Unlucky In Love (9 page)

***

The next day I shoved my makeup bag in my
attaché case instead of fixing myself up in the morning. I’d
decided that I’d go to the library after I dropped Eric off at
school, and then before lunch, I’d prepare to see Seth.

The writing was coming along great. After
seeing Seth the previous day, I’d gone back into the PG13 sex
scenes I’d written and raced them up a bit. The scenes weren’t
something I’d be embarrassed if Aunt Heidi read them, but I might
blush if Eric got a hold of the story. Not that I wouldn’t tell
Eric about my writing, but I’d have to come up with a pseudonym
when I published so his friends and my ex wouldn’t see them.

At eleven-thirty, I freshened myself up and
then splurged on a cup of coffee and a snack from the eatery
located inside the library.

At twelve o’clock on the dot, I repositioned
myself in the fiction area, the section Seth always seemed to like.
Only this time, I kept all four legs of the chair on the floor, and
I made a point of glancing up at the door often.

A few minutes after twelve, Seth strolled
inside, flashing a huge smile. “Hey …” he called as he approached,
looks like I can’t sneak up on you today.”

“
Nope,
” I said, pushing
out the chair across from me with my foot. “I’m on high guard
against snoopers.”

Seth dropped his briefcase on the table and
then just stared at me. “So, tell me about the book you’re
writing.”

I shook my head quickly as I bit down on my
lip. “No. Uh-uh. It’s too embarrassing. It’s my first try at
writing.”

He laughed. “No, it’s not. You write every
day when you write your reviews.”

“That’s different. I’m just sharing my
thoughts.”

He narrowed his eyes across the table. “What
do you think you do when you write?”

I bobbed my head from side to side. “Yeah …
I guess you’re right. So, what have you been writing?”

This time
he shook his
head rapidly. “I asked you first.”

“Ahh … so you have been writing.” I drummed
my fingers on the table. “Tell you what. I’ll show you mine if you
show me yours.”

Seth threw back his head. “
Ooh
… it’s like we’re sitting
beneath
the bleachers in junior high. You got an old Coke
bottle in your backpack? Maybe we can play
Spin the Bottle
next. But okay …” He reached into his messenger bag and pulled out
a small laptop about half the size of mine. After he
clicked
on a few keys, he turned it around and pushed it
across the round table. “Here you go.”

I blew out a long breath and then did the
same with my computer, but held it as I asked, “Did you do that in
junior high? The ‘underneath the bleachers’ thing?”

Seth winked. “I’ll never tell.”

I raked my teeth across my bottom lip as I
released my grip on my laptop. “Mine’s romantic suspense, though,
so don’t gag.”

Seth grabbed the computer and turned it
around. “I happen to like romantic suspense, Jana.”

I smiled, thinking again that this guy
couldn’t be true. I would have to ask Mak if she saw anyone sitting
with me. Or if I was just rambling on to myself. Maybe men had
driven me to the point that I had to create an imaginary boyfriend
— on paper and off.

Regardless of whether Seth
was
real or not, I liked him. I ran my finger down the
page, positioning the cursor so I could just arrow down as I
read.

I peeked up once to see that Seth had
already started. Evidently feeling my gaze, he waved me off as
though I should get to work.

Smiling, I started to read.

Twenty minutes later, I tore my eyes from
the page to see Seth staring at me. I’d been so engrossed in the
story that I’d forgotten he was here.

He tilted his head as if to ask for my
opinion and then shrugged. “What do you think?”

“It’s amazing. Has anyone read this
yet?”

He smiled. “Not yet.”

“Seth … this is fantastic. Really. Oh, my
God! You’re going to be famous.”

He waved his hand at me, and if I wasn’t
mistaken, he
might
have even blushed. “You
think?”

I lifted my hands. “I’m just a reader, but I
read a lot of books, and this is … I don’t know what to say. I do
know this … I read plenty of books that I couldn’t care less if I
read past the first chapter, but yours … When can I read it
all?”

He grinned. “Really? You want to be a beta
reader?”

“Well, I don’t know how good I’ll be as a
beta reader, but yeah. Is it finished?”

“Almost. Write down your email, and you’ll
be the first one I send it to.” He moved his hand across the
keyboard of my computer, then pointed. “Jana, this is good. I love
how you started the story with a bang — literally. I’m pretty sure
I even teared up when she finally had the courage to leave him. Is
it finished?”

I shook my head. “Not yet, but I hope to
have it finished next month. I’ve been managing about two thousand
words a day. After
that,
my brain shuts
down.”

Seth reached into his computer bag as he
laughed. “Me too.” He pulled out a card and jotted something on the
back. He pushed the card across the table. “Here’s my personal
email. Email me when you can, and I’ll send you mine and then you
can send me yours.”

I laughed. “Okay.” He still hadn’t asked me
out on a date — or mentioned the fact that I’d used his name — but
maybe this was even better. A writing partner, and a man’s point of
view at that. That would be great. Afterward, maybe we could get
together … as a male-and-female writing team. I’d never read a book
written like that, but I’d seen a few. It seemed like a great
idea.

Seth scooped up his computer and shoved it
back into his satchel. “Well, I have to go. I’m still at the firm,
but things are coming together. I have the house up for sale, so
we’ll see how that goes. It’s not as though I needed all that room
anyway.”

I cocked my head as I thought about what
he’d said. “By the way, why were you at the high school?”

“My daughter … she’s a senior.”

My eyes fell to his hands.

Seth laughed again. “Her mother and I have
been divorced since she was two. It was a mistake right from the
beginning.”

There was nothing to say, so I just nodded.
I understood. Or,
at least
I think I
understood. My marriage had been a mistake too. I should have just
had Eric and carried on with my life. But I truly thought that Dick
had loved me.

Seth stood and I just stared at him,
wondering why he hadn’t come on to me in any way. Other than the
Spin the Bottle
comment, which I’d walked right into.

“Thank you, Jana,” he said sincerely as he
flashed me a soft smile, then he turned and walked off.
Obviously
there was some reason he didn’t push for
anything more than my email to swap books.

Once again, I’d not been able to ask him,
but maybe that was better. It was clear he wasn’t looking for a
relationship, and I certainly didn’t want to start one either. I’d
just wanted someone to hang out with. And yet, I felt a little
frustrated
. Or was
anxious
the word for what I was
feeling?

***

Instead of going to the local store that
everyone knew, I drove all the way to Tampa. According to my
research, the store was the largest on the West Coast and
supposedly carried the
model
I wanted. Was
model
even
the right word?

Before getting out of my truck, I peered
around at the parking lot. Partly for my safety — the shop wasn’t
located in the best part of town — but mostly to make sure that no
one I knew was around.

Seeing that the coast was clear, I rushed
out of my car and made a beeline for the door.

Inside, I tried to look cool,
calm,
and collected as I waded the aisles. There were
hundreds of them … in every size, shape, and color … and powers.
Yikes!
I didn’t want to ask for help.

After a few minutes of back and forth, and
gawking, a woman — thank God — approached me. “Can I help you find
the right toy?”

“Toy?”

She smiled. “That’s what I call them. After
all, they can definitely be a woman’s favorite toy.”

I chuckled nervously. “Oh … yeah. I wouldn’t
know. But after looking at some of these …” I laughed
again,
and then preceded with the story I’d rehearsed on
the drive here. “I’ve been put in charge of finding a
toy
,
as you call it, for my friend’s divorce party. But I have no idea
what to choose.

“I see …” The saleswoman started walking, so
I followed. “Has your friend ever owned a toy?”

I bit down on my lip. “Uh, I don’t think so.
She’s never mentioned owning one.”

The woman turned to me. “Has she ever
mentioned how large her ex-husband was, and if his
tool
satisfied her?”

So a husband had a
tool
, but a fake
one was a
toy
? “Uhhh … she didn’t mention that he was too
small or too large, so I guess he was about average.”

“And your friend, does she like white men,
or men of color?”

I could hardly contain my smile. I don’t
think she has a preference, but she’s white, so maybe …”

The woman, Shauna, I finally read on her
nametag smiled back. “I think I know exactly what your friend will
like.” Shauna walked off and I followed again.

She walked behind a counter and then came
out a few minutes later with a box. Shauna opened the box and then
revealed an amazingly real-looking
toy
.

My jaw dropped, and I quickly closed it. I’d
always imagined toys as being hard, straight rubber, but this one
was natural looking in its color and ridges.

Shauna flopped it back and forth. “It’s soft
and flexible, but firm. Here.” She held it out for me.

I shook my head. “That’s okay.”

She shook her head as she blew out a breath,
trying not to giggle, it seemed. “You can touch it. It won’t
bite.”

I reached out as I laughed. “I certainly
hope not.”

“Make sure you buy your friend a water-based
silicone gel to use with it, and tell her to only clean it with
mild soap and water. After it’s dry, store it in its bag with a
little cornstarch.” Shauna put the toy back in the box and handed
it to me. “Tell her to enjoy. There’s nothing wrong with a little
self-pleasure
.”

I nodded and smiled. “Thank you. I
will.”

I accepted the box and paid cash, thinking
I’d need a couple extra glasses of red wine tonight.

It was Saturday, not a normal day that I
went kayaking, but I planned to be gone all day, and I couldn’t do
that when I had to pick Eric up from school. Eric was with Dick
this weekend, though, so I decided that today was the day for two
of my goals: tell Angela about the book I’d written. And paddle out
to Egmont Key.

I’d already loaded my thirteen-foot kayak in
the back of my Tacoma, along with plenty of water and snacks for
the nearly three-mile round-trip run. Now I stood in front of
Angela with a bright red folder, stuffed to the seams. Since I
didn’t have the capability of two-sided printing, and I’d used
Times New Roman 12 pt font and double spaced the lines, the
manuscript came out to nearly four hundred pages.

Angela smiled. “Is this your last will and
testament after you get run over by a cargo ship and then eaten by
a bull shark?”

Ruffling her hair, which I know she hated, I
laughed. “I’ll be fine, Angela. I checked the
tides
so I won’t be trying to come back when the tide is
heading out. Also, the Gulf is as smooth as glass today, and the
wind is coming out of the south. The conditions are perfect.”

Angela sighed. “I just don’t get why you
have to do this.”

I shook my head. “I don’t have to do this. I
want to do this.” I pointed to the folder in her hands. “That, I
had to do.”

Seeming to have forgotten about the
phonebook-sized folder in her hands, Angela looked down and then
back up
at
me. “Is this what I think it is?
Did you write … ?” She flipped open the cover. “Wait! You found
something Gram wrote?”

Licking my lips, I smiled again. “I’m
Carmen. After Gram.”

“Oh, Jana.” Tears flooded her eyes. “You
wrote a book? And you’re using Gram’s name?”

“Well, part of her name.”

Angela reached out and smacked my shoulder.
“How come you didn’t tell me about this?”

Ignoring her, I stepped forward and wrapped
my arms around her, then leaned back. “Just let me know if it’s
good enough, okay?” I stepped back. “I gotta go. Don’t want to be
out there after dark. That
would
be dangerous.”

Angela sniffed and wiped her eyes. “Okay. Be
careful. I’ll read it today.”

I’d already opened the front door to leave,
but I turned back to her. “You don’t have to read it today. Just
whenever you get a chance.”

“Okay.”

I rushed to my truck and
hopped
in before I started to talk. I just wanted her to
read it and give me honest feedback, which I knew she would. No
matter what people thought of her, Angela would speak her mind.

A block away, I pulled off to the side of
the road … and cried. I’d been putting on a good front for Angela,
my son, and … myself, but I was scared.

This was it. This was my real chance. Yes, I
could scrimp by with the earnings from my review website,
especially once Eric went off to college. His groceries alone cost
close to three hundred dollars a month. Not to mention his use of
water and electricity. I swear he took longer showers than I did.
Of course, Dick had always warned me not to knock on the door while
Eric was in the shower, stating it was natural for teenage boys to
take long showers.