Until I Break (28 page)

“I don’t deserve this, Samantha,” I say,
grabbing her hand and curling my fingers around it. “I don’t
deserve a woman like you.” I take her hand off my chest and release
it before I step back, away from her. Away from what she makes me
feel. She steps forward, though, closing the distance I
created.

“I know your instinct is to run. To hide from
it. Believe me, I know. But Alec, you
are
worthy of love.
And trust. I trusted you even when you didn’t trust yourself and it
paid off. You didn’t hurt me. You couldn’t. Because you love me. I
know you do. I saw it. I saw it in your eyes back at the club.”

I can’t decide if she’s just
that
perceptive or if I was simply
that
transparent. Either way
she’s right.

I cup her face in my hands. “No, you’re
right. You did see it. I am capable of feeling love, but not the
kind you deserve. I’m not the kind of
man
you deserve. I’m
broken, Samantha. I can never be what you need me to be. But I do
love you. Whatever that means for me, I do love you. I
feel
it, but that doesn’t mean it will be enough for you.”

Her eyes are shining as if all she heard was
me confess that I love her, not all the other parts that should
drive her away.

“You love me,” she whispers, her voice
wavering. “That’s all that matters. We can figure out the rest.
Alec, I was broken when we met. And you healed me. I was stuck in
the past, just like you were, but you set me free. Can’t you see
that now
you’re
free, too? Can’t you see that you’re not a
monster? That what happened was an accident, nothing more?”

“No. I see that I hurt the people I love. I
let them down. I disappoint them. I betray their trust. That’s what
I see.”

“Alec, you can’t stop me from trusting you.
And you can’t stop me from making you whole again. Because I will.
I owe us that. We both deserve it.”

I know with a certainty I’ve never done
anything to deserve someone like Samantha. In fact, it’s quite the
opposite. But listening to her makes it seem like we might just
have a shot. If only I can keep from hurting her…

“I can’t make you any promises.”

“I’m not asking for any. All I want is for
you to try, to give me a chance. I’ll show you that it can work.
That
we
can work. Alec, you’re perfect for me. And I’m
perfect for you.”

I sigh, suddenly lacking the will to fight
her and what I feel for her. “No, you’re just perfect. Period.”

She smiles. “We both know that’s not true,
but I love you for saying it.”

“It’s true to me. And that’s all that
matters.”

Samantha loops her arms around my neck. “See
you’re getting the hang of this already. With daily repetition,
even more if you can manage it, this will be like second nature to
you.”

I let my hand slide down over the rounded
curve of her ass. “I like the idea of repetition. Maybe we should
apply that to…other things.”

“What did you have in mind?” she asks softly,
tilting her hips and swaying them against mine.

“My housekeeper left me a jar of local honey
that I’ve been dying to try.” When her eyes light up, I know I
don’t need to add that I’ll be enjoying it from various surfaces of
her body.

“I love honey.”

“As do I. Especially the sweet South Carolina
kind.”

My mouth waters with the anticipation of
tasting the sweet things that Samantha has to offer. When I bend my
lips to take hers, dipping my tongue into her mouth, I can’t help
but notice a difference in the kiss. It feels deeper, more
intimate.

Significant.

Maybe the biggest difference of all is that
it feels… free. Finally,
I
feel free.

EPILOGUE PART ONE- Alec

I can’t help but wonder if I’m making a
mistake by involving Chris. She
does
have a big mouth. And
she
does
love Samantha above all else. But that’s also
why
I’m going to her. I figure, if anything, she’ll keep my
secret because she’ll know how happy it will make her sister in the
end.

And it will.

I know it.

I see her the instant the maître‘d ushers her
onto the sunny patio. An enormous piece of coconut cake is already
sitting in front of the chair she’ll occupy. Samantha loves coconut
and I was thinking this could be our wedding cake. Chris will be
the deciding vote.

Or is the bride supposed to take care
of
all
that?

I don’t know. And I don’t really care. I
believe this will make Samantha happy, and that’s all I need to
know. Traditions be damned.

Chris is wearing her hair up. That’s all I
notice beyond the huge smile. She’s a pretty girl, but no one turns
my head anymore. Not really. I notice them, maybe even appreciate
their features, but there’s only one woman for me. It just took me
a while to realize it.

“What, pray tell, is all this secret meeting
stuff about?”

Like she doesn’t already know! That smile
says it all.

I eye her dubiously. “I’m quite sure you’re
smart enough to figure that out.”

Despite our very public and very elegant
location, she squeals and claps her hands loudly. I can’t help but
smile. Now I’m
confident
I made the right choice.

“Ohmigod, ohmigod, ohmigod! This is it, isn’t
it?”

“If you mean that I’m going to marry your
sister and make her deliriously happy, then yes. This is it.”

“Oh dear God! I’m so effing happy I could
hump your leg right now.”

“Please don’t.”

Chris laughs and her eyes twinkle merrily.
“Maybe later. Right now, I want to hear what you’ve got to say,
because it better be
good!”

“Lucky for me, your approval is not what I
seek. Your help, however…”

As always, Chris lets my teasing roll right
off. She gives me a dismissive wave and leans forward
conspiratorially. “So, what are we doing?”

“With Samantha’s release schedule, she’s
going to be pretty busy for the foreseeable future, so I thought
we’d take care of most of the planning and details so she won’t
feel the pressure of the wedding.”

“But she knows, right? I mean, you’ve already
proposed and explained that you’re doing this?”

I shake my head.

Chris gasps. “You haven’t even asked
her?”

“No, that’s not how this plan works.”

This is the one area I’m a little shaky on. I
have it all planned out in my head, and it’s perfect. The only
thing I can’t see with absolute clarity is her answer.

I know she loves me. And she knows I love
her. But we’ve never talked about marriage. I don’t really know how
she feels about it. We talk about spending forever together, but
nothing more specific than that.

But now I want to be specific. I want to know
that she’s mine. Forever. That she’s not going anywhere. Ever. And
that she’ll bear my name as well as my children.

Children—that’s another gray area, but first
things first.

“A-lec’s ner-vous,” she says in a sing-song
voice.

“Hell yeah, I’m nervous. But that’s not why
I’m here. I’m here to tell you what
you’re
going to do for
her for her wedding.”

“Do tell.”

“I want you to design her wedding dress.”

Chris’s face goes comically blank. “What
now?”

“I. Want. You. To. Design. Her. Dress.”

“English is not my second language. I
understand what you said. I just didn’t
understand
what you
said. I design shoes. You know that, right?”

“But I’ve seen the sketches you’ve done of
dresses. And Samantha loves them. I think she’d be pleased if you’d
do it. She’d be proud and it would make the day even more perfect
if she was walking down the aisle in something you made for
her.”

Much to my surprise and dismay, Chris’s eyes
fill with tears. “Ohmigod, you really
are
perfect for
her.”

I shrug. “I don’t know about that. I love
her, if that’s what you mean.”

“That’s part of it. But it’s so much more
than that. You’re…you’re…ohmigod, you’re her soul mate. I mean…you
really are
the one
.”

“I sure hope so.”

Tears overflow her lashes and slide down her
cheeks. She reaches up to wipe them away and I fidget in my seat. I
hadn’t expected this and I’m terrible with female emotion. That was
established long ago.

When she pulls herself together, she laughs
and reaches over to squeeze my hand where it rests near my
glass.

“Oh, you are. Trust me.”

“Does that mean you’ll do it?”

She swats her hand at me. “Of course I’ll do
it. And she’ll be the best damn bride with the best damn dress on
the Eastern seaboard.”

“With the most modest sister.”

“That, too,” Chris says with a grin and a
flip of her hair. “Annnnnd, it gives me something other than Greg
to focus on.”

I don’t know what to say to that. Samantha
told me about Chris’s decision to move on from Greg and find
someone who will love her for the person she really is, but that
doesn’t make me any more comfortable discussing it with her.

My eyes fall to the cake. I’d nearly
forgotten it.

“Oh and I want you to taste this cake. I
think she’d like it, don’t you?”

Chris watches me for a few seconds, her smile
never fading. She shakes her head in something like amazement as
she picks up her fork and cuts out a bite of the moist white
cake.

She tastes it and her eyelids flutter in
ecstasy. “Gawd!” she mutters around her full mouth. “That’s
heavenly.”

“She’ll love it, right?”

She grins despite her puffed out cheeks.
“She’ll love it.” She cuts another piece and stabs it with her
fork. “She’s lucky to have you, Alec.”

“No, I’m the lucky one. I didn’t have much of
a life before she came along. The least I can do is make one day
perfect for her.”

“According to her, you make
every day
perfect for her.”

I hold back the smile that twitches at my
lips. It makes me feel like a sappy kid, but hearing that makes me
happier than I care to admit.

“So she talks about me a lot, huh?”

“Ugh! All the time. I get so sick of hearing
about Perfect Alec this and Perfect Alec that. ‘Perfect Alec saved
my life’.”

That gives me pause. “Did she say that?”

“She says that all the time. Why?”

This time I
do
smile. I can’t help it.
“Just curious.”

“But why? Why are you curious?”

“I just wonder if she knows she saved mine,
too.”

Chris wrinkles her nose and winks at me. “I
think she has a clue.”

I think back to the wild morning we had
before I came in to town today, the wild morning followed by twenty
minutes of kissing afterward.

“
I was dead before I met you and I’ll be
dead again if you ever leave me,”
I told Samantha.

She leaned up on one elbow and tilted her
head to one side, considering me.
“You don’t have to worry about
that. This is safe with me,”
she said, kissing the left side of
my chest, right over my heart.

Now, with Chris, I smile again. “Yeah, I
think she has a clue.”

********

EPILOGUE PART TWO- Samantha

Four months later

All the lights are off when I unlock Alec’s
front door. I pause just inside, listening. Not a sound.

“Hello?” I call out to the empty room as I
remove the key and close the door behind me. Alec told me to meet
him here at nine. It’s nine. And I’m here. And there’s no Alec.

Dropping my purse at the foot of the stairs,
I make my way through the living room and kitchen. Still, I find no
evidence of Alec. I crack open the garage door and see both the
Mercedes and the Range Rover parked there. He’s definitely here.
Somewhere.

Closing the garage door, I make my way toward
the stairs, ascending first one level then another as I head for
the master bedroom. When I reach the landing, I see the pale
flicker of light. My stomach twitches in response.

Alec has been pretty busy with work
and…whatever other stuff he’s been so preoccupied with lately, that
I haven’t seen him as much as usual. And my body is reminding me
how much I miss him.

My heart already knew that.

“Hello?” I call again. Still nothing, but I
continue on into the bedroom.

I look around the empty room. There are no
candles lit that I can see, only the soft glow of the fireplace.
That must’ve been the light I saw.

“Stop,” comes Alec’s deep, velvety voice. I
jump in surprise, whirling to search him out. I see only his
silhouette in front of the balcony doors, outlined by the moon at
his back. He’s so quiet and still, I didn’t even see him.

I start toward him, but he stops me.

“Stay where you are. Close your eyes,” he
commands.

With an excited smile trembling at my lips, I
do as he asks. Anticipation curls in my stomach as I listen for his
movements. I can barely hear him approach, but I can certainly feel
it when he nears me. He disturbs the air around me in a way that no
one else does. Like there’s electricity moving between us, a
constant arc of attraction that never dissipates.

The brush of his lips against mine is like
heaven. Although I saw him for a moment just this morning, it’s not
enough. It’s never enough. I always want more. Always
need
more.

I lean in to him, but he pulls gently away.
I’m tempted to open my eyes, but I don’t want to ruin whatever he’s
going to do next, so I quell the urge.

I feel his mouth as it brushes my collarbone.
Chills spread down my chest, a trail for his lips to follow as they
make their way to my breasts.

Only they don’t.

I feel Alec’s fingers slide down my left arm
and tighten over my palm. He strokes each of my fingers from
knuckle to tip, slowly and with a practiced seductiveness that only
Alec can manage. Every place he touches, no matter how innocent,
can be turned into an exercise in erotic pleasure. This is no
different.