightened again, helped by the vivid red lipstick and scarlet rouge. “You’re looking good, honey, real good. How do you feel?”

Hallie shrugged. “All right, I guess.”

“Good. Let’s get out of here before they accuse me of stealing something.”

Velvet steered her out of the room by her arm, then pointedly ignored Solomon as he opened the front door for them. Hallie smiled at him, but his face remained stern. She decided then that she would make up for the old Hallie’s misdeeds toward the man.

The pink paint on the 1976 Thunderbird was dirty, looking like the color of vomit. Velvet strutted to it as one would to a chauffeur-driven limousine. Hallie tugged on the loose door handle, and Velvet said, “You got to open it from the inside. Here, I’ll get it.” When she leaned over to pull the handle, Hallie thought the woman’s chest was going to pop right out of her flowery blouse.

Once they reached the end of the driveway, Velvet turned to her with a sigh. “You really don’t remember me, do you?”

The question took Hallie by surprise, and all she could do was shake her head. The hand Velvet placed on Hallie’s thigh reminded her of a hooker’s, with long, red talons and glittery rings that only boasted illusionary diamonds and worn-out gold.

“I might as well tell you, hon. We never did get along too good.” Velvet laughed uneasily. “I always thought it was because we were too much alike.” She shook her head. “But you never bought that. Maybe we can make a fresh start on things. You know, be like a real mother and daughter.”

Hallie could only smile weakly, and that made Velvet grin more, then pull out onto the highway. Hallie could never picture this woman as her mother, never ever. Her real mother
looked
like a mother. And acted like one. She wore her brown, curly hair short and lady-like, dressed in casual, domestic clothing and never let any of her girls leave the house without making peace with them. In Janet’s eyes, there wasn’t room for dissention in the ranks, and never did a harsh word fly without being immediately followed by an apology.

“Are you feeling all right, hon?” Velvet’s sandpapery voice sheared into her thoughts.

Hallie replaced her homesick frown with a smile. “I’m fine. Just trying to remember things, that’s all.”

Every time she thought about her past life, that intangible, disturbing feeling crept in to shadow her memories. She wondered what Alan was doing now, and if he missed her. In some ways he reminded her of Jamie, with his brooding ways and mood swings. Jamie, however, seemed to have more reason behind his.

“
Aaaaahhhh!
” Hallie’s thoughts were smashed as she looked up to see a truck cutting a wide turn toward their car. The scream had escaped her lips before she could hold it back, and Velvet slammed on the brakes and looked at her as if she were mad.

With her hand to her chest, she said, “My goodness, girl! You nearly scared the living daylights out of me. That truck had plenty of room.”

Hallie started shaking, and her face felt cold and clammy. She didn’t know what had triggered her overreaction, but memories of her nightmare bridges flashed in her mind, leaving the same trail of fear they left through the night.

“I guess it just looked closer. I’m sorry.”

Velvet glanced over at her before pulling back onto the highway. She seemed to drive with special care after that. Hallie stared out the window for a while, concentrating on the scenery and not her trembling hands. Once she was calm again, she studied the clutter on the floor of the car for clues about the woman she would now call mother. Two combs and a brush, Snickers wrappers, a discarded tube of lipstick. Not much to go on.

They headed north of Escondido, then west toward the Pacific. The sun glistened across a cloudless sky, and Hallie vaguely thought of Jamie’s eyes. Blue like a sunlit sky. Cold as snow. Velvet turned up the radio and bounced around like a teenager to a rap song. At that moment, Hallie felt older than her mother. At least inside.

They slowly cruised by bikini shops, sidewalk surfboard sales and beachside bars. Velvet turned down the radio, slipped on purple-rimmed sunglasses and turned to Hallie.

“Does it bring anything back?”

Hallie looked around, pretending an effort to dislodge memories. In fact, it was completely foreign to her. Surfboards attached to car rooftops, sun-bleached blondes in sandals, groups of teenagers leaning against souped-up cars. It was small town, but nothing like Maven, Colorado. Hallie shook her head when she realized Velvet was waiting for an answer.

“I thought I’d take you around to some of your old haunts, you know, try to jar some memories. Hey, how about Kent and Steve? Do they stir anything up?”

Hallie ignored Velvet’s wiggling eyebrow and waved back at two incredibly beachy looking guys. They looked as if they had walked right out of
Beverly Hills 90210
. Velvet cruised by them without stopping, thank God.

“Did I go out with one of them?” Hallie asked.

Velvet snorted. “You went out with both of them. At the same time! Deny it all you want, hon, but you’re just like your mama. It was two years before they talked to each other after that.”

Hallie frowned. “Did sh—I break up their friendship?”

Velvet laughed in that harsh way of hers. “Friendship? Hah! They’re brothers! Their father told me later that when he came over to talk to you about what you were doing to his sons, you came on to him, too! You’ll have to tell me whether that was true or not when you start remembering. I always thought he was making it up, but I wouldn’t put it past you.”

Hallie tried to laugh it off, but her image of the former Hallie was becoming less and less amusing. Velvet parked behind a line of cars by the side of the road where it snaked alongside the ocean. Hallie followed her mother’s lead and stepped out of the car. Huge brown, beige and orange boulders led down to a beach covered with smoother, miniature versions. The sand was an odd shade of light brown, looking scorched in some places. Foamy waves stretched for about twenty yards out before turning deep blue. A bearded man and his wife threw a Frisbee into the water for their spotted dog to retrieve.

“You used to practically
live
out here. Here and Windansea Beach. I knew you were sneaking out at midnight to watch those boys surf, but what could I do? If I would’ve said something to you, you probably would’ve gone out more just to defy me. You’d go there after school and spend all weekend there, too. And speaking of, let’s head over to your high school.”

Hallie studied the brick building, pretending once again to conjure memories that weren’t there. It seemed as though the old Hallie’s life had been more of a teenage soap opera than years of study and decision about life choices. If Chris had been a little too studious and serious, Hallie had been the exact opposite. And now those years of taking night courses at the community college were wasted. She had the knowledge, but the credits were on a dead girl’s records.

As if reading her thoughts, Velvet said, “You took a couple of college courses, but you said you couldn’t decide what you wanted to do and quit. Joya had you convinced all you needed to do was marry a rich guy and you’d be set. Not that I didn’t agree and want that for you too, but…”

“Ha—I loved Jamie,” Hallie stated simply.

Again, that harsh laugh. “Yeah, maybe you loved his body or his looks.” Then Velvet grew serious. “But I don’t think you ever really knew how to love someone. It’s my fault. And your father’s, the good-for-nothing crumb bag. He sure wasn’t there for us.”

Hallie looked out the window, unable to respond. Maybe what she had seen in the wedding video was pure infatuation on Hallie’s part. Maybe Jamie’s too. She laughed under her breath. What did she know about love? That kind of love, anyway? She had been in love twice. But she was never sure she had actually been loved back. Hallie smiled when they passed a planetarium. She had definite memories about a place like that.

“Do you remember something, Hallie?” Velvet asked hopefully, leaning over and looking at what Hallie had been smiling at.

Hallie hadn’t realized that she had openly smiled at the memory, but now had to go along with it. “Yes, actually. Something vague about watching laser light shows set to music.” In her old life, she had spent many summer midnights watching shows with her friends.

Velvet had already pulled into the parking lot, and within a minute they were walking around the plant beds that surrounded the large, round building. “Can you remember anything else?”

Hallie had to be careful. She remembered a lot, but not of this life. A board announced laser shows on Friday and Saturday nights at 10:30 and midnight. Longing of family and friends filled her and made her feel more distant to the woman standing beside her.