Unorthodox Therapy (35 page)

CHAPTER FIFTEEN

Lina

“What the hell do you think you're doing? You can't barge in here like this.”

Monday was not my favorite day of the week but this one was getting shittier by the minute. I spent Sunday pacing back and forth like a mad woman, ignoring Thomas's phone calls. The night went by in anxiety, insomnia and strange longing. When my mind was tired enough to sleep, it was already five in the morning but an hour would be better than none at all, right?

I ended up oversleeping, late for work for the first time in my life and missing my morning inspection with Thomas. We’d both acted like assholes on Saturday night and I’d broken too many rules. We never officially ‘broke up’. Perhaps not answering the phone was too juvenile of me but I didn't know what to tell him.

Then, shortly after I started my first appointment of the day, he rushed into my office, nearly tearing of the door by its hinges. There was none of his usual cheer or calmness. His fists were clenched as if he was about to enter a boxing tournament. Fear overwhelmed me when I noticed blood on his white knuckles. At a second glance, his hands were bruised, probably from punching a wall. What the hell had happened to him?

Poor, pale Katie was standing at the threshold stuttering like a guilty schoolgirl without her homework. My plucky personal assistant was trembling like a leaf and that was a first for her. I shifted my gaze quickly to Thomas, the manic look in his eyes and the redness of his face. It wasn't difficult to guess why.

How dare he?

“Lina, I'm so sorry. I tried to tell him you weren't accepting anyone, but he–”

“It's fine, Katie.” I sighed and rubbed my forehead. The lack of sleep and intense emotions over the weekend had given me a serious headache. Our conversation had to happen either way. At least we could keep it civilized. “It's not your fault. Return to your desk and call me if anyone else comes.”

She nodded and hurried out of the room as if chased by the devil. If only I could be so lucky.

Once Thomas and I were left alone, I burst out myself, letting my own wrath and pain to the surface. It was useless to lower my voice or keep decorum. He had every right to be mad but so had I.

“Thomas, you're crossing the line. You're aware I could suspend you for your behavior? You can’t barge in here like a fucking psycho. You scared Katie. What has gotten into you?”

He didn't say a thing, just glared at me with a dangerous fusion of hatred and anger. It was difficult to stand the intensity of his eyes so I looked away. It wouldn't be so easy to evade him, though. Thomas walked to my desk and slammed his fist down on the very surface where I had been punished and fucked so often during the summer.

“Do you have anything to say for yourself? Because I think the list of your sins is much longer, boss. You're lucky I'm holding back. It's very hard not to put you across my knee and whip your ass. And trust me, Lina, this would be a punishment you wouldn't enjoy.”

“Hold back? I'm on the verge of calling security right now.”

Thomas smiled with a sinister gleam and terror choked me at the sight.

“Oh, why not? I'm sure the guards would be enchanted by the sight of our very own great Lina Riley trussed up on her desk, with her panties down and her ass bruised and blistered.”

Technically, in such a scenario, I'd have every right to sue him for assault, but Thomas knew me well enough to be sure I wouldn't live through such public humiliation. I sighed deeply and sat down on my chair in the hope of regaining some ground.

“All right, what do you want?”

Thomas laughed and strode closer to me with the same look of madness in his eyes. I hated to admit it but he was really beginning to creep me out.

“You know perfectly well what I want, Lina. I can't say the same about you. First, you open up to me, let me in and then you shut me out. You sneaked out of my bed as if I were some freaking gigolo without so much as a note saying you were okay. You were rude to a person I hold in very high regard. Then you broke the rules of your therapy after you’ve been doing so well. As if all that wasn't bad enough, you had to make out with that guy to make me jealous. I'm the one who should be asking what the hell is wrong with you? Why are you so broken?”

His hands were pretty strong when he was swatting my flesh, but none of his blows could compare to the cruelty and truth behind those words. My behavior was confusing even to myself. The sudden urge to beg his forgiveness and the memory of my raging insecurities from Saturday night choked me.

“Well, clearly our therapy failed. Last time I checked we never agreed to be exclusive in this relationship. Also, you've some nerve holding that kiss against me. I wasn't the one who brought a date. Did you and the skinny blonde bitch have a good laugh at my expense?”

“Oh, so someone is jealous,” he said in a taunting voice and raised his eyebrow. “Like I said, Allie is one of my closest friends in the world, so you'd better watch your mouth when you talk about her. You were the one who said we were allowed to bring dates. And if you’d paid closer attention to us, you’d know we weren't doing anything. Tell me, Lina, did I kiss her, hold her hand, hug her or have my hand on her ass during the entire evening? Did I do anything?”

He had me floored with this question. Just the fact he had shown up with such a beautiful woman on his arm was enough to destroy my confidence and send me into a fit of jealousy. It was one of those rare moments when I didn't know what to say.

“That's right, Lina. Unlike you, I didn't try to find solace in the first stranger. Was he a good kisser?”

My nails sank into the surface of my desk in a desperate attempt for balance.

“But you left with her...”

“To accompany her to the taxi stand. I planned to come back and talk to you but I was too pissed off. I didn't trust myself not to humiliate you in front of my entire team.” Thomas breathed out and crossed his arms over his chest. He was hissing as he uttered the next words. “But even if I had an actual date, could you blame me? Did you ever show me you wanted me at all?”

I was about to cut in when he reached out and squeezed my throat. Cold chills ran through my blood when Thomas forced me to look him straight in the eyes.

“Either way, pet, you screwed up a lot. You wasted my time, you broke the rules and you tried to rile me up. Guess what? You succeeded.”

“I never gave any promises to you,” I cried out in despair, nearly in tears. “How am I responsible for the fact that your therapy didn't work?”

“It was working just fine until you decided to act like a jealous brat instead of coming to me so we could clear the situation up. Listen now, Lina. You disappointed me and you have to pay the price. Come to my house tonight, at 8.30pm sharp to receive your punishment. Be prepared. It won't be fun.”

“And if I don't show up, what are you going to do?” I raised my chin in defiance. Thomas let go of my throat and moved away from me, breathing out like an enraged bull.

“Then it's over. Everything between you and me. Even if you come and beg me to take you back.”

“Why the hell would I do that?” The moment I said those words my heart was pierced by a pang of regret. “This ridiculous experiment lasted too long anyway. You know what, Thomas? Consider us through.”

He stood still with a shocked expression as if I’d slapped him hard. Pain was pooling in his eyes, so intense for a moment I swore I could feel it myself. Thomas was silent for some time, just staring at me with so much frustration I nearly took my harsh words back.

The ringing of my landline interrupted the pin drop silence. Thomas kept his eyes on me as his hurt slowly turned to despair. Finally, I picked up the phone and Katie's weary voice brought me back to reality.

“Seth Anderson is here, Lina. He said he needed a few minutes with you.”

“Yes, Katie, send him in.” Was the whole day going to be a series of boxing tournaments? The dull pounding in my skull was on its way to deafening me. “Call the accounts department and tell them I’ll be there within a half an hour.”

Thomas turned his back on me and walked out the office without another word. If it hadn’t been for my years of practicing emotional control I'd probably have burst into tears. Had I ruined everything with my stubbornness?

There was no time to ponder. The tall frame of Seth hovered over my desk. He stared at me with curiosity and his typical sardonic smirk.

“Thomas just stormed out of your office. He didn’t look happy. What is wrong? Is the golden boy in trouble?”

The day was going to shit as it was and I was getting tired of their endless pissing contests.

“Seth, if you have just come to taunt me you're wasting your time. Have you got something important to tell me?”

Seth looked down in shame. That was highly unlike him so he instantly caught my attention.

“I'm sorry, Lina. That's exactly why I came to talk to you, but old habits die hard.”

“I'm all ears.”

“I wanted to apologize for the scene I made when you chose Thomas. I should have come to talk to you in private instead of confronting you in front of everyone else.” He swallowed nervously. Years ago, when we’d met for the first time, I’d thought he was in love with me. I often caught him staring with an assessing look and clear interest, but later, as we got closer and formed something similar to friendship, the theory failed. Seth was a hothead but he rarely showed any emotion but anger and indignation. I’d known him for years and in many ways, the man was still an enigma.

“You're right. You shouldn't have acted the way you did.” I narrowed my eyes at him. “I'd really appreciate it if you tried harder and didn't question my choices. By the way, I had no idea you had ambitions to be in management. I thought you didn't care about anything but programming.”

“I've always been interested and you know it. Hopefully soon, you may realize I need professional growth as well.” Seth shrugged and moved from foot to foot with his hands deep in his pockets. “Anyway, I really didn’t mean to disrespect you. If you decided Thomas was worthy of his new job then I guess he must have been. Just... don't forget me.”

His little speech shook me to the core. Seth was one of the best-paid programmers in the company. He received generous bonuses on a regular basis and I made sure he had the most challenging and interesting projects. Never had I thought he could want something more. It was another problem I'd have to tackle in the long run, but right then, Thomas was my priority.

“Yes, Seth, I... Thanks for letting me know how you feel. I'll see what I can do.”

“You're the best, Lina. I'll let you work now.” Seth smiled with as much warmth as he was capable of and moved back to the door. Then he turned back to me with his hand on the door knob. “Take it easy on Thomas. I'm sure he's trying really hard to please.”

Back then, I didn't pay too much attention to those last words and their open mockery. It couldn't be something more than professional jealousy, right?

Over the course of the day, I had way too many tasks to worry about, but the conflict with Thomas was a killer to my attention. Did I truly mean it when I said I wanted to be through with him? My heart and body ached for him in spite of the voice of logic. Last time I felt him next to me was only two days ago but it felt like a million years.

My smoking lapse didn’t repeat. It made my words about his lack of success unnecessarily cruel. To the casual observer, we were two perverts who exploited each other, but it was true every action of his had a purpose. I felt the effect on my behavior every day. The need to poison myself had been strongly reduced.

Or perhaps I was trying to justify my addiction to Thomas. It would have been so much better if I'd never replaced cigarettes with him. True, smoking was expensive and took a toll on my body, but it was safe for my emotions, non-demanding. It didn't take much of my time.

The epiphany hit me with the power of an iron fist to my stomach. It was just the opposite and the reason why I started on our journey, but somewhere along the way, I’d found something else, something much more precious.

Maybe it wasn't too late to turn things around.

I told Katie she could go home early and headed straight for Marina. It was the first time in years I was praying for the best outcome.

CHAPTER SIXTEEN

Thomas

The bottle of whiskey stood on the table in my living room and its amber glow drew my gaze. I’d been pacing back and forth for the last half an hour in a desperate attempt to sort out my thoughts. My hands were shaking and I kept looking at the wall clock, counting every second. Maybe one gulp wouldn’t be bad and it’d help me get back in line. I leaned against one of the chairs and shook my head. Drinking didn’t solve a thing. At best, it would only make me vent my frustration, and my insides were seething with that same poisonous anger, burning my body like acid.

It was already fifteen minutes past 9pm and Lina was nowhere to be seen. Maybe she really had meant it when she said we were through. It was just a convenient excuse to get rid of the lover who no longer excited her. Just like a vibrator replaced with a better version.